Kitty drops lightly to the ground as she phases the last twenty or so feet to the ground and watches in shock as not her
teamate Nightcrawler lands beside her, but a pack stuffed to the gills with camping equipment. She has an ominous feeling as
she hits her communicator, "Kurt, what is going on? I thought we were here for routine updates, not camping and where the
hell are you?" Kurt's innocent and weary voice comes over the communicator with a heavy German accent, "Well Katchen...I
lied. The X-men are bringing Gen X and X-Force out for survival camp and they needed one of us to go along to supervise.
Since Logan was leading the expedition I volunteered you, so you and he could spend some quality time together." Kitty
restrains her temper by sheer force of will, "Kurt...the last camping trip I went on with Logan I got a bee's nest knocked down
on me by Havok and still had to drive half blind to bail all the X-men out of jail from the "party" they had. You know that that
man is cursed. I am going to KILL YOU!!!" The last two words she screamed into the communicator and at Kurt's little
screech she smiled in satisfaction that she had blown his eardrums for the time being, "If I don't come back alive I'm going to
haunt you." She said into her communicator as the plane took off toward Muir. Kitty turned to face the people going with her
and watched in shock as Sammy and James tried to pry Caliban off from around a post. They weren't having much success as
Caliban said in a calm voice, "Caliban not going anywhere with friend Logan...last time Caliban got attacked by a bear and
Caliban doesn't want to go back out there!" Kitty walked over and resolved to the fact that she was stuck for the time being
she smiled gently at Caliban. "Hi Caliban. If you don't come who is going to protect me from the bears?" With an exclaimed,
"Kitty Pryde!!!" He said, "Very well...Caliban go, and will protect Kitty Pryde from the bears" and with no warning let go of
the post. Kitty flinched at the crashing heard, but assured they were all okay turned to face Scott, "So you got suckered into
this too huh? Well it is of to Camp Wheheckawee (pronounced Where the heck are we)." Scott looked at her and smiled in
his "Lost Patrol" T-Shirt and looks over to Emma in her spotless new outfit arguing with Sean and the kids about how she
would not sunburn and sighed, "Yeah. Me, Gambit, Bishop, and a couple others are coming along. We are as thrilled as you
are. Logan is going to get us killed...oh wait we always come out alive, it's just the "one piece" rule he seems confused about.
Why couldn't we have gone to a Holiday Inn? Now that is my idea of camping." Kitty smiled wearily as she turned to face
Logan. "Okay chief Woodchuck...let's go."
: : A couple hours later they arrived in the middle of the woods somewhere and Scott looked around waiting for something to
go wrong. They traveled for a couple hours on foot and things seemed to be going well, when...
: "BIGFOOT!!!!!" screamed Artie.
: "What?" replied Kitty.
: "I-I-I saw BIGFOOT! He went behind that bush! He was big, and hairy, and naked!", said Artie.
: "Well, there DOES seem to be a bit of rustling in the bushes", said Scott.
: "I'll check it out", said Wolverine, popping a claw.
: "And I'll back you up", said Kitty, raising a frying pan.
: Logan and Kitty quietly walked up to the bush Artie had pointed to. Logan spread apart the leaves and branches to see what
was behind it.
: "Artie", Logan started, "That wasn't bigfoot; the big, hairy, naked thing you saw was...Robin Williams!"
: "Hiya, folks", said Robin, "I was skinny dipping in that lake over there and a bear stole my clothes....got a pair of pants I can
borrow?"
: "BEAR??!!" shouted Caliban, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" and he ran off in an unseen direction.......
Kitty wakes up from her nightmare. She knows it was a nightmare because Artie can't talk and Robin Williams
naked...*shudder*. One day out here and she is already going insane. She gets up and stretches, as she smells something that
is vaguely breakfast like. "Logan you're not cooking again are you?" "Why don't you like my cooking?" "In a word, NO! When
you cook everything tastes like cardboard and half of the time you burn it." "I do not!" "Uhm guys," Cyclops said, "breakfast is
burning." "See I told you." Kitty said as she walked off into the forest. "I'm going to go to the little girls room, if I don't come
back in five minutes come and find me, or at least the remains." I can't believe nobody brought toilet paper again. Last time I
got poison ivy in not fun places. I don't even want to think about it, she thought with a shudder. As she walked back everyone
was up but Jubilee. Husk was doing her best to get her out of the sleeping bag. "I am not getting up! This is all a very bad
dream and it will all go away when I wake up. In my nice comfy dorm room with no rocks sticking in my back. No green
everywhere. A mall down the street and concrete everywhere." This tirade was broken off when M picked her up and threw
her into the stream. With a shreak Jubilee was awake. When they had pulled her and her sleeping bag out of the river they sat
around the fire and ate. "What is this cardboard?" Emma asked. Kitty threw Wolverine a triumphant look and he glared at her.
"No! So what do ya'll want to do today, go rock climbing, hiking, or rafting?"
Scott looked over at Logan and then at the others wearily, "Okay kids it is splatting, blisters, or drowning...your choice." The
"kids" looked at him and Kitty smiled from her mainly uneaten breakfast and said, "Remember with rock climbing you have to
depend on your teamates to save you if you get into trouble." Jubilee looked at Gen X and all of Gen X looked at each other
and Skin said, "That is it I am going home to LA...at least there you didn't have to TRUST anyone." With that he looked
pointedly at Paige, "Some of us are just too eager and might get us all killed." Paige glared at him as she continued to talk
Kitty's ear off on how much she admired her work until Kitty screamed silently...some kids just didn't know when to quit with
the gratuitous praise. Logan looked at Skin and smiled, "Well the rock climbing it is. Remember this IS survival camp and part
of the training is learning to trust and depend and you teamates." Scott looks over at him incredulously, "Oh God we're going
to die, and I just found EVERYTHING to live for." Emma walks by him and says, "Oh would you quit it already. It won't be
that bad." Scott looked over at her and said, "So you brought your gloves?" Emma looked at him confused, "Gloves?" Sean
sighed as he looked at Scott, "Lad this has long day written all over it." Logan at that moment was giving an inspirational
speech to the kids and Hank threw in his two cents with, "Remember to become one with the rock...it will help you." Scott and
Kitty looked over at Hank and then at each other. "Becoming one with the rock...that is exactly what we're worried about,"
Scott muttered as Logan yelled, "Lets move people we got five miles to cover and a rock to climb by nightfall and it ain't going
to come to us." Scott and Kitty shared foreboding looks as they fell into line, headed toward the ominous looking cliffs in the
distance...
As they got there Wolvie said "remember No mutant powers on the first couple a miles."GROAN" came from everyone.
"C'mon troops! Move it! Hup two, three, four!" Shouts Scott, letting his position of wilderness training leader go to his head.
Kitty quietly flips him the bird as they march along.
^I saw that.^ communicates Emma telipathicly to Kitty. ^And you're absolutely right.^
^Hmph! We'll see how Mr. high and mighty there handles it when we reach the mountain!^
^Oh-ho! You're not planning on...?^
^Look around, for once, Logan isn't the only one itching to give our illustrious leader a good lesson in humility!^
^So I've noticed. There are plenty of flyers, telikenetics and such, that no one should HAVE to climb the mountain...^
^Exactaly. But we'll let his majesty there make the climb, It'll be good for him.^
^Maby he'll even build character.^
Emma and Kitty give each other a knowing glance, "NAH!" they bolth say at once.
"Somethin's up with you two..." Logan mentions quietly.
"We're going to make Cyc climb the mountain while the rest of us exercize our powers to get to the top." Kitty whispers.
"I'm gonna climb that thing as well, just to rub it in when I reach the top way ahead of 'em." wolverine says with a smile.
"That'll be great!" "By the way, how did HE get to be in charge of the wilderness training, I thought you were?"
"I figured it would do him some good, my mistake."
Kitty walks over to Scott who is once again shouting orders and says, "Hey Scott what is going on? Is there something bugging
you? You are acting like Mr. Drill Sargent." Scott frowns at her and then says in a considering tone, "Hmmm...I suppose I am
at that. I want to get to open country though...Logan has less of a chance of killing us in a rock slide that way and the Life
Flight has a better shot of landing without incident that way." Kitty nods in understanding, and admits to herself how scary it
was that that made a LOT of sense. Emma walks up to them and says, "I think you are both being paranoid." Kitty looks over
at her and laughs a little crazily at that thought, "Damn straight. I got bee stings from a hive getting knocked down on me, then
Scott had to tackle me through a patch of poison ivy into the lake to stop them, so I was swelled and sore, but I was itchy too.
Not PLEASANT. From that little expedition Scott also got a majorly sprained back and we were laid up together and then I
had to drive in to bail the rest of them out of jail because Scott got knocked out by the muscle relaxants the doctor gave to
him. Yeah, paranoid pretty much covers it!!!" Emma shuts up and walks toward the back of the group and Scott says to
everyone, "Hey! I know what you are thinking and you are NOT using your powers to climb that hunk of rock. Logan
"insisted" we do this the hard way so we're going to do it that way alright?" Groans are heard and Logan smiles at everyone,
"Let's move it NOW!" They move along and Kitty sends up a prayer that they will survive and it looks good when the lights
come on all around them and a voice is heard, "THIS IS G.W. OF THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION S.H.I.E.L.D AND
YOU WILL TURN OVER CABLE TO US IMMEDIATELY. ALSO PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD YOU
ARE ALL UNDER ARREST. ARE YOU GOING TO RESIST?" Kitty looks at him sarcastically, "ARE YOU STUPID OF
COURSE WE'RE GOING TO RESIST!!!" Sean is heard muttering, "Yup this has loooong day written all over it." as they all
attack.
WIth the lights glaring in their eyes form all sides, the X-men rush toward all sides in an attempt to slip past the lights and
encounter this rude intrusion to their wilderness get away. Angle, scooping up a good sized rock i sthe first air-born, up out of
the glair of the lights. But what he sees isn't GW Bridge and S.H.I.E.L.D., but rather the former Excalibur members Kylun, Micromax
and Ferron, rolling in the ground laughing like hell.
Ferron utters a few words and the light show fades away.
"HA-HA!! You guys should have seen yourselves! HA-HA!
"Are you stupid? Of course we're going to resist!" Mimics Kylun still laughing.
MAny of the X-men look at those among them who could have warned of such a trick or had it been, and attack.
JEan and Betsy just smiled.
"WHat ever happened to that super sniffer of yours?" Kitty prods Logan.
"How do you think they knew where to find us, kid?" Logan says sith a grin pulling out a cigar. "Now, let's get going."
There came a few gripes and grumbbles from the croud.
Wolverine listened to the suggestions of the others and scowled, this was supposed to be a survival test not no damn weekend
camping trip. "Listen, you're all soft!" he exclamed appalled "...Picking flowers would be nice." Jubilee was saying when
everyone shut up. She was suddenly the attention of everyone, and turned bright red from embarassment. After a moment they
burst out laughing. Jubilee stormed off and sat under a tree away from the others. Husk watched after her thinking that her Idea
wasn't so bad. "Alright X-men, and wanna be x-men here's the story." Logan said his gruff voice drawing their attention back
to him. " This ain't no flaming picnic, and last night was your night of paradise. We set this simulation up to see just how tough
you guys are so, guess what for the next 2 weeks that were out here..." What, two weeks, and other excamations drowned
him out and he just smiled enjoying this part. He continued when the initial shock passed " Like I was saying for the next Two
weeks you are gonna survive on what you packed with you and what you can scrounge up around here. and as an added
bonus there will be some surprises along the way." more grumbling and some of the youngsters looked really nervous. Jubilee
smiled to herself she had overheard logans plan and had stashed such essentials as toilet paper, sanatary napkins, bug repellant
and candy into her pack. She'd make a killing after a few days, selling this stuff off for booku bucks. "Kittypride not worry"
Calaban stammered "you can share my supplies." kitty smiled at Calaban but shook her head "No I don't want you to starve
on my account." Scott called Logan over and the young X-men hopefulls watched the arguement begin. Logan seemed
pleased with Scotts delema as Scott also hadn't properly packed for this trip. "Survival, bub that's the name of the game." As
the X'ers set about taking stock of their supplies and resigning themselves to there fate in another part of the woods another
group was forming.
"Alright you misfits," Appocalypse was saying to the assorted group of low grade Mutants that he had collected. "within these Woods
you shall be tested in a game of survival of the fittest." You will remain therein for two weeks
surviving on your supplies and wits (or lack there of). those who return shall be worthy of Supervillain status." there was much
grumbling amonst the ranks specially from the Blob who's pack looked small on his massive frame. "Now let the game begin."
Apocalypse hadn't finished stating this when a massive free for all began as the more powerful villains pounced on the weaker
villains and took, or threatened them into giving up whatever stuff the Blob and his ilk needed to survive the long "vacation"
soon the villains were off wandering into the woods and Appocalypse laughed to himself thinking about the surprise in store for
the X-men he had planned.
"THe X-men and now various opponants are being sent thru a 'survival week', Little do any of them know what awaites them at the end of
their simple little wilderness ordeal. To encounter them in there depleated state as they will be will truely be a test of survival of
the fittest!"
Five days later...
The X-men and the Apocolypse squad are NOT in good shape. Most are dirty, wet, have poison ivy, and are hungry enough
to eat poisoned berries. The X-men can NOT believe that Paige had accidently broke the bridge some of them were crossing
and Chamber and Kitty had dropped about twenty feet in a river, gotten swept over the falls, and yet survived...Kitty having
one hell of a cold and cursing everyone to more camping trips with Logan all the way. Then there had been the forest fire when
Jubilee had freaked when seeing a spider and let her mutant power loose on it...setting the whole forest aflame. They had then
got a flash flood due to the weather Ororo had needed to call up to put it out...leaving them in mud at least ankle deep, and as
wet and miserable as Kitty. By the time they finally see Blob and the others Kitty is muttering something about a swarm of
locusts being all they need to complete this hellish trip and then seeing a locust sighs and says something about figures she went
camping with Logan didn't she? When they see the Blob...dirty wet and talking to themselves, Scott just blows a hole
underneath him and lets him fall...not really caring if he dies or not. The rest of Apocolypse's little troop give up in the face of
food which Jubes throws from her pack. They run after it like a rabid bunch of dogs and then X-men go on their way. They
finally reach the Blackbird at it's appointed spot and the only one chipper is Logan. They all get on board and fly home.
Meanwhile, Apocolypse watches from the forest and smiles...who needs to fight the X-men he wonders...all you have to do is
sending them camping with Wolverine and things quickly fall into place so only the fittest survive.
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