Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Margaret Scully, Walter Skinner, and any other character created by Chris Carter are the property of CC himself, 1013 Productions, Fox Television, and (I think) the respective actors. I do not have any permission to use them, but there is no infringement intended. I do not receive any money for this story; it's merely the work
of a person who enjoys the show immensely and recognizes that no matter what she writes, it will never be close to as good as the real thing!
Feedback and Author's Notes: Please!! Please mail to: jen_e_@hotmail.com
I am a first time Fanfic writer, so please be critical, but gentle all the same! I would also like to thank my Beta Readers: Kendra, Erin Mary, and Jfer P. They were invaluable. Also, the first part of this story was posted as "Currently Untitled (1/?)" Thanks to Daydreamer for the title suggestion!!!
Ok, Here we go!!!
Part 1/6
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Federal Building
December 5, 1997
4:27 p.m.
It had been another one of those cases where, although it looked as though paranormal forces lurked behind the deaths of four young women in Virginia, no definite link had been established. Special Agent Fox Mulder looked up as his partner, Special Agent Dana Scully, entered their basement office. She had just been upstairs in Assistant Director Walter Skinner's office, turning in their reports on the case. This case had been particularly draining; Mulder and Scully had hit numerous dead ends before they finally found the murderer (who may or may not have been a Satanist who was the reincarnation of Adolph Hitler , depending on whose report you read). At any rate, the guilty party was now safely behind bars in a federal prison.
"You okay?" Mulder raised his eyebrows in concern as he took in the bedraggled appearance of his usually immaculate partner. Scully hadn't looked so great since they'd been working on this case. Her face was drawn, she had dark circles under each of her piercing blue crystal eyes, and she also looked as though she had lost some weight.
"I'm fine," Scully replied in perfect Scully-fashion. When she heard her partner emit a frustrated sigh, however, she quickly added, "This case really got to me. Our cases normally don't take half as long as this one did. I'm just a little worn out." Scully had been making a concentrated effort to reveal more of her feelings to her partner since her cancer had gone into remission. She knew Mulder cared about her and that it frustrated him when he felt like she was shutting him out.
Mulder smiled softly at Scully, pleased with this glimpse into her inner self. "I know what you mean; this case took a lot out of me too."
Scully reciprocated her partner's smile. She appreciated his comment about the case, but she also realized that the case had affected her more than it normally would have affected either of them. Scully had been through a rough time during the past few months with the hearings about Mulder's "death"and then the growth and subsequent remission of her cancer These events had accumulated and together taken quite a toll on her health. She knew Mulder understood this, and although the case had probably worn him out too, she also recognized that it hadn't affected Mulder as much as it had her. Nonetheless, she appreciated the effort on his part. She knew he understood her need to feel strong even in the most trying circumstances.
Scully crossed the room an sat down in the chair facing Mulder's desk. "I'm glad you agree. It makes it easier to tell you what I'm going to tell you."
Mulder's smile morphed into a slight frown. He eyed Scully curiously, urging her to continue.
"I just spoke with A.D. Skinner. I'm taking some of my vacation time." Scully spoke softly at this, knowing the inevitable question that was soon to follow, but, all the same, wishing it would never come.
"I think that's a great idea! You definitely need some time off -- we both do. Are you going anywhere? How long will you be gone? One or two weeks?" Mulder stopped as he saw Scully drop her head, avoiding his eyes when he asked his last question. "Scully... How long ARE you going to be gone?"
"I'm planning on going away for awhile. I'm not sure where yet, I just know I need to get out of Washington." Scully paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "Mulder... I'm not really taking vacation time..." She forced herself to continue, still unable to meet Mulder's inquisitive, worried gaze. "I'm technically taking a leave of absence. I'll be gone for six months." She heard the sharp intake of Mulder's breath as she struggled to continue, to make him understand, even when she herself didn't totally understand, her motivations. "I need the time away to reorganize my priorities. I've been -- we've been -- through so much in the past five years. I just need some time to find myself again. Philadelphia certainly didn't work." Scully saw Mulder flinch out of the corner of her eye, she knew he still harbored ill feelings about her Philadelphia trip, as did she. If she never heard the name Ed Jerse again, it would be too soon!
When the silence continued and she realized that Mulder was not going
to say anything, she braced herself and raised her face to meet his clear,
unblinking hazel eyes. "Have a good trip," Mulder said as he stood and unflinchingly walked
out of the office. The door clicked softly behind him.
Scully didn't know what she had expected Mulder to say, but she hadn't
expected him to leave. She knew he understood that she wasn't leaving him
permanently but she also knew that he was feeling abandoned. They had been
in each other's company almost constantly for the past five years. Six
months apart was an awfully long time. In all honesty, she wanted the
vacation from the job, not from him. And while her heart had separated the
two from the very beginning...
.. her mind still kept them tightly linked together. Scully knew, that
for her to escape the X-Files for a little while, she must leave Mulder as
well... and this was the knowledge that was tearing her apart.
Mulder didn't know what he was going to do. He stared at the closed
office door. Six months was forever. How would he survive without her for
so long? Something was nudging at his brain -- a revelation of sorts --
maybe we can still spend time together... She wouldn't be gone the entire
six months, would she? We'd have to still be in contact...
With renewed hope, Mulder turned back toward the office door and
slowly opened it.
"Scully?" He could see she hadn't moved from where he'd left her not five
minutes before. "Is this a vacation from the X-Files, or from me as well?"
Mulder's heart sank as he watched her shoulders slump forward in...
defeat? As she turned and looked at him with tears in her eyes, he knew...
She was not only leaving the X-Files for six months, but him.
Without a word, Mulder left the office, took the elevator to the
parking garage and drove to the nearest bar he could find.
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Margaret Scully's House "Oh Mom... if you only could've seen the look on his face when I told
him." Scully sighed. "He thinks I'm abandoning him. I'm not... I'm
just... I need some time away. A break to sort things out. I need some
time away from the X-Files and the lies and the truth hidden within them --
within me... Mulder just - Right now, Mulder's, as much as he's part of my
strength, he's a reminder too. I think I just need to be cut off from it
all right now."
Margaret Scully regarded her daughter carefully. "Dana... Are you
sure this isn't just as much about your feelings for Fox as it is about the
other aspects of your life?"
Scully's jaw dropped. "Wha-what do you mean?"
"Dana, ever since you were a little girl, you've been a master at
hiding your true feelings from others -- even hiding them from yourself.
But I've always known how you're feeling. It's a mother's job to know.
Dana, how do you feel about Fox?" Margaret pinned her youngest daughter
with her gaze. She wanted Dana to stop lying to others -- stop lying to
herself.
"Mom, I-I don't know how I feel about Mulder. I mean, he's my
partner, my best friend, I trust him with my life." Scully took a deep
breath to calm herself, remembering the last time she had uttered those
words, before she could continue. "But sometimes I think I want more than
that. What's more, sometimes I think HE wants more than that. You know, a
few days before my cancer went into remission, he came to my bedside in the
dead of night. He grasped my hand, fell to his knees and broke into tears.
He doesn't know I was awake. I knew he needed that time alone, so I
didn't say anything. I just let him hold my hand and work it out. The
next day he mentioned that he had been by the previous night, but neither
of us said anything about what had happened. But, Mom, I've always had
special feelings when it comes to Mulder. Our relationship almost
transcends mere definition. There have been moments when I thought that
there could be, or even was, a more intimate relationship between us. Like
when I woke up from my coma, after Duane Berry, or during my treatment in
Allentown after I first discovered my cancer. But Mom, that night while he
cried, as he gripped my hand, I knew... I finally knew for certain that he
needed me in his life. For more than his search... for him. And if
nothing, my cancer showed me that I need him just as much. I think - no, I
KNOW that I love him. But with work, it's just so complicated. That's why
I need to get away. Somewhere to a quiet and calm place where I can gather
my thoughts and decide what my next move is..." Scully raised her eyes to
her mother, wondering what her reaction would be to this sudden outburst of
utmost honesty.
"Dana - I'm glad you're finally being honest with yourself. And I
understand your need for space and time to understand and find a way to
express your feelings. But do you think that cutting Fox out of your life
is the best way to do it?" Margaret looked at her daughter with compassion
and love. "Is it fair to him to leave him hanging like this for so long -
without knowing where you are going to be or that you're on the verge of
recognizing these feelings that have been simmering between the two of you
for so long? Is it fair to you?"
Scully bowed her head, tears threatening to erupt from her eyes, "I
just don't know any other way to deal with it."
Margaret nodded her head in understanding. Her daughter had
experienced so much in the past five years; she understood her need for a
break, a regrouping of her emotions -- her soul, her passion.
"I'll give you a call when I get there Mom. Probably Saturday or
Sunday, okay?" Scully rose and gave her Mom a hug. She started toward the
door.
"But Dana, where are you going to go?"
"I just don't know yet Mom. I don't know." With that, Scully opened
the door and left, leaving a concerned Margaret Scully staring after her.
"I hope she knows what she's doing." Margaret mumbled to herself as
she turned to go into the kitchen to make some hot tea and do some thinking.
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December 5, 1997 [God, I must be the only loser in the world who would go into a bar,
with the intention of getting drunk, and ordering Ice Tea!] Mulder wallowed
in this exercise in self-loathing as he slammed back his fourth drink. [I
could have legitimately gotten drunk after what I went through today!
Scully's leaving me...] Mulder had entered the bar that afternoon with
every intention of burying his troubles in numerous glasses of
Screwdrivers, but when he sat down at the bar, he found himself ordering
Ice Tea and remembering that special night almost four years ago when he
and Scully were staking out Eugene Tooms. [I wouldn't put myself on the
line for anyone but you,] she had said with such honesty and trust in her
eyes that he'd been thrown. No one had ever trusted him as she had - as
she did. Because of that, Mulder placed all of his trust and love in her
as well. He knew he loved her. At this point Mulder couldn't remember
ever not loving Dana Scully. Mulder's heart swelled with joy at every
look, every smile he received from Scully. Hell, he's spent three hours
alone tonight just thinking about what he was going to do without her, and
how complete he was when he was with her. But now she was leaving him. [Of
course she said it was only for six months, but what if she decided not to
come back?] Mulder couldn't continue without her, that much he was sure
of. He'd either find a way to get killed, or they'd find a way to shut him
down. He didn't think he could stop either of those from happening without
her to watch his back.
Mulder rose up from the bar stool. [I should give her a call and make
sure she forgives me for walking out on her this afternoon.] Mulder thought
as he reached for his cell phone. [Wait, she's leaving me for six months
and I'm worried about her being upset at me for walking out after she
informed me of her intentions?! That's insane!] Mulder unlocked his car
and sat down in the driver's seat, his cell phone still open in his hand.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was odd that his
cell phone hadn't been on when he pulled it out of his pocket. Figuring he
must have bumped the power button earlier when he put it in his pocket, he
turned the power on. [Well, I should at least call her and wish her well.]
With an audible sigh, Mulder began to dial that ever familiar number.
---------------------------------
December 5, 1997 "Okay... everything's packed up and ready to be loaded into the
airport shuttle," Scully verbally went through everything she thought she
would need for her extended vacation. It had only really taken an hour for
her to pack, mostly because her house was so orderly naturally, she knew
quickly where everything was that she needed. Her neighbor had generously
agreed to take her plants until she returned and was also going to collect
the mail for her mother to pick up once a week. Everything was set.
Except Mulder. She had tried his cell phone earlier but it hadn't been on.
So, she had called his house and when she got his machine, she left a
message telling him that she was taking off shortly, wasn't sure where she
was going, but that she would be in touch with her mother if he needed to
get ahold of her. She hadn't told him when her plane was taking off or
that Skinner would have detailed instructions on how to reach her if there
was a problem. She had turned her cell phone off, but was taking it with
her in case there were any problems along the way. However, she did not
plan on having it on, if she did, no doubt Mulder would be calling her
every five minutes! [I really wish I had gotten to speak to Mulder again
before I leave,] she thought, yet again, as she picked up her last suitcase
to take out to the corner to wait for the airport shuttle. [I hate leaving
things this way.]
Scully lifted her bags and took them out into the hallway. After one
last sorrowful look around her apartment, she shut the door and locked it.
Then she turned and walked out to the front of the building to wait for her
shuttle. Somewhere in the background, out of Scully's earshot, a phone
began ringing...
End Part 1
December 5th, 1997
5:42 p.m.
Joe's Bar
Washington, D.C.
7:03 p.m.
Dana Scully's Residence
7:15 p.m.