NEW Advice to the Lovelorn (1/1)
Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999

TITLE: Advice to the Lovelorn
AUTHOR: Marti
E-MAIL: oakgirls@yahoo.com
RATING: PG, I guess
CLASSIFICATION: vignette, slash, Homicide crossover, humor
SUMMARY: Fox Mulder considers his new relationship with Tim Bayliss.

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on the characters and situations created by
Chris Carter, the Fox Network and Ten Thirteen Productions as well as NBC
and Baltimore Pictures. As such, the characters named are the property of
those entities and are used without permission, although no copyright
infringements are intended. The following work is for the distribution and
entertainment of fanfic members only. Any further distribution of this
work without the authors' consent is in violation of international law.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This takes place in the Exaiphnes universe, about three
weeks after Part 1, "Explosive Nature," but I wouldn't call it an official
entry in that series, just a diversion as well as a response to a challenge
from Rachel. I didn't have anyone beta-read, so any errors, glitches, or
misfires are totally my responsibility! If it doesn't seem to be funny,
that's because you aren't watching enough late night MTV. :) I suppose
it's more of an X-Files fic than H:LOTS, but it was inspired by our own Tim
Bayliss. (Catch the rest of Exaiphnes at
http://www.oocities.org:80/Area51/Dimension/3568/Exaiphnes/exaiphnes.html)

Advice to the Lovelorn

Fox Mulder lay sprawled on his black leather couch. The room was dark
except for the flickering blue light coming from the TV. He flipped
through the channels idly, not stopping on any for more than a second or
two. It was the first night in a few weeks that he'd had to himself,
unscheduled, since most of his time now seemed consumed with work and
seeing Tim Bayliss.

Tim Bayliss. He supposed he hadn't really stopped to think about what he
was doing since this started; instead he'd just been enjoying it. He'd
been a little surprised, in fact, how easily he fell into the rhythm of it.
After all, it had been a while since he had had any kind of romantic
entanglement. He found that it was nice to talk to Tim at the end of the
day, to hear that someone else was dealing with paperwork backlogs,
stubborn interviewees, demanding bosses, and all the rest of it. It was
nice to have a reason to get out of the city and go up to Baltimore on
Friday night to eat crabs and drink beer and hang out watching baseball.
And he was particularly amazed how comfortable he felt with their physical
relationship. He'd come to like, and even look forward to, the little
displays of affection that Tim generously doled out: a quick caress on the
back of his neck, or a kiss on his temple. But there were still moments
when, lying awake in the middle of the night, he would roll over and be
startled to see what was almost a mirror image of himself there next to him.

This is why I haven't thought too hard about it, Mulder decided. It's
*weird*. All those years of watching the Playboy channel, all those
moments when thoughts about Scully had flickered across his mind, and now
what finally satisfied those longings was sharing his bed with a man. Or
with this man in particular. Tim Bayliss. He repeated the name over and
over to himself until it started to sound like a foreign language.

Okay, he told himself. Don't dwell on this too deeply. It's good, so just
leave it alone. He made himself turn his attention back to the television,
finally alighting on some sort of call-in show, thinking that they were
always good for a laugh. On the screen, facing the camera, two men sat in
oversized leather chairs. The one on the left was younger, maybe in his
thirties, with thick dark hair and something of a frat-boy look about him.
The other man looked about ten years older, thin and blond and impeccably
groomed. Across the bottom of the screen, in white letters, it read
"Amber, 22, Orlando: Should she wait for boyfriend to get out of jail?"

Mulder realized he had seen the show a time or two before. People called
in with all kinds of sexual and romantic problems, described them in
sometimes excruciating clinical detail, and got sage advice and a few
wisecracks from the hosts. Most of the audience appeared to be in their
early twenties, and Mulder was amazed at the checkered pasts some of them
had in the brief span of their lives. Like Amber, for instance, who had
been dating her boyfriend only a month before he had decided to drive the
getaway car for some friends who were robbing a convenience store, and had
gotten himself five years for being an accessory. He wanted her to wait
until he got out so they could get married.

Of course you shouldn't do it, honey, Mulder thought. How could these
people not know what was in their own best interest? Fortunately, Dr.
Drew, the bespectacled voice of reason, always set them straight.

So, Mulder thought drolly. What advice would Dr. Drew have for "Fox, 38,
confused about his sexuality?"

Drew: "Fox, go ahead. What's your question?"

FM: "I, uh,...thanks for taking my call, by the way. I know I'm a little
old to be calling."

Adam: "I'm assuming that's not your real name?"

FM: "Sure it -- um, no, actually, you're right. It's not."

AC: "So, what can we do for you?"

FM: "Well, I'm in a new relationship, about three weeks now."

DP: "How's that going?"

FM: "Good. Really good. Better than most have in the past, in fact.
That's why I'm a little surprised."

DP: "What's your dating history been like before this?"

FM: "Spotty. A long-term relationship about 10 years ago. A date here and
there since then. I have a demanding job..."

DP: "Any other reasons it might be hard to establish intimacy?"

FM: "I don't know...I, uh, well, I do have a close relationship with my
partner. The woman I work with."

AC: "I know what Dr. Drew's going for here. Any abuse in your past,
parents or anybody else do anything to you as a kid?"

FM: "Not my parents, no. There was a little tension in the family, though.
My sister -- Wait, we're getting away from why I originally called."

DP: "We're just suggesting that relationship patterns in adult life are
often established in the formative years."

FM: "I'm aware of that. I have read a little Freud in my day. But my
question concerns the relationship I'm in now."

AC: "What about it? Let's get to the point."

FM: "Well...it's with a man."

DP: "Is that a problem?"

FM: "It's just unusual. I've only dated women before. I thought up until
last month I was 100% heterosexual."

DP: "Many researchers argue that sexuality is measured on a continuum. No
one is 100% one thing or another. Otherwise you wouldn't have close
relationships of any kind with people of the same sex. Do you think you're
gay?"

FM: "No, I don't, because I don't think of any other men that way."

DP: "But you're happy? This seems to be a healthy relationship?"

FM: "Well, yes."

AC: "Then what the hell are you calling us for? Just enjoy it. Be glad
you're gettin' some. Next caller. Go ahead, Brad..."

Mulder clicked off the TV, tossed the remote to the floor, and reached for
the cordless phone instead. He felt a rush of warmth when he heard the
familiar voice on the other end. "Tim? Glad you're home. How was your day?"

End 1/1