A tribute to the past...
A glimpse at the present...
A plea for the future...

Memorial

 Day Zero

Dark and Light
Light and Dark
Good vs. Evil
The struggle within us all

Fingers flew over the keys. The message quickly scrawled itself on the monitor. With a satisfied click of the mouse, the message was sent.
The sender smiled, knowing that as soon as the message was opened, it would be sent to the entire population of Weston High.
But Rachel didn’t check her e-mail that night. And the messages were never sent.
If she had, this is what she would have seen.

April 20. Remember last year? If you thought Columbine was bad, wait until Prom night.
Day One

Life gives way to Death
And Death gives way to Life
Both are one and the same
For Death becomes us all

Rachel looked around the tent and smiled. The Prom was a huge success. 286 of the 318 seniors had shown up. Almost the entire junior population was there as well. No one cared that the seniors and juniors were sharing a prom.
It had been genius of Chris to suggest holding the celebration at the school instead of a fancy nightclub. Much cheaper, leaving them money to spurge on other things.
The tent they had set up outside the gymnasium allowed plenty of room for tables and chairs. The couples had already eaten dinner and now were dancing both inside the gym and on the grass.
Though Rachel was neither senior nor junior, she had been on the Prom Planning Committee, and therefore allowed to attend.
Jake and Cassie weren’t there, but she had brought Tobias, and that was good enough.

A finger tapped Rachel on the shoulder. "Rachel!"
She turned, expecting T.T. or Rick, or some other guy who wanted to dance with her.
But it was Chris, the senior class president.
"What is it?" Rachel asked.
"Some girl spilled a cup of punch on the floor. Can you go grab some paper towels to clean it up? They’re in the closet just inside the gym."
Rachel nodded. "Sure."
She turned to Tobias. "Be right back."

The paper towels were just where Chris said they would be. Rachel reached up to grab them.
BOOOOOOOM!
The force of the explosion slammed the closet door closed.
Rachel froze.
That’s when she heard the gun -guns, she wasn’t sure.
The shots kept firing. Never ceasing. One after another.
Rachel pressed herself against the door, hoping to keep it closed.
Then she realized the stupidity of this. The door opened outward. She couldn’t keep anyone from coming in. Besides, if a bullet hit the door, it could pass through and kill her.
Rachel backed to the side wall of the closet. This was much safer. A wall was much thicker and better protection than a door.
Rachel didn’t know how long she stood there, listening to the rat-tat-tat of bullets.
She didn’t even think about morphing. She was too scared.
Rachel stood there and cried –silently, so no one would hear her and find her hiding place.
For the first time in her life, she felt truly afraid. Not like the fear she felt when she battled Visser Three. No, that fear had been mixed with an exhilaration. This was a different kind scared. This was helpless scared.

After Rachel left to get the paper towels, Tobias had gone to the punch bowl. Waiting for Rachel to return so he could help her clean up.
Which was why he was behind the punch table when the first spray of bullets filled the tent.
Tobias wasn’t sure what happened first. A black rod-like thing had been thrown to the back of the tent, near the gymnasium door. Then someone started shooting.
Tobias recognized the sound of shots immediately. He had seen and heard hunters in the woods. But these shots weren’t as loud. They were more of a pop-pop sound as opposed to the loud bangs he heard from rifles.
The screams began. So many that they merged into one eternal shout of pain.
A bullet from the first wave of shots hit him in the shoulder. Not a vital place, but it caused him to fall to the ground.
Tobias simply lay there, bleeding. As more and more students dropped, he was afraid to move. Afraid of getting shot again.

Rachel could see the blood. It was seeping in under the door. A small pool of blood that was slowly spreading.
Rachel tried to back away from it, but she was already pressed against the wall.
She started shaking. Uncontrollably shaking. First her hands, then her arms, and her legs. Soon, her entire body was shaking.
One by one, the terrified screams outside faded.
She waited as a heavy, deadly silence filled the air.
A final, single shot pierced the silence, leaving a faint echo. Rachel jumped, startled.
The pool of blood became even larger.

When the shooting finally lessened, Tobias crawled under the punch table.
He quickly demorphed, glad that the table was covered in a long white tablecloth that reached the ground. Of course, the tablecloth wasn’t white anymore. It was red.
Tobias almost started flapping when the last shot was fired. With his keen hearing, he could hear the dull splash as the body hit the blood-coated floor.
Tobias morphed human again. He didn’t want to explain why a hawk was under the punch table.
The bullet had passed cleanly through his shoulder, and morphing had completely healed the wound.
Tobias struggled back on his tux, now soaked in blood.
He still wasn’t sure it was safe to get up, so he simply lay there in a pool of blood -his, and others.

Rachel wasn’t sure how long she had stood there, against the wall.
A smell tickled her nostrils. Iron. There was a lot of iron in blood.
The door flew open, and for the first time that night, Rachel screamed.
But instead of the crazed shooter she had expected, a policeman stood in the doorframe. Rachel numbly noted the letters on the uniform. SWAT.
The cop jumped back, equally surprised to find a scared teenage girl hiding instead of a gunman.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
Rachel nodded. She didn’t trust her voice.
The officer offered his hand.
Rachel understood that he wanted her to come out.
She took a step forward, then another, and was out of the closet.
Then she saw the scene laid before her.
Bodies. So many bodies. Laid out on the floor, some on top of each other. There was not a single square inch of hardwood not covered in blood.
Rachel’s breath caught in her throat. Her vision swarmed. Her knees collapsed.
The police officer caught her as she fell. He picked her up and carried her out, trying to avoid stepping on the bodies.

Tobias had never heard a more beautiful sound than sirens.
When the police burst in, many uninjured or lightly injured students got up and made their way out of the tent.
It was mass chaos. The police yelled at them to stay in the area.
Tobias could not afford to be question by police. It would take too long, and he would be trapped in morph again. Besides, how was he going to explain who he was?
Tobias sneaked over to a Dumpster at the side of the school. He demorphed and flew into the sky, leaving the tux under some garbage bags in the Dumpster.
He circled over the tent entrance, watching each student come out, hoping Rachel was okay.
When she finally came out, carried by a cop, Tobias let go of the breath he had been holding.
She looked okay, just pale.
<Hey, Rachel. I’m okay. I’ll see you later.>
Rachel gave a slight nod to acknowledge that she had heard him.

"The tragedy that shocked the nation one year ago in Littleton, Colorado has been repeated. This time, at Weston High. Just after ten tonight, a lone gunman entered the large tent set up on the school grounds where the senior/junior prom was well underway."
Cassie gasped. "Jake!"
Jake came out from the kitchen where he was getting a coke. "What?"
"The school."
Jake looked at the TV. "Oh my God."
"Rachel and Tobias are there!" Cassie panicked.
At that moment, Tobias’s thought-speech could be heard.
<Hey, guys.>
Cassie rushed to the window and yanked it open. "Tobias! You’re okay."
<Do you know how hard it is to fly when your feathers are covered in blood?> Tobias immediately started grooming himself.
"Where’s Rachel?" Cassie demanded.
<She’s fine. But she couldn’t do a disappearing act like I did.>
Cassie jumped up. "We have to get down to the school. And Rachel’s mom..."
Jake was already halfway out the door. "Let’s go."
Cassie raced after him, not even bothering to lock the door.
Half way down the driveway, she realized how pointless it was to run. The school was too far away for them to get there on foot. They had to fly.
Cassie caught up to Jake, gasping for air. "Morph, Jake."
Jake, stony-faced, began morphing.

Jake flew up into the sky, leaving his pile of outer clothing on Cassie’s lawn. It was dark, and his peregrine falcon eyes were not as sharp at night, but he could make out the silhouette of a hawk against the black sky: Tobias.
<Jake!> He called down. <I’m going to get Ax.>
<Okay. I’ll meet you at the school.> Jake banked hard right and flapped. This night was warm, but there were fewer thermals. Besides, Jake didn’t have time to lazily surf the thermals. He needed to get to the school –fast.
<Jake?> Cassie called.
<What?> Jake asked shortly.
<What’s wrong?>
<Nothing. Everything.>
<Jake. Tell me.>
<Tom. Tom’s at the prom.>
<Oh, no.> Cassie whispered. <Don’t worry Jake. He’s probably okay.>
<I hope so. I hope so.>

Aximili was watching These Messages. Before These Messages he had been watching a news report on a channel called CNN. That day they had a special report called Anniversary of Columbine. It was quite sad. All the humans the camera showed were crying.
Aximili remembered April 20, 1999. He had been watching television that day too. One of his favorite shows –Young and Restless. They had interrupted it with the shocking news. Aximili had been amazed that human children would kill each other. Children killing children. It was incomprehensible to an Andalite. Never had had there been an incident when someone killed children, or children killed someone, much less children murdering other children.
And then These Messages were interrupted.

Rachel shivered. It was a warm night –maybe 70 degrees, but the air surrounding her felt cold. Like a dark mist that would not leave.
She stared down at the cup in her hands. Coffee. Someone had passed it to her. She couldn’t understand why. She hated coffee.
But what the heck. Rachel took a sip. Not bad. It was hot. So hot that is scalded her tongue, but she didn’t care.
Rachel glanced up each time a stretcher passed. But she could not bear to look at the faces. They were too familiar. Some didn’t have any faces left. And some faces were covered.
Yet another stretcher, carried by two ambulance drivers, passed before her.
A jacket. A hand. A ring. Rachel could read the words on the class ring. Chris.
Rachel dropped the cup in her hands. Coffee spilled on her dress and mingled with the blood. No dry cleaning would ever remove the stain. Not that Rachel would ever wear that dress again.
Rachel’s line of vision moved from the ring to Chris’s face. She had to look at him. He was her friend, and he deserved that much.
His eyes were close. He looked peaceful. Almost as if he was sleeping –except for the hole in his forehead.
Rachel squeezed her eyes shut as the tears trickled out.
Chris. The student body president. The ‘spirit’ of the school, as everyone jokingly called him. Chris was dead. If the spirit was dead, what was there left?
Rachel took three deep breaths and counted slowly to ten. Her mom had told her that it calmed you down. It didn’t work.

Cassie overlooked the school, a few hundred feet in the air. She was too far to see the faces below and recognize anyone. Perhaps it was a good thing she couldn’t see all the details. But she could see enough.
Red is the most prominent color in the spectrum, and that was what she saw. Red. Lots of red.
Cassie spilled air from her wings to get closer.
She caught a glimpse of inside the tent, then looked away. The carnage on the outside was horrible enough.
<There’s Rachel!> Jake yelled from her left.
Cassie flew over to him and she too saw Rachel.
She was standing on the grass, wrapped in a blanket, her blond hair matted with blood.
Cassie once thought dirt never stuck to Rachel. She always looked like the model of perfection. Not this time. Now she looked like a frightened teenage girl –a mess.
<Rachel!> Cassie shouted in private thought-speech.
Rachel looked up and saw the two birds. She twitched her fingers to say ‘hello’.
Jake turned to Cassie. <I’m going to find Tom.>

Jake circled low over the school ground, occasionally diving to catch a closer look.
He saw friends. He saw classmates. He saw teachers.
He did not find Tom.
That’s okay. Maybe he’s at the hospital already...Or the morgue.
<Cassie! I’m going to go home. Maybe my parents...Maybe they know what happened to Tom. Tell Rachel I’m glad she’s okay and I’ll see her tomorrow.>
Jake was already flapping away when he heard Cassie’s faint reply. <Okay.>

Tobias headed in the direction of Ax’s scoop. He knew the path so well he could have flown there with his eyes closed. And in pitch darkness, it was pretty much just that.
Ax's scoop was well hidden. It was a distance away from Cassie’s barn and her neighbors so no one would see Ax. Not to mention it could be folded down to hide Ax’s few possessions.
The dark fields and forests passed by quickly below Tobias.
He saw a faint glimmer of light ahead. Ax had managed to make quite a few pieces of technology with soda cans and whatnots.
Tobias, with his keen hearing that was not impaired by the night, heard the voices first.
"...tonight...on the anniversary...Colorado...another tragedy...Weston...Police are...shooting...terrible...casualties...fifty..."
He flew faster.
Then Tobias spotted Ax. And he spotted the TV Ax was fixated on.

A chill filled Aximili with dread when the screen suddenly changed. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
And then he heard the words the reporter spoke.
Aximili couldn’t believe it. Another shooting. Another school. Humans were unbelievable.
Weston High. The school the Animorphs went to.
The others. Prince Jake. Could they have been there? Could they have been hurt? Dead? Thoughts swarmed in Aximili’s head. No.
<Ax.>
He was filled with relief at Tobias’s thought-speech.
<Tobias! The others? Are they alright?>
<They’re fine. They’re at the school.> Tobias glanced at the screen. <There are cops swarming all over the place. We won’t be able to get together until tomorrow.>
<Then what do we do?>
<We stay here and see what they have to say. See how many people are dead.>
Both turned their attention back to the screen in front of them.

Day Two

In a maze we run
In the shadows we hid
But no matter what
There is always a light

Rachel stared at the ceiling from her bed. Her mom had picked her up at the police station after she had been questioned. They had arrived home just after midnight.
She didn’t know how long she had been lying there. Only that she had yet to sleep. Because every time she closed her eyes, she would see the pool of blood, and the sounds of gunshots would ring in her ears.
Rachel rolled over to the side of her bed and her stomach heaved. But she had already thrown up three times and her stomach had no contents left.
Rachel moaned and buried her face in the pillow.
She wanted to sleep. Wanted to get away from it all. Yet her mind would not let her sleep. It tortured her with memories. Visions, sounds, smells.
Yet, her only thought was ‘Why? Why would someone do this?’

Jake shivered in the cold hospital hall. Tom will be okay. Tom will be okay. That’s what Jake told himself, but he didn’t believe it.
Tom had been shot. In the abdomen. The bullet hit his spine.
He was going to live, but Jake knew about spinal injuries. Tom might get better. Or he might not. Tom could be paralyzed. Tom might never walk again.
Jake glanced around the hall, where many parents and friends were awaiting news of their loved ones –including his own parents.
Jake couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to talk to someone. Not his parents. They had their own grief to deal with.
"I have to go make a phone call."
Jake’s mother nodded mutely.
Jake went down to the lobby where the pay phones were. He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a quarter. He shoved the coin into its slot. And then he paused.
Who should he call? Cassie? No. It was too ungodly an hour to wake her. He parents would be annoyed.
Marco? His dad was out of town for the weekend.
Yeah. Marco needed to know.

Marco was interrupted from his dreams by the ringing of the phone.
He lifted his head from his history textbook in which he had fallen asleep.
Marco rubbed his face and yawned. Stupid phone. Where was it?
The persistent ringing finally woke him up completely. He spotted the phone beside him on the desk, underneath another notebook.
Marco snatched it up. "What?" He asked irritably.
"Marco?"
"Jake?" Marco was shocked by the tone of his friend’s voice. "Jake, man, what’s wrong."
"Haven’t you heard, Marco?"
"Heard what?"
"The school, Marco. Someone shot up the school."
Marco was silent as the news sank in. "What did you say?"
"Someone walked into the Prom with a gun and started shooting."
"Are the others okay?"
"Yeah. They’re fine. But, Marco..." Jake’s voice broke. "Tom. Tom was shot."
"Oh, man. Jake...I’m sorry. Is he going to be okay?"
"I don’t know, Marco. I don’t know."

Cassie leaned against the back of her chair, staring at the TV.
She heard the words spoken, but her brain didn’t register them. She had heard the words so many times she had memorized them. Cassie had been watching news ever since she left Rachel at the school.
Cassie glanced at her watch. 3:00 a.m. Why hasn’t Jake called? He must know what happened to Tom by now. Or maybe he does know, and it’s too painful to talk.
Cassie’s gaze drifted to her phone. Maybe she should call him. Or Rachel.
She looked back at the TV. 70 dead, they said. 70. It couldn’t be true. The numbers had to be wrong. No one could murder 70 people. Or could they?

Tobias stretched. He wanted to yawn, but hawks couldn’t yawn.
He had been sitting in the tree above Ax’s scoop all night.
They had been watching the news. In fact, it was still on.
Ax turned to Tobias. <Perhaps you should go catch your meal. I will stay here and watch for any new information.>
Tobias nodded gratefully. He didn’t want to miss anything.
<Thanks Ax. After I’m done, we’ll switch.> With that, Tobias took off.
He flew quickly to his meadow, hoping another hawk hadn’t taken it over.
He was fortunate. No other hawks in sight.
Tobias immediately spotted the plump mouse munching on a nut in the middle of the field. Breakfast.
Pulling his wings in, Tobias dived. His talons ready to strike.
The talons sank into the flesh with deadly accuracy. He squeezed until the heart stopped beating.
Tobias fluttered up to a tree to feed.
Then he saw the blood that covered his talons. More of the blood he had seen so much of the night before.
Tobias’s stomach turned. The small, lifeless body fell from his grasp. He suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

Aximili noticed Tobias came back very quickly.
He looked at his friend in confusion. <You’ve eaten already?>
Tobias shook his hawk head. <I’m not hungry.>
<Then I will graze. When I get back we will met with the others?>
<Yeah.>
Aximili trotted around the meadow. The grass was sweet and tender, but his mind was on other things.
After he drank from the stream, Aximili morphed into a northern harrier.
He and Tobias both took to the skies.

The meeting was at Cassie’s barn, as usual.
But this meeting was anything but usual.
Marco looked around the room and sighed.
Most obviously, Jake was missing. He was still at the hospital, awaiting news of Tom.
And Rachel...she sat upon a bale on hay, silent. Her long blond hair, which normally glistened in the sunlight, hung in dull tangles around her pale face. It was clear that the strands had not been brushes that morning, and that Rachel hadn’t sleep the night before. She had dark circles under her eyes, and though he could not see them, for her lids were half-closed and her head bowed, Marco knew Rachel’s eyes were red from crying. Her clothes were mismatched, another indication that she was in a state of shock, and not paying attention to the world around her.
Leaning against the wall next to her was Tobias. Marco wasn’t sure why Tobias was in human morph, but he could guess. He wanted to be human. To feel human emotions. To cry. To mourn. To contemplate the tragedy that had touched them all.
Ax was in his natural form, standing a little ways off. It was a security risk for him to be in the barn, and not in his human morph, but at that moment, no one had the rationality to think of security risks. Marco wondered briefly what Ax thought of them, and the rest of the human race now that he had witnessed this horror. Did he find them abhorring? Shameful? Savage? Did he still want to save this world now that he had a glimpse of its dark underside? Marco didn’t know. He was never good at reading people, much less Andalites.
Cassie sat by herself by the phone. She was waiting for Jake to call. She looked just as bad, if not worse than Rachel. The bags under her eyes was not as defined, and her hair was not as disheveled, but Marco knew she had not sleep a wink either the night before. And her mismatched socks showed that she was no more in touch with reality than the rest of them.
Marco wondered what he looked like at that moment. Probably not good. He hadn’t slept since Jake’s call at one o’clock, but he had caught a couple of hours of sleep before that, more than any of the others. And of course, he was slightly more distanced from the events than the others. Rachel and Tobias had been at the Prom, and from what Marco had heard, Tobias had been shot, though the wound disappeared when he morphed. And both Jake and Cassie had flown to the school the night before and seen the carnage. And with Tom in critical condition, Jake was a mess. Ax...well, Marco wasn’t sure how Ax was affected by all this, but he figured the Andalite was pretty shocked by the massacre.
Marco figured he was in a state of shock too. Did one know if one was in shock? What was that word they called it? Post-traumatic shock syndrome? Is that what they had? Marco wasn't sure. All he knew was that it would be a long time before things could ever be normal again. Wounds heal with time, but wounds of the soul took longer than wounds of the body. And that is what they had; wounds of the soul.

Rachel took a deep breath and sat up straight. In Jake’s absence, she was the leader of this little group, and she had to act like a leader. Rachel now understood the pressure on Jake. At that moment, she wanted nothing better than to go home and crawl under the covers and hide, but she had to be here. There must have been times when Jake felt that way too, but he never showed it. He never failed to take charge, to be strong. Even when he was weak on the inside, he was strong on the outside. And that was what Rachel had to do to.
The others were sitting or standing, scattered around the barn, absorbed in their own thoughts. And for a long time, Rachel was too. But then she snapped out of it.
When she suddenly sat up, the others notice the sudden change in her and raised their heads in anticipation.
"We all know this meeting has no direct purpose. We just all wanted to be together. To hold on to each other. To be strong for each other. To lean on someone and to be leaned on. So we gathered here. We each had the same thought. We each came to the same conclusion separately. To come here. This spot drew us all here. Because this is the spot in which we have gone through everything together. We Animorphs have been through a lot, and we will get through this. I know we all miss Jake. His absence leaves a void in our hearts. It just doesn’t feel right. But Jake has to be with his family, his other family. He is our leader, our comrade, our brother. But he is their son. He is Tom’s brother, and he has to be there right now. He has to be there to support them, to cry with them, to grieve with them. We can’t be selfish about this. We can’t have Jake all the time. And when he’s not here, we can be strong for each other."
The others were slightly startled by this speech of Rachel’s, but in their hearts, they agreed to with her.
Tobias reached over and pulled Rachel into a hug, and then Cassie. And Marco joined in too. After a moment of hesitation, Ax also joined the group. And they stood there, for a moment, leaning on each other.

Jake paced up and down in the waiting room. Tom was in surgery. He had sent his parents home an hour ago. Telling them to get some sleep. Promising he would stay there and call if anything happened. Jake was worried out of his mind. Not just about Tom and his parent, but also about his friends.
He glanced up to see the pay phone across the room, beckoning him. Jake dug around in his pocket for a quarter and strolled over. He pushed the coin in and listened to the dull ringing of the tone. He pushed the buttons of Cassie’s number, which he had memorized long ago.
One ring. Two rings. Three rings.
Jake was about to hang up out of despair when he heard Cassie’s angelic voice at the other end.
"Hello?"
"Cassie?"
"Jake?"
"How are you doing?"
"We’re fine over here, Jake."
"We?"
"The others are over here." She explained.
Jake nodded to himself in understanding. Of course the others would gather together. They were a team. Teams stood by each other. But the fact that the others were there, and he was not, loomed over Jake’s head like a dark cloud. He felt guilty for not being there. After all, he was their leader. He should be there. It was his duty. But he had a duty to his family as well.
"Do you want me to come over?" He asked.
"It’s okay." Jake could hear Cassie’s smile at the other end. "You need to be with your family. We understand."
"Thanks."
"I hope Tom gets better."
"Yeah, me too. Me too."
"Don’t worry, Jake. We’ll get through this, together."
"I love you, Cassie."
"I love you too, Jake. Goodbye."
"Goodbye." Jake hung up and leaned against the wall. Inside him, Cassie had lighted a tiny spark. Something called hope.

Day Three

Blame rests on no one
The reasons are unknown
Peel back the layers of confusion
And the layers of truth will be shown

"It had been 9:06. The peak of the festivities. There had been over 700 people in the tent and gym. 76 had died. Some from their wounds, some bleed to death, and some drowned in the blood. 112 have been injured, some critically."
Aximili turn all four eyes away from the television screen.
Tobias fluttered down from the skies. <Anything new?>
<76 humans have died.>
There was a pause.
<Have you heard what they’ve been calling it?> Tobias asked
<What?>
<Columbine II.>
Aximili sighed. <I remember Columbine. I didn’t think it could get any worse.>
<Yeah, well, neither did I.>
<They shouldn’t be doing that?>
<Who?> Tobias asked, confused.
<The media. They shouldn’t be calling it another Columbine. It’s not right.>
<It did happen on the anniversary of Columbine.> Tobias pointed out.
<It’s still not right. They should respect the victims of that incident.>
<You can’t control the media. Not in this country.>
<No, but they should restrain themselves. Perhaps, if they had the first time, none of this would have happened.>

At the barn, Rachel and Cassie were having a similar conversation.
Rachel looked at Cassie like she was crazy. "Are you saying the media is responsible for all this?"
"Not directly, but think about it. If they never publicized the first one so widely, most kids wouldn’t even think about doing something like this."
Rachel paused. "I don’t know, Cassie. But I have a feeling this isn’t going to be the last one."

Marco tapped Jake on the shoulder. "Hey, man."
Jake whirled around, looking harried. He forced a smile. "Hi, Marco."
"How you doing?"
"Not good."
Marco nodded. "I know." He looked away at something in the distance and his eyes unfocused. "Remember when my mom died? And I thought I couldn’t go on living anymore? I know what you’re going through, man. You got me through that, and I’m going to get you through this."
Jake jerked his chin at a wooden door. "Let’s go see Tom."
As they started walking, Marco leaned over until he was only an inch away from Jake’s ear. "The Yeerk?"
Jake shrugged. "I don’t know. Either way, we have to be very careful what we say. He hasn’t awakened yet, but he’s out of danger."
"How’d the operation go?"
"Good. They say, if he wakes up soon, they chances of him being able to walk again get better."
"You’re taking this awfully well. Are you accepting it?"
Jake shook his head. "No, I think I’m still in shock. I’m just trying to act rational for my parents’ sake. I’m a wreck inside."
"You’re get through it, man. We all will."
Jake nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. We will. We always have."

Cassie was cleaning up the barn when the girl walked in. At first she didn’t notice the stranger standing in the doorway. The she saw the shadow the form cast on the floor.
Cassie looked up. "Hello."
"Hello."
Cassie studied her. She was a girl from school. Cassie did not know her well, for they had no classes together. But at the present moment she seemed different than before. Different from other humans. Perhaps it was the look in her eyes. Or the horror they reflected.
Cassie flinched, sensing the other mind behind the mask. She did not know how she knew. Only that she did. Perhaps the girl was even letting her know. But why?
"My name is Quincy Laranges." The girl began. "You can call me Quinn. Or you can call me Nemrash. Nemrash Two Five Five. That’s a Yeerk name, but you knew that. I...I came here to tell you the truth. The truth of what happened. Other humans cannot know. But you, I feel you deserve to know the truth." She said the words quickly, without hostility.
Cassie was strangely moved by the girl’s speech. She didn’t know why, but she trusted her. "You—"
The girl held her hand up. "Let me explain. I’m a friend of Aftran. A friend of Illim. He told me about you. I am not an active member in the YPM, it is too dangerous in my position, but I sympathize with their cause. I would like a better way. You don’t have to believe me." She shrugged. "But what other reason do I have to be here?"
"A trap..." Cassie suggested, even though she did not believe it.
"We could have captured you long ago with what I know. There would be no need for traps."
Cassie knew what she was saying was true.
She nodded. "Okay, I believe you. Why are you here?"
"I know something. Something about the shooting."
Cassie felt the blood drain out of her face. "What are you saying?"
"I’m saying you should get the rest of your group together. I think you need to hear this."
Cassie nodded. "I understand."

Rachel picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?"
"Rachel?" Cassie’s voice quivered.
"Cassie?" Rachel sensed the fear in her friend’s voice. "What’s wrong?"
"Get the others and come to my barn. Jake and Marco are at the hospital."
"Cassie?"
"Get them and come here. Something...something is going on."

Jake turned around to see his cousin. "Rachel?"
She leaned over and gave him a hug. Out loud, she said, "I came over to see how Tom was doing," but in a whisper, "meeting. The barn. Now."
Jake nodded to indicate he got the message. "Tom’s doing a lot better. The doctors are optimistic about his recovery."
Marco raised his eyebrows and left with Rachel.
Jake entered the room where his parents sat with Tom. "Mom, Dad, I’m going to go and be with my friends for a while. Is that okay?"
His mom nodded. "Of course. You need some time together to deal with...all this." Her voice wavered at the end.
Jake nodded solemnly. He did not want to leave his family, but duty called. "I’ll be back soon."

Marco veered left in the direction of Cassie’s barn. <See you soon.> He called to Rachel, who was heading for the woods to get Tobias and Ax.
He saw her nod her eagle head. <Don’t start without me.>
<Never, Xena, never.>
Marco landed in the bushed a hundred yards off and demorphed. He didn’t want to take the risk being seen flying into the barn.
Marco jogged through the large double doors of the barn. "Hey, Cass—" He stopped mid-word as he saw the newcomer. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And you are...?"
She gave him a tight smile. "I’m Quinn. But I suppose you’d like to call me Nemrash."
Marco’s eyes widened with fear. "Yeerk!"

Jake veered into the barn in peregrine falcon morph.
"Yeerk!" Marco gasped.
Jake saw a girl he did not know. He dove.
"Jake! NO!" Cassie screamed.
Jake opened his wings and sailed back into the air. <Cassie? Why did you— you’re one of them!>
"No! Jake, stop it. Listen to me."
Jake fluttered down and landed in the rafters. <What’s going on?>
"Nemrash is part of the Yeerk Peace Movement. And she has something to tell us."
Jake came down and demorphed. He looked at Quinn warily. "How do we know we can trust you?"
"Do you have a reason not to?"
"You’re a Yeerk!"
"Is that a reason? Or just an excuse?"
That stopped Jake cold. "I don’t know..."

Aximili landed on the floor of the barn. Jake and Marco were both staring at a girl Aximili had never seen before. Cassie was turned to Jake with a pleading look on her face.
<Prince Jake? What is going on here?> He asked privately.
Jake shook his head. "I’m not sure myself, Ax."
Tobias ruffled his feathers. <Who is she?>
"My name is Nemrash Two Five Five."
<Yeerk.> Rachel and Aximili spat out at the same time. Both voices containing the same hatred.
Cassie stepped between them. "Stop it! We need to talk. Nemrash is not here to hurt us."
Tobias and Ax perched in the rafters. Rachel demorphed, but edged as far away from Nemrash as possible.
Nemrash sighed. "Listen to my story, but don’t judge my people by the action of a few."
"You witnessed what happened at the school. The one who did this was Dameon Hunter. He was a Controller, and my best friend. And more. Dameon was Quinn’s boyfriend. When they were taken, my pool brother, Nemrash Seven Four Six, and I were placed in them because we worked well together. Dameon and Quinn were ‘outcasts’, as humans called them. They were dropouts. The idea was for us to join The Sharing, then go back to school. It would make The Sharing look good if they ‘magically’ turned two ‘losers’ into smart, good kids. That was the plan. But there was another plan. One only the highest-ranking Yeerks knew."
"The shooting." Cassie whispered.
"Yes, the shooting. We received our hosts a year ago, right after the Columbine incident. I suppose some Sub-Visser saw how many students joined clubs and went to counseling. He realized that if a similar incident happened here, inductions into The Sharing would increase tenfold. An easy way to gain new voluntary controllers."
"They did this?" Rachel demanded angrily.
Quinn nodded. "Visser Three decided to stage a school shooting here. It didn’t turn out the way he wanted."
"What do you mean?" Jake asked.
"The plan was for a few student to be hurt, maybe killed. Certainly not seventy-six casualties! They wanted hosts."
"What went wrong?" Cassie asked.
"Nemrash was assigned to the mission. They told him he would be shot by a cop and rushed to the hospital where he would be removed and the host disposed of. They lied to him, of course. I only found out yesterday. The plan was to kill him, a lowly Yeerk, all along. I was not supposed to know of the plan, but Nemrash told me anyway."
"But why?" Cassie whispered, confused. "Why did he kill all those people?"
Quinn looked away. "I believe he was addicted to oatmeal. Not noticeably so, but enough so that he was not thinking straight."
<The Yeerk was crazy?> Tobias gasped. <Is that why?>
"That is not all. I also have reason to believe Dameon was mentally unbalanced."
"What does that mean?" Marco demanded.
"I do not know. You humans want someone to blame. I have given you all the information you need. Make your own judgments."
Cassie stood. "Thank you, Nemrash."
She nodded. "Just one thing. Nemrash...he was more to me than a friend. He knew I sympathized with the YPM. He disagreed with me, but he was loyal enough not to turn me in. He would not have willingly shot all those people."
"Are you saying the host was in control?" Jake asked.
"I don’t know. He could have been. Oatmeal makes one lose control –both mentally and physically. At that point, either of them were unstable enough to do it. But no one will ever know who finally pulled that trigger."
Jake, after a moment of hesitation, stuck out his hand.
Quinn shook it. "Nemrash is letting me have control. All I want to say is that I’m sorry." She turned and left.

There was a long silence after Quinn/Nemrash left.
<Do you believe her, Prince Jake?> Aximili asked.
Jake sighed. "Why would she lie?"
Aximili had no answer.
"If what she said is true..." Rachel began.
Marco caught on. "—The Yeerks are out to get new hosts."
"What are we going to do?" Cassie asked.
"What can we do?" Rachel demanded.
"We can’t just sit there and let the Yeerks take the entire school." Cassie argued.
"There’s nothing we can do. Everyone knew someone who got kill or shot. They need support and comfort, and the Sharing is there." Marco spoke the truth.
"We can’t have a school full of Controllers." Jake said rationally. "They’d expect us to join the Sharing. Especially Rachel since she was there."
"We have to stop them." Rachel said firmly.
<But how?> Tobias asked. <How do we keep people from joining The Sharing.>
"By giving them a different way to heal." Cassie answered.
"How?" Marco demanded. "Jason, you know Jason? The guy who sat behind us in math? The one who drew those amazing pictures. Like you could reach out and touch it and it would be real? He was shot three times. He’s paralyzed...from the neck down. He can’t draw. He can’t even move. You think he would hesitate to join a ‘great’ group like the Sharing?"
"Why would the Yeerks go after Jason?" Jake asked. "For that matter, why would they go after anyone in the hospital? They want bodies. Healthy bodies."
<Yeerk technology is very advanced compared to humans.> Aximili admitted. <These injuries will not be a problem for them.>
Rachel set her jaw. "A bargaining chip. They’ll go up to these people and say ‘If you become a voluntary host, we’ll let you walk again."
Jake shook his head. "We can’t let them do that."
"And how are you going to stop them, Jake?" Marco asked again.
Cassie crossed her arms. "We’ll find a way."

Day Four

From what are we running?
The Dark
Or the Light?
And when we get to where we want
Is it as bright as we thought?
Or darker than where we were before?

Cassie sucked in her breath as she passed by the gymnasium door. The yellow police tape surrounded it, keeping by-passers out. Respect itself would have been enough. No one was eager to go back in there any time soon.
The auditorium where the memorial service was being held was right next to the gym. Everyone felt the chill of its presence.
Cassie smoothed the invisible wrinkles out of her skirt. It was actually Rachel’s skirt. Cassie didn’t own any skirts. Or dresses, for that matter. Rachel had in total one black dress, one long black skirt, and one short leather one.
Rachel had worn the dress. Needless to say, Cassie took the long skirt.
That morning, Cassie had gone over to Rachel’s to get dressed. Rachel had picked out her outfit. Despite the chaos of the past few days, they matched.
Jake walked up behind her and gave Cassie an one-armed hug. "How are you doing?"
"I’m alright." Cassie gestured at the two figures not far away. "I’m kind of worried about Rachel, though."
"Tobias will take care of her."
Cassie nodded. "Yeah, but who will take care of everyone else?"
Jake’s lips pressed tight together. "As long as it’s not The Sharing."
Cassie gripped his hand as they walked in. "Amen to that." She whispered.

Aximili tugged at his jacket. He had borrowed it from Prince Jake. He did not see the necessity of wearing such an uncomfortable garment, but Tobias had convinced him it was proper.
Tobias was close by, talking privately with Rachel. Aximili did not want to disturb them, so he walked into the auditorium alone. He spotted Cassie and Prince Jake sitting near the back and joined them.
"Hello, Philip." Cassie gave him a brief smile.
Ax nodded. "Hello, Cassie. Jake."
"Marco!" Jake called out to the figure behind Ax.
Marco stepped around Ax and briefly shook Jake’s hand. "You okay, man?"
Jake jerked his head to the front. "My parents are up there with Rachel’s mom. They’re getting better."
"I asked about you, man." Marco saw through Jake’s reluctance.
Jake looked away.
Cassie put her hand on his shoulder. "Jake, it’s okay."
"Let’s sit down." Jake quickly changed the subject. "They’re about to start."
Aximili nodded and the four sat down in a row of seats, making sure there was room for the others as well.
The ceremony began.

Jake rubbed the back of his neck. It hurt with a constant ache.
I’m just tired. He told himself. He was under a lot of stress. His parents. His brother. His friends. They all depended on him.
Cassie and Marco were trying to understand, he knew that. But they didn’t understand. He couldn’t be weak. If he was, his parents would have a nervous breakdown. The Animorphs would collapse.
He had to be strong. For them.
Even if it meant forgetting how to feel.
Jake remembered how he had felt when Nemrash told them that Yeerk was responsible. Nemrash whatever. Jake didn’t care what that girl said. She was just trying to cover up his guilt. Maybe she was even in love with him. Whatever the reason, none of that mattered. He was to blame. If he wasn’t already dead, Jake would have pulverized him into little pieces for what he did to his brother.

Tobias took Rachel’s hands in his. "It’ll be okay."
Rachel shuddered. "I can’t sleep, Tobias. Every time I close my eyes... I see them, Tobias. I see their faces, all bloodied and destroyed." Tears ran down her face. "They ask, Tobias. They ask me why I didn’t die with them."
He pulled her into a hug. "Oh, Rachel... It wasn’t your fault. There wasn’t anything you could have done."
"I could have morphed. I could have morphed and stopped him."
"No. You’d have revealed our secret."
"The whole reason we are who we are is to protect people. I failed them."
"No. We’re suppose to fight for the human race. Not just the people here, but everyone, everywhere."
"I could have morphed. I was in a closet. They wouldn’t have seen!"
"Shhhh..." Tobias quieted here. "This is not the place."
"Then where is? I hid, Tobias. I hid like a coward while my friends were being massacred. What does that make me?"
Tobias was silent.
"I’m as much responsible for this as the guy who pulled that trigger."
Tobias sighed and kissed her on her forehead. "It’ll be okay."

Rachel wiped away her tears and followed Tobias into the now-crowded auditorium.
Her heart felt like a stone.
The others were sitting just up ahead.
Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to compose herself.
The screams began.
Rachel’s eyes snapped open. She looked around wildly, her breath in quick, short takes.
Nothing.
No gunman. No bullets. No blood.
All in her mind.
Rachel bit her lip and tired not to stumble as she made her way to her seat.

Marco slowly clenched and unclenched his fists.
Nora.
She had been a chaperone at the prom.
She had been shot while herding kids to safety.
She was okay, the bullet had only grazed her arm, but it made Marco mad.
Mad at the worry and anguish he had seen on his dad’s face when he heard she had been shot. His father had almost lost another wife. Marco knew it would have killed him.
And Nora... Marco didn’t see her as his mom, and there was that rabid dog of hers, and she was a math teacher, but she was an okay person. And for better or worse, she was family.
Marco would not tolerate anyone hurting his family ever again.
Marco remembered how he had felt when Nemrash told them the Yeerks were responsible. That was the way Marco saw it. Not Dameon. Not the Yeerk in his head. They didn’t matter. The Yeerks set it up, organized it. The Yeerks were responsible.
Marco had wanted to go straight to Chapman’s house and rip the Yeerk right out of his brain. He probably would have too, if Cassie hadn’t asked him to stay and help her with the chores. Maybe that was why she did it. So he wouldn’t. She could read people. She knew them all too well.
Marco shook his head to try to clear it. Chapman was standing at the podium on the stage. The principal had been killed. Chapman was now in control.

Cassie stared mutely as Chapman began his speech.
"Students, parents, teachers, friends. We are here because a terrible tragedy has struck us. I know it must be very difficult for you to cope with this devastation. I want you to know you are not alone. We have counselors here that you can talk to, and The Sharing, a wonderful group that I’m involved in, has a group of counselors volunteering their time. I hope this will help you in your time of grief."
Cassie gritted her teeth. He was starting propaganda for The Sharing already.
The speech continued, lasting almost an hour. The Sharing was mentioned every other sentence.
When Chapman was finished, a number of other teachers also took a moment to speak. At least half of them praised The Sharing. Cassie noted their names and added them to her mental list of known Controllers.
Chapman returned to the stage. "If anyone would like to say something in memory of those who died, please speak up."
A heavy silence fell on the room.
Cassie hesitated, then stood up.

Jake was more than surprised when Cassie stood up. He knew she hated being the center of attention. Furthermore, he was afraid she would say something that shouldn’t be said.
Jake started to reach over and pull her back down, then stopped. He trusted her.
Still, he had no idea what she would say, and at that point, no idea of the impact it would make.

Cassie looked into the crowd, her hands wringing. "Hello. I’m a student at Weston High. I...uh...I didn’t really know the people who died. I mean, I’ve seen them in the halls around school, but I didn’t know them well. I knew a few of the teachers, but again, I’ve never had them. I never will. I’ll never know these people. That part I regret the most."
Cassie bit her lip. "Everyone’s talked about how horrible this is, and how there’s counseling available, and they’re right, but I think what’s most important is that we’re there for each other. Just be with family, friends, people you know, and people who know you. I’ve found that when you need them the most, people will be there for you. All you have to do is stick together, and you’ll survive."
"What happened was terrible, but it’s not about one person who was crazy or who was left out. It’s about us as a community, as a people. This has happened before. The media went crazy. The teachers went paranoid. But nothing really changed. A lot of people still have guns. Why? Why do you get pleasure from hunting down some poor innocent creature? Does it change when people are being hunted? It’s not about school, or Columbine, or the ‘Weston High Massacre’. It’s about violence, hate, fear. But that comes from the heart, not R-rated movies or video games or TV or the Internet. If you say, ‘I will do no violence, I will not hate, I will not give anyone reason to fear me’, then that’s it. No matter how much violence you see, it stops with you. If the person next to you said that, and the person next to them, then stops with all of you. If everybody in the world said that, there would be no violence. But you don’t need to worry about everyone else, just you. You take care of you, and everyone else will do the same."
Cassie sat down.

There was no applause, just silence. A few people cried. A few faces were streaked with tears. A few were stunned. A few were thoughtful. No one said anything.
In an almost coordinated movement, the auditorium stood. One by one, they filed out. Chapman’s words were forgotten. But the memory of a short young girl with a message remained.

Day Five

Healing comes at an unknown time
From an unknown place
Only when you awake
To the songs of angels
Will you know their grace

Cassie stroked the goose in her arms. "Any news?"
Erek finished shoveling the last of the manure. "There’s been an increase in voluntary members, but not significantly more than usual.
Jake nodded. "That’s good."
Marco, however, was worried. "Chapman knows, Cassie. He knows it was your speech that mess up their plans. You just turned the tables on them, made everyone forget about the ‘wonderful’ Sharing. He’s going to come after you."
Erek shook his holographic head with confidence. "They’re not sure who she is. They don’t have a name, and she was so far in the back they couldn’t see her clearly. You know how bad the lighting is back there."
Rachel sat next to Tobias, their fingers intertwined. "So now what?"
Erek shrugged. "The Yeerks are putting all the blame on Dameon. He’ll be labeled crazy, some people will get sued, congress will start debating gun control again, and then everyone will forget about it."
"I can’t believe they’re just blaming the kid."
"What are you suggesting, Cassie?" Marco demanded. "The Yeerks are to blame for this, sure, but we can’t exactly go out and say it."
"Not all Yeerks, Marco." Cassie argued. "Some didn’t even know about this."
"She’s right." Jake joined it. "It was that one Yeerk. Nemrash whatever."
"No," Rachel whispered, "it was one person. Me."
Tobias hugged her. "Rachel, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. They were crazy. We’re never going to find out exactly who’s to blame. We just have to deal with this the best we can and move on."
"I believe it was the fault of the media." Ax finally spoke up. "The Yeerks got the idea for this from them."
"Does it make any difference who was to blame?" Erek asked. "Now is a time for healing."
Everyone silently agreed.
"But we can’t just let this be forgotten." Cassie pointed out.
"It won’t be." Erek vowed.
"How about a memorial?" Jake suggested. "It could be erected where the tent was."
Rachel smiled for the first time in nearly a week. "With a courtyard."
"Done." Erek said. "I’ve got an ‘uncle’ who will make a very generous gift later today, and well...it’ll all be taken care of."

Rachel stared out her window at her picturesque neighborhood. At the end of every storm was a rainbow. Even the darkest of nights ended with sunrise.
Rachel took her sister, Sara’s hand. "Come on. Let’s go play with Barbies."

Day Ten

Humanity will rise
Humanity will fall
But hope lives on
Forever and all

A drizzling rain covered the cemetery in a shroud of mist. Six lone figures stood before the large, marble memorial erected in memory of the Weston High Massacre. Their faces were wet with tears and rain, and their clothes clung to their damp skin, but still, they stood. Contemplating life and death. And mourning, always mourning.

Jake placed the bouquet of spring lilies on the cold, smooth surface of the steps leading up to the memorial. Roses were more traditional, but somehow, Jake felt they weren’t right.
He hadn’t known any of these people, and yet, he cried because they were gone. They were senior and juniors, the upperclassmen who would never be caught dead with a underclassman. Well, here he was, and they were there too, and they were dead.
It was ironic, in a way, because they were more loved and more respected in death than in life.

Cassie knelt down and placed the two roses she had brought next to Jake’s flowers. She laid them one across the other, so they formed a cross. One was black, and one was white.

Aximili placed down a tuft of long, silky grass. He had cut the bundle carefully, and tied it together with a green ribbon. To the Andalites, grass meant life. To humans, green meant peace.

Tobias placed a single, solitary feather, which immediately became soaked with rain. As his eyes looked down at the earth, and upward to heaven, he whispered a few words.

"I hope you’re flying
In a world without hurt

I hope you’re streaming
Through the air
Of a place without despair

I hope you’re floating on a cloud
In a Paradise without pain

I hope you can look down on this world
And forgive those who have sinned

I hope your soul isn’t tainted by these days
Of horror mingled with hope

I hope you can remember your years on Earth
Without the tears sorrow hold

I hope you know I’m sorry
Even if I did you no harm

And I hope one day, when we meet
Love will erase a past of hate"

As Tobias stood up, he was crying. He remembered that night, for he was there. And the horror and suffering of that night would forever be stained in his soul.

Marco took out the small plate of cookies from under his coat. He smiled a sad smile, for he knew death well. He left the cookies –chocolate chip– and a note:

My mother used to bake these when she was alive.
I hope she makes them for you too.


Rachel was last. No one knew what tribute she had brought.
As she reached under her jacket and brought out a gun, the others looked on in surprise. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It was wrapped in a sheet of plastic to protect it from the elements.
The gun was her father’s. He had left it when he moved out. Rachel never thought she’d ever have a use or it, but now she did. She never thought a gun could be used to help along peace, but it could.
Rachel placed the paper beneath the gun, and the Animorphs turned and left.

What we find in Life is what we find in Death
What we find in Death is what we find in Life

A young man walked into the cemetery later than day, and seeing the gun, he grew curious, so he read the note Rachel had left:

In Memorial

This is what caused our hearts to break
This is what shattered our lives
Let us throw our weapons aside
So that we may shake with open hands

Leave your guns, your knives, your weapons behind
Leave you hate, your pain, your anger in the past
And fill your heart with love, peace, and hope
And never forget that we all have a soul

Hope what has happened here will not mar another life
Promise you will help along the fragile peace of our world
And to keep your vow, lay your weapons here
And never pick up another

May our world never again know
The tragedy and the loss
The horror and the fear
The suffering and the pain
Of another Columbine

Day Seventeen

"One week later, over 300 guns had been place upon the Weston High Memorial, as well as countless knives, brass knuckles, chains, and other weapons. It seems that the message of the anonymous author has been received."
Aximili turned off the TV and smiled for the first time since that night. Perhaps, he thought, humans aren’t that bad after all.

The End


























Afterword

I began writing this in May, a month after the Columbine shooting. It was, perhaps, my way of reacting.
The idea started with a scene. Blood seeping in under door, and a girl, pressed against the wall, no way to avoid it. That girl became Rachel. And that scene became part of Memorial.
It took me a long to to write this. At one point, I was ready to stop. Just let it sit in my head. But Memorial was too important for that.
Perhaps what provoked me to finish was the shooting in Michigan. And the game of passing the blame began again. School. Parents. TV. Video games. Internet. Gun control. The Animorphs played that game as well. Blame everyone else, but no one ever dared to blame themself.
All the excuses stem from culture, society. But the society is made of the people. All the people. The people can't expect the government to fix their problems, because in this country, the people are the government.
Gun control laws wouldn't have stopped the killers at Columbine, but it would have saved Kayla. But in a world where Congress is on the payroll of the NRA, that's not about to happen. But in the end, it was Cassie who got it right. You take care of you, and everyone else will do the same.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. Perhaps what I was trying to say with Memorial. But I'm not a talented writer, nor a good one for that matter. I can't weave layers of symbolism. I just write what I see. What I think.

I was never one for dedications, but this one is for you. For you, for me, for everyone. For the Kayla who died, and for the Kayla who will have to grow up in a world where children kill children.














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