Funny Stuff. 'nuff said.
A man is driving up a steep,
narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the
same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and
yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of
his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as
the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a
pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen...
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the
Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know, last week
I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time
you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so
intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd man says: "What, are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
1st man: "No, it's true, let me prove it
to you"
So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the
street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the
high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window,
and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd man tells him: "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must
have been a one-time fluke."
1st man: "No, I'll prove it again" - and again he jumps and hurtles toward
the street, where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building
and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd man: "Well, what the hell, it works for you, I'll try it." He jumps over
the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors...and
hits the sidewalk with a splat.
Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker: "You know,
Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
==========
Let's see if I understand how America works lately.
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she
blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and
the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this
computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates.