Spicedump
Welcome to the Spice Girl Dumping Ground at Starbase 102! Why create this section, one might ask. Well, firstly, I've been doing a lot of it lately on my page, so I decided to centralize it. Secondly, the more I think about it, the more ticked off I get. A group of no-talent hacks has four hit singles in the UK and two in the U.S., and sells 19 million CDs! (Which tells me one thing--there are 19 million schmucks out there with $15.00 less than they used to have.) It's tragic, when I think of all the poor one-hit wonders whose songs were great, like Norman Greenbaum ("Spirit in the Sky"--poor guy's now a disabled short order cook), Tommy Tutone (867-5309/Jenny), Gary Numan (Cars), Focus (Hocus Pocus), Rick Derringer (Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo), and the Knack (My Sharona).

That's not the worst of it, when one considers all the up & coming musicians struggling to make it that actually have talent (Successful examples include The Toadies and Systematic). For example, I have two friends named Clay and Brandon. Both are EXTREMLY talented musically. Each has more talent in one single red blood corpuscle than all the Spice Girls have in their whole bodies, "Including the colon!!" And they're still a long way from the top. I feel for them, especially when gimmick groups like the Spices move to the top faster than a Narn and a Centauri can get into a fist fight. OK, I'm done preaching now. Prepare to see some major dumping!

Spice Girl Roll Call

DANGER!! BIOHAZARD AHEAD!!
Skanky Spice!
Butch Spice!
Jailbait Spice!
Loudmouth Spice!
Slutty Spice!

Well, they're all slutty, but "Dresses and Acts Like a Harry Hines Blvd. Hooker Spice" I deemed too inconvenient.
Just My Opinion...
The material on this site was not researched solely on the anti-spice fronts. As a matter of fact, I watched UPN's special on the Spice Girls (It was on UPN because not even Fox or the WB would broadcast something this bad). I learned that "Girl Power" consists of clothing only 20% or so of one's body, and shaking one's assets (or liabilities, if you prefer) at cameras, camcorders, people, and so on. Some of the things they said (i.e they write their own songs) had me reaching for a pair of hip waders, because it was getting really deep really fast! The only way to keep from being hypnotized and/or going insane was to make Mystery Science Theater 3000-type quips. "But why watch it if you don't like them in the first place," you may be asking. Firstly, I could't vilify them on the Internet without any data, now could I? And secondly:

"Know your enemy, and know yourself, and you shall always be victorious!"

--Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"

Depending on who you talk to, the Spice Girls are:
a. The greatest thing to happen to Man since the discovery of fire.
b. Talentless brazen strumpets who are setting the women's movement back a couple hundred years with their "Girl Power" rhetoric.
c. The New Kids on the Block after "The Operation," if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Zig-a-Zag-Ah (My Take on It)
(1.) In certain mental states, particularly disorganized and paranoid schizophrenia, subjects will make up their own "nonsense words" and insist that those words have as much validity as words like tree, window, and car. Since no one but the Spices seem to know what a zigazagah is, is it just possible that the Spice faithful are ga-ga over a group of schizophrenics????? Scary thought, isn't it?
(2.) Though it is not generally well known, the word "zag" is slang for feces. Is it possible that they want someone to go poopie on them, hmmm?????? Makes you think, doesn't it?

The Movie
When I saw the previews for "Spiceworld" I was reacting like Cpl. Hudson in "Aliens"--"Say this ain't happenin' man! Game over, man! Game over!!" I was saddened to see that Roger Moore is appearing in this Edward D. Wood, Jr-esque flick. Has his career really gone that far down the toilet? Another scene shows them meeting space aliens--Click here to read MY version of that scene! This film isn't the "This Is Spinal Tap" of the 90's. Heck, it can't even compete with "Fear of a Black Hat!" The only people lining up to see this student film festival reject will be young girls and older men wearing long raincoats.

What Others Have Said
Check out the Top 15 Questions on the Spice Girl Job Application.

See what two Fort Worth Weekly writers have to say about them (and a few select others) here.

Spicey Links
Death to the Spice Girls!
Keith's Spice Girl Punishment Page
The Voodoo Assassination Project
Bitchy Spice's Spice Rack A fellow GeoCities homesteader!
The Anti Spice Page! Ban the Spice!!!!
Ok, this next one isn't a Spice related link, but Click here to check out a really GOOD music group!! It's called Seventeen Year Locust, it's Clay's and Brandon's band. :o)
Spicey Jokes
Click here for some laughs at the girls' expense!
NEWS FLASH!! SPICE DEMISE IMMINENT!!

Yes, you read right! The evil harpies have started down the path to oblivion where they belong. It seems that Skanky is leaving the group. It has been reported that she:
(a.) Is stressed out.
(b.) Has had a falling out with the other talentless underdressed trained poodles.
(c.) Probably both.
She wants to "pursue a solo career." Quite an undertaking for someone who's already demonstrated she can't sing to save her life. She'll probably lip-sync her way through it like she's done for the past three years, sleeping with a few more record company executives along the way to ensure her place on the charts. Meanwhile, Butch, Jailbait, Loudmouth, and Slutty are going to attempt (emphasis on that particular word) to finish their so-called world tour. I predict they'll be ancient history by the end of the year.
NEW NEWS FLASH!! SPICES UP THE SPOUT!!

What makes the Spice Girls more insidious than, say, the New Kids on the Block, is that THEY CAN BREED NEW SPICE GIRLS!!!!! The latest news is that Slutty Spice has been knocked up by her soccer-star boyfriend. Not only that, but it seems that Loudmouth Spice also has a bun in the oven. Butch Spice is too much into "Girl Power" (if you know what I mean and I know you do) to get up the duff, and if that happened to Jaibait Spice, someone would doubtless be arrested for child molesting or statutory rape. Anyway, between their so-called concerts, she's too busy eating bon-bons and watching her favorite TV show, "Teletubbies", to make the sign of the three-pronged flying squirrel. Basically, they're setting a pretty crappy example for the millions of little girls they've hypnotized into liking them. Evidently, Girl Power also consists of having lots of promiscuous sex and bearing children out of wedlock.
What's the World Coming to???
The other day, I opened my browser, the ever excellent Netscape Communicator (shameless plug) to check my email. What I saw on the front page of Yahoo (which is what my browser starts with) made me want to laugh. Or cry. Right there in the Top Stories headings, with the Clinton and Kosovo crises, was "Loudmouth Spice Gives Birth." Followed a couple of weeks later with "Slutty Spice Gives Birth." HELLO!!!!! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SPICE GIRLS HERE!!!! Things are pretty bad when the untalented and smarmy can make international headlines. The Dead Milkmen said it best..."We're all living / In a (fouled) up world!" Excuse me while I crank my Devo CD in a effort to recover from the shock.
YET ANOTHER NEWS FLASH!!

Skanky Spice's solo album hits the stores June 15th. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

AND NOW....YET AGAIN ANOTHER NEWS FLASH!!

It seems that Slutty Spice is living up to her name. According to a news report, she made a "racy honeymoon video" with her soccer-star hubby. To make a long story short, it was stolen, and she's afraid it will wind up on the Internet. This would be nothing new for the Spice Girls, as Skanky Spice posed nude for a porno mag before she befouled the world by becoming one of the Spices. Not that I've seen the pictures, that's just what I heard (Geez, you people have dirty minds!!). Anyway, if you run across Slutty's home video, I highly recommend you do not view or download it. Not for moral or ethical reasons, mind you. Don't do it unless you want to go blind or insane!! We're dealing with a Spice Girl here!! Also, distribution or possession of pornographic material with the Spice Girls in it is a clear violation of the Geneva Convention.

Clarifications and Obligatory Shpiel
This site was written strictly for the amusement of those who hate the Spice Girls. For those who like them and find themselves here (for whatever reason) I can only say "You made your bed, now sleep in it." Or push the Back button on your browser. Whichever works for you. If anyone, pro or con, wants to email me please do, but for those who would send me hate mail, I want to make some things perfectly clear:

1. Sending threatening or obscenity-filled emails is a violation of Federal law (i.e. the FBI AUTOMATICALLY becomes involved in such a case).
2. Copies of such emails will be sent to:
(a) My local police department
(b) My local FBI office
(c) Your Internet Service Provider
(d) My Internet Service Provider
3. The First Amendment gives me the right to lampoon the Spice Girls and speak out against manufactured, contrived pop bands if I so choose.
4. The one thing the Spice Girls DO have going for them is that they have a sense of humor. They are reportedly more amused than anything else by sites such as this one. In fact, I heard Mel C. tell the following joke on the "Tonight" show:
"What do you call a Spice Girl with two brain cells?"
"Pregnant!"

So just consider the source and lighten up, OK?

Speaking of mail, I think it's time I put up some of the mail I've received about my site. Just follow the links below:

To read mail from wonderful, intelligent, clean people, click Here

To read mail from people who take exception to my site (not to mention have the sense of cinder blocks), click Here

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