Date: 2/5/98
New member (ext. 111) Whiket aka Ice aka Talon asked for me to post the following-
"name: whiket (a.k.a ice,talon)
species: a snow ewok with a crew cut(snow
ewoks hate other ewoks except other snow ewoks
from the planet Shelkela) white fur
home: right now a village in the middle of
a tree(tree's name is the eternal tree)
if any of you expt. find a white tree
leave it alone(it's my soul tree) or if you find
a huge white wolf or black huge bears dont
hurt and they won't hurt you unless you
make them mad.
skills: hunting, tracking, army, marins,
sniping, survalence, bomb tacktics, the force (I
am a jedi master) and I have the power to morph
weapons: lightsaber, M-16A2 with a M-o45 grenade
launcher,snipers rifle (please note that i am
the sie of a human teenager),klingon knife,a
Squadron of well trained snow ewok commandoes
and a vairity of small arms.
I have a deal for you - dont harm any
snow ewoks and I will hunt down other ewoks for
fur that I will sell myself or keep, and I can
give you the insides of them and sometimes give
you live healthy ewoks."
Date: 2/9/98
Suggestion from Victoria Liguori-
"I reccomend that compressed- mercury packages should be detonated in
Endors atmosphere. The ensuing rapid increase in air pressure and
gravity will ensure a long and painful death. Videocameras should be
sent down to watch the ewoks die, and the holo-films should be sent to
the survivors of the 'Alderran event.' "
Date: 2/17/98
Report from Zhen Sunrider:
"I know a chat room where some Ewoks hang out! The URL is http://www.oocities.org/Area51/Station/5260/chat3.htm
I say we go in and take the little suckers out. What do you say?
~Zhen Sundrider"
Date: 5/19/98
I received this letter from "Luke Skywalker" -
"Dear Society for the Extermination of Ewoks,
I highly object to the extermination of Ewoks. Ewoks helped out me and my
friends back on Endor when we had to get the power down on the 2nd Death Star.
If I have to, I will come to Endor with my Jedi Academy trainees and use the
Force against their extermination.
Sincerely,
Luke Skywalker"
Gee, aren't we all o-so-worried?
Date: 5/19/98
Hey! Here's a method suggestion -
i sugest introducing a little something that is toxic to everything
into the ewoks water supply, namely "The Great Equalizer", DDT. at the
very least, DDT will kill off the ewoks food supply, at best, it will
kill the Ewoks directly. Unlike other people, i don't give a rats ass
about the rest of endor's ecology. an alternate solution would be to
detonate a moon sized battle station in low orbit above the moon, see
the "Endor Holocaust" section of the Star Wars Technical comentaries
page. Or you could just introduce a shit load of CFCs into endor's
atmosphere, destroying its atmosphere and leaving most of the Ewoks to
die a slow, painful deat at the hands of skin cancer.
Date: 6/22/98
I received this letter a little while ago:
Head Exterminator, this is Grand Admiral Pellaeon, exterminator 73,
hailing from the Fenris Sector of Corporate space. I have a URL that I
would like to see in the news section.
"Star Wars: Technical Commentaries",
http://www.physics.usyd.edu.au/~saxton/starwars/
has a document containing detailed information about the Endor Holocaust;
"Ewok Extermination due to impact of battle station debris." The document
is located at:
http://www.physics.usyd.edu.au/~saxton/starwars/holocaust.html
Also, I have sucessfully recruited the aid of General Turalyn, who has
added his group of pirated, modified snub fighters and patrol craft to my
official fleet, in ouf mutual quest to exterminate the Ewok scum.
~Grand Admiral Pellaeon