Funny Stuff. 'nuff said.

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen...

  Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the
 Empire State Building. One   turns to the other and says: "You know, last week
 I discovered that if you   jump from the top of this building, by the time
 you fall to the 10th   floor, the winds around the building are so
 intense that they carry you   around the building and back into the window."
 The bartender just shakes his  head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
 
  The 2nd man says: "What, are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could   happen." 
1st man: "No, it's true, let me prove it
 to you"
 
  So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the 
  street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the
 high wind whips him around   the building and back into the 10th floor window,
 and he takes the  elevator   back up to the bar.
 
  The 2nd man tells him: "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must
  have been a one-time fluke." 
  1st man: "No, I'll prove it again" - and again he jumps and hurtles toward 
  the street, where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building
  and into the window.
 
  Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. 
  2nd man: "Well, what the hell, it works for you, I'll try it." He jumps over
  the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors...and 
  hits the sidewalk with a splat.
 
  Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker: "You know, 
  Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
==========


   Let's see if I understand how America works lately. 
   
   If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she
 blames the restaurant. 
   
   If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked. 
   
   If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. 
   
   If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. 
   
   If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. 
   
   If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, 
   you blame the government for not providing clean ones. 
   
   If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. 
   
   If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. 
   
   And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit    and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and 
   the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline. 
   
   I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this
 computer,    I want you to blame Bill Gates.