Voyager
U.S.S. Voyager
(Someone destroy it!)
(Could my prayers be answered? oh please!)
(Thats a good start!)
The dam ship won't die! Must be that counjured up bio-gel sacks. I have never seen a more pathetic attempt to spit in the viewers face. The only good thing about the ship is the bridge design. Now the security officer doesn't have to run a marathon to get to the Captain.
Captain Janeway
(smells like a man, but politically correct for a woman)
Captain Janeway is an Enigma wrapped in a tight bun. In some episodes she's John Wayne (breaking every rule). But in other episodes where breaking the prime directive would get her home or end the show earlier she is suddenly Captain Picard (Sit on my hands while Hell's rising). I prophisize that she will be usurped in a mutiny and replaced by Tom "the dancing bug" Paris.
Commander Chakotay
"My spirit animal advises me to start a Bingo room on deck 5."
It's Rick Bergman next stride towards "Politicaly Correctness". By advancing a terrorist and native american to the rank of Commander he can draw viewers from Ireland and Arizona at the same time (Traditional low rating areas). He always seems not to know what to do and he does it well.
Security/ Science officer Tuvok
(A black Sherrif? Hey, it worked on "Blazeing Saddles", But not here.)
Tuvok is the most uptight Vulcan i've ever seen. His clipped speach and mannerisms are robotic. Take it easy man! Even Spock relaxed every now and then.
Ensign Kim
(Janeway's loyal terrier)
The caption says it all. Kim is such a suck up. Every episode he kisses someone's ass so hard he gets blisters. He also recieves more KMYF moments from Janeway (see The Nitpickers Guild). Nitpickers Unite!
Ensign Paris
"I hope I don't get thrown in jail again this season."
Paris is the closest this series will come to having a cool character. Sure, he's an ex-con. Sure, he gets into almost as much trouble as Wesely, but he just drips cool. He should stop hanging out with Kim and go and get some chicks.
Chief Engineer Torres
(Isn't she a cuttie pie? Don't try any funny stuff though or she'll rip your larnax out)
I've got mixed feelings about her. On one hand she's a looker and on the other hand she can never get anything to work. Geordi could strip down a warp core and re-assemble it into phaser while she can't even get a Tricorder to work. Next time you see Voyager count home many things she couldn't fix in a season.
The Doctor
"I can't seem to get the TARDIS working, it keeps materializing on this damm ship."
I like the Doc. However, STOP SCREWING AROUND AND CHOOSE A DAMM NAME! This name thing is insane. He should stop trying to teach Kes to put on a band-aid and read a name book.
Ship's Cheerleader Kes
"Look out Kes! There's a Tribble trying to eat your head!"
Why does she stay with Nelix? Why doesn't she get it on with Paris? And what convaluted plot device will make her live longer? For the answer to these questions stick your head in a toilet and pull the lever.
God of annoyance, Nelix
"hmm lets see, 0200- Annoy Tuvok, 0300- Annoy Janeway, 0400- Annoy Paris, 0500- cook breakfast and spit on the eggs, 0700 annoy Tuvok again,0800- annoy Kim, 0900- annoy Tuvok again, 1000- annoy Chakotay, 1100- boil my own feces and serve it for Lunch, 1300- get into trouble, 1400- get into trouble and annoy Tuvok, 1500-1700- Try to score with Kes and annoy her, 1800- Cook dinner and piss in the broth, 1900-2100- annoy Tuvok, 2200- go to bed for 7 hours and begin again."
If there ever was a more deserving person of a level-12 phaser wound, Nelix is it! While not annoying every living creature within 10 lightyears he is cooking up something bad. I love it when Nelix get the shit kicked out of him. He is reason number 2 why the show sucks.
Sexhurt Goddess, 7of9
Why Seven! what a tight, movment constricting, form fitting outfit you have on? Hey baby. I seemed to have droped my tricorder. Care to pick it up for me?
Alright! Yet another piece of screen candy! At least she has the right idea. It's as if she has read this page and is secretly trying to subvert the ship from the inside. I especialy loved it when she gave that species 793(or something like that) to that predator species in "prey". I think Janeway should accidentaly fall out an airlock and Seven be promoted to captain.