Some Comfort Here, Part 1 of 3 Some Comfort Here
Part One of Three
By: Jessica

E-Mail: Kitt903@aol.com

Classification: Pacey/Joey

Rating: PG-13ish

Summary: Following a difficult breakup with Dawson, a very distraught and drunk Joey finds solace in an equally drunk and upset Pacey.

The sun was just beginning to set on the island of Capeside. Brilliant and bold hues of fiery reds and radiant yellows painted the Ruins. The picture was breathtaking but Joey Potter was oblivious to the beauty around her. She sank onto the ground and drew herself up into a tight ball, chin resting on her knees. She bit her lip, attempting to supress the flow of tears, but the facade crumbled and she sobbed. Dawson’s harsh words were still ringing in her ears.

-Flashback-
“Joey....I think....”. Dawson’s eyes were bright with unshed tears.. “I love you, Joey, but its too hard to be with you right now. I hate this. I hate this, Jo.”

She shook her head. “Shut up. Just shut up. I don’t want to hear this.”

Dawson threw his arms up in desperation.. “What else is going to happen to us, Joey ? How many times are we going to fight about Jen ? How many times are you going to ask how I feel about you ?We never get anywhere !! We’re always going in circles !! I can’t do this anymore.” He was breathing hard. “Please...please.” His tone softened. “Let it go.”

Joey closed her eyes for a brief moment. “What do you want me to say? That I love you ? I do. And I’m not ready to let go. But I’m not going to get down on my knees and beg you to take me back. I’d like to end this with a little dignity, Dawson.” She took a deep breath and crossed over to him. “I do love you.” She reached up for him, her heart breaking. Dawson, slowly and painfully removed her arm from around his neck.

“I can’t...” His voice started to shake and he turned his head away from her. “I have to walk away. “

“No, Dawson..I’m always the one who walks away. “ She backed away from him.

“I just can’t be around you right now, Jo. Please understand. I love you so much..but I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t be the only one who cares about this relationship anymore. It’s eating me up inside.” A single tear slipped down his cheek. “Good-bye, Jo.”

Priding herself in being strong, Joey did not reply. She simply turned and climbed out the window of Dawson’s Leery’s bedroom for the last time.

On the floor of the Ruins, Joey tried desperately to pull herself together. Typical Joey. She showed everyone only one side of her: able to handle anything, strong, not a weak or vulnerable bone in her body. Dawson had been the single person to see her venerability, he had been there when she had lost her mother. *It’s gotten so bad that I even have to pretend around him*. She thought miserably. What the hell had happened ?

*Well, you’ve finally done it, Potter. You’ve manage to toss away the single best thing in your life. For good. It’s over.* She sank deeper into the gap between her knees, trying to lose herself in darkness.

“Hey....” An unsteady male voice. Joey jerked her head up, and squinted at the figure before her. Pacey. *Great. This day just keeps getting better and better.* She hastily wiped her eyes on her shirt sleeve.

“Pacey. What’re you doing here ?” Pacey extended his arms to pull her up. “Thanks”.

“Nothin.” He muttered. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Its a free country.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. But this is private property.” He flopped onto the spot where she had been sitting.

Joey scrutinized him for a minute. She had known Pacey since she and Dawson were six years old. They had grown up together and she had a sixth sense when it came to both of them. She could tell now that something wasn’t right with him.

“What’s wrong, Pace ?” she inquired carefully.

He looked over at her suspiciously. “Since when do you care ?”

“Come on, Pacey. Just because we don’t have deep philosophical conversations all the time, which I doubt you are capable of any way, doesn’t mean I don’t consider you a friend.”

He laughed bitterly. “It’s not like I have any of those. Andie’s gone. She’s never coming back. You and Dawson are wrapped up in each other and Jack and Jen appear to be new best friends. So you tell me, Jo. Who have I got left ? “

“Well you won’t have to worry about me and Dawson being wrapped up in each other anymore” she retorted, allowing the pain to seep into her voice. “We’re over. For good this time.”

“Sorry.” Pacey’s expression softened. “I know that you loved him..”

“I did. But he wants nothing else to do with me.” Her eyes began to fill up. “I thought we would make it. I mean, not be together forever, because people don’t stay together forever. But I we’ve gotten through so much. The thing with Jen...Jack...after he found out about what my dad was doing...everything faded away because we were more important than any of that.”

”Joey.” Pacey’s tone was firm. “You know that’s not true. You may have gotten through all of that stuff but you never really got over it. All the jealousy and pain and anger...they were all still there. “

She let herself ponder this for a minute. “I know. I just thought we could move on and get away from all the bad shit.” she smiled sadly. “I guess not. “

“I bet he blamed it all on you.” He said rather unkindly. “He’s always blaming stuff on you.”

“No. I was the bitch in that relationship. He gave me space, he gave me everything I wanted and I hurt him every time. Maybe it’s better that it’s over now. I can’t break him anymore.”

“Well my heart goes out to you, Jo.” He replied, suddenly sarcastic.

She shook her head. “You are unbelievable. Just when I think you may be a human being you go and prove me wrong.” She turned to go. “Well I’ve got to be going. Thanks for the encouragement, Pace. Enlightening as always.”

“Wait...” he grabbed her hand. “Could ya stay ? “ His hazel eyes connected with hers and Joey felt a warmth surge throughout her body.

“I’ll stay with you, Pacey..but only if you promise to tell me what’s wrong. And don’t say it’s nothing. I know you.”

“You do.” he admitted. “Let’s take a walk.” They started to make their way around the Ruins, both unnaturally quiet.

When they reached a stream, Joey stopped and folded her arms across her chest.

“Ok, Pacey. Now talk. You promised.” Pacey turned away from her.

“There’s not much to say. “

“Is it your dad ? Is he on your case again ?”

Pacey exhaled slowly as he watched the sun begin to go down over the mountains.

“He wants to send me away. Things with us were pretty good for awhile, after Andie left.”

He blinked back tears, glad that Joey could not see him at that moment. Sure, she was his friend, or so she said, but he knew if she saw him show any semblance of emotion, he would never hear the end of it.

“So what happened ?” Joey asked, fighting to keep the panic out of her voice. *I can’t lose Pacey too*

He shrugged. “I couldn’t even tell you. One day I must have screwed up again somehow...and he just started ragging on me again. And it just got worse. And last week, he and Doug came home smashed...and he...he..uh, he smacked me around for a little while. Because he said...uh, that I mouthed off too much...and I was lazy and stupid...” Pacey turned to face Joey, the tears now unabashedly running down his cheeks. “And tonight he told me to get the hell out of his house...”

Joey shut her eyes for a second, a dull ache beginning to form in the back of her head.

“God. Pacey...I had no idea. Why didn’t you say anything to us ? I knew he was really tough on you, but I never thought that he hit you...if I knew..”She rubbed her head slowly. “This wasn’t the first time, was it ?”

He shook his head. “My father is an asshole, Jo. But he’s right. I’m never gonna be good enough for anyone or anything. I loved Tamara and she’s gone...I loved Andie and she’s gone too. Andie was the one person who believed in me. Like, truly believed that I was smart and that I could actually make something out of my life. She was the only person in this goddamn town who didn’t consider me a joke. “

“Pace...” Joey trailed off.

He held up his hand. “Don’t even say it. Everyone knows what a screw up I am. Even you. Dawson, too. Somehow, he’s stayed my friend, but I’ll tell ya, Jo, one day he’s gonna wise up and realize that anyone in my life eventually gets screwed over in some way.” He glanced at her. “You better get the hell away from me, or you’ll be next. I’m like a curse.”

Joey reached over to squeeze his hand, knowing compassion for the first time. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Pacey allowed himself a slight smile. “That makes two of us. Good ol’Pop kicked me out of the house for good...I don’t really have anywhere to go, even if I wanted to.”

“What about your mom ?” She inquired, starting to pace.

“She goes along with whatever the old man says. Do you think she has a mind of her own ?”

“Well where are you gonna stay ? Dawson’s ?” He shook his head. “ You certainly can’t stay here.”

“Why not ?” he shrugged indifferently. “At least until I find a more permanent address.”

“Forget it. We’re heading back to your house and you’re gonna grab your stuff...and then you’ll stay with me...”

He opened his mouth to protest and she clamped her hand over it. “No...Bessie’s gone for the week and I don’t really feel like being alone. Especially tonight, understand ?” She was almost on the verge of tears herself and had an overwhelming urge to throw herself into Pacey’s arms and let him comfort her the way he did when her mom had died.

But now she realized that he needed comfort too, maybe more than she did.. Seeing him cry had really scared her, because Pacey was not someone to easily show his emotions. He was always hiding behind wise cracks and jokes, so few people got to see the real Pacey Witter.

*Oh my God* Joey realized. *We’re exactly alike. Both of us hide behind this mask and we end up hurting people we love because of it*.

“Come on.” She pulled herself away from her thoughts and took his hand.

“I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Jo” he warned. “I’m all fucked up.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, I think I may have got you beat in that department.”

“I don’t think so.” Pacey responded, casually intertwining their fingers.

Joey ignored the electric jolt that passed through her. “When we get to my house, I’ll prove that I’m more screwed up than you.”

“Wanna make that a bet ?”

“Bet what ?”

“I’ll think of something.” He was suddenly glad that he’d stumbled upon her. His life still sucked, but at least he wasn’t the only one.

“Deal”. Joey pulled him slightly, leading him away from the Ruins, her hand still holding his.

The Witter household was dark as Pacey and Joey entered through the kitchen. Motioning for Joey to remain silent, he flicked on a light switch.

“Pacey ?” Arlene Witter immediately entered the kitchen and glared at her son, disapproval creating lines that marred her youthful face. “What do you think you’re doing here ? If your father comes in here and sees you...” She looked toward the direction of the bedroom, fearfully.

“Relax, Ma.” Pacey replied in disgust. “I just came here to get some stuff. Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your house in a minute.” He turned away from her.

“Come on, Jo.”

“Wait a second.” Arlene’s hard demeanor seemed to dissolve and she placed a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder. “Where will you go ?” She swallowed loudly. “Do you need any money...I could..” She dismissed her own thought with a shake of her head. “Never mind. Oh God, if your father ever found out...”

“I don’t need anything from you.” Pacey spit out, coldly shaking off his mother’s hand. “I’m staying at Joey’s house for awhile...not like you care or anything.”

“I do care.” She insisted, not acknowledging Joey’s presence or noticing at all when she sat down. “You’re still my son, Pacey.” Arlene ran a shaky hand through her coifed blond hair.

“It’s just that...well, honey...you know I can’t go against what your father says. Even if I wanted to.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “It’s been that way ever since we were married...sometimes..” Her voice became a hoarse whisper and both Pacey and Joey had to lean forward to hear what she was saying. “I hate him. I do. “

“Mom...then leave. Why do you stay with him ?” Pacey asked gently, taking one of her hands in his.

“Don’t you understand ? I’ve been with your father for over twenty years. Where would I go if I left ? What would I do ? We have a family together...a life together.. I just can’t give all that up. “

“But I’m your son too, Ma. Just as much as Doug is...just as much as Dad’s your husband.” He searched her eyes for some sign of compassion or strength. When he found none, he sighed and broke the contact. “I understand. Completely. I’ll always be a loser, Mom. And you’ll never be able to think for yourself.” He sighed deeply and turned to head toward his room.

Joey followed, a sick feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. She was still reeling from the scene she had just witnessed. *How the hell can a mother abandon her own son ?* She asked herself.

She watched silently as Pacey gathered up a few random items of clothing and tossed them into his backpack.

“You ok ? “ He inquired, looking up at her.

“No, I’m not.” She bent down to help him roll up a blue sleeping bag. “I don’t get how she can just let you walk away, Pacey. She’s your mother...” Overcome with painful memories of her own mother, she stopped speaking and dropped her head into her hands.

Pacey reached over to smooth hair away from her face. “It’s all right, Jo. I’m used to it.”

He zipped up his back pack and took one final appraising look around the room. “I am gonna miss this room though.”

Joey managed a weary smile. “I’m sure you will. How will you be able to live without posters of implanted blond bimbos and piles of dirty underwear and socks everywhere?” She carefully picked up a banana peel, holding it far away from her as if it were toxic waste. “You’re a pig.”

“Thank you.” He slung his pack over his shoulder and handed her the sleeping bag to hold.

“See ? You’re already regaining that sarcastic wit I find so irresistible. That’s my girl.” He placed his hand on the small of her back, unaware of her inner reaction to that simple gesture. “Ready to go ?”

“Are you sure you didn’t leave anything behind ?” she quipped, trying hard to regain her composure. “You don’t want to forget that Penthouse collection you keep under your bed.”

He rewarded her with a genuine grin. “You know me so well, Joey.”

“I told you I did...Now, let’s go.” She blinked hard. “This has been the worst night of my life. I have a pounding headache.”

“Well there’s only thing that can cure that.” Pacey led his friend to the kitchen and began rifling through the cabinets.

“Ahhh...here we go.” He removed a bottle of Jack Daniels from a high shelf. “This too..in the bag.” he instructed, handing her the tall flask of vodka.

“What are you doing ?” She looked at him warily. Against her better judgment, she stuck the liquor into the backpack. “Never mind. Stupid question.”

He closed the door of the cupboard with a resounding bang. “Joey, do you wanna go to your house and get unbelievably, stinking drunk ?” She shot him a look that clearly read he was insane.

“If you don’t want to...I’ve never really drank.” He confessed sheepishly. “I mean I’ve had a beer or two before but I’ve never been really knock me on my ass drunk.”

“I know you remember that time I was. God, that was so embarrassing. I kissed Dawson...” She trailed off. Even thinking about him caused a sudden sharp blow to her chest.

Pacey could see the pain twisting up her delicate features and he rushed on to take the pressure off, when he really wished he could take all of her anguish away.

“We don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.”

“Why not ?” She decided. “Tonight is as good a night as any, I guess.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Let’s get the hell away from here. This house makes me sick. It was never really my home, ya know ? It was my parents and Doggie’s house...but I just lived here, like I was a boarder or something.” He raked his fingers through his already unruly hair, causing it to stick out from all directions.

Without really thinking twice about it, she affectionately ruffled his hair and worked on flattening it back into place.

They exchanged a glance during Joey’s gesture that confused them both. *Feelings just don’t appear out of nowhere Joey had to remind herself. *I’m upset about losing Dawson...I’m lonely...this is Pacey*. Ok, then why was she suddenly jittery and nervous ? And why did his touches suddenly ignite more feelings inside of her than Dawson’s ever did ?

“Listen, Pacey...” she began, not quite sure of where this conversation was going. *Oh God...he’s damn attractive. Her thoughts began to run together until they were a jumbled mess and she could no longer make any sense of them.

Before Joey could attempt to speak again, Arlene entered the kitchen, clutching the belt of the pink bathrobe Pacey had bought her that past Christmas tightly against her.

“Are you leaving now ?” She asked. Pacey noticed how much more calm she seemed from when they had first met her in the kitchen. And something else too. *Resigned* Pacey thought.

“Yeah, Ma. We are.” She nodded.

“That’s good. In case your father wakes up and comes in here...it’s better that you leave right now.” She snuck a quick peek at the digital clock on the microwave. “And your brother will home from his shift any minute now.”

“Of course. I don’t wanna get in the way of any mother/son bonding you guys have going on. Excuse me.”

“Pacey, please. Are you hungry ? Can I make you a sandwich before you go ? Chicken, tuna...how about bologna ?”

“Stop”. Pacey said quietly. “I don’t need or want anything from any of you. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not your son. You’ve given me food and a roof over my head, but I was never really a son to you. Not like Doug is. “

Mrs.Witter laughed. “Pacey’s that’s ridiculous. We raised you. We love you...you’re father and I.”

“No you don’t, Ma.”

“Please, honey. Listen, if you can just manage by yourself for a little while, maybe your Dad will come around. I know he will, Pacey. He’s not an unreasonable man. He has to be harder on you, Pacey. Not like he is with Doug.”

“Excuse me, Mrs. Witter.” Joey interjected, angrily. She has had quite enough of listening to a woman who clearly didn’t give a rat’s ass about her own son.

“You said that Pacey’s father has to be hard on him ? Really ? By belittling him constantly ? Making him feel like he’s not good enough, that he’s worthless ? By hitting him all the time ?"

“You are not a member of this family, Joey.” Arlene replied, her tone steady but her eyes as hard as stone. “You have no idea what goes on. Pacey needs to learn a lesson. He needs to be pushed. Look at the shape his home life is in..not to mention his grades. We pity him and so should you.”

“If you truly believe that “pushing” Pacey means treating him like he’s nothing and physically abusing him, then it’s you I pity, Mrs.Witter. Not Pacey. “ She turned to look at her friend, who’s mouth was agape in shock. “He’s one of the smartest and most loving people I’ve ever known. And the fact that you and your husband don’t know or appreciate that is sad.”

She opened the door and stepped out, not bothering to look back.

Pacey hovered a minute and glanced back at his mother, his expression one of regret and anger, but most of all disappointment.

“Goodbye, Mom.” He said firmly and went outside where Joey was waiting for him.

“You ok ?” She placed her hand on his shoulder and he leaned into her for support.

“No.” he answered honestly. “But I will be. Thanks, Jo.” He stared at her with an intensity that made her blush and nearly drop the sleeping bag that she was holding.

“Come on.” she replied, waving away his appreciation. “We’re going back to my house, remember ?”

“Yeah, I do.” Pacey adjusted the backpack on his shoulder as they headed passed the basketball hoop and down the driveway.

“And we’re going to get sloshed.” She smiled over at him. “I think we both deserve it.”

“I agree whole-heartily, Jo.”

“Good.” The pair headed slowly down to Joey’s house, knowing they each had all the time in the world to get there.