Disclaimer: They all belong to Marvel. The story belongs to me. I don't make any money out of this so no-one should bother suing me.
The Never Enough Time To Say I Love You . . .
Challenge
The Spirit And The Setting Free
Amanda Sichter <wolf@ozdocs.net.au>
'How you doin', Cyke?' Logan settled down in the chair next to the
medilab's bed. It was a comfortable chair, made for sitting in for long
periods. The whole medilab had been transformed now, into something that
almost approached a bedroom books lining the walls, bright prints where
they could catch the eye of the patient, the bed with a cheery coverlet.
The only thing they couldn't change was the smell. No matter how hard Jean
tried to bring in the scents of the outside world, the hospital smell still
pervaded.
'Pretty crappy Logan,' wheezed out Scott, in response to the question.
He made a grotesque sound, something that had once been laughter. It was
changed now, into a harsh, gurgling, wheezing sound. The disease had
starting eating into his voice in the last few weeks and holding a
conversation had become an exercise in patience. Not that any of the X-Men
showed anything less than the patience of a saint when they were in Scott's
presence. However long it took him to get the words out, they would wait.
''Ro take good care of you?' asked Logan.
Scott's head rolled slightly from side to side, his equivalent of a shrug
now he couldn't move his shoulders. 'Best she could,' he whispered.
'Least she doesn't cry.' He grimaced slightly.
Logan nodded. They'd had to take Rogue off the roster lately, mainly since
Scott's voice had started to go. She had been brave at first, chattering
cheerfully to Scott as his legs and his hands and his body had started to
fail on him. But when he couldn't answer her any more, when his laugh had
started to turn into that obscene gurgle, she had failed to hold back the
tears. Each time she had assured the others that next time it would be
different, she would keep control, but each time she had succumbed to her
emotions. In the end, it had been easier to take her off the roster.
'Where's Jeannie?' Logan asked. Even though Jean had her rostered times,
more often than not she was in the room, holding Scott's hand, bolstering
his faltering body with her own strength, doing whatever she had to to make
him comfortable.
'Sent her to bed,' Scott said. 'She was so tired.'
Logan nodded carefully. Jean was driving herself to exhaustion, everyone
knew that, but they couldn't stop her. She was going to lose Scott, she
knew it, and she would spend every possible second of her time with him.
Only Scott himself could ever persuade her to get some rest. The others had
tried and failed.
'You take care of her,' whispered Scott. 'When I'm
dead.
Promise me!' His voice quavering, uncertain was yet fierce.
'Of course, Cyke,' said Logan. 'You don't have to ask.'
'You love her,' said Scott. 'I trust you. Make her
happy.'
'Cyke. Scott. I never . . .' Logan floundered for words. 'You're the only
man for Jean, Scotty. She worships you, Cyke. I could never replace you. I
wouldn't try.'
That grotesque sound again that ruptured laugh. 'Don't want you
to
replace. Just care for her. She'll need someone
keep her
alive. Make her laugh. Do that for me.'
'I promise,' said Logan. He put everything, every ounce of love and
sincerity and passion, into his voice. Scott heard it and nodded slightly,
content.
'I'm dying,' he said, softly.
'Not yet, you're not,' whispered Logan, fiercely. 'There's still time.
Hank's working night and day to find a cure. There's still hope, Scotty. It
ain't over 'til the last breath wheezes out of you, Cyke, and that won't be
for a while yet.'
'Hank want two Nobel prizes?' asked Scott. 'He's found his
cure,
Logan. He stopped Legacy. Not his fault I get
motor neurone
disease. Hank can't save me now.'
'He can. He *can*.' Tears glinted in Logan's eyes, beneath his frowning
brows.
'Too far gone,' said Scott. 'Can't work my body
any more. Can't
talk much longer. I hate this, Logan. I can't
eat unless
someone feeds me. I shit myself. I can't fight
can't read
can't control myself. Everything falling apart. I'm not a man,
any
more. I'm a baby a 34-year old fucking baby. Help
me Logan.'
For an instant Logan didn't understand what he meant, but then cold fear
shivered down his spine. 'Help you, Cyke?' he asked. 'Help you die? Scott,
I can't do that. I couldn't. There's still a chance. There's still
Jeannie.' Anguish laced his words.
'Do it for Jeannie,' said Scott. Strain etched across his face until
Logan noticed that his hand moved slightly. Logan knew what he wanted, and
reached down and clutched Scott's hands. Feebly, the fingers encircled his,
so gently he could barely feel them. It was all the strength left in a hand
that had once held the fate of all of mutantkind in it and been strong
enough to handle it, to accept the responsibility and carry the weight of
the world. Now, there was nothing left.
'Don't want Jean keep seeing me like this,' wheezed
Scott. 'Not
fair on her. On the others.' He took a deep breath. 'On me. I
want to die, Logan. Be free of this joke of - a
body. Trust
you to help me.'
'Oh, Scott, Scott,' said Logan. 'How could I do it? I don't know if I could
do it? What could I do slit your throat? The others they'd never
understand. Jeannie'd never forgive me.'
'Gotta be you,' said Scott, his eyes wearily closing. 'Beast can't
do it. He's a doctor he'd never forgive himself. Jean
won't
let me go. The others . . . you're my friend Logan. I
trust
you to do it.' He smiled, a slight twitch of facial muscles that still
obeyed him, if only just. 'You're the practical one,' he finished.
Logan took a deep breath, feeling suddenly selfish. 'I can't, Scotty,' he
said. 'Jean would know. It would kill her to know I'd done it.'
Scott twisted his head from side to side in negation. 'She's asleep,' he
said. 'If you do it she will not want to
know. She won't
try to get it out of your head. And I'll
be gone.'
'But I don't know how to do it so she wouldn't know,' muttered Logan, his
voice hoarse with anguish. 'I think she'll notice the claw-marks.'
The laugh again. 'Logan Logan,' chuckled Scott, feebly. 'Always the
same. Always the violent solution. Don't need claws.
Just turn
up the rate on my drip. Drugs in there
can kill me. Take me
away from this pain.'
'But Hank?' said Logan. 'He'll know. He'll tell.'
'No he won't,' disagreed Scott. 'He was the one who
told me
about the drip in case I wanted. But I won't
put it on
his conscience. You can do it Logan. You are the
practical one.
You can survive the knowledge. Hank will not
tell.'
'You've covered every angle, haven't you?' said Logan, and his voice was
suddenly wry.
'I've been lying here for eight months. Get to
think a
lot.' Scott opened his eyes and they were filled with pleading. 'Do it
for me,' he begged, and his voice was suddenly wretched with emotion.
Logan could have withstood the requests, but he could not withstand the
look in Scott's eyes. There was pain there, pain beyond imagining, and
hopelessness and fear and misery, loss and sorrow and a desperate need for
respite.
'For you, Scotty,' he said, and reached out and gently turned the drip up
to maximum.
'Thank you,' said Scott, and his eyes filled with relief. 'I knew I
could trust you.'
'I'm glad you trust me. I'm glad I could do this,' said Logan and gently
stroked the hair out of Scott's eyes, away from the visor that had defined
Scott's whole life. When they buried him, Logan would make sure it wasn't
in the visor.
'I know you loved Jeannie,' said Scott. 'That didn't
get in
the way. You were my friend, Logan and my
team-mate.'
'You were my friend, too, Scott,' whispered Logan. 'I hated you, in the
beginning, because I loved Jean so much. But you taught me how special you
were. I never thought anyone would ever be worthy of the Phoenix, but you
were, Scott, and you proved it to me, over and over again. The world needs
people like you, Scott. It's not fair that this happened. We shouldn't have
to lose the ones we love.'
Scott smiled, weakly. 'Love you too, Logan. Love all the
X-Men.
Tell them I love them.'
'I will,' Logan promised.
'Tell Jean I love her.' The words were becoming more slurred
as the
drug began to shut down the last of Scott's systems.
'She knows, Scott.' Logan noted the sudden flit of anguish across Scott's
face and added, 'But I'll tell her.'
'Tell her I'll be waiting,' said Scott, and died.
'I'll tell her,' whispered Logan and lay his head down on the white sheet
and cried until there were no more tears left to cry.
Finally he lifted his head and released the hand he was still holding. He
lay it gently upon Scott's chest, once so strong, now thin and wasted.
Logan reached up and took off the visor and flung it viciously across the
room, so it clattered against the wall and spun away. He lay his hand
softly on Scott's brown eyes, staring sightlessly at the ceiling, and
closed them.
He walked back to the door, opened it and turned. The body, under the white
sheet, hands crossed on the chest, eyes closed, looked so peaceful there.
~At peace with everything at last,~ thought Logan. ~No more battles, no
more fights, no more need to save the world. No more screaming against the
fate that put you in a body that stopped working just when you needed it
most. No more effort, Scotty. You can put away these former things and wait
for us. We will come to you. All of us. One day. When our fight is done.
Rest in peace, Scott Summers.~
Logan closed the door and went to tell the others that Scott's long, last
fight was done.
The End
Note: Kaylee, if you like this enough to archive - which archive are you
going to pick? <g>. Sorry 'bout that.
Amanda
wolf@ozdocs.net.au
'Never moon a werewolf'