It was a dark and stormy night. All of the X-Men are out doing their
own things.
Scott and Jean are having a romantic meal and seem to be having a good
time when Jean suddenly looks across at Scott saying, "Scott I have
something important to tell you." "I am a bisexual and have been
having an affair with Ororo."
Scott doesn't take it well and goes down the hall figuring he would
finally consumate his lust for Psylocke only to find her gone and a
note saying if they want her back they have to pay a goodly amount of
money to get her.
Scott goes and makes a call to Sinister saying that if he would make
him into a woman to be with Jean he would give Sinister his genetic
make up.
Sinister says it is a deal and goes prepared to make easy pickings of
Scott, but it is all a set up and Cyclops kills Sinister by shoving
him into his own trap.
Scott then breaks down and starts blabbering about how could he kill
the only person who ever cared for him until Rogue, of all people,
gets fed up with his whining and nails him into the east river.
Meanwhile...
Jean goes to find her true love, Storm, at gay bar that Storm was
known to frequent, only to find her in the arms of Gambit!?!
Jean freaks out and throws things only to have them stopped by Stan Lee
who comes in and asked if the players had anything better to do with
their lives.
He leaves, and Storm tells Jean that she set her up so that she could
slowly leech all the tissue from Jean's bustline, making Ororo slowly
into the most endowed member of the X-universe.
Rogue then comes in to find Gambit and Ororo together freaks out in a
fit of jealousy and kills Storm and mortally wounds Gambit.
Elsewhere...
Betsy awakens only to find herself kidnapped by none other then Kitty.
She wants to get revenge on Bill Gates for stealing an idea for a
computer program she had a couple years back and wants to laugh at his
outraged e-mails. She figures she can kill Betsy, but decides to give
her a phone call where Betsy wanted to tell Warren about the baby.
On Muir...
Peter is having problems of his own. Peter Jr's mother is coming
after him for child support and if he doesn't pay up, he will be hunted
down and killed as stated in tribal law.
Suddenly Kurt bamfs in to tell them of Kitty's desertion. They wonder
what they are going to do especially when they find out Pete went with
her. Lockheed and Kurt were later found in a passionate embrace
covered in chocolate sauce.
Betsy gets her phone call only to hear a strage voice on the other end
of the line that is most definitely female. The voice belongs to none
other than...Revanche! Back from the grave with a vengence!!
Meanwhile outside the bar...
Rogue feels a flood of emotions for the lost Gambit, weeping she says,
"You never knew my real name, it's Bambi Essex!!!!!" Yes she is the
granddaughter of Sinister!! Sinister had planted Gambit inside the
X-Men to slowly wring out the subconscious programming in her mind that
would lead her to destroy the X-Men!!! Gambit gags, "I heard you hon.
...Meanwhile after a lengthy discussion Warren and Ravanche decide that
maybe a manaje a trois wouldn't be so bad and decide to rescue
Psylocke, as they get ready to leave, there is a knock at the door and
in steps...THE HELLIONS!
"What are you doing here?" gasps Warren, as Tarot steps through the
front door...
"Pizza Delivery!" says Catseye, "Being a second rate washed up group
doesn't pay well you know...incidently, did you order beef on your
pizza?"
"No." replys Angel.
"Shame as we already killed and cooked him."
As the Hellion pizza delivery departs for their next delivery to a Kurt
of Muir Island, Revanche telepathically scans for Betsy.
Accidentally Kwannon enters Bishop's mind as he is having a shower.
She sees through his eyes and makes the shocking discovery that...
While elsewhere...
Sammy walks up the drive of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters to
visit his sister Paige. When he gets to the door he knocks, but no one
answers. He trys the knob...the door is unlocked. He walks in and
hears noises coming from Paige's room above stairs. Thinking his
sister might be distracted enough not to notice him jumping in and
yelling, "Surprise", he quickly goes up the stairs and throws open the
door.
The word dies on his lips however when he finds Paige lying in a pool
of her own sick, Vodka bottles lying acrossed the room. She was
wearing a toga and a "stop" road sign. The room was crawling with
monkeys.
"What the hell happened here!?" said a bewildered Cannonball.
"I don't know," slurred his sister, "I just went out for a night on the
town and now I'm here-what day is it?"
"Sunday-Paige you are an alcoholic, you need help." said her concerned
brother, "Now can you tell me what happened to you?"
Paige replied by throwing up on the floor.
"I can tell you." said a voice outside Paige's room. It was Emma Frost.
"You're sister went out last night with some of my old sorority
sisters. Guess she didn't know when to say when."
Sam looks around the room in disbelief, empty beer bottles and liquor
bottles are strewn everywhere. Sam picks up a bottle and says, "No
wonder Paige hasn't called in weeks..there is enough empty bottles here
for a six week bender. Where did she get all of them?"
Sam realizes the answer to his question immediately, "You! You gave
her all these booze, didn't you Emma!"
Emma Frost laughs, "Of course I did you fool! Do you think she could
have drunk herself into this state and nobody notice?! Now that I have
utterly destroyed Paige Guthrie, now it is time to knock little Monet
St. Croix off her little pedestal."
Sam looks around confused, "Why Emma?" he asks. "Why not." is her
reply. "I'm the most powerful telepath now that Xavier is gone. No
one can stop me. In one decisive move I will rule the X-men AND the
fashion industry."
Back at the mansion...
Kawonnon's incidental mind link with Bishop in the shower, allowing her
to see through his eyes, reveals to her astonishment, that Bishop has
a rubber ducky that he plays with in the shower!
"Bet he has a teddy bear stashed under his bed too." She thinks to
herself.
Continuing her scan, Kawannon comes across the Guthrie/Frost situation,
scanning minds discovering the truth of this situation, that Emma
Frost is the clone of Cannonball's child from the future! Reeling from
the convulted origin she continues her scan.
She locates Betsy on Muir Island but, unbeknown to her the confusion
caused by complex origins and time travel gave her the wrong location.
Angel and Revanche set off, wrongly for Muir Isle.
Upon arrival they find the place trashed. There is pizza and chocolate
sauce everywhere. Upon further inspection they find Moira McTaggert
lying on the floor, dying.
"What happened here?" asked Angel.
With her last dying breath Moira reveals "The Shiar were never really
aliens. I created them out of my imagination in order to sleep with
Charles. In a hidden studio in West Hollywood, I staged the whole
affair with extensive props and sound effects. I am Lilandra!"
and with that she expires.
Meanwhile...
Jamie Maddrox is using his powers to keep his head above water at an
ad agency. His boss comes into Jamie's office and bellows...
"These X-Men have become waaaay too popular." He looks out the window
at the DC banner on his building, and commands Maddrox to create a
superhuman team for DC that will make as much money as the X-Men.
Maddrox sits down and starts to pencil...
5 years later:
Psylocke: Became Betsy Braddock-Summers-Worthington-McCoy-Summers-
Drake, now a very rich bitter divorcee.
Shadowcat: Becomes the proud owner of Shadowtech Industries and is
currently trying to hostilly take over Microsoft. She is now laughing
at Bill Gate's outraged e-mails, Pete by her side.
Rogue: Realizes that she has forgotten her own name and goes insane.
Currently in therapy and blaming the whole thing on her mother.
Colossus: Current whereabouts unknown, but was seen fleeing from a
group of tribal leaders that looked very violent. Presumed still on
the run.
Revanche and Angel: In a fit of anger because Warren married the wrong
Betsy, Revanche goes over to the dark side only to later be killed by
Gamesmaster for denying him sex.
Gambit: Lapsed into a coma after Rogue nailed him. Woke up with no
memory of who he was. Currently happy in a career as a monk.
Cyclops: Got fished out of the east river by Polaris and is currently
in Montana where Polaris and he started a cult. Took Warren and
Betsy's daughter/son with them.
Emma Frost: Using her telepathic abilities Emma dominated the fashion
industry until the crowds got tired of wearing white after labor day
and beat her to death. There was no corpse found at the scene.
Presumed living impaired.
Husk: Currently at Betty Ford for the 8th time.
Cannonball: Working three jobs to support Paige's stays at Betty Ford.
Bishop: Finally realized his true calling. Is now currently a toy
maker. Became a pacifist and is working toward world peace.
Moira McTaggert: Moira was killed it turns out by Amanda because Moira
had a cooler uniform then hers. Amanda currently in Limbo where she
is being tortured by Belesco. Presumed reincarnated.
Multiple Man: Became leader of fashion industry after becoming Emma's
gigilo before her unfourtunate demise. Changed his name to a symbol
and is currently living in Paris. Comic team a total bomb.
Phoenix: After realizing that she would never see Storm again, Jean
became a high paid call girl and later a madame to the stars.
The Hellions: Tried to start their own pizza business but failed.
Currently working at McDonalds part time.
Lockheed and Kurt: Lockheed is currently writing the X-men after
Lobdell was flamed to death by some unruly X-fans. Smash hit!!!
Kurt and him are still a happy couple, although they do use a lot of
chocolate sauce!!!
(
geocities.com/area51/cavern) (
geocities.com/area51)