...the total anhilation of the Universe as we know it, if the X-men
don't stop it. It seems Da'Ken has escaped his prison in the M'Kran
crystal is hellbent on getting back at his sister. The Phoneix force
searches the galaxy for Jean Grey and finds her busy with the Borg,
wreking psi havock across the cube ship, and slowly gaining control of
the vessel when she comes across an unusally psi imprint, the marine
ship SULACO was being processed into the borg collective. Ripley and
Corpral Hicks are busy combating deadly facehuggers that are let loose
on the vessel. Thinking things couldn't get worse, a booming voice
sounds across all communication devices, "SMEGHEADS!" the Red Dwarf
comes into view....
While on another part of the Borg cube:
Kurt is trying to figure out how to distract the Borg long enough
so that he can get to the controls of the verdermitt ship. Soon he
comes up with a briliant plan.
He leaves it to Kitty to distract them. Expecting Kitty to phase
through them, Kurt is astonished when Kitty anounces that she has the
perfect distraction and goes into a booming randition of "Don't cry for
Me Argentina" to the whole borg collective. Kurt is massively
impressed as the Borg, not seeming to know what kind of weirdo Kitty is
, start trying to assimilate her to "bring her closer to perfection"
and pass harmlessly through her.
Kurt quickly takes control of the Borg ship. The only problem
being that he has no idea how to drive the thing! It quickly spins out
of control yet again, heding straight toward another Borg cube.
Kurt tries to stop them before they collide but FAILS, hus resulting in
a sight quite like someone tossing dice.
Cube rattles into cube, with a total of five cubes colliding. The Borg
quickly regain control, freezing their ships in position. Ignoring the
mutants, they assess the damage.
Each Borg cube recieved a single dent, all on the same side. With
all the cubes resembling dice, the Borg just scored five "1"s!
five of a kind! Realizing this, Kurt grumbles they should have stayed
in Vegas.
Meanwhile back on Earth.
Emma Frost wakes up from a horrorific nightmare. She grabs her
head as she recieves a psi-distress call from an alien life form.
She turns around on her bed and grabs Franklin. She shakes him,
"Wake up, honey. We have to go help some people."
Franklin groggily mutters, "Not again Sue. Unca Ben just finished and
my butt hurts."
Emma sighs, "It's not your mom. She is the other blonde."
She runs into the other room to find Penance poking Chamber's open
chest wound. She screams to herself and heads for the grotto. She sits
still and begins to concentrate mentally. A portal finally opens and
out pops a decaying Illyana.
"Why did you have to resurrect me from the dead?"
Emma humphs, "At least you look like you have been decaying for awhile.
Open to a portal to the Ewok planet.
Emma enters the portal. Illyanna smirks having sent Emma not to the
Ewok planet, but to Emplate's plane of existence!
The swirling fog disorients Emma as Emplate makes his move to feast on
her "genetic marrow." As he is about to sup on Emma Frost's designer
genes, Banshee flies out of the thick fog, rescuing Emma from a certain
doom. As portal out of Emplate's domain opens before them.
"Watch as I get us back home, lassie" chirps Sean Cassidy. Once
through the portal they rematerilaze in the city of Mos Eisley.
"Nice flying, laser brain. I could have told you that was the wrong
portal." says Emma looking around at the freak show.
A distracted stromtrooper bumbs into Sean "Move out of the way freak,
we're getting the hell out of here, their all freaking nuts!"
Meanwhile back on Earth,
The green dome that Polaris unleashed had a sinister purpose. It
turns out that Mojo wanted some curious soul to let it go so he could
teleport into this dimension with some friends. He has brought Godzilla, King Kong, and Rhowdan
for a monster all star reunion.
Godzilla and King Kong are fighting it out while Rhowdan, dressed
in one of Dazzler's old disco queen outfits is cheering them on while
singing his randition of "Stayin' Alive".
Meanwhile on the street below chaos reins. People running
everywhere trying to escape, but they are a captive audience. Then from
Mojo comes the words no one wants to hear...
"More blood! Ratings are dropping here. Start eating people or
something. NOW!!!"
People start fleeing in earnest as the first pedestrian gets crunched.
Polaris looks on guiltily and decides to actualy DO something!
Focusing her powers to an extent she has never done before,
Lorana reverses the gravity below the gigantic monsters sending them
hutling through space and onto the moon, where they cotinue their
fighting amonst one-another in the relitivly low gravity.
"Marvlous display! Simply Marvlous!" Cries Mojo. "Of course, YOU
must now be stopped." he says sopping to ponder how to do so in a
dramatic and flashy way.
Unfortunataly for Mojo, Nate Gray, who has been watching from afar,
chooses this moent to strike! After telikeneticaly ripping Mojo from
his cybornetic link to his chair, Nate uses his tk ability's nearly to
their fullest extent to cram the lard-laden Mojo down a manhole into
the sewers where he belongs.
"Sir?" "I thought you would like to know your ratings have reached
an all time high."
"*GROAN* Oh, MajorDomo, How ironic it is, that I'm suck down here
unable to enjoy it." Sniffs Mojo.
"MOJO IS DEFEATED!" "HE SHALL BROADCAST NO MORE!" Cries Spiral. "At
long last I am free!" "In return, I shall transport you any where you
would like. Just name it."
After ponering the possibilities, Nate and Lorana reach a decision.
"Take us. . ."
Meanwhile back on the Shiar vessel...
Jubilee is screaming at the top of her lungs,"THE MALL WAS HAVING A
HALF OFF SALE, INSTEAD OF GOING THERE THIS HICK HAS CHANGED
OUR DIRECTION TO SOME SWIRLY THING THAT'S GOING TO KILL US! GREAT, JUST
FREAKING GREAT, MY LAST MOMENTS OF LIFE AND SYNCH IS NOWHERE TO BE
FOUND! etc.etc.etc." The entire group soon grew weary of the tirade
and, wanting to have some peace, Husk decked Jubilee.
"That should keep her quiet till we're safely through the portal."
"Not wanting to underestimate you Chica, but where exactly are we
headed?"
Husk rolls her eyes at Skin "We're going to...Oz ?" says a startled
Paige. Quickly donning her glasses, she consults the Shia'ar manual on
interdimensional travel.
"Well, according to this, we shouldn't even be here."
"you are right." booms the loud voice of Apocalypse. "I brought you
here. Let's see how fit you are." he says
and with a wave of the hand the Shi'ar vessel vanishes and the X-men
are deep with a forest, very far off the yellow brick road. A rustling
in the brambles reveals ...Elvis Presley the fifth Horseman of the
Apocalypse!
"Ahh wahh hu. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries or I'll
heartbreak hotel all over ya'r faces."
And he does a few karate kicks and and punches as he starts to sing the
opening to 'Heartbreak Hotel..'
"Ahhhh since my baby left me... Ah found a new place to dwell...."
Apocalypse's cold laughter comes from everywhere as his ship, Ship
decloaks above the forest. The ship hovers above the tree line and
opens a hatch. As Apocalypse and the other four Horsemen are lowered
to the forest floor on a small hover pad, Apocalypse announces
ominously, "Heed me mutants! Prepare to face the wrath of my Horsemen!
King!(Elvis) Queen!(Freddy Mercury), Fred(Fred Astaire) and...Barney!
(Barney)
As our heroes gasp in revulsion and fear, Paige tears back her
skin to reveal her new form of THE ANTI-BARNY!
Taking her power to new levels, Paige has become the Anti-Barney, A
firce creature of monsterous proportions which reaches down,
picking up Barney poping him in her mouth, chewing him up with her
razor-sharp teeth, and swollowing the remains to disolve in the
acids of her teflon coated stomach.
At the site of their mightyst fallen, the horesmen turn tail and
run, leaving Apocalypse alone against the various X-Men.
"Oh, er... um... well, seeing as how you have bested my new Horsemen,
it looks like you're found to be among the Chosen... for now. BUT I'LL
BE BACK! PRAY YOU REMAIN WORTHY OF ME!" Says Apocalypse as he boards
Ship departing for parts unknown, leaving the X-Men stranded in Oz.
"Oh, great! Now what do we do?!" complains Jubilee.
"Why, it's quite obvious,petie!" says Gambit heading off. "We follow
the Yellow-brick road!"
Teleportation disks open up and appear everywhere swallowing the X-men
and taking them to parts unknown leaving Gambit, Jubilee, Husk, and
Skin. Illyana pops out of a disk in her Darkchilde armor, "I am the
Wicked WItch of Limbo. Fell my wrath." With a wave of her hand.
Jubilee's uniform changes to that of Dorothy. Husk rips her skin to
reveal a lion's forms underneath. Skin's skin becomes so loose and
uncontrolable, he stumbles around like the scarecrow and Gambit's
body begins to become encased in tin.
Illyana laughs, "Attack them my prettys." Sym and N'astirh suddenly
sprout fethery wings and fur fly-up to swoop down upon the astonished
Generation X and Gambit finding themselves robbed of their power, they
do the only thing they can, RUN!
As they scurry down the yellow brick road, they can hear the mocking
laughter of the Wicked Witch of Limbo behind them. the further they
distance themselves from the Darkchile, the weaker her influance
appears to grow, with all save Jubilee reverting back to their original
appeance.
"This is SO totally unfair!!" whines Jubilee. "Why do I have to still
look like a dweeb?!"
"Keep moving, girl! We got to get to the cover of those woods before
those crazy monkeys get us!" was Gambit's only responce.
As they enter the thick woods just ahead of the transformed S'ym and
N'strath, they knew they were safe for the moment from the sound of
the crashing branches and cursing monkey-demons
"This is your fault!"
"Is not! you were in the lead!"
"It's not my fault we failed to recover the item!"
"She shall destroy us for sure!"
"Dosvadania!" come a thickly accented Russian greeting from up ahead.
"Colossus?" Jubilee wonders aloud.
"Da! But of course! Who were you X-pecting? The funnle-headed man?" he
responds, flailing a tree with a single stroke of the axe. "It turns
out that when the Borg cubes were about to collide, Amanda in a fit of
panic teleported us. Only problem was that she had no idea where she
was teleporting us to and we just happened to get caught up in the
vortex right before everyone showed up in OZ." Explains Piotor.
Elswhere in OZ...
Kitty to say the least isn't happy because she is in the good
witches costume which means she is going to have to fight her best
friend and look for falling houses to boot because she is wearing red
shoes. She looks over at Amanda as the monkeys draw nearer.
"Can't you do something all mighty mystic?" she says acid dripping
from every word.
Amanda gives her a dirty look but quickly moves into action. She
raises her hands speaks some strange words no one understands
and suddenly, the truth is revealed!
Ever since the London mess, She has been the proverbial wolf in
sheeps clothing, Amanda on the outside, Margerelli on the inside!
With an evil laugh, she summons the Soul Sword of Belsco.
"I'm not stupid you know." says Margerelli. "I knew enough to take
percautions. When the demon spell went bad, a back-up spell I had
previously cast took effect transfering my essance into Jasmines
body. In exchange, Belsco got her sweet soul to torment in my old
body and I recieved even greater power! YOUR power is quite strong
as well! Come, Kathrine, JOIN US!" she says holding out the
corupting sword.
"YES!" Coaxes Illyanna's voice from behind as she steps from a disk.
"Yes, come Kitty, join us, and we three shall be unstoppable!"
What should she do? Torn between what she knows is good and right,
and what seems to be not only her only chance for survival but to at
longlast be reunited with her best friend...
Kitty, not sure of what to do thinks to herself, "What would Ororo do
in this situation?" Images of an older looking Storm in a magicians robe
appear before her and then one of Storm as Dracula's bride.
She turns to utter her answer, but suddenly Wisdom stumbles onto them
all tripping on himself and uttering curses,
"What I wouldn't give for a cigarette, right now."
Kitty jumps up and takes the sword from Margali's hands.
"This will show you who's side I am on!"
She takes the sword holds it out towards Wisdom's body, and, with a
blast of arcane fire, ignites Wisdom.
"Here," she says with an evil laugh, "Let me give you a light!" As
Wisdom goes up in flames, Kitty's outfit slowly transforms into
something sleek, dark, and sexy.
"Welcome to the Dark Side, Roomie." Says the Darkchile with an
evil grin.
Menwhile, Back in Space,
the Borg are closing in fast on the Phlanx and the Brood, all wanting
nothing more than to asymlate any and all whom they come in contact.
"Ubligatch! this is going to get VERY messy!" comments Nightcrawler
as he quietly pulls Borg's remote ship out of it's docking bay With a
number of other X-men aboard.
"I just can't stand all this blood-shed!" Xavier says with a hoplessly
hopeful look on his face. "I must try to get them to resolve their
differances!" as he reachs out telipathicaly to their collective mind
networks.
^please! You must learn to work togather! All this fighting gets you
nowhere! The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts! (I should
know!)^ Broadcasts Xavier.
"er, herr Professor? Are you sure this is wise?" questions Nightcrawer.
"Why?" "What's wrong?" Answers Charles.
"Oh, nothing much, it's just that you have now united 3 of the universes
worst parasites in to one ultra volitile menace." Mutters Spiral.
Pointing to the various newly formed techno-organic cybornetic Brood
comming at them.
"oh, oops!" sais Professor X sheepishly.
"Nightcrawer, can you out gun them in this thing?"
"We wouldn't get far, they have remotely activated the self destruct
sequance! We have approximantaly 15 seconds to transport over to the
Shi'ar ship!"Responds Nightcrawler.
At that, Spiral dances her teliporting dance taking all aboard to the Shi'ar
ship to join the X-Men there.
A sudden outburst stops Kitty's story while still in progress. "Gambit get
ya slimy paws off ah me before ah knock ya out the airlock!!!"
Kitty looks at them annoyed and says, "You people have no sense of
drama you know that? Now would you shut up? I am trying to tell a story
here!"
They quickly become silent and Kitty looks at the second in command
when a shout is heard from the front annoucing that they are almost within
teleporting distance of Earth.
The second in command looks at the young terran and asks, "So how did
you get out on that ship running out of oxygen then?"
Kitty gives him a wise look and smiles, "Well that my friend is a story for
another day!!!"
"Terrans we have
a problem. There is a meteor shower we can't get through, so you are
going to have to come with us on our run. Better get comfortable, this
could be a long ride!"
Kitty looks around and sighs, "Great. How are you supposed to get
comfortable in this thing? There is something sharp sticking into my
back." She pulls out from behind her what looks to be the head of a
robot. "Hey, I remember this annoying little thing. It kept repeating
'Danger Will Robinson! Danger!' Till Gambit blew it sky high that is!"
Gambit looks at her and smirks. "I try chere. It was annoying the
heck out of me and everyone, non?"
Kitty looks around, "Well, I might as well continue my story since
we got nothing better to do."
Logan quickly steps up and grabs a bottle that is sitting by Kitty.
"You might want to get rid of this first", he comments, "you were
getting sort of confusing." When Kitty gives him a strange look he
motions toward her with the bottle. "Paint thinner of some type.",
he explains.
"Oh!" Kitty exclaims and then once again looks at the second in
command, "Okay where were we, oh yeah! I had just gotten turned
over to the dark side. Anyway let's recap shall we as she
explains that...
1)Sean and Emma are on a planet where the stormtroopers are
running from...
2)Mojo is in the New York sewers and the monsters are on the moon
creating...
3)Some are in Oz with Kitty, she just fried Pete and Illayna has
welcomed her to the dark side while...
4)The rest of the X-Men are on a Shi'ar ship.
Turns out when Amanda teleported them she only teleported a few
of them. The borg cubes collided and Lockheed, Prof. X, Lorna, Nate
Grey, Nightcrawler, and the rest are running for their lives. "That is when
Lockheed really lost his temper," she explains he was on the Shi'ar
cruiser and said "$&^$^$^$$*%^%&%*&%%&*%!!"
Which translated loosly from dragon means, "Flee brothers!! Flee!! Xavier
you #$@$#$@#$#@ what were you thinking?! Stupid Nimrod!!" and he
quickly hits the afterburners and they enter hyperspace, running from the
new cybernetic, techno-organic brood.
^I only strive for peace and harmony among all living things, Lockheed.^
Xavier tries to explain telipathicaly.
Lockheed just flutters off muttering something about roads, hell, and good
intentions.
"My name is HOT AIR!!! My mission here is to give long verbose speaches
and create worthless storylines!"
Kurt thinks it odd that this new X-villian's outfit is complimented by wax
lips and a fezz with a perpellar on top.He holds his tounge however, as
Hot Air continues.
"Onslaught was nothing compared to me. My body count (unlike that
of Onslaught) outnumber even Magneto's. Bwa,HAHAHA!HAHA!
now we shall go forth and crush our enemies!"
When they finally get over to the alien vessel, Kurt notices that this
new "tough guy" is doing nothing but making long winded speeches
and doing absolutely nothing. He acts quickly trying to save his own
skin.
Grabbing the Excalibur disguise kit from out of the ship, he quickly
pops into the aliens views wearing a paper bag with a big question mark
on the front of it over his head. "I am the unknown X-traitor! Fear me!!"
The aliens are quickly confused by this new turn of events.
Meanwhile,
Lockheed didn't actually die. When Hot Sauce (as at the time he was
called) sqooshed him he accidently transported him to Limbo, where
Lockheed was able to watch Wisdom get roasted.
He looks down at the body, up at Kitty's new persona and says very
understandably, "Good!! I 'ated him!"
Kitty give Lockheed a strange look starts forward and is about to do
something violent when in pops "Kane?!?! How in the heck did
he get here?" they all wonder at the same time.
"Well," he says I brought someone with me he says refering to
Gateway. "I guess you guys need my help or something."
"Yeah," says Jubilee,"but why did Gateway choose you? Where
is everyone else? I mean what about X-Factor?"
He looks at Jubilee, "Well it's like thi.s Mojo ate them. Fortunatley
they gave him such a bad case of heartburn...well you really don't
want to know what happened next. Cute outfit. Is it natural for her to
turn purple?" Kane asked innocentley. As everyone shakes there
head Jubilee storms off in a huff.
Kitty turns back to Lockheed, "Come my little pet dragon, let me
make you big and strong!" with that, Kitty unleashes vast dark
arcane energies upon Lockheed, transforming him into a great dragon
of legends, yet still totaly under her control.
"You know, such rappid growth can work up quite an appitite."
remarks Darkchile.
"Yes," adds Margrelli, "your dragon must be famished."
"But what to feed him..."continues Kitty as all three sorceresses look
at Kane with a wicked smile.
Kane's face turns pale as he backs up a step."Oh no, not me!"
"Why else would I bring a loser like you here, stupid boy?" says
Gateway, floating behind him.
"Well I'm not going down without a fight!" shouts Garrison,launching
one fist at Lockheed's throat, the other at Kitty's head.
Kitty phases, allowing the fist to pass through her, where it hits Margali
instead, knocking one of those stupid horns off her head, while without
so much as a blink, Lockheed swallows the other fist and burps.
"(URRRRRP) Mm. Appetizer!" he says as he covers Kane in a blast
of fiery breath.Unfortunately, Lockheed isn't used to his new size, so he
also ignites Gateway, who was still behind Kane.
Gateway's hair and loin cloth are ablaze, and the little man is screaming in
pain in part because in an effort to beat out the flames, he smacked himself
in the head with his bullroarer knocking himself senceless.
Lockheed extinguishes the flames on Gateway with a casual flap of his now
enormous wings. As with one final quick gulp, Kane is Dragonchow.
Margerelli, not at all pleased with the distruction of her horned hat deals
with the situation well by transforming into her Red Queen ramminant.
"Besides," she comments, "that outfit was for the OLD me." "Now that I have
my daughters young beautiful form, I think this would be a bit more
appropriate."
Back in space. . .
The Unknown X-trator skillfuly dodges any and all attempts at
assymilation, striking one devistating
blow after another by bombing them with jars full of acid, figuring
that being madeup of tehno-organics, the acid would do devistating harm.
Regretably, having bolth the programmng of the Borg and Phalanx, they
quickly adapt to this attack.
"Ubligatch! What now?" Night...er...the Unknown X-trator thinks to himself.
At that moment, an unfamilier voice pops into his head, almost as much his
own thoughts as a telipathic communication, it speaks to him.
"It worked for Jean-Luc, Why not you?"
"Too much hair?" The Unknown X-trator thinks back with a grin.
"Ooooo...A sece of humor! Even if it dosn't work, you should let them
assymlate you just for such a gift!" comes the voice.
"HA! Good point, min fraund!" the Unknown X-trator laughs. "But first,
who are you?"
At that, A man appears before the Unknown X-trator.
"Greetings, Night...er..that's right, you are going by 'the Unknown X-trator
now arn't you. Allow me to introduce myself I am..."
Elsewhere...
Rogue had exited the Borg cube much earlier during the collision and was
rescued by Lister and Kryten who opened a Red Dwarf airlock for her to get
in. Lister gets friendly, but Rogue explains the nature of her powers.
"Damn" says Lister, "back to the groinal attachment on the Reality machine
*sigh*."
The Red Dwarf makes manuvers to escape the borg/symbiants. There are
flashes of light from within the cubes as they change direction towards a
spatial anomaly.
"Swirly thing alert!" yells Cat.
"Keep our distance" Rogue commanded.
"Anything for you." Rimmer gasps in one of his cowardly outbursts.
The Red Dwarf takes a course that will bring them to the far side of the
anomaly, well out of Borg tragectories.
"Listen Darlin'," Rogue starts, "Do y'all have a smaller scout ship or
somethin'?"
"Starbug - YES!" Lister offers with a grin.
But Rogue stays silent."Gambit I hope you're allright." she thinks to herself.
#TIME PASSES#
As the Red Dwarf reaches it's waypoint "That smells worse than Lister!"
Exclaims Cat pointing to the unnatural union of the Borg ,phalanx horde
and brood legions.
"Looks like they are going after that big ship over there" Kryten reports
while changing the bulb for a red alert.
"Oh no" Rogue whisphers, "This can't be happening." "Sorry Darlin'"
Rogue says as she reaches over and kisses Lister (with a very surprised look
on his face) - he falls against his console unconscieous.
"How long will that last?" asks Rimmer with a hopeful look on his face.
"Not too long I hope, §meghead." Laughs Rogue as she races for the
docking bay.
~Inside Starbug~
"Okay, Damn this is gonna be hard to pilot by myself" Rogue thinks to
herself while gulping down a beer. Rogue hurridley pilots the ship with all the
direction sense of Lister (miraculously) to a boarding port alongside the Shi'ar
Flagship. "What? was that just a chicken I saw behind me?" Rogue wonders.
Before she makes her way through the airlock, she notices a useful looking
thermos that she decides to fill with chicken vindaloo for the road ahead.
(But that harmless thermos is none other than the EntoHawk PolyMorph!)
Rogue flies along the passage, supressing the urge to play the guitar - just
as Spiral telports in with the others, she keeps her distance silently assessing
the situation as she watches the formation of "HOT AIR".
"I must put a stop to this lunacy." she thinks, flying out of hiding to
confront HOT AIR's long winded speeches she takes a mouthful of vindaloo.
BUT! the thermos polymorphs into it's entohawk form and attaches a
personalty vacum to HOT AIR's head sucking all of his self confidence,
pomposness, public speaking skills and lame humour, causing the
polymorph to expolde in a rush of psi force *SPLOOTCH*.
The other mutants surround HOT AIR to find that he has become a manic
depressive omega class psi, with no hopes or illustrious dreams of peace.
"He's just dead weight now. there is no sence in keeping him around." says
Douglock.
"HE'S STILL THE PROFESSOR, RAMSEY!" cries Cyclops.
"Quit your d@mn whinning, google boy. and it's LOCK, DOUG-LOCK,
Ramsey is DEAD! Just like you'll be if you don't shut up!" Scott looks
around the ship for suport, getting only slight er...'s, um...'s , and clearing
of throats from his fellow X-Men. Seems's they are just about ready to side
with Douglock here.
"As for the Professor,we shall simply sever his head and keep it in
chryostasis till we return home and clone a new body for his mind to
inhabit." Expalins Douglock.
"You hurt the Professor, you're scrap iron!" Threatens Cyclops.
"As I said, he'll be fine. It may even give his mind a chance to pull it's self
togather after first On$laught and now this.""Besides, by my calculatons, as
it stands, you only have about an hour's worth of air left on this thing any
way. One less set of lungs..."continues Douglock.
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"cries Cyclops. "I may be a kiss-@$$, but I'm not
THAT stupid."
"Wait, don't sever his head yet!" cries Nate Grey, "I may not like Xavier, but
no-one deserves to be beheaded. Let's see what this Q guy can do!"
Q looks at them and sighs. "This is what I get for passing through this
sector. Jean-Luc is so much more fun."
Q just shrugs and turns to them. "Fine, I'm bored enough, I'll help and have
fun while doing it. Don't worry, his brain will be fine."
At that moment there is a humongous ZAP as Q turns the Prof. into an ugly
brass monkey. "He will return to normal when you reach Earth, IF you reach
Earth." He then laughs and next thing the X-Men know they are on a planet
they never hoped to see...the planet of the Brain Eaters!
Kurt looks over at Nate Grey in disgust "At least we know your safe."
Suddenly the Millennium Falcon drops out of light speed. Han Solo apears
flying it with Emma Frost standing behind mind controlling him. For some
odd reason he is naked and Emma is smiling. Banshee is on another deck and
yells a loud sonic scream that knocksout Chewbacca, Obi-Wan, and Luke
Skywalker & makes C3PO and R2D2 explode. He flies up to the main deck and
grabs Emma. He does a double take and wonders why Han Solo is naked. He
shrugs his shoulders and flies with Emma off the ship.
Back with the unknown X-trator...
"...Ed McMahon! And you have just won the American Family Sweepstakes
15 Million dollar grand Prize! Congratsulations! What are you going to do
now?"
"I'M GOING TO DISNEY LA..." as his voice trails off..."wait a minute! you're
not Ed McMahon! I know about the unwritten rule about picking someone
to win who won't die of old age before they get it all!" Accuses the Unknown
X-trator.
"Very good! you caught me. (even with out eye holes in that bag.) I am Q."
"Q who?"
"Just Q." "You may remember one of the fledglings of the continum from a
time back. I beleve you called him the Beyonder."
"Ja! So, What are you doing here?"
"oh, just passing through your corner of the multi-verse..."
"You're the one responcable for this!"
"I am not!"
"Are to!"
"Artoo-Deetoo! Where are you?!" Comes a mechanical voice with a slight
British accent emmiting from one of the cybonetic-techo-organic brood.
"Huh?" questions the Unknown X-trator as the creature stick's it's metal
stinger into the bag.
^Hey Nightcrawler! You'll never guess what just happened here! some guy
calling himself Q just saved the Professor's life and droped us on a planet of
brain-eaters!^ Nate comunicates telipathicly.
^"Vas?! But Q is Here!"^
"oh, we all call ourselves Q in the continum. Don't ask me why." responds
the Q with Unknown X-trator.
"That last attack was close, Herr Q. Perhapse you had best teliport me to my
friends."
"Cirtainly. And...by the way, do get rid of thet rediculous bag from over your
head!" says Q as with a snap for dramatics, he whisks Nightcrawler off to
join his friends...in OZ!
The Q give Kitty an indignant look as she takes the Soul Sword and
points it toward them. They get annoyed and advance toward Kitty.
All of a sudden, a Vorlon scout vessel (Babylon 5) lands in their midst.
Several angel like beings soar out of an open hatch."Beware, the Q are but a
disguise of the Shadows!" the Vorlon warns.
Unseen weapons erupt with bright light ~fizz~. The 'Q/shadows' revert to an
invisible form, and attack the Vorlons.
"Help the Angel guys!" screams Jubilee sending pyrotechnic explosions in
random directions.
Kitty lunges at where a Q had been, with the soul sword causing the Shadow
creature to fall flat on it's face.
Kitty, slowly reverting to her old sweet self, yet still strongly under the
influance of the darkness brought out by the sword,
phases the shadow-creature and reclaims the Soul Sword of Belsco.
Clad once again in the sleek dark and sexy outfit, the sorceress Kitty sets
about with her two "sister" sorceresses, the Red Queen and DarkChilde
slaying bolth Vorlons and Shadows alike for their power, while the now giant
dragon, Lockheed keeps all whom would come to the aid of either Vorlon or
Shadow at bay.
"OF COURSE!" Exclaimes Polaris. "How stupid of me!" "I should have
thought of this earlier!"
"What?" inquires Colossus.
"Maby, just maby, the Soul Sword is magnetic!" "let's find out." Exerting her
magnetic powers upon the Soul Sword of Belsco, Polaris starts off gentaly,
not wanting to alert Kitty. Much to Polaris' dismay, the mystical link forms a
stronger bond than simple flesh contact. Kitty notices.
"You want my sword, Lorana?" Kitty says with a wicked smile. "TAKE IT!"
as she hurals the Soul Sword of Belsco through lorana's heart with an evil
laugh. "I have absorbed enough energies from these creatures I no longer
need it!"
Meanwhile,
As Emma and Sean fly in space, they watch the Falcon crash into the Borg
destroying all who were aboard. Slowly they begin to lose their oxygen
and to drift out into space. At the very last minute, a portal opens up. Emma
and Sean drift into it landing safely at the Mass. Academy. Franklin stands
next to Lila Cheney who is chained around her neck with Franklin holding her
chain as if she were a dog. A new leash forms around Emma's neck and he
yanks her neck, she obediently follows him. Franklin whistles and out pops
Tana Nile, "Here ya go." A leash forms around Sean's neck and Tana Nile
goes off to have some fun.
The page rips and out pops once again, Stan "the Man" Lee. He looks to see
Franklin, Emma, and Lila. He stares to the people in the Briefing Room, "Well,
while Franklin is having some fun, let's return to the action in OZ." He turns
the page which shows Kitty just having stabbed Lorna in the heart with the
SoulSword of Belsco. A familiar voice is heard from behind Kitty.
"That's the one thing I didn't like about Lorna, no cleavage." says Havok,
stepping out from a teleportation field created by new Brotherhood member,
Bill.
"Bill, this is Red Queen, Darkchilde and...what do you call yourself now,
Kitty?"
"Dark Kitten."
"Right....That's Dark Kitten. Ladies, this is Bill, he's with me. By the way Bill,
the corpse is my ex. Yes, her hair is really green. Ladies...It seems you're
stuck here in Oz. If you want out, Bill's your man, if you want to stay and kick
some flying monkey butt for a while, follow me."
"You're not going to fight us?" asks DarkChylde.
"Or avenge Lorna?" asks Kitty.
"Hell no! What do I look like, an X-Man? I'm in the Brotherhood now, we do
what we like. Let's go blast the Emerald City into trinkets!"
And with a resounding "Woo-hoo!", the four of them follow the yellow brick
road to a strange man dressed all in green, selling pairs of emerald glasses.
"You'll need some of these if yer going to see the wizard." he said.
"The who?" Havok asks.
"Why the wonderful wizard of Oz!" he sings.
Blue plasma light flares - all that's left is the box of glasses, the four help
themeselves to some.
"We'll see how wonderful he is." laughs Dark Kitty.
Meannwhile...
A Giant Slug form grips onto Franklin from behind biting downwards before
the kid can do anything.
"Come on Jabba." Princess Leia commands, "The ones who were with Solo
went this way."
"Yuc! Wa nin she kardoo!" Jabba explains spitting the half chewed form of
Franklin onto the floor.
Franklin, covered in Hutt slobber, rolls over and looks at what's left of his
body. His eyes begin to glow and seethe with power. "Yer a bad, bad man
Jabba. A bad, bad man. You ate my legs!"
Jabba laughs and fishes one of Franklin's Keds our from the corner of his
mouth. Tossing it on the floor near where Franklin's feet would be. "Ha Ha
Ha! Tasty mutant in-Jabba!"
Jabba then pushes the button, dropping what's left of Franklin into the
Rancor pit. This is where the young mutant learns, much to his regret, that
HIS power is distributed throughout his body. the less of it,
the less power he has. Combined with his relitive youth and inexperiance,
little Franklin seems done for sure, as the slobbering Rancor shambles
forth to claim it's prize...
Back in the section of limbo known as OZ,
A light blue classic Pergot car has driven through one of the many portals
that wink in and out of OZ.
The car comes to a halt and out steps a short man with messy dark hair,
wearing a rumpled raincoat.
"Pardon me," he says in a moderatly thick Brooklyn accent. "Lutenant
Columbo, LAPD, Homocied department." "Now I know that interdementional
planes could normaly be concidered out of da juristiction, but it just so
happens this section happens to overlap a bit, and the boys downtown, well
you know how they are, they're real strict on these kinds a things." Columbo
says appologeticaly. "Now then," he continues, just who's died hear sofar?"
"You know, the paper work on this is going to be terrible as it is. Ya
understand, don't you?" so if you could please be so kind as to kinda
restrain yourselves..." "Saaaay! Ain't you da X-Men? My wife's a real big
fan of yours! Oh, yeah, she gets all them magizines tellin' 'bout your
adventures an' stuff. she's got a whole room full ya know. Boy, will she be
surprised when I tell her I met da X-Men! Say, you ting I could get a
souvinier? My wife would realy love that."
The sorceresses and Havok look at each other and start counting on their
fingers while Darkchylde consults her scrying glass.
"Let's see..." Havok muses."There's Lorna, she's gone for sure..."
"And Wisdom..." Dark Kitten adds.
"Yah! I 'ated 'at smelly git!" Super-Lockheed snarls.
Then there's... Illayna looks into her scrying crystal once more..."Let's see here
...X-factor are gonners. Mojo ate them. The Inhumans are dying off at a rapid
rate because Godzilla and Rhodan got hungry. Hmmm...Kane bit it.
Lockheed ate him. Gateway is missing in action, got burned pretty bad.
Franklin may be a gonner, we shall see. The salesman with the glasses kicked
it, good job Kitty..er...Dark Kitten. Now we are off to kill the Wizard and
destroy the Emerald City. Hey, where is Bill anyway, I think the twerp cut
out on us!!!"
They once again continue their trek toward Dark Kitten's ultimate
conquest...The killing of the bloated little Wizard of OZ. Suddenly
DarkChilde stops the group.
"Hey, what are we doing WALKING all that way, when I can just open up a
stepping disk and teleport us over there? Why walk when you can ride, eh?"
"The child has a point." Margali says.
"I don't know. You never had much control over that when you were alive,"
Dark Kitten says.
"Ah what the hell," Havoc says, "You only live once, and my feet are tired,
let's do it."
With a flash of light, the group is whisked away by one of Illyana's stepping
disks.
As the disk disappears, they find themselves in front of a Wizard, but not the
one they had anticipated. No, they are in the throne room of Sauron, Lord of
Mordor, where the shadows lie.
"Oh geez." Illyana gulps.
"We're in deep." Havok says.
Margali stands speechless, eyes wide.
"Told you so." Dark Kitty sneers.
Lockheed simply arches his neck back and sniffs himself "Woof! Cabbage!"
he grumbles.
But before tha carnage can continue, Columbo follows the trio of witches...
The ship enroute to earth, where Kitty is narrating this story...
"Actualy, We prefere to be called Dark sorceresses." "'Witches' makes us
sound like a bunch of old hags hunched over a boiling cauldren." Injects
Margerelli/Daytripper.
"Right, corrects Kitty admiring her 'Dark Kitten' outfit as they cruze along in
the ship. "You know, I could get used to dressing like this." she says asmuch
to her self as to anyone else.
"KATCHIN!" Exclaims Nightcrawler.
"WHat?! I was just kidding!" She responds."maby." she quietly mutters
under her breath."Anyway, where was I?" "Oh yes..."
Columbo had followed the threesom of sorceresses thru the portal. "Excuse
me, Ladies?" "Just one more thing...I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask ya ta
come with me down to the station. Ya see, In a multiple homicide
investigation, I'm afraid I just have to take ya in. I just can't let these kinda
things go, ya know." "I mean, If I just let ya walk without any kind of alibi,
the boys downtown are gonna have me fer dinner, ya understand? I'd
loose my job, they'd lock me up as an acomplice, And my poor wife, why, she
would just be heartbroken, and I just couldn't do that ta her." Columbo
explains.
"Well... He DID ask so nicely..." Darkchilde notes.
"And we ARE in DEEP trouble if we stay here..." Adds the Red Queen.
"Lead the way, Lutenant." Concludes Dark Kitten.
"Thank yous ma'am, You don'n know how much this means to me. I really
dos appreciate dis."
"Right, sure, anytime, Now LETS GET OUT OF HERE WHILE WE STILL
CAN!" Shouts the Red Queen.
Kitty's story is once again interupted by a shout from the front announcing
that Earth is now within transporter range. Kitty looks at the second in
command and is about to finish her story when she is interupted by
Cyclops..."Nice one Kitty. You got all of it in there, now how about telling
him the truth instead of twisting it into a pretzel?"
Kitty looks at him annoyed and says, "Well I did tell the truth sort of. It
did start with Gambit taking a joy ride on that Shiar space craft."
Another voice announces from the back, "Then...?"
Kitty looks irratated as she says, "Okay, okay, I'll tell him the whole truth."
She looks at the second in command, "My story was better though...anyway,
Gambit took the Shiar cruiser out for a joyride when we had to show up to a
Shiar ceremony for Lilandra. We weren't having any fun and so we went on
a little joyride...or at least some of us did. Anyway, the rest of us ended up
chasing after them in another craft, and that's when Deathbird decided this
would be the perfect opportunity to kill all of us off. She blew up one ship, we
managed to teleport off in time, but the other ship was heavily damaged
and set adrift. We were running out of oxygen and you happened to come
along...end of story.
Oh, the little fight with the Phalanx was me fighting with Douglock and the
OZ thing was created by me because I would have made such an awesome
bad guy! That and I miss by best friend. There, now you know."
She give all of them another glare as she falls silent. The second in
command looks at Kitty and asks, "So why do you look like you've been
through a war?"
Kitty looks at him and states, "Oh that...that was us escaping from the
prison planet that deathbird put us on.
How do you think Gambit managed to steal a Shi'ar vessel? It was the gaurds
craft. We are now the only terrans to have ever have escaped with our skins
in tact, next to Corsair and his crew anyway. When we get back to Earth,
we can't even tell Lilandra what happened either."
"Why?" The second in command asks.
"Because we destroyed Shi'ar property and that is a felony." Kitty looks at
them all and says in a very irratated voice, "There satisfied now? We told
him the truth." Cyclops looks happy to have the truth out and says so.
The second in command looks at them all and smiles...which quickly turns
into laughter. All of them look at him baffled until he says, "You considered
going up against the Shi'ar empire boring? By the Gods that is rich!!!" Kitty
looks at him and says huffily, "We do that all the time. It isn't any fun
anymore. I needed to add some spice to it!"
"Quite a story ya had going there, young lady." chips in the Captain of the
ship.
"Thanks, I cirtainly tried." Shadowcat says with a smile.
"Well, you're welcome. Now, how about finishing that story? I was quite
enjoying it!"
"Sure!" Shadowcat responds, giving the pompus Cyclops a smug look.
"let's see now, where was I..."
"Columbo had just hauled us in." Amanda reminds her with a grin.
"Right! Columbo had just hauled us in, we were booked and everything."
"Come, Sisters! Let us depart this frail cell of human bondage!" said the Red
Queen.
"No... I realy don't think so. Not this time." says Illyanna.
"What?! But why?"
"Where would we go? For one thing." points out Dark Kitten.
"oh." Is all Margerelli has to say.
"And besides, we gave our word to Lutenant Columbo not to go anywhere."
adds Magik.
"And if we break our word to such a nice man, we're no better than some
petty criminal off the street." Adds Dark Kitten.
"BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" Shouts Havok angerly. "They're just holding us
because were mutants! Normal humans hate mutants!
You know the'll never let us go!"
"Oh, quit your d@mn whinning, Havok! I swear! You're just as bad as your
sniviling brother!" Dark Kitten scolds.
"Oh, yea, sure! now you turn against me as well! Well, no prison will hold
me!" Cries Havok as he blasts a great loouming hole in the wall of the cell
and leaps out.
The sierens blare, and the search lights flash luminating the whole of the
prison grounds."Jail Break!!!" "Halt! or we'll shoot!" Come the voices over
the bull horns.
Havok blasts gaurds left and right untill one gaurd, up in one of the towers
stops and takes carful aim at the limping psycotic murderer.
BANG!!!! one well placed shot and Havok falls dead from a bullet to the
brain.
"Imbacel." Mutters Dark Kitten, turning toward the cell door. "Gaurd!
Gaurd!! Come here!"
"What do you want?"
"This cell is a little bit drafty. Would it be too much trouble for you to have
us moved to a different location?" Dark Kitten purrs sedutivly.
"Well... let's see what the problum is..." "Oh my." "This-uh, this was-uh..."
"Havok's cell, yes. The entire back wall is now missing and we'd like another
cell."
"So... Why didn't you...?"
"Go with him?"
"Yeah."
"We gave our word to Lutenant Columbo. And if we go back on that
promise, then were no better than any common crook." Explains Illyanna.
FSSSSSSSSSSSSST!! Uh Sargnoep foedat enat bo az sioning ay vr
FSSSSSSSSST!! comes a message over the officers radio.
"Copy. I'll bring them down rightaway, sir. out."
A look of bewilderment crosses the faces of the three sorceress.
"For all our might and magic, understanding the garbiled gibberish that
comes over those things is still beyond us!"
"Seems the lutenant has a few questions he'd like to ask you ladies, if you
don't mind." the officer says with a smile.
"Let's go."
Back in OZ...
The remaining X-Men wander along the yellow brick road toward the Emerald
City.
"GLASSES! Get yer Emerald glasses!" shouts a little man dressed in green
along side the road. "You sir!" he says addressing Cyclops. "Very stylish!
Very stylish indeed! Why those ruby one-pices work quite well for you!"
"Um ... thank you. Can you tell us how to get out of here? You see, we're from
the dimention of Earth..." states Cyclops.
"Earth! oh of course! you must be going to see the Wizard!"
"I guess."
"Well! You cirtainly can't see him like that!" says the little man.
"And why not?" Asks Cyclops somewhat offended.
"Why, because he's in the Emerald City! And you can't enter the Emerald
City with out the Emerald glasses!"
"And why do we need the glasses to go to the city?"
"Because it's a rule, boy! You're good at obeying rules arn't you?" says the
little man, now visably irritated.
"A Rule! oh my1 Yes! Yes! Please ! Give me the glasses! I'll hand them out
for you!" clammors Cyclops, reaching for the box.
"Hold it!" says the little man. "It's gonna cost you!"
"How much?" Asks Cyclops digging for his wallet.
"Well, acording to the laws of suply and demand... (I have the suply, you
have the crutial demand) I can ask for anything I want!"
"What?! What do you want?" questions the anctious cyclops.
"I'll take the red-head." he says pointing to Jean.
"It's a ..." starts Cyclops.
"Scott...!" Jean says threateningly.
"Er...what I mean is... How about Jubbilee?" Cyclops offers.
"HEY!!!"
"You kiddin'?! You'd have to pay me to take her off your hands!"
"Why you little creep! when I get my hands on you...!" threatens Jubbilee.
"Calm your self, pete'." sooths Gambit."Here, let a gamblin' man do dis deal."
Gambit stoops down to the little man and they converse in hushed tones.
"DEAL!" says the little man, as he starts passing out the glasses.
"What did you offer him?" inquires Cyclops of Gambit.
"Just a simple exchange of ruby for emerald." He said with a smile.
"Really? Where will you get the rubies..." cyclops stops in mid sentance as
the realization dawns upon him. "Oh no!" he says.
"Not my visor!"
"It's de best deal I could get! He's a stiff barginer!"
"But how will I see?!"
"Chere'?"
"Comming right up, Gambit." says Betsy, ramming her psychic knife into
Cyc's head, knocking him out.
"Everyone got der goggles? Good! Den I guess were off to see de Wizard!"
Says gambit cheerly.
As they depart down the yellow brick road headed for the Emerald City,the
little man trys on the visor formerly property of Cyclops.
"Snazzzzzzzy!"
L.A.P.D. ...
"Afternoon, Ladies. Have a seat right dere." Says Columbo ushering them in.
"first off, I'd raly like ta thank you young ladies for bein' so coperitive. It
makes my job a lot easier."
"Our plesure, Lutenant." Says Dark Kitten with a smile.
"Yes, well, I also heard about yer friend, what'sisname..."
"Havok." offers Dark Kitten.
"Right, anyhow, I'm really sorry 'bout what happened to him an' all, but ya
see..."
"It's quite all right, Lutenant. Alex has always been somewhat of an
impetuous hot-head. I knew it would catch-up with him someday."
Mentions Dark Kitten.
"Alex? Is dat his name?"
"Yes, Alex Summers."
"Say, you wou'nt know how ta reach his parents or next-of-ken would ya?"
"Oh, well his father is VERY difficult to get ahold of..."
"Yeah, he's always flying off somewhere." Adds Illyanna.
"Ya say he's a pilot? well isn't that somethin'! I bet he goes to lotsa neat
places."
"You could say that." both Dark Kitten and Magik laugh.
"Say, you ladies mind if I smoke?" asks Columbo pulling out a cigar.
"Not at all, lutenant." says Dark Kitten, "Here, let me gice you a light." she
says with a smile as with a snap of her fingers, a small flame ignites in her
hand.
"Why, tank you very much!" he says puffing on the cigar, lighting it from
the flame in Dark Kitten's hand. "Say, dat's some trick! How do ya do that?"
"It's magic." Dark Kitten says with a smile.
"Ya mean like that slight-a-hand sorta t'ing?"
"No, She means magic." Offers Margerelli. "Spells, incantations, the
black arts..."
"Is dat so? Well, that's realy quite interesting." "Now, let's see, where was
I...?"
"I believe you were trying to clairify on the various deaths." offers Magik.
"Dat's right. Thank you very much."
(
geocities.com/area51/cavern) (
geocities.com/area51)