Show, Don't Tell

Example 2: Blood pounded in his head, a death knell that beat against his eardrums, drowning out the sounds of his gasping sobs. Sweat washed over his body in waves, again and again, at every dark shape that loomed out of the forest until his clothing was so wet the chill wind clawed at him like a wild thing. Ohgodohgodo help me please...

Now, which example did you like better, and why? In the second you don't have to tell the readers that the man was afraid. They can see it. They can feel it. It gives them images and sensations that connect them to the story and makes it come alive. The first just "tells" about the man. The second shows us what he is feeling and doing. It puts us right there in the story, experiencing it rather than being told about it.

Some general rules:

• Use sensory details. Smell, taste, hearing, sight, touch.
• Don't tell us about the POV. Show us the world through the POV's senses. Show us the actions and let us draw our own conclusions.
• Don't explain what the POV is feeling. Let us decide that for ourselves based on what he is doing, what thought-comments he is making, and what physiological reactions he is experiencing.

Example 1:
    George hated the way that his wife always took great pleasure in being the center of attention at George's expense. She was always complaining loudly about his table manners and drawing attention to his flaws. It made dinner parties hell for him, since he was constantly feeling embarrassed.

This was all "tell". Nothing happened. Also, the readers have no way to judge the truthfulness of what is being said. They may not be sure if they should see the wife as a tyrant or George as a whiner.

Example 2:
    "Stop chewing with your mouth open," snapped his wife, rolling her eyes theatrically at the other diners. "You sound like a pig. Honestly...sometimes I feel like your mother, not your wife."
    Someone snickered.
    George was embarrassed, then irritated.

This is better. Readers can judge for themselves the character of George's wife, and of the other dinner guests. Still some problems, though. The author is still telling us about how George is feeling. This pulls readers out of the POV's head and leaves them watching him from outside. Instead, have the character react physically, interact or use the character's perceptions as a clue to how he is feeling.

    "Stop chewing with your mouth open," snapped his wife, rolling her eyes theatrically at the other diners. "You sound like a pig. Honestly..."
    Someone snickered.
    George gouged one of the red pimento flecks out of the creamy mound of mashed potatos on his plate.
    "And stop playing with your food. You always embarass me at dinner parties."
    One by one he removed them from his potatos, with surgical precision, laying them neatly along the rim of his plate. His jaw began to ache.

Here's a case where the readers don't have to be told what is going through George's mind. They can figure it out for themselves. A less experienced author might have felt that they needed to explain why George was digging at his mashed potatos, and what it meant. Now, just for fun, let's put it into another POV...

    "Stop chewing with your mouth open," snapped George's wife, rolling her eyes theatrically at the other diners. "You sound like a pig. Honestly..."
    Someone snickered.
    There seemed to be something fascinating George in the mashed potatos on his place. Roger watched him dig out one of the red pimentos with the point of his knife.
    "And stop playing with your food. You always embarass me at dinner parties."
    One by one George removed the red vegetables from his potatos, with surgical precision, laying them neatly along the rim of his plate. Then he raised his head and gave Roger a look so devoit of expression that it sent a chill inexplicably along Roger's spine.

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