The Next Generation
(1989-1995)
I remember TNG well. When I saw "Encounter at Farpoint" I retched with disgust. It sucked! I never saw another episode untill the third season, which improved considerably.
U.S.S. Enterprise (NCC-1701-D)
"To boldly go where everyone has gone before."
The ship rocked! Too bad the Captain didn't when it came down to crunch-time. Look at "Generations"! Picard said that the Duras sister's ship was no match for the Enterprise. The Duras sisters said that they would never be a match for a Galaxy-class starship. What happens? Riker sits on his ass while the Duras sisters rip the Enterprise a new asshole!
Captain Picard (sounds like Prickhard)
"Only at Matress giant- Ohhh ahhh"
Don't get me wrong! Patrick Steward is a great actor. I've seen him on stage and he is with out a doubt one of the greats. Its Picard I have a problem with. Every episode they meet a new race (which strangely speeks English. And don't say "It's the Universal Translator talking!" if that was the case the aliens would look like a badly dubbed foreign film!). The race attacks the Enterprise and Picard sits on his hands while Worf tries to open a Com-channel. Picard needs some balls. As a matter of fact this is what they try to do in "First Contact." I liked the movie because it had the most action since "The Wrath of Khan." Unfortunatly it's a little to late to change Picard.
Commander Riker
("Your what?!!!!!" I guess Riker should of put on a raincoat.)
Except for Deanna, Riker is a lady's man. He even screwed an androgynous small breasted alien! He could be a great Captain, but just like a greedy rich man's child he's waiting for Picard to die. If I was him I'd transfer to the U.S.S. Exeter. At least they have some fun (or will).
Lt. Commander Data
(poor Data can't get any his way.)
Logical being without emotions? Sound familiar? Maybe that's why I like him better than the rest. Data always saves the crew's ass at the last minute, always has an answer to every question, and never complains. You'd think he's officer material? Unfortunatly those racist bastards at Starfleet never considered this. In fact they have even tried to disassemble him! If I was Data I would team up with Lore and kick some carbon-based ass!
Lt. Commander Worf
"Eat any good books lately?"
If you couldn't tell, Worf is a Klingon. He also should of left this chicken shit outfit years ago (Oh yeah... he did). But only after the Enterprise-D did a tuck and roll. If I was him I'd transfer to the U.S.S. Exeter (They need as many good traitors they can find).
Chief Engineer Geordi Laforge.
"You've got the right one baby... Uh-Hu!"
Poor Geordi never got any babes. If I was him i'd grab ass as many women as I can find and blame it on a VISOR malfunction. Oh well, at least he's cooler than Wesely.
Counseler Deanna Troi
"Whats this red button do?"
Lets find out.
BOOOOM!
Bet she didn't see that coming!
Of couse if she did we would never find out what anything means on TNG. Deanna is the shows resident cabbage head (see the Nitpicker's Guild). She must quesion everything so the audience understands what a containment breach is. And whats this "Oh my god she's buff!" and "Check out those tits!" if Trekkies stopped groping themselves in dark corners of Trek conventions and got out more they would see more good looking woman then they could shake a Tricorder at!!! I live in Miami and good looking women are a dime a dozen.
Doctor Beverly Crusher
"Give me a little cough, this won't hurt till I pull real hard."
Call me strange but I like her better than Troi. But then again I've always had a weakness for redheads. She should smack that son of hers more often though. I'm sure a few guys wouldn't mind being spanked by her (Feminist's Unite!).
Wussley Crusher
"But Sir, It wasn't me who switched your Rogain with sourcream!"
Someone beat the living shit out of him pleeaseee!! This sackless wonder has gotten the Enterprise into so many messes! He is to "Star Trek" what Wade is to "Sliders." I'm staring a letter writting campain to keep him out of any new Star Trek series or movies. Join me!!
Q
(Worship him! Worship him!)
Possibly the greatest Villan in the Star Trek series! Too bad Voyager emasculated him in "The Q and the Grey." If I was Q i'd turn Wesely into a burrito and eat him (but then again i'd be shitting for weeks trying to get all the cheese out).