Star Tours Scripts
==================
Queue Script
(As you enter the Star Tour's attraction queue, you enter what looks
like a repair bay, where you see two familiar droids working a
StarSpeeder in the front. To the right is a see-through screen of
plastic tiles that becomes opaque in different patterns. The whole
screen becomes opaque when advertisements are projected on it (B)
BTW, These tiles are available from Edmund's scientific and become
opaque when a electric charge is place thru it. Around $50 per 6X6
inch piece. We enter in a conversation that is currently going on.)
Male Announcer 1: "Attention please, all droids leaving the system
must cleared by custom's control, proof of
ownership is required for all droid passengers."
C3PO: "'Proof of ownership?' We droids are made to suffer such
indignities"
Male Alien Announcer: .........
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "What is it now, R2?"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Don't get technical with me! What pressure? The fuel
pressure!?!.... Well, why didn't you say so in the first
place? Let me check."
R2D2: Warbles.
C3PO: "Yes, I am getting rather high read here.... Oh yes, R2, I am
shutting off the main line right now!!!"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Just you get back to fixing that motivator!"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "These new transports are impossible!"
(Ad comes on the Screen)
Male Announcer 2: "Star Tours introduces the perfect getaway
vacation, with exclusive tour packages to Hoth.
Now you can ski the most incredible slopes in the
galaxy, or if you prefer, explore beautiful and
mysteries ice caverns and the famed echo base of
the rebellion forces. And while you are there,
be sure to enjoy the exhilarating ride on a
Taun Taun. It's all on Hoth, and it all begins
soon, only from Star Tours. Watch for details."
C3PO: "Well, you'll never get me to go back to that iceberg!"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "I don't care how safe it is now, R2, it gives my motivators
the chills just thinking about it. Hmmm, I would rather be
sent to, the spice mines of Kessel then go back to Hoth."
Male Supervisor: "Hey, you droids on transport 22, get back to
work!"
C3PO: "Now see what you have done! We'll lose our jobs for sure."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Don't insult me you overgrown scrap pile! At least I'm doing
my job!"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Yes, I am. So you just get back to fixing that hyperdrive
motivator!"
Female announcer: "Will the owner of a red and black landspeeder
vehicle ID THX-1138 please return to your craft.
You're parked in a no-hover area."
Male Announcer: "All passengers who wish to exchange currency, prior
to departure, are invited to visit the exchange
office, opened daily during regular flight hours."
Female announcer: "There has been a gate change for Star Tours
flight 114, StarSpeeder service to Endor. Flight
114 will now be departing for gate number 2.
This is a gate change only. Thank you."
C3PO: "I do wish I could go with you to Endor...."
R2D2: Something shorts and he warbles loudly....
C3PO: "On second thought, I just remembered how much I hate space
travel. You have a nice trip though, R2."
Female announcer: "Attention please. Star Tours flight 11-19,
non-stop service to Endor, is now ready for
boarding at gate number 1. All passengers please
proceed to the boarding area immediately."
Alien announcer: ...........
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "R2D2, just what do you think you are doing?"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Get back to work, before they deactivate you!"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Yes, I think they would. And hurry up, they're be needing
this transport any moment now."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "No, I don't feel sorry for you at all."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Well, how should I know what's wrong with the ship? I am a
interpreter, not a astromech. However, you might just check
the logic circuits, sometimes I think these new transports
have a mind of the own."
Male Announcer: "Your attention please. All interplanetary
travelers must have a current passport and the
necessary visas prior to leaving the space port.
Passengers requiring assistance should visit the
nearest information kiosk. Thank you."
(Ad comes on the Screen)
Male Announcer 2: "Star Tours is now offering convenient daily
departures to the exotic moon of Endor. Come
spend a afternoon or the entire day with the
lovable Ewoks, in their charming tribal villages.
It's a fun filled visit you and your family will
remember forever! Just ask for the Endor
Express. Available only from Star Tours.
Non-stop flights leave ever few minutes, so don't
delay. Visit Endor today."
C3PO: "Things have certainly changed since we were last there. I
thought we were doomed for sure. But we did survive...
somehow."
R2D2: Warbles.
C3PO: "Thank you R2. I don't know what I would do without you
either."
Female announcer: "Star Tours flight 55, is now ready for boarding
at gate number 3. At this time, we would like to
board those passengers with droids or anyone
requiring special assistance. Thank you."
Male Supervisor: "Transport 22. Prepare for elevation to passengers
boarding level."
C3PO: "Oh, that's us R2. Standby for final systems check."
R2D2: Warbles.
C3PO: "Forward lights........ Check"
C3PO: "Defector shield....... Check"
C3PO: "Laser cannons......... Check"
C3PO: "Hyper.... I said check R2! Shut them down before you blow up
the entire place!"
R2D2: Warbles.
C3PO: "Sometimes R2, I can't understand your logic at all."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "No, not at all."
Female Announcer: "We'd like to continue the boarding of Flight 55
to Endor. All passengers holding confirmed
tickets may board at this time thru gate number
3. Thank you."
(Ad comes on the Screen)
Male Announcer 2: "Star Tours is proud to introduce the StarSpeeder
3000. The most advanced transport of it's kind
in existence. With high speed warp drive and a
travel range of over a 1 billion lightyears, the
3000 makes touring the galaxy safe and
comfortable. And all our StarSpeeders are
piloted by the newest, most reliable RX droids,
so you can sit back, relax and enjoy the sites.
Whenever your plans call for intergalactic
travel, call on the best! Star Tours."
C3PO: "If this transport is the best, then why are we always
repairing it?"
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "What do you mean, you are doing all the work? You ungrateful
little twit! I've just about had enough of you. Why, you
wouldn't even have this job if it wasn't for me."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "No, you wouldn't, so you might just show a little gratitude."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "You're welcome. Now get back to work."
Female announcer: "Departing Endor passenger, Sacul, Mr. Egroeg
Sacul, please see the Star Tours agent at gate
number 3. Mr. Morrow, Mr. Tom Morrow, please
check with a Star Tours agent at gate number 4."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Yes, I know exactly what I am doing, don't you worry about
me."
Male Supervisor: "Ahh, Transport 22, I am getting a critical reading
on your laser cannon. Shutdown immediately!"
(Buzzers and sirens go on)
C3PO: "Oh, oh no, R2, what have I done? We're doomed! Deactivate
the cannon circuits!....."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "No, disconnect them all!"
R2D2: Warbles
(Buzzers and sirens go off)
C3PO: "Oh, thank the maker."
Female announcer: "Your attention please for the following gate
announcements. Flight 704, local service to
Endor, will now depart thru gate number 4.
Flight 1082, the Endor Express, will now depart
thru gate number 1. These are gate changes only.
Thank you."
(Ad comes on the Screen)
Male Announcer 2: "Star Tours announces another one of our exciting
adventure tours. Join us on a trek to Tatooine.
Start your visit with a trip to the galactic zoo.
Then race over the Mos Eisley cantina, for cocktails
with the galaxies most outrageous characters. If
adventure is your middle name, this is the tour
for you. The Trek To Tatooine, StarSpeeder
service begins soon, reservations are limited so,
call your travel agent for Star Tours today."
C3PO: "Well, that's one trip they can keep! I have no intention of
getting another case of dust contamination."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "I totally agree, R2. Besides, I am perfectly content here
with you. So long as you don't mess things up."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Watch your language, R2. And check the laser cannons, you
don't know what space debris you'll run into."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Ok, R2, I am getting a full power reading. Now shutdown the
system before it discharges."
Alien announcer: ...............
(Ad comes on the Screen)
Male Announcer 2: "Star Tours is now offering convenient daily
departures to the exotic moon of Endor. Come
spend a afternoon or the entire day with the
lovable Ewoks, in their charming tribal villages.
It's a fun filled visit you and your family will
remember forever! Just ask for the Endor
Express. Available only from Star Tours.
Non-stop flights leave ever few minutes, so don't
delay. Visit Endor today."
C3PO: "I really don't understand why they aren't sending me on
the Endor tour. After all, I am something of a legend with
the Ewoks. What with my magic and all."
R2D2: Warbles
C3PO: "Well, the Ewoks thought it was mine. Besides, I could be of
great assistance as a interpreter."
Female announcer: "Star Tours announces the cancellation of flight
124. Any passengers holding confirmed tickets
for flight 124 should check the nearest Star
Tours agent."
The Droid Rooms Script
(As we pass the Star Speeder and go into the next room, we see two
droids, a G219 droid working on an older droid, and a G214 droid
working the ticket/customs desk. All pagings are heard at the same
time.)
G219: "These shutdown breaks are getting much too short. Now, what
have we have here? Hmm, Hey, haven't I seen you before,
seems like I am always fixing this burnout. Oh, let's see
now, no, no, that can't be right. Hmm...."
G219: "Hey, you there, ah excuse me? Hello? I am talking to you!
Yes, you! Are you very mechanical? Well, I was just
wondering if you could tell me where this goes? See I wasn't
really online when they where programing us for logic repair,
usually I can figure it out but these old ACK 5 are kinda
built backwards, you know what I mean? Hmm? No,
you...don't...know...what...I...mean.... Well, don't worry,
this isn't your navigator, No, I fixed him hours ago but
thanks for trying to helping me out and, you have a nice day.
I'll figure this out,....... eventually."
Female supervisor: "Attention please, attention please, there has
been a disruption in the labor output of droids,
sector 2, all work is to resume immediately, or
power disconnect with be initiated."
G219: "Oh oh, I better get back to work. Oh, try to keep the
moving folks, I am not programmed for dispatch. You know,
it's not polite to stare."
G219: "Now, was I suppose to weld that logic module positive to
positive or negative to negative? No, no I'm positive it was
negative to positive, absolutely positive."
G219: "Hey, what are you all staring at? Ohh, me! You got cameras,
why don't you guys take a picture, it will last longer.
Geesh, alot of families here today. Glad your flying with
us. You know, I like families. Sure, I see alot of mine
these days. Oh look, there's Gus. Hi, Dad! Dad was the top
Star Tours pilot. Kinda took a crash course in
StarSpeeders.... If you know what I mean. Now he is a really
basket case. Yeap, that's him all over. It's a shame too,
really gone to pieces. Hey, are you all together today? Are
you sure? Ok, you have your orders then." (???Not sure
about this???)
Female supervisor: "Attention please, attention please, we are
experiencing unusual behavior in the G2 droids
in sector 2. Maintenance units begin
surveillance of all sector 2, G2 droids."
G219: "I'm listening to KDROID, my favorite station. This is the
latest hit song, Danny and the Droids, it's called, 'I want
to weld your hand'. I love those robot-toe intro's. Hey
man, care to bogy? You might peddle up your motions, your
units are looking real hydraulic."
G219: (Singing) "'I've been working on the same droid, all my live
long day.' hehehe, stick'em up. I love the west. It reminds
me of my last home on Tatooine. Hey, speaking of homes, how
about taking me with you when you leave, will you wait for me?
I get off work in a few years. Pllleeeaassee?"
Female supervisor: "Monitor circuits continue detect a decrease in
production activities in droids sector 2.
Shutdown procedures will begin in 60 seconds,
unless output increases immediately."
G219: "You see, know your getting me in trouble. That's what
happen's when you talk to humanoid. Always trouble. I'm
sorry, but I have to get back to work."
G219: "Hello, how are you? I'm, ah, G219, fixit-bee labor droid,
see my job is to fix the pilots and navigators for Star
Tours. It's a really neat job, I mean, I like it and you get
to meet alot of really nice droids and,.... excuse me, excuse
me? you look awfully familiar, wasn't I in your service? a
long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away? Oh, I guess not.
You only have one head. Hey, that's a very nice droid your
traveling with, but if you ever like to trade that one in for
a newer unit? Let me know. Come by and see me anytime. I'm
always here."
Female supervisor: "Malfunction in sector 2, malfunction in sector
2. All droids will be shutdown for reloading
of labor program. Standby for power
disconnect."
G219: "Here we go again. Their going to pull the plug on me. See
you later folks. It's nap tiimmmmeeeeee......"
(We walk around this first droid and meet the next customs droid)
G214: "These shutdown's are becoming a pain in the neck! heh,
literately! ooh."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Yeah, Yeah, I hear you. What? Passports? How do I know if
they have their passports? Ok, ok OK! I'll check. Geesh,
give me a circuit break well ya?"
G214: "Hey, do all you passengers have the necessary paperwork to go
on this tour? You know, passports, visas, tickets, flight
insurance.... Well?"
G214: "I don't know, chief heh, they're all just standing there
staring at me. Maybe their not programed to my frequency."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Hey! What's the matter? Haven't you people ever seen
intelligent life before? heh heh heh."
Female supervisor: "Attention please, attention please, there has
been a disruption in the labor output of droids,
sector 2, all work is to resume immediately, or
power disconnect with be initiated."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Hey! Get off my servos! I'm not the one who purchased all
those defective RX pilots."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Have any of you humanoid's flown on a StarSpeeder before?
Well, I hope you enjoy your tour. Now, Now, please keep your
party together as you approach the loading concourse. Heh,
that is, if you ever like to see them again. If not, you can
say goodbye now, heh heh heh."
Female supervisor: "Attention please, attention please, we are
experiencing unusual behavior in the G2 droids
in sector 2. Maintenance units begin
surveillance of all sector 2, G2 droids."
G214: "What's this, do my senses deceive me? Or are their really
passengers out there? Gee, I hope the new StarSpeeders run
better then the one that brought me here. What a bucket of
bolts! You'll never get me on one of those things in a
billion lightyears."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Yeah, Chief."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "What's that? Don't worry, those humanoids out there can't
hear a word I am saying, as long as I have the comlink
switched off."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Huh, it's not!?! Oh oh. Sssay, are you the lucky people
that are gonna ride the new StarSpeeder 3000? Hhhey, wait
til you see it! It's a real beauty, and what a ride! Smooth
as transmission fluid! You'll never forget it!..... Although
you probably wish you could....."
Female supervisor: "Monitor circuits continue detect a decrease in
production activities in droids sector 2.
Shutdown procedures will begin in 60 seconds,
unless output increases immediately."
G214: "Excuse me please, but you'll have to check the excess
baggage. Huh? Oh I am terribly sorry, I didn't realize that
was your husband. heh heh heh."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Sorry, Chief. My senses where out of focus there for a
second."
G214: "Hi ya folks. I'm G214. I run this operation. Now if
there's anything I can help you with..... Hey you over there.
I'm talking to you! Could you creatures please give me your
undivided attention for a moment? Thank you. As some of you
have probably been wondering, you are flying with Star Tours
today. Well, let me see. 1, 2, 3, 4... ah, do you want me
to include you? Ok, 5, 6, ah stop back and check with me
later, this could take a while. 7, 8, 9, 10..."
Female supervisor: "Malfunction in sector 2, malfunction in sector
2. All droids will be shutdown for reloading
of labor program. Standby for power
disconnect."
Computer supervisor: Warbles
G214: "Well, it's break time. Wait, Wa-WAIT, I didn't mean
thhaaatttt...."
(We walk pass the customs droid and are assigned a line in a
"StarSpeeder". While we wait for the doors to open, TV monitors
show "our" starspeeder being worked on and serviced. )
Male Announcer: "Star Tours announces the arrival of the Endor
Express. Once we had a chance to service the
StarSpeeder, we'll begin our boarding procedures.
Thank You."
Female Announcer: "May I have your attention please? At this time,
I'd like to take a moment to revue our boarding
process with you. When the automatic doors have
opened, please proceed directly across the ramp,
into the cabin. Continue to move all the way
across your aisle, filling in every available
seat. For your safety, all passengers are
required to wear safety restraints thru out the
flight. To fasten the restraint, pull the strap
out from the right side of the seat and snap it
into the console to your left. Galactic
regulations require that all carry on items be
safely stowed beneath your seat. While on board,
flash photography is not permitted and please, no
smoking at any time. If you have any questions,
feel free to ask an attendant. You'll be
boarding in just a few moments. Thank you, and
have a pleasant tour."
Male Announcer: "Star Tours announces the boarding of the Endor
Express, non-stop StarSpeeder service to the moon
of Endor. All passengers, please prepare for
immediate boarding."
Star Tours Ride Script
You enter the cabin of the StarSpeeder 3000, and take your place in one of the five rows of seats. In front of you is a gray
shield with the Star Tours logo on it. To the right of that is a t.v. screen. After a Disney Cast Member makes sure everyone is
buckled in, the ride begins.
The t.v. screen comes on, and you see a droid, C3PO.
C3PO:"Hello, I am C3P0, human-cyborg relations. Welcome aboard the StarSpeeder 3000. Please make sure your safety
restraints are securely fastened at this time. To fasten, pull the strap out from the right side of the seat, and snap it into the
console to your left. Galactic regulations require that all carry-on items be safely stowed beneath your seats. Oh, and flash
photography and smoking are absolutely prohibited while on board. Thank you, and do have a nice flight!"
You see another droid, your pilot, on the TV screen. The droid is voiced by Paul Reubens (that's right...Pee-Wee Herman).
Rex:"Welcome aboard, this is Captain REX from the cockpit. I know this is probably your first flight...and it's mine too...ha,
ha. Well, it looks like it's going to be a smooth flight to Endor, so I'll go ahead and open the cockpit shield." (The shield in front
of all the seats lowers, revealing Rex in person in the left corner of the ship. In the center of the ship is our window to sightsee
out of. Right now, all we see is a door.)
Rex:"Hi there! I see they're loading our navigator R2D2," (t.v. shows R2D2 being loaded into the top of the StarSpeeder)
"and then we'll be on our way - so sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight." (Our ship shifts and starts to raise up to the runway.)
Control Tower:"Star Tours forty-five, elevator platform, commence final pre-flight check"
Rex:"Roger, control, all status go."
Control Tower:"Star Tours forty-five, you are cleared for takeoff. Contact departure control at one-two-zero-point four"
Rex:"Copy one-two-zero point four"
(We see another StarSpeeder ship ahead of us going into an area marked 'To launching area'. Our ship all of a sudden makes a
very jolting left turn - and we are now headed through some doors marked 'Maintenance Bay - Stay Clear'!)
Control Tower:"Forty-five, you're going the wrong way! Stop immediately!"
Rex:"Uh-oh, wrong way. Brakes. Brakes! Where are the brakes? Ahhhhh!" (We fall over a sharp drop into the maintenance
area. Look for the Mighty Microscope from the entrance to the former attraction Adventure Thru Inner Space off to the right
before you exit the maintenance bay. It's a homage to the Disneyland attraction that used to be where Star Tours is. Our ship
goes through a hole in the back of the maintenance bay area into deep space. We can see the ship that was in front of us on the
runway moving against the stars. That ship jumps to light speed and is gone.)
Rex:"Uhhh - I meant to do that. A little shortcut...ha ha!" (Star Wars theme music cuts in sharply) "R2!," (R2D2 whistles)
"Light speed to Endor!" (In front of us we see the stars whizz by us at light speed. We are being pushed back into our seats -
due to the fact that we are traveling at light speed. The t.v. flashes the message on it "Approaching Endor". We then see Endor
fly by as we pass it. The t.v. then flashes the message "Leaving Endor".)
Rex:"R2!?! We passed the Endor moon!" (R2D2 beeps. In front of us we see streaming particles of ice coming closer to us.)
"Now what's the matter? Comets? Comets! Ladies and gentlemen there may be some turbulence up ahead, please make sure
your seatbelts are fastened!"
(Our ship dodges some oncoming comets, then comes uncomfortably close to one oncoming comet and then goes into the
comet.
Rex:"I have a very bad feeling about this! Ahhhh..!" Our ship swerves right and left to avoid hitting the sides of any of the
narrow ice crystal pathways inside the comet. It is like going through a maze. Our ship comes to a dead end within the comet -
a solid wall of ice. We explode right through the ice wall and find that we are back in outer space, free from the confines of the
comet.)
Rex:"Well, you can relax now. Everything's under control, and ah, we will be on our way to the Endor moon with any further
delay." (Our ship is gradually leaning more and more to the right as REX is saying this. It is clear everything is not under
control. R2D2 beeps. In front of us we see a ship, a huge ship - an Imperial Star Destroyer. Our ship is being pulled closer and
closer to its underbelly. The t.v. flashes the message, "System Override".)
Rex:"Oh no! We're caught in a tractor beam!!" (We see flying around in front of our ship attacking X-Wing fighters [the good
guys] and Tie Fighters [the bad guys]. The t.v. screen breaks in with an image of an X-Wing fighter pilot talking to us...)
X-Wing pilot:"Star Tours?!? What are you doing here? This is a combat zone, it's restricted! Ease off on your main thrusters."
(Rex eases off the rear thruster, and we are free of the tractor beam. We are now caught in the middle of a battle between the
Rebels and the Empire. We see ships fly about firing away against the backdrop of the Death Star. Our ship begins to get fired
upon, so we begin to fire against oncoming Tie Fighters. We then feel a massive jolt, and our ship plummets towards the Death
Star suddenly. The t.v. flashes the message, "Malfunction".)
Rex:"Ahhhh...we've been hit! R2, get the stabilizer fixed...and hurry!We're losing altitude fast!" (We hang for a little while, and
then evidently R2 does restore power back to our ship. The t.v. flashes the message, "Systems OK".
X-wing pilot:"Red 24, Red 30, Follow me."
Rex:"O.K., I've always wanted to do this - we're going in!" (We fly toward the surface of the Death Star, and just about hit
the back of an X-Wing fighter in front of us) "Yikes!" (Rex pulls the ship back to avoid hitting the X-Wing fighter.)
(Our ship follows the X-Wing fighters in front of us against the varied surface of the Death Star. We swerve in and out of
openings, and dodge enemy shot blasts. Our ship follows the other ships and flies up and circles around, then goes back
toward the Death Star headed toward the trench.
Rex:"Yaaahooo!!!"
X-wing Pilot:"Red 24, I'm going in!" In the trench, we blast a couple of oncoming Tie Fighters.
X-wing Pilot:"Target range"
We watch as the X-Wing fighter in front of us drops two shots down the exhaust port at the end of the trench to blow up the
Death Star. We see an explosion start to come up from the port. Our ship quickly raises up.)
Rex:"We did it!"
X-Wing pilot:"All ships - jump to light speed."
Rex:"Hang on back there, light speed!" (Our ship once again travels at light speed. When we come out of it, we are near the
Star Tours spaceport. We can see other StarSpeeder 3000's taxi along below us. We enter into a docking bay, and are
headed straight for a moving truck marked 'Flammable' on the side!)
Rex:"Brakeeeeesss!!!!" (Our ship comes to grinding hault, and starts to lower to the area where we got on.)
Rex:"Hey sorry folks, I am sure to be better next time. It was my first flight, and I'm still getting used to my programming!"
(The shield at the front of the ship starts to raise up) "Hey!, Hey!"
(The t.v. comes on and C3P0 says something like, "We hope you enjoyed your flight. When the captain has opened the exit
doors, you may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left. Oh, and do make sure you have
your personal belongings. Thank you. Good day!" The Star Wars music kicks in hard. We exit the ship into a hallway
decorated with posters for Star Tours destinations, like Hoth, Bespin, Endor, and Tattoine. We exit into a Star Tours/Star
Wars gift shop.) (
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