The Elysia Wars #1 Entering Elysia

Prologue

The warrior stood silently on the broad hilltop, gazing out over his haven. There had been peace in Elysia since the dawn of time, but he could sense that something was wrong.

His gaze fell on the small, one story building he and his wife called home. He could see his wife standing by the window, staring up at the sky like she had for four nights straight. She had barely talked to him since she’d started to experience the dreams.

A calm breeze blew over the hilltop, and the warrior shivered despite the warm night. Something caught his eye suddenly. Fixing his full gaze on the sky, he could just make out the tiny, red pinpricks of light that appeared to be coming closer.

With a sense of dread, the warrior began to run back to his haven. Peace would not last much longer in Elysia.

Chapter One – Ax

My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthil, but my human friends call me Ax. I am not human, I am an Andalite. I am the only true Andalite on the planet. The other is the Yeerk leader, Visser Three. He’s an Andalite-Controller, the only one in the universe.

I was walking through the woods, passing time until Tobias, my shorm, returned from visiting Rachel. I was bored. I’d already read all the books in my scoop, there was nothing good on television, and I wasn’t hungry. According to my friends, I’ve gotten much better at acting human, but Prince Jake still doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to wander around in human morph on my own. So I must stay in the woods.

I was standing near a stream that runs behind the meadow where my scoop is located when I heard it. A rapid pounding of hooves heading in my direction. I quickly dove behind a clump of bushes. I was used to people riding horses in the area.

Then I heard the sound of gunshots.

A figure came bursting out of the bushes on the other side of the stream. I stared in shock and surprise as I looked at him. The blue fur. The stalk eyes. The tail. It was an Andalite.

A Hork-Bajir stepped out of the bushes, with a human-Controller right behind him. The human-Controller held an automatic rifle in his hand, and he probably had a Dracon beam stashed away somewhere, too.

"You’ve led us on a nice chase, Andalite," the Controller said, "but its time for you to come back to Elysia. Or die."

< Go to hell, > the Andalite snapped. < You can’t kill us all. >

"We shall see, Andalite. But you won’t." He raised his gun and pointed it straight at the Andalite’s hearts.

I had to help! There was no time to morph, so I had to rely on my speed and tail. The Andalite turned to run, but he was blocked by the stream. He’d never jump over it in time!

Taking a deep breath, I shot out of the bushes, leaped over the stream, and pushed Andalite out of the way. At the same time, the Controller pulled the trigger on his weapon and fired three times. Each bullet bit into the bark of the trees on the other side of the stream. By the time he reached for his Dracon beam, we were gone.

Once I was certain the Controllers weren’t following us, I led the Andalite back to my scoop. < Are you okay? > I asked him.

He nodded. < Just shaken, > he said. < It’s been a long time since anyone tried to shoot me. >

< My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthil. Most call me Ax. How did you get on Earth?>

The Andalite started breathing a little more normally. <It’s a long story. I was sent here to get help for my haven. I was told there was a group of morph-capable humans who could help us. I wasn’t aware of another Andalite, though. >

I stared at him. < How did you find out about the Animorphs? >

<From my shorm, > the Andalite explained. <When he was alive, he was prince in the Andalite military and he gave me lots of information. >

I was focused on the words ‘when he was alive’. <When he was alive? Does that mean you – him -- ? > I was more confused than ever.

< Are dead? > He laughed. < I guess you could say that. It’s a long story, actually, and I’d like to just tell it once. Do you know where I can find the human morphers? >

<Yes, I do, > I answered. <They’re not far. > I knew Prince Jake was helping Cassie at her barn. Marco was probably at his house, and hopefully Rachel and Tobias were somewhere close by.

The two of us hurried to the barn as fast as we could. Just inside the woods, I stopped and looked for Prince Jake or Cassie. I spotted Cassie walking towards her house.

< Cassie! > I called. < I know you cannot answer me, but I need you and the others to come to the edge of the woods. I found another Andalite. >

Cassie immediately turned and ran for the barn.

The Andalite and I barely waited fifteen minutes before all five of my friends were standing in front of us.

"It is an Andalite!" Marco exclaimed in surprise.

Tobias was perched on a log. < Where did he come from? > he asked.

Prince Jake looked at him. "Ax says you need our help."

He nodded. < You’ll probably want me to start at the beginning. >

"That would be helpful," Cassie said, sitting on a large rock.

< Okay, > he said. <My name is Arbron. I was sent here by the late Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. >

Chapter Two – Arbron

The humans and Ax were surprised. Actually, surprised wasn’t the right word. They were more than surprised.

"Elfangor?" one of them repeated. He was the taller of the two boys, and had a definite take-charge attitude. "He gave us the power to morph."

I already knew that whole story, so I just nodded. Ax seemed to be a little more shaken up. <Why does he need help?> he asked cautiously. <He’s dead.>

I laughed. <And not enjoying it, I guarantee. Then again, none of us exactly are, but we pull our own weight. Our haven, Elysia, used to be a very peaceful community in the afterlife.>

The tall boy looked like he had a headache. "Please, back up. For starters, what’s Elysia? And who’s ‘we’?"

I was more than willing to talk if it meant getting help. <After you die, depending on your life, you’re sent to a community. On rare occasions, a person can be switched to a different community, but not too often. Our community it Elysia.

<Usually, everybody gets along well. But now an unknown evil is destroying the communities. With each destruction, Elysia is coming closer and closer to disappearing from existence entirely . . . and all of its inhabitants as well.>

The shorter girl was frowning. "But aren’t you already dead?"

It was time to tell all. I closed my eyes briefly, organized my thoughts, and when I opened them again, the humans and Ax were all looking at me expectantly. <No one in the community is capable of hate. In Elysia, everyone is kind-hearted. If you were mostly good, then you enter a good community. But if you’re destroyed in the community, your soul becomes . . . evil.>

The bird fixated his fierce gaze on me. <How do we know you’re for real? If Elfangor’s in danger, why’d he send you and not come himself?>

He was doubting me? <Elfangor is trying to rally up a combined defense with the remaining communities,> I snapped. <Not to mention trying to stop half of Elysia from panicking. We’ve already lost two scouting teams. If it weren’t for the Core Base keeping things together, we’d already be dead.>

Ax asked, <How long has this been going on?>

<Almost a year, Elysian time. The time is very different between Elysia and Earth. I’ve been here about a day Earth time. I have no clue how long I’ve been gone in Elysia. But I’d be dead and gone if we were already too late.>

The tall male exchanged a glance with the short female. "How would get to . . . Elysia?"

<Oh, that’s easy,> I said quickly. <All you need is an Escafil Device.>

"Oh, is that all?" the short male said sarcastically. He reminded me of one of the Core members.

"Relax, Marco," the tall male said. "We have the blue box, remember? Ax, why don’t you go to your scoop and get it?"

<That won’t be necessary,> I said quickly. <I had one right here.> I reached into my hip pack and pulled a miniature version of the original Escafil Device. <It wouldn’t give somebody morphing abilities, but it’ll work fine for what we need it for.>

Ax looked at it and nodded slightly. <Where did you get it?>

<One of our Core members, a Pemalite named Devone created it. Devone was one of the original Pemalites who created their android race, the Chee, so he’s extremely good with science,> I replied. <He puts the smartest Andalite to shame. So, are you going to help?>

The shorter male and the taller female glanced at each other. "I don’t remember voting," the male said.

The tall male rolled his eyes. "We didn’t."

<We have to go,> the bird said. <Elfangor gave his life for us. The least we can do is save what little he has left.>

The tall male looked at me. "We know your name, but you don’t know ours. I’m Jake. That’s Rachel, Cassie, and Marco, and the hawk is Tobias. You’ve already met Ax."

I nodded in greeting. <If we go, we must go now. The Escafil will only work for a short period of time, and I don’t want those Yeerks to come back and find you here.>

"Good point," Rachel agreed. "So, what do we do?"

<Basically what you did to receive the power to morph. Touch your hands to the side of cube. Or, for those without hands, touch someone touching the cube.> Tobias fluttered up onto Rachel’s shoulder as she touched the cube. I closed my eyes and pictured Elysia the way it had looked when I had last seen it, then told the Device to transport.

Chapter Three – Tobias

I’ll admit it – I was nervous. Why wouldn’t I be? I was about to see my father face to face for the first time since he’d died. Would he recognize me? Did he know that I was one of the "morph-capable humans"?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice everyone staring at me until Marco said, "Um, Tobias?"

"What?" I asked, looking up. Then I realized that I had just spoken out loud.

Arbron looked at me. <Were you trapped in morph?>

I nodded. "Yeah. The Ellimist gave me my morphing power back, but I was trapped."

<Elysia sees right through any morph,> Arbron explained. <It knew that was not Tobias’ true form, that it was not his soul, and made him human. You’ll find that you can still morph from human.>

Well, that was a relief. At least I wouldn’t be out of the mission already. If there was a mission. We were quite sure what we’d find.

"Where to now?" Jake asked.

Arbron started walking out of the swirling void we were in. <Now we make the transition from Earth to Elysia.> He walked right through the void’s walls. The rest of us glanced at each other, then followed him through.

"Whoa!"

"Ohmigod!"

"Wow!"

We were surrounded by trees. Lush, green trees. Spiraling blue trees. Pink trees, yellow trees – there was an amazing assortment. It was like someone had taken a hundred different species of trees and put them all together in one forest. Even Ax was amazed. Only Arbron was used to the forest. <These trees are a mix of several different planets. You can tell by the trees which species we have here. See, there’s obviously Andalites, judging from that derrishoul over there. And that spruce tree signifies humans. There are about fifty different species in Elysia.>

"Where is Elysia?" Cassie asked. "The town, I mean."

<This way,> Arbron said. He motioned for us to follow him as he started walking through the forest. I noticed Ax was walking a little ways behind everyone else, so I fell back and started walking next to him.

"What’s the matter?" I asked. "You’re quiet."

Ax shrugged, a very human gesture for an Andalite. He’d been on Earth so much, that lately the only thing Andalite about him was his form. <I don’t know,> he sighed. <I guess maybe it’s the thought of seeing Elfangor again. It’s been almost three years since he died. Three years since I last saw him, and the last thing I ever said to him was ‘go burn some slugs’.>

"You didn’t know you’d never see him again," I said. "I feel the same way about my mother. You know, she abandoned me when I was three, and I’ve wondered for a long time what I did to make her leave. Everyone said she was crazy, always talking about aliens and stuff, but now that I know who my father is, I wonder sometimes if she really was crazy or not. And that means she left on her own. One day, she just dropped me off with my aunt, and took off. I never saw her again."

Ax looked at me. <You don’t seem upset when you talk about your mother. Not like Marco.>

"Yeah, well, that’s because Marco actually remembers his mother. He actually knows what she looks like. I don’t," I scoffed.

<Hurry up, you two,> Arbron called back. Ax and I had fallen behind everyone else. Ax and I hurried to catch up, when I heard something behind me. I stopped and listened. <Tobias.> Arbron said again.

A rustling above me caught my attention. It sounded like someone – or something – was in the tree above me. When I didn’t hear it again, I figured it was just the wind.

Then, before I could move, something dropped down from the tree, grabbed me from behind, and pressed a very sharp knife against my throat.

Chapter Four – Rachel

"Tobias!" I shouted when I saw the knife. Tobias stood very still, almost not breathing. His eyes were wide, and his face had gone pale. I wondered if I’d be able to morph before his attacker used the knife.

Then Arbron pushed his way through us. <Loren, put the knife down.>

The knife immediately withdrew, but the woman standing behind Tobias didn’t put it away. She did step away from Tobias, who backed away several paces.

"Arbron?" Loren demanded.

<Do you know any other Andalite who might be walking through the woods with five humans and one Andalite that aren’t dead?> Arbron asked. <What are you doing?>

Loren rolled her eyes and slid the knife back into her boot. "Trying to protect Elysia. Evil things from Crayak’s realm have been coming through that entrance. Some of them were the destroyed souls from around here."

"Crayak?" Jake asked sharply.

Loren nodded. "Crayak runs the wastelands, Ellimist runs the communities. In a way, Ellimist is ‘god’ and Crayak is the ‘devil’. But it’s even more technical than that."

<Want to walk with us back to Elysia?> Arbron asked.

Loren glanced up at the sky. "I was already on my way back. Elfangor’s called a meeting of all Core members. You came just in time."

<How long have I been gone?> Arbron asked once we started moving. He spoke in openly so that the rest of us could hear his questions.

"About a month, Elysian time," Loren answered. "Elfangor’s been worried sick. He was about ready to go after you himself."

<He would, wouldn’t he?> Arbron laughed. <By the way, Loren, I’d like you to meet the Animorphs, as they call themselves. Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Ax, Marco, and Tobias.>

Loren looked at us and nodded. "Nice to meet you all. You don’t know how much we appreciate you coming."

"The Yeerks were being pretty quiet, so we figured we’d take a vacation from them," Jake said.

"Walking into a certain war in the afterlife is not my idea of a vacation, Jake," Marco muttered. Loren smiled.

We walked in silence for awhile, and while we did, I got a chance to study Loren. She was tall, with blond hair that came down to about her waist. She wasn’t wearing any make-up, but she was pretty just the same. Her clothes I definitely approved of, and she looked athletic. "So, Loren, how come we didn’t see you in that tree?" I asked as I walked beside her.

Loren laughed. "With the Yeerks after my head because I once threw a rock at Visser Three’s face, I took a survival training course. In the end, it didn’t help, but I still remember what I learned. I led them on a big chase, though – I had to. I couldn’t let them get to my son."

"What happened to him?" I asked.

"I don’t know," she said sadly. "I left him when he was three with my sister, and I haven’t seen him since."

Chapter Five – Elfangor

<Where is she?> I snapped. <She should’ve been back thirty minutes ago!> I was pacing back and forth in the Council Circle, with about seven Core members assembled behind me.

Mat Hewk, a Hork-Bajir, looked at me nervously. "She will be here, Elfangor," he said. "We sent the message out an hour ago. She will come."

<She shouldn’t have left in the first place!> I shouted.

One of the late Core, a Alleri serpent named Strike, came slithering quickly towards us. Alleri’s can slither very fast. "Elfangor!" she called. "I sssaw Arbron! He hasss brought the human morphersss! Loren isss with him ass well."

<Thank the Ellimist,> I breathed. <Where are they?>

Strike took her place with the rest of the Core. "They were right behind me," she said breathlessly.

Tycoola, a Farsight (Farsights look like large birds and they can see for miles), was scanning the crowd. "There!" she cried. "Coming over the ridge."

Of course, none of us saw anything. The Council Circle was in the far side of the haven – the ridge was about a mile away. <What do you see, Tycoola?>

"I see Loren and Arbron, along with six youngsters. Five humans, and one Andalite. The Andalite is male, there are three human males, and two human females. They’re staring at each building as they walk by, as if they are surprised. One boy seems shaken up, and is walking behind everyone else."

I’ve always marveled about Farsight eyes. They’re amazing. Even though Andalite eyesight isn’t bad – we are impossible to sneak up on – a Farsight can see every little detail of something for about ten miles straight. I know. I’ve morphed a Farsight on occasion. Only when necessary, of course.

Tycoola gave us a running commentary on the group as they approached the Circle. Then, I noticed the very edge of the crowd beginning to part. I walked quickly to the end of the Circle. <Where have you been?> I demanded when I saw Loren.

Loren rolled her eyes. "I was guarding the portal entrance, O Great One. I didn’t know I had to check in with you before I started working."

<I specifically told you that I wanted you to stay in the haven,> I snapped. <Why don’t you ever listen to me?>

"Why should I?" Loren shot back. "Just because I’ve been married to you these past five years doesn’t mean I have to do everything you say. Jeez. Take a chill pill, Elfangor."

<I can’t have anyone going off into the forests without consent, Loren,> I growled. <We’ve already lost two scouting parties and a school group to this thing. I don’t wan to lose you, too.>

"I can take care of myself," Loren snapped.

I was about to answer when I was interrupted. <Hey, you two, can you continue this later? We have guests. The last thing I think they want to see is the two of you yelling your heads off at each other.>

<Stay out of this, Arbron,> I growled, turned so I was facing him. Loren chose that moment to walk over to the rest of the Core. <This isn’t over, Loren.>

Strike snickered and whispered to one of the dragon’s, Srangi, "Yeah, right. We all know what they’ll be doing later."

<I heard that, Strike,> I said. <And all I have to say is, how much do you really want to see the Viral up close and personal?>

Strike shut up quickly, and Srangi stopped smirking. Loren was trying not to smile. I shook my head. Leave it to Strike to break the tension. <Welcome back, Arbron,> I said as he stepped forward. We exchanged an Andalite salute, which consists of grasping the other person’s arm with your hand. Sort of like a human handshake. The meaning’s the same, at least. <Did you bring the morphers?>

Arbron nodded. <You told me about five humans, but you didn’t mention an Andalite. Good thing he was there – he saved me from almost getting my hooves shot off.>

<An Andalite?> I repeated. <There’s an Andalite?>

<Yeah,> another, familiar voice said. <There’s an Andalite.>

For the first time I noticed the young Andalite standing behind Arbron.

<Aximili,> I whispered in shock.

Chapter Six – Ax

Elfangor was staring at me like he’d seen a ghost. I had already gotten pat that. From the moment Arbron had led us through the crowd, I had scanned everyone for Elfangor. When I had seen him, I had just stood there. I had wanted to run up to him and give him a hug, but that wouldn’t have been right.

<Aximili,> he whispered.

<It’s Ax now, actually,> I said. <Surprised to see me?>

<Very,> Elfangor replied, stepping forward. Arbron went over to stand with the rest of the people in the center of the circle. <How did you survive the Dome ship attack?>

<I almost didn’t,> I answered. <I was in the dome when it crashed into one of Earth’s oceans. Fortunately, Cassie and Tobias heard my cries for help and the Animorphs came to my rescue. I’ve been fighting alongside them ever since. That was about three years ago. A few months after you . . . died.>

Elfangor seemed to notice Prince Jake and the others for the first time. <Of course,> Elfangor said warmly. <The . . . Animorphs, is that what you call yourselves? Clever. I’m glad to see you’re all still alive.>

"Barely," Marco muttered. "Too many close calls, and some of us have actually ‘died’ before."

<I’m sorry you had to listen to all that,> Elfangor said to the six of us.

"But he’s not sorry we had to!" the Alleri serpent, the one who had spoken before, said.

Elfangor glared at the serpent. <Excuse Strike. Sometimes she doesn’t know when to quit.>

"That’s okay," Rachel said. "We’re used to it. We’ve got Marco, after all." Marco rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing," Marco said quickly. "Nothing at all."

Elfangor turned to look at the assembled crowd. <In light of the fact that Arbron has returned, this meeting is no longer necessary. Now, remember that I expect all of you to treat these Animorphs with the respect that they deserve. Sorry about interrupting your schedule. Council dismissed.>

Soon the only people still standing near us were Elfangor, Loren, Arbron, Strike, a Hork-Bajir, a Pemalite, a Farsight, and a Dragon. <Let’s go into the meeting house,> Elfangor suggested. <You might find it more comforting, and I’m afraid my house isn’t large enough for all of us.>

Inside the meeting room, we all assembled around a large table. For the humans, Hork-Bajir, and Pemalite, there were chairs. The rest of had to stand. "Hey, Elfangor, are we going to do introductionsss?" Strike asked.

Elfangor nodded. <You already know me, Loren, and Arbron. As for the rest of this group, the Alleri serpent – and resident comic relief – is Strike. Mat Hewk is the Hork-Bajir, our scientist is the Pemalite Devone, our lookout is Tycoola – she’s a Farsight – and Srangi the Dragon is one of our best scouts.>

Prince Jake glanced at me. <You make the introductions,> I said. <You’re the leader.> He rolled his eyes. Prince Jake doesn’t like being called the leader. But he stood up anyway.

"My name is Jake. I’m the unofficial leader of this little group. To my left is my cousin, Rachel. Next to her is Marco, and you already know Ax. To my right is Cassie, and next to her is Tobias, who’s usually a bird but for some reason that Arbron explained but I can’t quite remember, he’s human right now." Prince Jake seemed relieved to sit down again, even though I thought he handled it quite nicely.

Elfangor glanced briefly at Tobias, who wouldn’t look at anyone but the table. <I guess you’d like to know what’s going on,> he said a minute later.

Chapter Seven – Marco

This was not the type of vacation I wanted. My idea of a vacation is going down to Florida, hanging out at the beach with a bunch of gorgeous girls in bathing suits paying loads of attention to me, and maybe going to Disney World once in awhile.

My idea of a vacation was not sitting around a table listening to the dead Andalite prince who gave my friends and me the power to morph tell pretty much the same story another Andalite had told us, only with much more detail, causing the story to take twice as long and leave me twice as depressed about our chances.

<We’ve already lost two scouting parties,> Elfangor said. <We still don’t have any idea about what we’re dealing with here. All we know is that, whatever it is, it’s fast, smart, and well hidden. It’s already wiped out eight of the outer communities. Elysia is part of the fourth ring – this thing has to get through three more rings before it gets to us. Its on the second ring already.>

"But that’s good, right?" Rachel asked. "If this has been going on for a year and it’s only on the second ring, that means it’s moving slow, right?"

"How big is each ring?" Jake asked.

"Each ring is the equivalent to one whole planet," Srangi answered. "If you were to cut Earth up into rings, then unravel each ring and hook it together so that it’s one large ring, that’s about as big as the first ring. The second ring fits inside that, then the third, then the fourth, and so on until you get to the home of the Ellimists. The timelines."

Tobias let out a low whistle. Everyone looked at him. He looked up from where he was pretending great interest in the wood grain of the table. "If it took one year to wipe out the whole first ring, and half of the second ring, then it’ll be on the third ring in about a month and a half. And who’s to say it’ll wait to destroy that whole ring before coming here? This thing is moving fast. Like a virus."

"A virus," Devone muttered. "A virus . . . hmmm."

I glanced at Ax, who was staring at Devone. He looked at me. Suddenly I realized what Tobias had just said. "That’s it!" I shouted.

Chapter Eight – Rachel

Marco shouted, "That’s it!"

I fell off my chair. "Ow!"

"You okay?" Jake asked, helping me up.

"Yeah," I muttered. I glared at Marco. "What’s it, you moron? Next time, warn me before you do that."

"Tobias said it," Marco exclaimed. "It’s a virus."

<What’s a virus?> Elfangor asked.

I guess Ax was quicker than his brother. <The enemy,> he said. <That’s why you can’t track it. It’s a virus, like the flu or phenomena. That’s how it’s killing people – it’s making them sick. And somehow it’s affecting the plants and other things, too."

Loren nodded. "That could be it. But that doesn’t explain one thing. How can a virus wipe out the ring so that there’s no trace of it? There isn’t even any soil. It’s like something just tore it up."

Tobias stood up and looked out the window. "What’s up?" I asked. "You have an idea?"

He nodded. "This afterlife is kind of like a nether-dimension or something, right? You can’t reach it unless you die?"

Elfangor nodded. <That’s right.>

"That would explain the wire-like things in the air. They’re very faint, but you can see them."

Tycoola was surprised. "How did you seem them? Only me and the other Farsights have been able to see them. Those are timelines."

"You’re talking to the number one Bird-Boy," Marco laughed. "I guess even as a human you’re still more like our feathered friends than anything."

Tobias ignored him, but I glared at Marco. "Shut-up, Marco."

Elfangor looked at Tobias. <Go on, Tobias. What’s your theory?>

"Well, back when I was being shipped back and forth between various aunts and uncles, I spend a lot of time on the computer. Every once in awhile I had to take mine apart because of technical problems. There were all these chips and wires and stuff. And I was just thinking: what if this place could work the same way. And what if someone let loose a virus – only it’s not a bacterial virus. It’s a computer virus." Tobias turned to look at the rest of us. "That would explain why everything’s being destroyed. That’s what a computer virus does – it eats the programming. And the rings and communities are the afterlife’s programming."

We all looked at each other. I couldn’t believe Tobias had been able to figure that out. And it sounded like it might be the solution. As Tobias sat down, Elfangor looked at him like, well, like a father might look at a son who had just taken his first steps. Then Elfangor looked at Devone and Arbron, who were discussing something quietly.

"I think Tobias has something there," Devone said a moment later. "Of course, we won’t know for sure unless we find an eyewitness who saw this virus."

<If it is a computer virus,> Arbron said, <it’s one more powerful than anything we’ve ever seen before. It’ll be hard to beat, especially after its destroyed so much stuff. It’s not going to be easy to beat.

That’s the end of Number One. If this gets good reviews, I’ll write #2.

 

My first attempt at an Animorph fanfiction. I’ll accept comments, questions, rotten fruit, and flame throwers.





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