The Wedding
This is how it should have been
Between you and me
But how can our love ever be
When we're still caught
In the Shadows of our Pasts
Jordan came downstairs and kissed him. "Mmmhhh... Morning."
Tobias grinned. "Morning."
Jordan grabbed a cup and poured out her morning dose of caffeine.
Marco wrinkled his nose. "How can you drink that black?" He asked, his own cup of well-diluted cream-'n'-sugar in hand.
Sara made a face. "How can you drink that stuff at all?"
"Yeah, Marco," Tobias teased, "you know coffee stunts your growth."
Marco made a face. "Shoo, Bird-boy."
Lydia walked in with a glass of juice and a plateful of toast. As soon as she set the plate down the hungry crowd devoured it.
"Hey, honey." She gave Marco a quick kiss on the lips and sat down.
Marco turned bright red, and they all laughed. Even then, so close to his wedding, he was still shy about PDA, not at all the way he used to act as a kid.
"Hey, I'm going to the bridal place today," Lydia announced. "Jordan, Sara? You want to come?"
Sara grinned, and you could almost see the bridesmaid dresses dancing in her eyes. "Yeah!"
Jordan smiled, amused by her sister's antics. "Sure."
Marco grinned at Tobias. "And what do you say we go rent the tuxes?"
Tobias nodded. "Good idea."
Marco leaned over. "And go pick up Jake and Cassie too," he whispered conspiratorially.
Tobias grinned. "Got it."
"What are you two boys whispering about?" Jordan asked, but her smile erased any seriousness.
"You'll see." Marco jumped up and pulled Tobias with him. "We'll be back for dinner."
Jordan laughed and watched them go.
The airport was crowded, as usual. The good part was that Jake and Cassie would be arriving on a private jet, so there wouldn't be any delays. The bad part was that Jake wanted to stay low-key, so he and Cassie would be disguised and exiting with another group.
Marco showed Tobias two pictures. "These are the people they morphed. Keep an eye out for them."
Tobias nodded. Morphing was the easiest way to maintain secrecy. Marco too had morphed on the way over, and no one could recognize him using his military ID.
"There they are." Marco pointed to what looked like a harried couple just back from visiting in-laws.
Tobias almost laughed. Everything from their hair to the way they walked was different.
Tobias followed Marco as he made his way through the crowd.
"Hey, Jake!"
The man's face spread into a large grin. "Hey, Marco." They shook hands discretely.
"Hey, Cassie. Hey, Jake." Tobias smiled.
Cassie hugged him while Jake pumped his hand.
"Oh, it's good to see you again, Tobias," she murmured.
"Come on."
Marco led them back to the car. "Demorph in the car. We've got all the tuxes. Cassie, Lydie will take you dress shopping later, but right now," Marco swung the car into full gear and out of the parking lot, "we need to get back and surprise Jordan."
Tobias grinned. Only Marco would pull a stunt like this. Surprise Jordan indeed!
Marco pressed a button and the windows darkened. "Demorph."
They did.
"Some reporters got wind of a rumor you were coming here, so we'll have to keep you two under wraps for a day or two 'til they clear out." Marco explained.
So that's the reason for all this secrecy. Tobias mused to himself. "How did you find that out?" He asked Marco.
"Jake and Cassie are always hot, so I was on the look out. And you remember that taxi in front of the airport?"
Tobias blinked. "Yeah, there was one, but there's always a taxi there."
"It was there for over fifteen minutes."
"So? It could have been waiting for someone."
"The light was on."
Jake muttered something that that sounded distinctly inappropriate. "One week, that’s all I ask. One week out of the public eye. One week."
Cassie kissed him. "Don't worry. They won't find us."
Marco smirked at the two in the back seat. "Just wait 'til you take the Secretary of Defense position."
Jake jerked up. "How did you know about that? Diane just announce her candidacy last week!"
"Oooo... On a first-name basis now, aren't you?" Marco teased.
"Aw, shaddup. You know how closely I've worked with Anderson in the past. Pity he can't run for re-election, really," he added. "And how did you know?"
Marco just smiled. "I hear things. So, you taking the job?"
"I don't know..." Jake said slowly.
Marco scoffed. "Oh, don't tell me you said that to her."
"Of course not." Cassie grinned. "He was very polite. And then after he hung up, he pulled me off the couch and started dancing."
Tobias shook his head. "She hasn't even been elected yet. How do you know she'll even be president?"
Marco rolled his eyes. "Is there any doubt? She's pretty much uncontested in the primaries. Besides, the Republicans are fighting cats and dogs over who gets the nomination, and there's that crazy dude running under the pro-Yeerk platform."
"That's not crazy." Cassie muttered.
Marco shot her a look. "At the very least he's unpopular."
Jake shook his head in disgust. "He's just a front. The party's controlled by white supremacists."
"You don't know that."
"He's right, Cassie," Marco interrupted.
Cassie sighed. "I wish our party would acknowledge the peace movement."
"We will," Jake said with force. "But only when it's time. Right now we're under a pro-Andalite banner."
"What do you mean by that?" Tobias asked.
"More treaties like the one we've had. A stronger alliance militarily, more interaction between regular citizens."
"And Roberts wanted your support this early on?" Tobias asked.
"Of course." Marco gave Tobias an amused look. "You've been out of touch with Earth politics for too long. Jake's the most popular man alive. The only reason he's not president is 'cause he needs a few more years to grow a beard."
Jake laughed. "Yeah, right. And Kennedy was popular too."
Marco waved it off. "Unless some major scandal pops out of nowhere and we suddenly declare war on the Andalites, Roberts will be elected. Jake will be named Secretary of Defense. Eight years down the road, he's vice president, then president."
Jake frowned. "Quit planning my life."
Marco was undeterred. "You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it.
"You're the man, Jake."
Tobias checked to make sure Jordan was asleep. Marco and Lydia were staying in Jordan's room while Jake and Cassie were staying with Erek to avoid the media camp around their houses.
He opened his trunk and pulled out the small black device. The window opened easily, and Tobias slipped out, landing like a cat on the grass.
He moved a ways into the bushes so no one could detect him easily.
He fumbled for the earpiece, then turned the communicator on. Too bad his computer battery was drained.
<Galuit. You there?>
A pause. Then, "Yes, Tobias."
<Good.>
"Why have you not called in so long? It's been a month since your last communication."
Tobias winced internally. It had been a month since Jordan had nearly caught him, and every time he thought about calling Galuit, he felt guilty for keeping secrets.
<I've been busy.
<Look,> Tobias came to the topic he wanted to discuss, <we've got a problem.>
"What do you mean?"
<The situation with Alex could destabilize the political position on Earth.>
"How?"
<The elections are coming up. We don’t need a military scandal.>
"So what should we do?"
<We can't wait any longer. I must talk to her.>
"But the mission isn't planned for another month."
<We'll just have to keep on pretending.>
"Tobias?" Jordan looked up.
Tobias turned. "I've got to go take care of something."
"What?
"I can't tell you." He looked away quickly as his voice broke.
"I'm sorry, Jordan."
"What will I tell the others?"
"That I went out for a jog and that you're going to meet me somewhere. Wait a bit, then leave and go to the Hilton by the spaceport. Don't go anywhere. I'll come to the Hilton to pick you up."
Jordan suddenly felt like she was fourteen years old again and being sent out on a mission. "Tobias...?"
"Please, Jordan."
She nodded. Whatever he was going to do, she had to trust him.
He took the first plane to Austin, then rented a car with a fake credit card and license.
The drive out to the farm took a little over an hour. (Thank God for the new faster cars.)
The farm was more of a ranch really, when you looked at it. A house, a barn, horses, a few chickens.
It used to be a real farm, but now Sarah lived in it alone and used the place as a studio for her painting.
Tobias parked the car next to the Jeep in front of the barn.
He took a deep breath to work up his nerve. He had done a lot of dangerous things, gone on a lot of missions, but this...
Sarah was not just another person on the road. Sarah meant something.
He knocked.
And the door opened.
She looked just as she did the last time he had seen her nearly five years ago, except there were dark shadows under her eyes.
"Tobias!"
"Hello, Sarah."
Tobias declined the polite offering of coffee. "About Alex..."
He saw her hand shake slightly. "He hasn't come home. My neighbors keep saying he left me for another woman, but Alex wouldn't do that. Alex would never—" She stopped. The tears ran silently down her face.
"They said he'd been delayed on a mission..." She finally whispered, not really stating who 'they' were, but Tobias understood.
"I know."
"It's been three months. Three months and he still isn't home!" She looked at him, her eyes pleading. "Where's my husband, Tobias?"
He turned away. "I'm sorry, Sarah." This was so hard. This was so goddamn hard.
She shook him. "I want to know! I have a right to know!"
"Alex would never have left you."
"Then where is he?" She stopped suddenly and looked up at him. "You're speaking in past tense..."
Tobias grabbed her hand and pushed the small metal object into her palm.
She jerked her hand away and, opening it, looked at the object.
A ring. Her husband's wedding ring.
She looked up, disbelief written into the etches of her face.
"That's your answer."
"No..."
"I'm sorry." And he meant it.
"What happened to my husband?" She raged, beating her small fists on his chest.
"Sarah..."
"Tell me!"
"He died in my arms. I'm sorry, Sarah, I couldn't save him."
She was crying now, sobbing. He let her cry and put his arms across her shoulders and held her. "Oh, Sarah..."
Jordan absentmindedly flipped through the TV channels. News channel, weather, old cartoons, NBC. Too bad there were only twelve English-speaking channels you could get in the world. It would take a while for the entertainment industry to return to its former grandeur before the War.
Click.
The lock turned.
"Tobias?"
The door swung open.
He stood there. Sometime ago it had started raining, and now he was dripping little puddles onto the floor.
"Tobias?" Jordan got out of bed. "What's wrong?"
He hugged her tightly, as if clinging to the one lifeline he had left. "I told her."
"Told who?" She pressed her hand against his cheek. He was shaking. And so cold.
"Sarah."
"Who's Sarah?" Part of her was instantly jealous.
Tobias stumbled forward and sat down on the bed. Jordan sat next to him.
"Alex's wife."
"Alex?"
"He died not long ago."
"That's too bad. But..."
"He was my best friend. And he should never have died."
"Tobias...?"
"I went with him to make sure he never died, but he did. He—" Tobias stopped. "The mission was a secret. The ship was Alliance-built, but it was stock-full of Andalite technology."
"I don't understand. What does that—"
"The treaty was only signed two months ago. Before that, transfer of technology, especially war technology was illegal, but people did it anyway. Look at the cars, the satellites. It's all built by fusing Andalite technology with human designs. That's what Marco does for a living."
"But if the treaty has been signed, what does it matter anymore?"
"It was a military venture. The Andalites gave the Alliance the information to build a Z-space capable craft. Not only that, but the purpose of this ship was to attack a Yeerk base on a planet in Andalite space."
"So the Alliance needed confirmation from its members..."
"They knew it would jeopardize the mission to ask, so they went ahead with it without confirmation."
"Oh, God..."
"The entire project was covered up and all evidence destroyed. Alex was an Alliance liaison officer to the Andalite military, and his death proves that the Alliance was involved. We've been trying to keep it out of the media ever since."
"And now?"
"Jake's political career throws a spin on things. This is a scandal we can't afford, so I had to tell Sarah the truth."
"Is she going to...?"
"No. She understands the complexity of galaxial politics, but sooner or later, someone's going to realize that Alex has been missing for three months, and they'll start asking questions. Questions we can't answer."
"What are you going to do?"
Tobias stroked Jordan’s hair. "I don't know."
Tobias closed his eyes. Talking had brought it all back. All the memories, all the old hurts.
But he was safe here. Safe with Jordan.
She just sat there, her head fitting neatly into the crook of his shoulder. "Jordan..." He hesitated. "We should go. It's late."
Jordan tilted her head up, her dark eyes looking into his soul. "Let's stay."
"Okay," Tobias whispered, and he kissed her.
She kissed back, her mouth opening to let him explore each secret crevice.
Her right arm found his neck while her left remained encircled behind his back. The weight of her body shifted, and the kiss deepened.
Tobias fell back, carrying Jordan with him. His hands, as if on automatic, tugged at the back of her shirt.
She fumbled with his belt buckle with one hand, not breaking the kiss.
Soon both were undressed, the pieces of clothing scattered across the floor.
Tobias could feel Jordan's heart beating under her breasts, strong and steady, in rhythm with his own.
Her hot breath fell on his neck. "Make love to me."
So he did.
Jordan was pretty sure she had just screamed something, which came as a bit of a surprise to her. She was no virgin, though it had been a year since she last slept with Lawrence. But with Tobias, it was different. More about the emotions coursing through her veins and the fire of his touch than mere companionship and coexistence. She had experienced passion, but never such as this.
But with Tobias, it was more than just passion. He made her feel whole; he made her feel right. She wanted to think that that was love. What else could it be?
She was in a private paradise, just for the two of them. She loved Tobias, and she was ready to spend her life with him.
She gave herself to him three times that night, and each time was more beautiful than the last.
Tobias cried while they made love, tears falling down his face. It had been a long time.
He whispered her name and sweet words of love, but in moments of passion he would scream her sister's name.
She forgot it. What did it matter? He was hers now, even if his heart belonged to another.
She would make him forget.
Jordan stared at the ceiling from the bed. How was it that life was so complicated?
Here she was, in love with a man who loved her, but was he free to love her?
"'Til death do us part" was the common vow, but forever was different. Forever was a long time. Forever meant never for her.
She had watched their wedding. She had witnessed that love. Who was she to think that she could ever replace that.
She reached over and shook Tobias. "Wake up, it's morning."
Tobias rolled over. "Rachel..."
Jordan stifled a sob. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. No matter how happy she made him, to him all she was a clone of her sister.
Jordan got out of bed and searched around for her underwear. She needed a shower.
Tobias dreamed. He dreamed he was back on his old base and Rachel was asleep beside him. She was alive, and she was with him again.
She leaned over him and touched his shoulder. Her hand was warm and real, and it was the most wonderful thing he had ever felt.
Tobias rolled over. "Rachel..."
Silence.
Then, sounds. She was moving around...water running...
Tobias woke with a start. He was in a bed, and he was naked, and somebody, presumably the reason he had no clothes, on was in the shower.
Rachel. His mind immediately jumped to that name.
No...no, Rachel was dead...
Could the last eight years have just been a horrible dream?
He wanted it to be so. He wanted...
Then it all came flying back at him. Sarah's ranch, the conversation with Jordan, and the night they shared.
Tobias's heart hammered in his chest. He had just made love to his wife's sister.
No, not wife. Rachel was dead... dead... dead.
The bathroom door opened, and Jordan stepped out, freshly showered and fully clothed.
"Jordan..." Tobias stumbled out of bed, getting tangled in the sheet.
"Don't bother," Jordan whispered bitterly.
"Jordan, what's wrong?"
"You and me."
"What?"
"Rachel isn't dead. Not to you she isn't."
Tobias stared. "Jordan, I love you!"
She looked like she was about to cry, but Jordan didn't cry easily. "That counts bullshit when you're still in love with my sister."
"Of course I love her. I married her for godsake!"
"Well, what am I then? Some goddamn prostitute you sleep with for kicks?"
"No! Damnit, Jordan, I love you! Can't you see that?"
Jordan looked away. "The only reason you love me, Tobias," She said in a hollow sort of voice, "is because I remind you of Rachel."
"I—" Tobias was about to protest when he realized her words were true. She did remind him of his old love.
But he loved her because of more than that. Didn't he? He had to.
"You feel guilty about this, don't you?" Jordan demanded.
Tobias couldn't say no. "Don't you?"
"There's nothing to feel guilty about! She's dead! She's been dead for eight years."
"She's your sister."
Jordan shuddered. "My sister in life always had the spotlight on her, so bright that it ellipsed everything and everyone else in her life. In death, my sister casts a shadow so long and dark that I’m still trapped in it. And so are you."
Tobias took a step forward, but Jordan backed away.
"Jordan, we can work this out."
"What is there left, Tobias? I can't do this. I can't be with a man who loves another woman, even if she's dead. I can't deal with you seeing Rachel's face in mine. I can't—" Her voice faltered. "I'm sick of Rachel being first, of Rachel being number one. I shared my life with her, but I can't share you."
"Jordan, please..." Tobias wasn't sure what he was asking. Maybe for her to stay, maybe for her to be someone else, someone not like Rachel.
"I've got to go, Tobias." Jordan slipped on her jacket. "Goodbye."
And she walked out. Out of the room, out of what they had.
Tobias sat back on the bed, and he knew he had just lost his last best chance for happiness.
Jordan collapsed against the elevator wall. The tears had started falling the moment she walked out that door. She would not let Tobias see her cry. She wouldn't let him know how much he had meant to her.
How stupid could she get? Falling in love with her sister's husband.
She would call Lawrence. Tonight. And tell him...
Tell him what?
That she had fallen in love with a man who wasn't free? And now she was running back to him?
Jordan straightened as the elevator jarred to a stopped. She smoothed her hair, wiped away the tears, and walked out like the independent woman she was.
She would return to school in the fall. There would still be a place for her. She would finish Med school like she'd always wanted, and if Lawrence still happened to be there, well, that would be fine too.
Tobias was a mistake. Not the bad kind you made like driving drunk or doing drugs, just something that hadn't worked out. And she, Jordan, learned from her mistakes, and lived to walk away.
Tobias got dressed and paid the bill, moving and speaking on autopilot.
I should have known. Every time I open my heart, it gets broken.
The drive back was uneventful, and if anything did happen, Tobias didn't notice it.
Jordan had arrived home before him and was quietly sipping tea as Cassie showed them her dress.
Neither of them acknowledged each other.
Instead, Tobias complimented Cassie's dress, then made some excuse to go up stairs.
But Marco noticed his departure and followed him.
"Tobias? What's wrong?"
Tobias said nothing.
"We were worried. You were gone all day, and you didn't come back last night. Jordan too." His stopped suddenly. "Oh, God, you two didn't—" He saw the look on Tobias’s face. "You did, didn't you?" His voice rose. "You slept with her! Why?"
"She asked me to."
"Jordan asked you? What?"
"She—" Tobias's throat constricted as he tried to explain. "I think she loves me."
"You're a real bastard, you know that?"
"What? For sleeping with her?" Tobias snapped.
"For hurting her. For making her falling in love with you. For making her think you cared."
"Marco..."
"You're not ready for this, but you made her think you were. You're trying to catch the last wisps of your past, and she's trying to move on. You shouldn’t have slept with her until you knew you were ready. You hurt her, Tobias."
Tobias sighed, "I know. But I do love her, Marco."
"Sometimes love isn't enough. You're living in a dream world, Tobias. Life isn't a fairy tale. You're not Prince Charming, and she's not Cinderella."
Tobias didn't say anything for a long time. Marco was right. 'Love conquers all' didn't apply to real life, but he didn't want to give up Jordan either.
"I love her." He managed to whisper.
"Then do what's best for her."
"Okay." Tobias realized he was crying. "I guess I've lost her."
Marco patted Tobias's shoulder in a rare moment of sympathy. "At least, for a while, you had her."
Jordan stared straight ahead of her. It was unnerving to be standing up here at the altar beside Tobias.
What made it even more unnerving was that just days ago she, was ready to marry him.
Jordan focused her mind on Marco, who was standing slightly to the side waiting for his bride.
She stepped off the aisle and to the side, her walk complete. All eyes turned to the door.
The music started, and everyone stood.
Lydia glided down the aisle. Alone, because her father was long dead.
Jordan recalled a wedding long ago. A girl, barely sixteen, walking alone, because her father too was dead.
"I vow to love, cherish, and adore you, here on Earth, or elsewhere, fighting or at peace, free...or not..."
"Do you Lydia..." The voices mixed and merged into one, and the memories crashed upon her in waves.
"...forevermore, because nothing, not even death, can destroy our eternal love."
"I do."
"...I will always love you."
"And do you, Marco, solemnly swear..."
"...only when all the seas dry..."
"I do."
"…and Heaven and Earth meet..."
"With this ring, I marry thee."
"…would I stop loving you."
"I now pronounce you Husband and wife."
"You may kiss the bride."
Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Jordan reached out blindly for a hand to hold and found Tobias's.
It didn't matter anymore that Rachel stood between them. She loved him, and she probably always would.
As the first dance between bride and groom ended, the band started another soft tune.
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go but I know
I'll think of you
Every step of the way
Tobias turned to Jordan and bowed offering his hand. "May I have this dance?"
Jordan hesitated, then slipped her hand into his. "You may."
Tobias placed his other hand at her waist in traditional ballroom form.
The dance was slow, simple but the most memorable of both their lives.
Bittersweet memories,
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you, you need
"I'm sorry." Tobias whispered.
"It's not your fault. It's just the way things are."
"I do love you." He paused. "If I hadn't married Rachel..."
"I know." Jordan looked out into the sea of faces around them. "Was it the war that did it?"
"Did what?"
"Made you fall in love with her."
"The war did as lot of things. It brought us together, and then—" He hesitated. "I suppose we needed each other to survive."
"If only..."
"The war hadn't happened?"
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
but above all this, I wish you love
Jordan shrugged once with her shoulders. "Would anything be different?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Oh." Jordan looked away.
"But," Tobias stopped and tilted her chin back at him, "I do know that you're the sister I should have met first."
A sob rose in her throat. "Maybe in another lifetime."
I will always love you
You, darling I love you
I'll always, I'll always love you
"All right!" Marco shouted, standing on the stage for the band. "Time for the bride to throw the bouquet! All single women over here! Unfortunately for you all," he added, "I'm taken." He winked at Lydia and she laughed.
"Come on!" Sara grinned and grabbed Jordan's arm and pulled her into the crowd despite Jordan's futile protests.
"Sara, I—"
Thwack.
Jordan was cut off as something soft but bulky hit her face. Instinctively, she stepped back and threw up her hands to protect herself, but instead, she caught a bunch of flowers: White roses, but to her, they looked like dandelions.
"My turn!" Marco yelled cheerfully. He lifted Lydia's skirt to reach for the garter, and she slapped his head playfully.
Naomi shrieked and covered Sara's eyes with her hands.
"Mooooom!" Sara protested.
Jake laughed. "Teeth, Marco, teeth!"
Marco gave Jake a mock look of disbelief. "Moi?"
"It's payback time, Marco."
Cassie blushed and giggled, something rather out of character, but considering what had happened at her and Jake's wedding...
Tobias smiled as he remembered. Marco had set up numerous embarrassing episodes for the newlyweds. No wonder Jake wanted some retribution.
Marco threw up his hands in mock surrender and did as Jake commanded.
"Get ready guys!"
Jordan pushed Tobias closer to the center of the room.
"Uh-uh." Tobias shook his head. "No way."
"Oh, no, you don't." Jordan shook her finger at him. "I had to, now so do you."
"Oh, fine." Tobias surrendered, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.
Marco raised the white garter and aimed. He aimed well too, because it hit Tobias right in the center of his chest, not even giving him a chance to attempt to avoid it.
Jordan came up to him, the bouquet still in her hand. "Maybe next lifetime around." She smiled.
He smiled back. "It's a date."
The music started again.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
"Come on." Tobias held out his hand. "Let’s dance."
-/|\-
The news came two weeks later, splashed across the headlines and plastered onto the 'Top Story's of every news show.
Tobias Fangor was dead. The most famous casualty of the Human-Yeerk War.
They called him a hero.
Like his father.
And like his father, there was no funeral.
There wasn’t even a body.
He was dead, sent out on a mission he knew he would never return from. The end of the conspiracy.
Jordan cried, but tears did not bring him back.
Maybe if they had been Rachel's tears.
There was nothing left there for Jordan. She went back to her planned and jaded life—school and Lawrence—and forgot she had ever tried to step through the shadow.
Shadows of Ra: Epilogue
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