All characters belong to Paramount, but the story is mine.

Rated: PG-13 maybe it tends a little into NC-17, but there aren't
            any graphical descriptions at all and so I decided PG-13 is
            safe enough.

This story takes place after "Love". Comments (sure I prefer the good ones) are always welcome.

 

DECISIONS

by Lisa Hanson


"I hate that." I said as I put my clothes on. "I'm looking forward to the day I can wake up and don't have to sneak out of here without being seen."

Since our first night a few weeks ago, I spent a lot of nights in Kathryn's quarters, but she had told me, she would like that I get up early and go back to my quarters, before the ship was full awake, so that no one could see me. I agreed at first, but a little later I began to feel very uncomfortable with that. I always woke up two hours before the Alpha shift started, usually Kathryn woke up too and we shared a few words, then I kissed her and went away. But not that day, I was tired of that whole thing.

"You know, it's not appropriate for commanding officers in our situation to spend the night together."

"And why not ? Don't you think, that all crew members know about us by now?"

Kathryn looked at me. "They may suspect something, but they don't know for sure."

"Yeah, right. As if they didn't know it since the day we were both incredible late for duty."

"And that is the point. We can't afford to let something like that happen again." she said.

"I agree with you - in that case. But I don't understand why we should hide our love. It's not a fling, Kathryn."

"What is it, Chakotay? Why are you suddenly so angry ? I just think we should keep this private."

I was the happiest man on that ship and what she just told me was like splashing ice water into my face. "Are we back to that ?"

"You know full well what I mean."

"Yes, I know, but I don't agree anymore. What do you think, Kathryn? I'm well aware of our situation and I have no intention to kiss you on the bridge, but I think it wouldn't hurt the protocol or our positions if we would admit that we're a couple when we're off duty."

Kathryn sat up, she was angry too "But..."

I couldn't help, I laughed. I sat down on the bed.

"What's so funny?"

"You - me - this. We should kissing and whisper some love stuff, but what do we do, we're fighting."

Suddenly she smiled. "Okay, you're right. But we should talk about that. Tonight, 8:00 ?"

"Okay. But I love you so much and I want to say it to everybody, that I'm so happy that this beautiful lady loves me back, you know."

She smiled. I stroked her face and kissed her.



"Can I have a word with you ?" B'Elanna asked me short after she entered my office.

"Sure. Take a seat." She sat down in front of my desk.

"I....We...I mean...."

"What is it, B'Elanna ? You've never had difficulties talking to me."

"I'm pregnant."

I looked at her, I couldn't trust what I just heard. B'Elanna, the wild Klingon warrior woman was going to be a mother. "And ?"

"I don't know what...I..."

"Aren't you happy ? Tom don't want it ?"

"No, Tom is happy. We both are happy. But....I'm unsure what the Captain will say. We didn't tell her that we planned that, could you talk to her ?"

"The Captain will be surprised, but she will be happy for you."

"Please, do me that favor."

"Okay, okay. I'll talk to her."




That evening after dinner Kathryn told me something that really surprised me. "Would you like to be my date tomorrow?"

"Sure. We agreed to go together."

"No, I mean, my date, you know, my boyfriend." She laughed.

I stared at her with open mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah, I thought a lot about what you said in the morning and I think Neelix party would be a good occasion."

"Are you sure?"

"You don't?"

"I've been never before so sure about my feelings."

"Then we have a date tomorrow, boyfriend." She laughed again.

"By the way, tomorrow would be a good occasion to make an announcement."

"For what?"

"B'Elanna is pregnant."

"Really? I didn't know that she wanted a baby."

"She is worried what you will say so she asked me to tell you."

"Why is she worried. It's her decision and even if I wouldn't agree, I accept. It's her private life. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"Kathryn? About that boyfriend thing, does that mean, that I can walk inside holding hands with you, dance very close to you and kiss you in front of our crew?"

"Yes, I think, that means it, but you shouldn't rip my clothes off there."

"Too bad, that was the next thing I planned." We kissed. I nibbled along her neck and bit her softly, suddenly she slapped me on the shoulder.

"Don't you dare and leave a hickey there."

I continued with what I was doing and said "But it's fun to make one."

"It may be fun for you, but it's not funny when the Captain is running around the ship with a big strawberry red mark on her neck."

"Let's make a compromise. I'll be careful to put it there where the turtleneck will cover it, but you let me have my fun, okay?"

She laughed and hugged me. "You are incredible."

"I know, but that's one of the many reasons why you love me, isn't it?" She still laughed.




The next evening as I entered her quarters I called her.

"In here." She answered from the bedroom. I went there and found her standing in front of the mirror, she wore a sleeveless dark green dress.

"Hi, beautiful lady."

"I told you." She said.

"What?"

"Here." She pointed to her neck. "I can't wear this one or another sleeveless dress." She sighed.

I put my arms around her and kissed her lightly on the neck. "It does barely show. By the way who gave it to you? He can't be a passionate man, when the hickey pales so soon."

"Trust me, my lover is passionate enough and he has a great sense of humour to create embarressing situations."

"Well, when it's so embarrassing ask the Doctor to remove it. I'll make you another one - later."

"Right, what do you think will happen at Neelix party? The Doctor will make a speech about the fascination of hickeys."

"Honestly Kathryn, cover it with make-up. You should wear this dress, looks really beautiful."



Ten minutes later, after Kathryn had hidden the hickey under make-up, we went to the party. In front of the door I took her hand. "Ready?"

She smiled at me. "Ready."

We went inside, holding hands, no one noticed it at first, but then Tom detected us, he came over, looked at our faces, then down to our hands. "Well, hello, Captain, Chakotay." He smiled.

"Hello Tom. Congratulation to your baby." Kathryn said.

"Thank you. Why don't you both sit at our table, we have still two places left."

We went to a table in the corner of the room and sat down. B'Elanna was sitting there, she smiled and winked at me. Kathryn asked her if she was feeling better.

"Yes, I think this morning sickness is really disturbing. I wish Tom could have it instead. Half through the day I'm feeling bad and the other half I'm feeling wonderful. It kills me."

B'Elanna and Kathryn began to talk about "woman stuff" and Tom decided it would be better that we both stand away and take a drink at the bar.

"I'm glad you both are together." He said. "And it will finally keep you away from all those hoverball games you've played since you both were back from New Earth. It's much better to put the energy where it belongs to, instead of games. And cold showers doesn't work always. I know that."

"Tom."

"What? It's the truth."

Well, he was right, but I was embarressed, because I didn't know, that he knew, why I've spent so much time with hoverball the last years. When I had finished my work and couldn't sleep I went usually to the holodeck and played a few rounds. It had kept me from thinking about Kathryn.



After a while we went back to our table, music was playing and I asked Kathryn for a dance. She agreed and we both went to the dance floor. We had danced often before, on usual occasions, usual standard dances. I was in a good mood and so I laid my arms around her waist. She hesitated at first, but then she put her arms around my neck. We danced and for the first time I didn't care about if anyone could see what I felt. After a while I thought it was time now to give them a real proof, maybe they thought we danced that way because we were friends and so I kissed her. Sure, it wasn't a deep kiss, but it lasted long enough that all were aware now that we were more than friends.




I awoke in the middle of the following night.

"It's already time to get up?" I asked sleepy.

"No, it's 2:00, I just couldn't sleep."

I blinked, trying to get full awake. Kathryn sat beside me with a padd in her hand.

"You shouldn't work at night." I took the padd out of her hand.

"Hey."

"Come here." I said and drew her beside me again. I began to stroke up and down her back. "Kathryn, you're working to much. You're muscles are so tense. You need time to relax and more sleep and..."

She giggled.

"What?"

"You're sounding more like a mother than a lover sometimes."

"I'm just worried." I said and smiled.

"You're always worried about me but don't take care of yourself."

"Myself? I have no problems."

She pinched into my shoulder.

"Oooogh."

She laughed "See, you're muscles are so tense, you need time to relax and more sleep -I'll skip the 'you need to eat more' part, you're eating always."

I laughed "Okay, you're right, but I ask myself what we could do about our tense muscles?" I paused dramatically and looked at her. She shook her head nd smiled, gave me that 'you're incredible' look. "What are you thinking, Kathryn? As decent as I am, I'm talking about a nice massage of your back."

She laughed "Can't resist this offer" she said and turned so that she was laying on her stomach.

I began to stroke up and down her back, kneading her muscles. Slowly she began to relax, I continued and said "Kathryn, when we will reach this planet, you'll have to go on shore leave. I saw that all of our crew members are signed in, except you."

"Have no time."

"You will take the time, because I decided a few minutes ago you need it."

"So?"

"Yes, we both will go on a camping trip. Doing relaxing things, walking, making love, swimming, kissing, sleeping. Did I mention making love?"

She laughed "Sounds interesting."

I stopped and kissed her shoulder "We need some sleep now."

I turned her around so that her back was laying against my chest and wrapped my arms around her.

"Kathryn, do I have to sneak out tomorrow morning, now that I'm your official boyfriend?" I smiled and wrapped my arms closer around her.

"Don't think so." came her sleepy reply.

Short after that we felt asleep.



The next morning I heard Kathryn saying "Good morning, sleepyhead. Time to get up."

Kathryn stood there in front of the bed, wearing her uniform. I stretched. "What time is it?"

"Half an hour before duty. You should hurry up, if you want to have breakfast with me."

I jumped out of the bed "Wouldn't miss it."

I kissed her soundly and went into her bathroom. In the sonic shower I thought that I imagined our first morning 'without sneaking out' a little different. I thought I would wake up early, holding Kathryn in my arms for a while and then we would get up together.

I went back into her bedroom and took a fresh uniform out of her closet, where I had hidden it the evening before, dressed and went into her living room.

Kathryn sat at the dinner table, in front of her coffee and a croissant, at my place stood a cup of damping tea and a bowl of my favorite rice pudding. I sat down.

"I can see you're prepared for every occasion." She said and pointed to my uniform.

"I thought just in case you would let me sleep until duty."

She smiled "And I'm sure the camping trip is now planned as well?"

"Sure. Two days off for both of us."

She opened her mouth to argue, but I reached over and placed my finger over her mouth. "Two days, Kathryn. No way to escape."

"Okay, but at least I will stay constantly in contact to Tuvok."

"Two times a day. You won't relax, when your mind is still on Voyager."

"Okay."



Two days later we transported down, I had packed a tent, some food, tea, sleeping bags, blankets and other necessary items.

I had scanned for a especially nice place and had found one in front of a little lake, wood nearby, just the right place to relax. And I made sure that no crew member would be nearby.

After we built our "home" we walked along the lake, hand in hand, I enjoyed that, feeling free for the first time since our relationship began. After a while we found a nice sunny place and sat down. I removed my shirt, I always liked feeling the sun on my skin, and laid back, my arms behind my neck and closed my eyes. Kathryn sat beside me and talked the whole time, I responded only by giving her a "Mhmmm." now and then.

"Already asleep?" she asked suddenly.

"Almost."

"Well, then I think, I can go for a little skinny dipping into the lake without a witness."

"I wouldn't count on that." I said my eyes still closed. I heard her removing her clothes and stepping into the lake.

I propped up on my elbows and looked at her "How's the water?"

"A little bit cold, but nice." She called back.

After a while she came out and wrapped a towel around her and laid down beside me and bend over to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around her and we kissed for a while. As we separated she cuddled against me.

"You were right, really relaxing." She said.

"Part two in my 'relaxing Kathryn' list."

"And what's the next?" she asked laughing.

"A back massage."

"No, I owe you one, turn over." I did what she told me and she gave me a wonderful massage of my back. I moaned quietly, her hands felt so nice.

"Relaxed?"

"Yep."

"I'm starving, come on let's go back to have lunch."

I raised my eyebrows "You want to eat?"

She laughed "Yes."

We went back to our tent and ate some fruits. After lunch Kathryn began to search our bags.

"What are you looking for?"

"Coffee."

"No coffee, we have herbal tea, water and juice. Remember it's the 'relaxing Kathryn' shore leave."

"I hate you."

"Huh?"

"It's more the 'tormenting Kathryn' shore leave." she laughed "What's the next part in your list? A fully clothed run in the sun?"

"No, you'll take a nap now and I'll go for a walk."

"A nap?"

"Yes." I kissed her and walked out of our tent "See you later."

I explored the nature around us, it was a beautiful planet, full of flowers and plants, really similar to Earth. I enjoyed my walk, I've always loved to be in the nature, walking, thinking. Two hours later I went back.

Kathryn wasn't there, only a padd where I could read that she was at the lake. I grabbed a towel and went down. Kathryn sat there, her knees to her body, her arms wrapped around her legs. I smiled, the last time I've seen her that relaxed was on New Earth. She has been a different person there, she hasn't had the burden of command. I admired her as a Captain, but she didn't know when she need to relax. No one is able to be constantly in command without time to relax.

"Hi."

"Hi, it's beautiful here, isn't it?" she said.

I sat down beside her and removed my boots. "How was your nap?"

"Wonderful, you know always what I need, don't you?"

"I try to find out."

Kathryn stretched out her legs.

I laid my head on her lap, she began to stroke my hair, I closed my eyes.

"Seems you like that." she said, I heard that she was smiling.

"Definitely, I wouldn't complain if you would continue the next hours."

Soon I felt asleep. As I awoke I looked into her smiling face.

"Ready for dinner now?"

I stretched "Yes, I will consider this place as my favorite pillow, I didn't sleep so good in years."



We walked to our tent. After dinner we sat there, I leaned against a tree and Kathryn sat between my legs, my arms wrapped around her. We sat silent for a while, looking at the stars.

"I never thought I would be able to feel again." Kathryn suddenly said.
"After I've lost Mark, I had an empty space in my heart and I was so sure, that no one would ever fill it. But you did."

I pressed her closer to me, although it wasn't barely possible. "I love you, Kathryn, forever." I moved her hair aside and placed a kiss on her neck.

"My personal hickey maker gets ready to attack, huh?" She laughed.

"Do you want me to make one?" I asked and laughed too. I loved this playfulness between us. Even in intimate situations we were able to laugh with each other.

"Permission granted."

I alternately kissed and bit her until I had made an acceptable hickey there.

"I'd like to come to the next part in my list, do you agree?" I whispered into her ear.

I felt that she was smiling. "I love you." she said.

We kissed and it grow into the best necking I've ever had in my life and into our best lovemaking session. We hadn't to take care about if someone could hear us for the first time. Aboard we couldn't get lost in our feelings. Well, I wasn't aware that I could be able to make love to her so many times in one night without so much time to recover. I've never imagined Kathryn could be that vocal, that lost in her feelings. I have to admit, it really turned me on, hearing her screams of passion and her encourage to do this or that again, because it gave her so much pleasure. I'm usually very vocal during love making, I know that from past experiences. I'm very passionate about all things I do and feel. But I had to suppress that all the time I've been together with Kathryn. She often silenced me with a kiss, when she realized I would groan or scream.



We didn't had any sleep and as the sun was dawning we laid cuddled together, her back against my chest, my face in her hair.

"I'm embarressed, I....I don't usually lose control like that."

"Don't be, Kathryn." I said and moved my arm, which was wrapped around her waist to her face and stroked over her cheek "Don't hide any of your feelings when you're with me. In case you didn't noticed, I liked that. And besides, love is a really strong emotion and when two people are so much in love like we are, it's natural to let go."



Later that day, after a few hours sleep, we walked along the lake. Kathryn stopped and looked at me.

"We have to go back soon. I'll miss what we had here. It will be different aboard."

"Nothing we can't handle. As long as we're here I'd like to ask you something. Would you consider to marry me?" There I had said it, I was sure, she would reject me. Loving me, accept us as a couple was one thing, but I thought that was to much for her.

"I would consider it. Can you wait until were home?"

"Barely, but I'll try." I was happy, it was enough for me, knowing she would consider it.



Something had happened with us during that shore leave, we had talked about a lot of necessary things and cleared all unspoken questions between us and were able to begin our life as a couple. Sure, it would give always a problem, a fight, but I was sure that we would make it.

 

After that party and our shore leave we heard a lot of rumours. Some of them said that we certainly made love every time we were in her ready room. Some were about that I would take over command and that's why I seduced the Captain but most of them were friendly, guessing about a wedding, where the first kiss had took place.



The next month nothing special happened. We continued our flight back home until that day, when B'Elanna had her baby.



"Mr. Paris, will you come down to sickbay. Your wife is in labor and I don't want to deal with alone." The Doctor called Paris over the comlink.

Paris went pale, stood up from his console. "Captain, do I have your permission to quit my duty?"

Kathryn smiled "Sure, Tom, hurry up, B'Elanna needs you more than our ships needs you."



Four hours later, we heard the Doctor making the announcement "Here is the Doctor, may I introduce you Tom Owen Paris, he's healthy and I may add he has the same temper like his mother."

Kathryn looked at me and smiled, I smiled back.

"Commander, I think, we have to welcome our new crew member. Let's go."



We went to sickbay. B'Elanna laid on the biobed and held her son in her arms, Tom sat beside her. We congratulated them. B'Elanna handed the baby to Kathryn "Captain, you have to hold him."

Kathryn held him in her arms and her face was so soft as she talked to him, she smiled in a way I've never before seen on her.

"He's really perfect, B'Elanna." She said.

Tuvok called Paris and me and asked for our help on the bridge, so we both went there.



That evening we had dinner in my quarters, Kathryn was distracted. As I had asked her the same question three times without response, I touched her hand "Kathryn?"

She frightened. "What?"

"What's wrong? You didn't listen to me."

"I...I was thinking."

"'bout what?"

"B'Elanna, the baby, life."

"Would you like to share some of these thoughts with me, it would be more fun than talking just for myself."

"Yes. Sit down on the couch, I'll replicate some tea for us."



I sat on the couch as Kathryn came back with our tea and sat down beside me.

"I thought about, how happy B'Elanna looked and that she has all what she wanted, a loving husband, a baby."

I looked at her, she seemed sad. "And that makes you so sad."

"Am I so transparent?"

"Not to all people."

"Yes, she has all I've ever wanted, I wanted a husband and a baby too, but now it's impossible for me, you know, and that makes me sad."

I stroked her hand. "No, it's not impossible. We can have all that too, when we're home."

"No, we can't. It will be to late then. When we'll finally reach home, then I won't be capable to get pregnant."

"You have a lot of years left to have a baby."

"No, I haven't. I spoke to the Doctor today. He said that in my case, it would be highly advisable to start soon if I will ever have a child in a natural way. He said, that under normal circumstances I have fifteen years left, but regarding the stress and the injuries I had the last years and being permanent in command all those years my body is really burned out and he would suggest, if I will ever have a child I shouldn't waste time."

"Oh." I saw tears in her eyes. I took her into my arms and held her while she cried.

"It's so....I mean....I know that I could get pregnant now, but I can't."

"I know."  I stroked her back and after a while she calmed down.

"Kathryn, I promise you, when we'll be home, the first thing we'll do is trying to have a baby."

"And if we can't have one, would you be disappointed?"

"No. Sure, I want children, but first I want you, to live with you and if we can't have children, it's okay, as long as we're together."


                                              To be continued


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