Here's an original thought...A South Park page!


South Park...It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Yes, yes, I know. Don't think I haven't noticed that there are four million South Park pages already on the Net. How do you think I got most of these pictures? Comedy Central, for one, which not only shows the program, but provides great pics, info, downloads, and games on SP (go here to see their site) on the web. But also sites like Mr. Hat's Hell Hole (can't remember the addy, but then just do a lookup on Yahoo with the search 'South Park' and you'll get about 9 gazillion sites, many of which are very good). So you know, none of the pics are copyrighted by me, they're all owned by Comedy Central, as far as I know. I'm not even responsible for their creation -- I just saw 'em on other pages and decided to snatch 'em. Only things in here that are mine are the opinions, and well, don't know if anyone else would actually want to claim those. But anyway, enough rambling...on with the show.

Ain't that spacer a daisy?

Why the Fuck is This Show so Damn Funny?

If Beavis and Butthead got a brain transplant and better animation (not to cut on B&B, I watched it back when it was but a short on Liquid Television, although I enjoyed Winter Steele much more), it would turn into South Park. The kids are raunchy and innocent at the same time. Some of the jokes are outrageously simple and gauche, like Cartman's flaming flatulence (ouch!) in the Anal Probe episode. But the humor is raised to a higher eschelon (getting out the dictionary, am I?) with, say, Big Gay Al with his "Nazis and Christians and Republicans, oh my!" I mean, the South Park creators must have watched a lot of Looney Tunes and British comedy (Are You Being Served?, Black Adder, and Red Dwarf instantly spring to mind). One sometimes has to remember when watching SP that it's certainly NOT a children's show...and it becomes apparent the moment you hear "Oh my God! They killed Kenny! BASTARDS!"

C'est tres appropo, non?

That cast of loveable scamps...

There are soooo many supporting characters on South Park, I'd never be able to list them all. Especially since I haven't seen too many of the newer episodes (but that's an entirely different Dennis Millerean rant). Hell, talk show hostess/sweat shop owner Kathie Lee Gifford appeared in one EXTREMELY funny episode, and not of her own volition. And George Clooney did the voice of Stan's gay dog, Sparky, which I thought was not only appropriate, but some of the man's finest acting (have I mentioned lately how much I hate George Clooney? I'm not overly fond of anyone who used to hang out with Tootie for long peroids of time. That, and he left to be Stacie Q's road manager *shudder* He was also a sad sad replacement Batman for Val Kilmer, and to this day I refuse to see Batman and Robin, but that's yet another rant). Below you'll find a small sampling of the people who inhabit the small town of South Park.

Big Gay Al

Posolutely my favorite non-regular South Park character. A buddy of mine, Kane (from the guestbook), does an incredible impression of him. "Hey there, little fella..." I honestly thought I would soil my underpants the first time I saw that one. Big Gay Al may be a stereotype (okay, a TOTAL stereotype) homo, complete with neckerchief (a la Charlie's Angels), lisp, and techno dance club, but he does teach an important lesson to the South Park kids -- being gay doesn't make you evil or anything else. Like they sing on the Big Gay Boatride, "Gay means happy and happy means gay!" Okay, so I still laughed my ass off when his carrot cake was burning...

Miss Crabtree

Stupid bitch...oh, what? Hmm? I said I have a bad itch. This chick needs some medication, not to mention a good toothbrush. And I love that Southern accent, she sounds like Hermit Hattie from the old-old-OLD Pee Wee Herman show (back before it was supposed to be for kids). "Oh, I'm sorry little girl, but you still cain't [Yes, she says 'cain't!' Is that too cool or what?] get on...you have to take the short bus..." Ah yes, I remember the short bus all too well. Brings back some serious memories. But back to Miss Crabtree -- this woman is psycho. she needs some serious professional help. Course I might, too, if I had to deal with Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and Stan every day of my waking life.

Mrs. Cartman

Sometimes I can't decide whether or not I feel bad for this woman. One one hand she has to live with Cartman, and on the other hand, she's the one who made him the spoiled fucking brat he is. The woman is a whore, I swear to God -- better keep an eye on Kitty when he's acting like a dildo, if you know what I mean. Does this woman work? I mean, Cartman's dad is nowhere to be found, and she's always there when Eric gets home from school, chocolate chicken pot pie all nice and steamy. My new theory is that she's a stripper at South Park's local titty bar. Couldn't you see this woman bearing it all for the throngs of horny SP men? I could. I don't WANT to, but I could see it.

Chef

Wow, South Park must be a lot like several parts of Ohio that I've seen with my husband -- very few black people. And from what I've seen in South Park, Chef seems to be the only black person in the entire town. And look who they got! Achoo, father of Asneeze from Robin Hood: Men in Tights, no less. Daaaaaaamn right. And how cool is he? "How are my little crackers today?" He's such a ladies' man...I'd do him. ;) He cooks, he likes aliens, he manages the boys' football team, what more do you need in a man? I think he's a bad mother...well, shut my mouth.

The one and only Jesus Christ

The dream of Holy Rollers everywhere -- J.C. has has own tv show! How cool is that? And J.C. (Penny's? Doin' it right!) curses! YES! Guess that throws a wrench in the Catholic gears, huh? But I love his call-in show, it's kinda like a Jerusalem Jerry Springer. the kids must like it, too, Stan has already called in. And he likes South Park Elementary football, he's been seen at the games. Now THAT'S a booster to have. "We got the guys from Leibowitz's Bakery down on the corner to put up our fliers in their window." "Yeah, well, we got JESUS!"

Uncle Jimbo

Is that 'Cat Scratch Fever' I hear in the background? I mean, Christ(no sorry, he was the last freak featured), slap frizzy grey hair and a Grizzly Adams beard on Jimbo here, and who do ya got? Ted Nugent! Same IQ and everything. I feel like asking when the new Damn Yankees CD is coming out (so I can burn it in effigy, natch). The South City MadMan here ain't all bad tho...he does like Kenny -- more than his own nephew Stan, even! -- and gives third graders beer. If this isn't a walking advert for the NRA, I don't know what is.

Ned

I must say this: I absolutely adore this cancer kazoo-ed, one armed hippy freak of nature. Just the sound of his monotonous voice box singing 'Kum Ba Yah' is enough to send me over the edge. In fact, one of my favorite more recent episodes showed Ned before his little accidents in 'Nam, and it just wasn't the same. Ned just isn't Ned without the (anyone who has ever worked anywhere where they sell cigarettes is with me on this one, I'm sure) old- woman-pressing-her-finger-to-her-throat-to-speak-and-buying-a-pack-of-Camel-Unfiltered voice of his. Gotta love it.

Well, since you're not done yet, take me back to your fucking main page.

When it's done, you'll be able to click on fatass to take you to the Lil Bastards.

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