last updated on December 28, 1998
Funny Sounds
Funny Sounds
NEW!
Mulder: I think you drooled on me
Scully: Sorry.
NEW!
Scully: Mulder didn't say that it was Alex Trebek....it was just someone that looked incredibly like him.
Scully: Chlorohydrates in the pizza....the pizza guy.....Mulder!
Scully: What do you mean, I have to do another autopsy? Why do I have to do it right now, I just spent hours on my feet doing an autopsy, all for you. I do it all for you, Mulder! You know, I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning, and all that was was half of a cream cheese bagel, and it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese. And now you want me to run off and do another autopsy?
Scully: Mulder! Are you ok?
Mulder: Yeah, aside from terminal cell phone withdrawal, that and I gotta pee. Where are you?
Scully: I suggest you get your Nazi paws off me, unless you'd like to get one in the kisser!
German Officer: (something in German)
Mulder: I don't speak Nazi.
Mulder: Hey Grandma Top Gun, would you shut the hell up?
Spender: You OK, Agent Scully?
Scully: No, I'm not, I'm a gun ready to go off, so don't test me, Spender, and don't even think about trying to weasel me.
Scully: I've surprised you haven't already read that issue.
Mulder: Oh, I have. April is the cruelest month. But mine didn't come with this. I found this between Miss April and Women of the Ivy League.
David and Gillian busting a gut
Scully: I just put money in the magic fingers!
Mulder: Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany, and as a result, I screamed.
Mulder: So you're refusing an assignment based on the Adventures of Moose and Squirrel.
Scully: I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you just said.
Scully: Having completed the autopsy, I checked into the Davy Crocket Motor court.
Mulder: The name of it was actually the Sam Houston Motor Lodge.
Mulder: One more string of firecrackers goes off, I'm gonna get out of the car and shoot somebody.
Mulder: I did NOT!
Mulder: Prison, Scully, your cellmate's nickname is gonna be Large Marge, she's gonna read a lot of Gertrude Stein
Mulder: Come on, Scully, get those little legs moving, come on!
Eddie Van Blundht (as Mulder): You lookin' at me? There ain't nobody else here, you must be lookin' at me.
Mulder: Do I look like I'm having fun, Scully?
Scully: You look constipated, actually.
Scully: What am I even looking for?
Mulder: I don't know!
Mulder: Lots of files.
Scully: Lots and lots of files.
Mulder: All I know is television does not make a previously sane man go out and kill 5 people thinking they're all the same guy, not even Must See TV could do that to you.
Scully: You seem to have invalidated your own work. Have a nice life.
Scully: Well, it's obviously not a vampire.
Mulder: Why not?
Scully: Because they don't exist?
Mulder: Well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching.
Mulder: OK, here's something you may not know...shooting out the tires on a run-away RV is a lot harder than it looks. I then tried a different approach. WHHOOOAOAOAOAOAOOAGHGHHHHHH!
Mulder: One more anal-probing, gyro-pyro, levitating, ecoplasm alien anti-matter story, and I'm gonna take out my gun and shoot somebody.
Mulder: I was drugged!
Scully: Is there any sign of-
Mulder: Two small puncture wounds of the neck?
Scully: That's not what I was going to ask.
Mulder: Too bad! We got 'em!
Mulder: Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!
Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy.
Mulder: I'm really not in the mood for the three stooges.
Mulder: You mean we're not all dead?
Scully: Mulder? What are you doing? Why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?
Scully: Well, of course he didn't actually say "bleeped", he said-
Scully: You never saw this. This didn't happen. You tell anyone, you're a dead man.
Mulder: What's wrong with Baywatch?
Gibson Praise: You've got a dirty mind.
Mulder: I was just here....where did I go?
Mulder: Well, you...you might wanna put that hood back on, unless you wanna see a grown man cry.
Scully: Keep it up, Mulder, and I'll hurt you like that beast woman.
Mulder: Is this the Pepsi challenge?
Scully: OK, Mulder, but I'm warning you....if this is monkey pee, you're on your own.
Scully: You've got that look on your face, Mulder.
Mulder: What look is that?
Scully: The kind when you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to figure out how to get back in the house.
The Stupendous Yappi: Is this actual footage of alien autopsy, or simply a well-made hoax?
(sound of VCR fast-forwarding)
Jose Chung: So this is footage of the actual autopsy you performed?
Scully: It's so embarrassing.
Scully: Funny, I just realized something.
Mulder: It's a bizarre name for a dog, huh?
Scully: No, how much you're like Ahab. You're so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacial cosmology.
Mulder: Scully, are you coming on to me?
Mulder: Dana?!? He never even knew your first name.
Scully: You gonna interrupt me or what?
Mulder: No. Go ahead. Dana.
Mulder: Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.
Scully: You did something incredibly stupid.
Scully: Listen to me, you little weasel!
Kersh's Secretary: Agent Spender is with Assistan Director Kersh.
Scully: That rat bastard!
Mulder: Ladies and gentlemen....Mr. Johnny Cash.
Scully: I'm aaaaaaall a-tingle.
Scully sings Joy To The World (from Detour)
Scully: I just came up with a sick theory, Mulder
Mulder: Oooh! I'm listening!
listen to this great clip that WAS REALLY SAID!! REALLY! HONEST!!!
Mulder: Hey, who did you identify with as a kid - Wilma or Betty?
Scully: I identified with Betty's bustline.
Mulder: Yes! I did too.
Scully: I never would have married Barney though. Kids are cute.
Mulder: But where are they today?
Mulder: Those are newspapers.
Scully: This looks like the opening. Think there's anyting inside? Oh my god, Mulder, it smells like.....I think it's bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
Scully: (listening to the phone)Just a couple of clicks. (hangs up) Must be the wrong number.
Mulder: I'll tell ya what, um, I'm gonna sleep on it, and we'll talk about it the morning.
Scully: Mulder, you're rushing me out of the room.
Mulder: No I'm not!
Scully: You have a girl coming over?
Mulder: What's a girl? I, I got a movie I wanna watch on TV. Sleep tight. I'll see ya in the morning.
Mulder: Can I buy you a drink?
Scully: It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, Agent Mulder.
Mulder: That's not stopping the rest of these people.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED because of Mulder's cute voice
Scully: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I was that stoned-"
Mulder: Oooooh! If you were that stoned, what?
Agent: I couldn't believe how hard it was not to use the word 'but'!
Mulder: I'm having that same problem right now!
Scully: Those lights the driver saw may have been swamp gas.
Mulder: Swamp gas?!
Scully: It's a natural phenomena in which phosphene and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame.
Mulder: Happens to me when I eat Dodger-Dogs.
Mulder: I know what I saw, Scully. And I saw you about to do the wild thing with some stranger.
Scully: I...I guess I was just projecting on myself.
Mulder: Why, is there a history of genetic abnormalities in your family?
Scully: No.
Mulder: Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed, and start pumping out the little uberScullys.
Mulder: Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.
David: If you think you have a tiny ass, wait until it's inflated to 40 feet.
Scully: Meanwhile, I've quit the FBI and become a spokesperson for the Ab Roller.
Mulder: Before anyone passes judgment, may I remind you, we are in the Arctic.
Scully: Naaa ram ewe!
Mulder: Yeah, unfortunately around this time of year, I always develop a severe hemorroidal condition.
these two are from "The Springfield Files" episode of The Simpsons.
Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We gotta get there right away.
Scully: Well, gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
Scully: I've seen enough, Mulder. Let's go.
Mulder: Yeah, okay. But somewhere out there, something is watching us. There are alien forces acting in ways we can't perceive. Are we alone in the universe? Impossible! When you consider the wonders that exist all around us - the voodoo priests of Haiti! The Tibetian numerologists of Appalachia! The unsolved mysteries of . . . Unsolved Mysteries!!! The truth is out there!!!
Eddie Van Blundht (as Mulder): FBI.....Efff---Beeee---Eyeeeeee
Mulder: Eanie meanie chillie beanie, the spirits are about to speak?
Mulder: Scully, at the risk of you telling me "I told you so," I think it's time for you to get down here and help me.
Scully: I told you so.
Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.
Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all the other videos that aren't yours.
Mulder: You had a hunch?
Scully: Yeah, something like that.
Mulder: Well, that's a pretty extreme hunch!
Scully: I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches.
Mulder: I never have!
Scully: If there's a point, Mulder, please feel free to come to it.
Scully: Why don't I have a desk?
Mulder: What do you mean? I always assumed that that was your area.
Scully: Back there.
Mulder: Ok, so we..we'll have them send down another desk, and there won't be any room to move around here, but we could put 'em close together, face to face, maybe we can play some Battleship.
Mulder: ...rugged manly men in the full bloom of their manhood.
Scully: Right, but what am I looking for?
Mulder: Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely.....boyfriend?
Scully: That's spooky.
Mulder: That's my name, isn't it?
Mulder: Come on, Scully, it'll be a nice trip to the forest.
Mulder: Scully, you're gonna want to . . . . you just ran a stop sign back there, Scully.
Scully: Shut up, Mulder.
Clyde Bruckman: You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified one than auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Mulder: Why are you telling me that?
Mulder: Par-tay!
Mulder: We're exhuming . . . . your potato
Scully: Hoo-boy.
Mulder: Let's go, g-woman.
Byers: Vladimir Dhiranovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats? He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century.
Mulder: Barney?
Some Guy: I could smell you a mile away.
Mulder: Well, they tell me that even though my deodorant's made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man.
Mulder: Excuse me, could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrich. I use him to hunt moose. (Tooms squeals away in the van)
David: I'm not the Internet sex symbol for nothing!
Gillian: To date, your phone tips have led to the capture of 400 dangerous fugitives -- not one alien, not one sewer monster, not even a vampire. Get with it, people!
Gillian sings "Joy To The World" at the NY X-Files Expo
© 1997 uberscully@excite.com
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