WARNING: Extremely sappy.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This reads more like a Lurline McDaniel book than an Animorphs story, so if you like her, you'll probably love this. If you hate her . . . well, go ahead if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you. And if you've never read her, if you like this story, you might want to check out her books.

Also, if talk of religion offends you, I do not recommend this story.

Chapter One -- Kate

The ride home from the doctor's office was probably the worst twenty minutes of my life. My mom was crying and my dad was alternately cussing out my doctors and the other drivers.

I sat in the back seat and said nothing.

The minute my parents pulled in the driveway I launched myself out of the car and headed away from the house, across the fields in back.

"Honey, Katy, wait!" my mom called tearfully. "We need to talk!"

I kept walking. "Can't talk," I mumbled. I just couldn't - not with my mom in tears and my dad so angry. I needed to clear my head.

My name is Kate.

I have cancer. And I'm not in remission anymore.

I had a huge decision to make. Bone marrow transplant or chemotherapy? I think I already knew which way I was going to go, but the shock of "The cancer's back" hadn't sunk in yet.

I tromped across the fields in back of my house, not really paying attention to where I was going. I continued into the woods until my feet finally came to a stop and I looked up to see where my subconscious had decided to take me.

No. Way.

No! I didn't want to come here, I angrily berated myself.

Ax's scoop was folded down. He wasn't home, and I was glad. You see, there was this tiny little incident with Ax last Friday. I kinda . . . sorta . . . umm . . . well . . .

Basically, I kissed him.

So what? you're saying. It's not like you're the first girl to lock lips with a guy.

Only, if you haven't picked up on it by now, Ax isn't normal. He lives in a "scoop" in the woods because he's an alien. An Andalite, to be exact. He was in human morph when I kissed him, but still, you can imagine why I was shocked when it happened. We decided that being anything more than friends was impossible, what with the whole "different species" issue.

So considering the circumstances, I hadn't expected to find myself at his scoop.

I started to leave, but I hadn't gone five steps when I heard his voice in my head. ^Kate?^ he said questioningly.

I turned around. He was standing at the edge of the meadow, looking at me with all four of his eyes. "Hi. Sorry. I was just leaving." I started to walk away again, but something made me stop and face him. "I - " I began. And suddenly, I broke off as it began to sink in. The worry and the fear and everything I hadn't been feeling just snapped into place. Telling someone else - or thinking about telling someone else - seemed to make it more real. Tears burned my eyes and I started breathing in gasps, like I was hyperventilating.

Ax was looking at me, becoming more concerned. ^Kate, what is wrong? Has something happened to one of the others?^ The others. Oh, God. What would I tell them? Cassie and Jake and Rachel and Marco and Tobias. What could I say to them?

Pictures began to form in my head. Rogue cells in my body . . . dividing and dividing and dividing without stopping . . . sucking up all the nutrients . . . nearby cells starving, dying. My body had turned on itself . . . again. My eyes were shut. I was seeing something that was taking place beneath my skin and deep in my bones. A mutiny in my marrow.

I was startled when I felt him take my hand. While I'd been lost in my own world, he'd crossed the meadow so he was right in front of me. I opened my eyes. "No," I managed. "The others are fine."

^But something has clearly upset you. What is wrong?^

I looked away. "Ax, I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. The cancer's back." I was so blunt about it. Get it out. Get it over with. No euphemisms, no sugar coating.

Ax didn't know what to say. "It's okay," I said with a strange laugh. "What do you say to something like that? 'Gee, I'm real sorry you might be dying'?" I began laughing hysterically. Ax looked at me like I was crazy, and who knows? Maybe I was a little nuts at the moment. So sue me.

I laughed like that for maybe a minute. Then, just as suddenly, the laughter turned to sobs. "Ax, why now?" I moaned, squeezing his hand as hard as I could and looking up at him as tears slipped down my cheeks. "I don't understand . . . Why?"

^I . . . I don't know,^ he replied, sounding like he was in shock. ^I'm very sorry. I am not familiar with the human medical procedures associated with treating cancer.^ Poor guy. He comes back from doing whatever it is he does during the day and suddenly has this hysterical female coming at him.

I looked away. "Well, basically, I have two choices," I said, an edge of bitterness in my voice. "I can go back and have more chemotherapy, spend another six months puking my guts out everyday, lose another twenty or thirty pounds, if that's even physically possible, and maybe die. Or, I can go to the hospital, have them knock out my immune system so I'm completely vulnerable to whatever little creepy crawlies happen to be hangin' around, let my mom or dad have a bunch of bone marrow get sucked out of their hip, and have that put into me. Then, if I'm really lucky, I won't reject it and I'll live happily ever after. Or, maybe I'll reject it and die anyway." I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling exhausted and totally overwhelmed.

Ax tentatively touched my back, the way one might touch a ticking explosive. ^I see,^ he said, sounding bewildered. ^But I do not understand. Why would the treatment make you ill? Isn't it supposed to make you well again?^

"Yeah, but it makes you sick while making the cancer sick. There are other treatments that are worse."

Ax shook his head. ^I do not understand human technology.^

"Me neither." I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. Briefly, I thought about what we'd decided - just friends. I really didn't care. I wanted someone to hold me.

Ax was obviously thinking about the same thing, because his muscles were coiled up. He couldn't have gotten tenser if he tried. But he hesitantly placed his arms around me as I began crying again.

"Ax, what am I going to do?" I said, gulping and hiccuping in a very unattractive manner. "I have to tell the others . . . How - how do I make a decision like this? And . . ." I trailed off, sobbing. Something else had just occurred to me. When I got sick the first time, all my friends kinda got scared of me. They didn't visit me in the hospital and avoided me once I got out. If that happened again, I didn't think I'd be able to handle it.

^What?^ he asked gently. His muscles were slowly relaxing.

I told him. "Please, Ax," I begged. "Promise me . . ."

^I promise,^ he said instantly, without any hesitation. He took my hand and squeezed it tightly. We stood there for a moment. I was still crying, but not as hard as before. I couldn't do this. I couldn't just wallow in self-pity. I had to be strong, for my parents and for myself. And for the others.

Finally I let him go. "I need to get home. My parents are gonna be worried. But I have one question. Ax, do - do you believe in God? Or any religion?"

He obviously hadn't expected that question. His eyes widened. "You don't have to answer me now," I added. "Just think about it."

^Do you believe in God?^ he asked as I turned to leave.

I turned back. "Aximili, when you have cancer, you have to believe in something." I left without another word.

Chapter Two -- Ax

After Kate left, I morphed to human and dressed in the artificial skin humans call "clothing." Then, using my clumsy, slow human legs, I walked to a nearby building I had been in once before. The library.

The library is a place where humans keep books - pieces of paper bound together containing information. Humans are allowed to come in to read the books and take them home for a short period of time. Tobias and I had visited this library before. He had shown me how to use the simple computers to locate books on a certain subject.

I sat down at one of the computers and typed in the word CANCER on the primitive keyboard. The screen filled with the titles of books on the subject. I got up and located several of the volumes among the thousands on the shelves, and sat in a chair away from the other humans. I quickly read through several of the medical texts I had found, paying special attention to the chapters on bone marrow transplants and leukemia.

With a half an hour left in my morph time, I returned the books to the shelves and walked home.

My head was spinning.

On my home planet, cancer is an easily treated disease - analogous to having the "flu" here on Earth. The treatment is completely painless. When I heard my friends talk about it and saw how upset Kate was that afternoon, I realized that it was a more serious disease here on Earth, but I had not comprehended just how serious it was. The humans simply lacked the technology to treat it successfully on a very regular basis.

I reached the woods and demorphed. I was distracted, so it took me quite some time since my concentration kept breaking. When I was finally myself again, and trotting back to my scoop, I began thinking about my conversation with Kate, and remembered the promise she'd asked me to make. After reading about the treatments and their side effects, I wondered if I would be able to keep my promise to her. I wanted to, very badly, but part of me had misgivings about it.

In addition, what had happened to our decision to remain only friends? After that afternoon, I had no idea what to think about that, either.

Then I thought about the question she'd posed to me as she left. 'Do you believe in God?'

The simple answer was no. Religion was a part of early Andalite society, but as we became more and more centered on science, it fell away. Religion and science simply do not mix, because religion calls for us to believe in things that are scientifically inexplicable. Therefore, I had not been raised to believe in a god of any kind.

Humans, however, have many different religions. I had learned about some of these - Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddism, to name a few - in the course of my study of humanity. Some of these religions believe in one God, some in many gods. Nearly all of them believe in some sort of afterlife. Since Andalites are not religious, we do not believe in an afterlife.

I had also read about a few of the many clashes of science and religion in human history. Galileo, for example, was the first human to propose that the planet Earth was not the center of the universe, as had been previously assumed. For this, he was excommunicated from the Catholic Church, which, at the time, seems to have been a very influential institution.

As I said, science and religion do not mix.

But Kate had said something else, too. 'When you have cancer you have to believe in something.' Obviously, that meant that she drew some sort of comfort from her beliefs.

More confused than ever, I stood at my scoop and watched as the sun set and the stars slowly appeared.

Chapter Three -- Kate

My parents ambushed me the moment I stepped in the door.

"Where have you been?" my mother cried. "We've been worried sick!" She grabbed me and held me tight. Oh, man, I thought. Here we go again. I'm the little porcelain doll that has to be wrapped in wool.

"Katherine, your mother and I were very worried," my father admonished.

Katherine. Uh-oh, my full name. They really had been worried.

"I'm sorry," I said apologetically. "I was just taking a walk."

"Well, please, next time don't be gone so long." Mom tightened her embrace and I felt the air being squeezed out of my lungs.

"Mom, love you lots, you know, but, really, I also enjoy breathing." Mom took the hint and reluctantly let me go.

She sighed. "Dinner's ready."

We sat down around the table in the kitchen. It was about six o'clock, and the sun was going down, so the light coming in the window was soft. Even though it was almost April, Mom had made autumn chowder, this thick cheesy soup with vegetables and ham in it. One of my favorites, and one of the few things Dad doesn't object to having meat in.

Sitting there at the table with Mom and Dad, that's when it hit me. One way or the other, by Thursday I'd be in the hospital, eating gross hospital food and playing "Guess the Slop" at dinner time. Autumn chowder would not be on the menu. And who knew how long it would be until I got out?

We ate silently for a few minutes. Finally, my dad, his bowl empty (he's the Human Hoover), cleared his throat and said, "Well, it appears we have a decision to make." I sighed. It had been so nice, sitting there as a family. Blissful normalcy. Now that was shattered as reality reared its ugly head.

Mom put her spoon down and squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry. I couldn't handle it. "Mom, please," I begged. "Look, everything's going to be fine. Just don't cry. Please. Don't cry."

She opened her eyes, her lashes damp, and gripped my hand. "You're right, sweetie. I don't know how you can be so strong about all this."

Strong. I thought. Yeah, that's me all right. Of course, they didn't know that I'd completely lost it earlier and sobbed like a baby in Ax's arms.

I didn't reply, just swirled my soup around in my bowl.

"Katy, what do you think?" my dad asked gruffly, trying in vain to keep the emotion out of his voice.

I got up to put my bowl in the sink. I had lost my appetite.

"Well," I said slowly, over the sound of running water. "I think . . . that I should go for the transplant." I let that settle in as I put my bowl in the dishwater. "I did some reading," I continued, "back when I was in the hospital the first time. It's more successful than chemo for patients whose cancer has recurred." I sat down. "But one of you would probably have to be the donor, so it's up to you, too."

"Sweetie," my mom said, "we'd do anything for you. You know that." Her eyes filled with tears again and she wiped them away. "I'm sorry," she said helplessly.

"It's okay, Mom," I said quickly. "Look - I have some homework I have to do." I left the table and ran upstairs where I wouldn't have to see her cry.

The next day my parents said I didn't have to go to school, but I went anyway. I didn't want any special treatment. I just wanted things to be normal - or as normal as life gets for a morphing teenager. However, as much as I wanted to pretend things were normal, I called a meeting in Cassie's barn for that afternoon at four-thirty. I had to tell them. There was no getting out of it.

Right after school, I went to see Ax. We hadn't finished our conversation.

He was waiting at his scoop. ^I thought you would most likely come,^ he said.

"Yeah," I said, not sure how to respond to that. "Look, I called a meeting for this afternoon. I'm gonna tell the others." I looked down at my hands. "I've decided to have the transplant," I finally said.

^Yes, that appears to be your best option. I took the liberty of doing some research yesterday.^

"Oh. Thanks." I paused "Aximili, I thought about what I made you promise yesterday. It wasn't fair. You can't know for sure what's going to happen, how you're gonna handle it, and you can't promise something like that."

^Katherine, as I said, I did some research yesterday. The treatments aren't pleasant, and the transplant will be difficult. You will need someone to support you.^

I shook my head. "That's incredibly sweet, but you don't have to take this on," I insisted. "My parents support me just fine."

^Yes, but they will be having a very difficult time, also.^

I stared at him. He'd hit the nail on the head. My parents were going to need me to be strong for them - they'd never make it otherwise. That had been the hardest thing last time, wanting to cry with someone and not being able to. This time, maybe there'd be someone there to be strong for me.

"Thank you," I finally managed, giving him a tight hug. I craned my neck back to look into his emerald eyes and kissed him on the cheek.

So much for "just friends."

Chapter Four -- Ax

Am I mentally incompetent? I wondered as Katherine and I walked to Cassie's barn. I had morphed to human and Katherine was gripping my hand nervously.

What had I been thinking? I was not capable of giving emotional support to a human. I did not understand them well enough.

But this is not simply "a human," I suddenly realized. I would not kiss just "a human."

This was Katherine.

And I did understand her, and cared for her deeply, even though I'd only known her a short while.

She and I reached Cassie's barn and went inside. We were a few minutes late. The others were waiting.

"Hi, Kate. Hi, Ax," Prince Jake said. His eyes flickered to our hands and Katherine quickly released mine.

"Sorry we're late," Katherine said softly, looking slightly embarrassed.

"No problem," Cassie answered, giving her a small smile.

"So, Kate, what's up?" Rachel asked.

She sat on a bale of hay and looked at me. I nodded almost imperceptibly, encouraging her.

"Well, I have some bad news," she began. "I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon with Dr. Lowe, my oncologist -"

"Whoa, hey, hold up," Marco interjected. "Samantha Lowe?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"My dad's been dating her," he said, shaking his head. "She cooked us dinner the other night. Kate, for your sake, I hope she's better at medicine than she is at cooking. Ugh." He made a disgusted face at the memory. "But she's a really nice person," he added.

"Oh, well, that's good. 'Cause it looks like I'm going to spending quite a bit of time with her."

There was a moment of silence as the others realized what she was attempting to say.

"Kate," Cassie breathed. "You're not saying -"

"Yeah, yeah, I am," she replied. "It looks like the cancer's back."

^Oh, Kate,^ Tobias said. ^We're so sorry -^

Katherine cut him off. "No. No," she repeated, shaking her head. "Look, I found out yesterday and I've spent quite a bit of time wallowing in self-pity. But that's not gonna help me get better. And I don't want you guys feeling sorry for me either. Okay?" The others nodded.

"What're you going to do?" Cassie asked. "More chemo?"

"No, actually. I'm going to have a bone marrow transplant. At least, I will if my mom or dad is a close enough match." She looked around. The others appeared stunned. "It has a pretty high success rate," she added optimistically. They nodded again, obviously in shock.

Katherine left soon after, leaving a very subdued atmosphere behind. "Ax, did you know?" Cassie asked me.

"Yes," I replied. "She informed me yesterday. She was very frightened and in need of someone to talk to."

"And she chose you?" Rachel said, sounding surprised. I looked at her somewhat indignantly. "Oh, that came out bad, didn't it? I'm sorry Ax, that's not what I meant. It's just that . . . well . . ."

"It's all right, I understand," I assured her, but I still felt mildly offended. Cassie and Tobias both looked at me. I could not read Tobias's expression, of course, but Cassie had a strange half smile on her face.

"How is she really doing?" Cassie asked.

I shrugged. "I have difficulty judging human emotions, but yesterday she seemed to be a state of near hysteria. Today, she was much calmer. She seems very concerned with one issue, however. From what she has told me, her friends in the city where she lived before were not very supportive when she became ill the first time. She is very worried that the same thing will happen again."

"Well, she shouldn't be," Rachel said.

"But she is," I replied.

"My aunt died of cancer," Cassie said. "The chemo made her so sick and all her hair fell out. It was awful being in the same room with her because she was so different. So weak. I mean, she went from playing tennis four times a week to not being able to get out of bed. I can see why Kate's old friends had a tough time dealing with it."

"But that won't happen with us," Marco argued.

"You say that, but I'm sure that's what her old friends said, too. You never plan to turn your back on a friend, but sometimes you just can't handle it. I'm not saying we shouldn't be there for her as much as possible, but we should also be prepared."

No one answered.

Chapter Five -- Kate

I was right when I said I'd be in the hospital by Thursday. They checked me in Wednesday evening. Dr. Lowe, who insisted I call her Sam, said I needed to have lots of tests before the transplant. My parents had blood tests done as well, to test for compatibility. Hopefully, one of them would match up.

Thursday morning. Eleven-thirty. Boredom was already setting in. I wasn't scheduled for chemo until a little later, so all there was for me to do was sit around and wait.

^Good morning, Katherine.^ I sat up in my hospital bed. That was Aximili's thought-speak voice.

"Aximili?" I whispered. "What are you?"

^I am in fly morph,^ he replied. ^Prince Jake informed me that I could not visit you during school hours as a human because others would think I should be in school.^

I smiled. "Where are you?" I asked quietly.

^I believe I am on the wall directly behind your head. But I am not certain. These compound eyes are quite disconcerting.^ I twisted my neck around and saw a black fly behind me.

I put my hand up next to him. "Crawl on," I whispered. He stepped onto my hand, probably fighting all of the fly's instincts. I brought my hand down and looked at him.

^How are you feeling?^ he asked.

"I'm fine," I whispered. "Can you hear me okay?"

^Yes, the fly picks up sound waves and, since I've had quite a bit of practice in this morph, I am able to discern the words.^

"Oh," I said, studying the tiny insect resting on my palm.

You know, flies aren't that ugly once you really look at them. Aximili's body was shiny black with a greenish tinge. His eyes were a dark, dark red, and he sported a pair of gossamer wings on his back.

Or maybe flies were still ugly and I just liked Aximili a whole lot.

^Would you like me to answer your question?^ he asked.

"What question?"

^The question you posed to me as you were leaving after you informed me of -^

"Oh, that question. The one about whether you believe in God?"

^Yes.^

"Sure."

Aximili said nothing for a moment. Then he answered, his thought-speak soft, ^No, I do not believe in a god. Religion is not a component of Andalite culture. It has been, in the past, but as we became more scientifically advanced we realized that it was not possible to have both science and religion.^

"Why not?" I whispered.

^Why not?^ he repeated, sounding surprised. ^Because it simply is not possible. Religion calls for belief in something without scientific evidence.^

"So what? Haven't you ever just believed in something?"

^No, only children have faith in something they are not capable of proving.^

I was silent for about a minute. "What about Heaven?" I finally asked.

^Do you mean an afterlife?^

"Yeah."

^No. Again, it is not scientifically possible to prove something such as that.^

"So you believe that when you die, that's it? It's just over? How can you live your life, with so much fear and danger, and not think that there's something better out there? How can you deal with that? What about your brother? He died. Do you think he's just gone?" I was quickly becoming very upset, my voice choked. I'd asked him for an honest answer, but I hadn't expected his answer to be no.

Aximili didn't reply. At last he stuttered, ^I - I wasn't raised to believe in anything like that. I suppose I've never given much thought to the issue.^

"Well -" I began, but I was interrupted by an orderly coming in.

"Hey, Kate," he said cheerfully. "I'll be taking you down to chemo in about five minutes, okay?"

"Okay," I replied, nodding. He left, probably to go get the wheelchair they would make me ride in, even though my legs worked just fine. "Aximili," I whispered once he'd left. "I have to go to chemo soon."

^Yes, I heard. When will you be back?^

"Three hours or so. But I don't want you here. I don't want you to see me like that. And tell the others not to come this afternoon. I'm only having chemo every other day. Tell them to visit tomorrow."

^Will your parents be with you when you return from the chemotherapy?^

"No, Mom couldn't get the afternoon off and Dad had an emergency. They'll both be gone until about six."

^Then I agree to tell the others to wait until tomorrow. But I do not agree to stay away.^ He started to buzz off, probably planning to sneak out the window, which was cracked open.

"Aximili?" I said quickly.

^Yes?^ he replied, landing on the window sill.

"You - you could probably come as a human this afternoon."

^All right. I will see you then.^

He left and the orderly came back in with the wheelchair. "You ready, Kate?"

"No," I answered, but I got in the wheelchair anyway. He took me down the hall to the chemo room. There were about four other kids there, watching The Lion King on the television. I sat in one of the recliner-type chairs and watched as one of the nurses hooked me up to an IV bag full of chemicals. I sighed. On the screen, Simba, Timone, and Pumbaa sang about "Hakuna Matata" - no worries.

Easy for them to say.

Chapter Six -- Ax

I wasn't certain I could navigate the hallways of the hospital as a human, so I morphed to fly and entered through the window again. I had noticed a small room just off of Katherine's, so I flew in and demorphed. I used my stalk eyes to peek out the half-open door and saw Katherine lying in her bed, her eyes closed. I morphed to human and sat in the chair located beside to her bed.

She opened her eyes. "Hi. I didn't hear you come in."

"I did not enter through the door. Duh. Ooorrr. Thuh. Thuh."

"Oh," she said, smiling weakly. She was very pale, with a gray tinge to her face, and shivering slightly.

"Would you like me to close the window?" She nodded. I shut it tightly, but she still did not stop shaking.

She held her hand out for me to take. "You want to pick up our conversation from this morning?" she asked, swallowing hard.

"Are you certain you want to continue?" I asked. "You do not appear to be feeling very well." Katherine squeezed my hand. "No, I'm not, but I want to keep my mind off it."

"All right," I agreed.

Katherine sighed. "I wasn't raised to believe in God, either. My parents were, but they kinda rebelled against religion when they were younger. When I got sick, though, I met a girl named Jenny. She was my roommate and she prayed every night. After awhile, I started joining in. It made me feel better, especially when I started to think about Heaven. Then she died, and it made so much more sense that she was somewhere like that than just . . . gone. Nonexistent." Katherine closed her eyes, looking as if speaking had exhausted her. I hesitantly stroked her forehead.

"Do you still believe?" I asked.

She sighed and touched my face gently. "Yes. But sometimes I get mad at Him, you know? I mean, what did I do to deserve this? Monday night after I told you, I spent a long time being pissed off at Him, to say the least. It's just not fair. But life can't always be fair. And maybe there's a reason for this that I can't see."

She and I sat there for approximately ten minutes without speaking. I cradled her head in my hands and kissed her forehead. Suddenly, she whispered, "Ax - the basin on the nightstand -" She struggled to raise her upper body off the bed.

The basin she indicated was a silver bowl. "This?" I asked, holding it up.

"Yeah," she managed, taking it quickly out of my hands. She held it under her mouth and vomited. I recoiled, startled. Her thin body heaved again and then she fell back, looking even more pale than before. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's all right," I said. I took the basin and washed it out in the sink in the small room, my hands quivering. I came back and sat in the chair again, taking her hand as if I were afraid it would shatter. I almost was.

"I'm sorry," she said again, clearly embarrassed.

"It's all right," I repeated. "How are you feeling?"

She sighed and leaned her head on my arm. She closed her eyes. "Tired," she murmured. A few moments later her breathing deepened and her hand relaxed in mine. I sat with her until my morph time ran low.

Chapter Seven -- Kate

I'd been in the hospital a couple of days when Dr. Lowe came in to see me. It was Sunday morning, so my parents were there. I hadn't had chemo that day, and I was looking forward to seeing my friends later. As weekends in a hospital go, it was a pretty good one.

"Well," Sam said, sitting on the edge of my bed. She was about twenty-eight, with very short hair. She had on jeans, her white coat, and a blue UC Berkeley T-shirt. "I got the results from your parents' blood tests back."

My parents' and I looked at each other nervously. "Good or bad?" I asked.

"Good. Surprisingly good. To tell you the truth, it's rare to find very close matches with parents and children. But, Kate, you and your dad," she said, looking at my father with a smile, "are quite close."

"Close enough for a transplant to work?" my dad asked, sounding excited.

"Definitely. Of course, there is no guarantee. But it's our best option."

"So what's the next step?" my mom asked.

"The next step is to harvest some of Kate's bone marrow. That way, if the transplant fails, we can put it back in and keep her alive. Then, we start Kate on a regiment of immune suppressant drugs. At that point, you'll have to go into isolation."

"You mean my friends won't be able to visit?" I asked.

"No. We can't risk you catching anything with your defenses knocked out."

"And then what?"

"We do the transplant. We'll take the bone marrow out of your father's hip and you'll receive it via an IV, the way you do your chemo. After that, it takes a few weeks to be certain the transplant has taken effect. You'll be moved out of isolation, and, provided there's no rejection, you should be outta here about six weeks after the transplant."

"Six weeks!" I cried.

"It's a long time, but it's worth it," Sam reminded me.

"I know." Six weeks. I'd never catch up with the schoolwork.

"So, do you have any questions?"

Just then, Cassie popped her head in the door. "Hey, Kate. Hello," she said to my parents and Sam. "Oh, are we interrupting something?"

"No, that's all right. Dr. Lowe, could we talk in your office?" my mother asked.

"Of course. 'Bye, you guys," Sam said cheerfully as my parents followed her out of my room. "'Bye, Marco," she added cheerfully, ruffling his hair as she left.

My friends filed in, with Cassie and Rachel immediately claiming the spots on my bed. I sat up. I was feeling pretty good so I was dressed in jeans and my "Bald is Beautiful" T-shirt.

"'Bald is Beautiful,'" Rachel read with a smile.

"Yeah," I said. I reached up and ran a hand through my already short hair. A few dark strands fluttered to the white sheets.

"You are always beautiful," Aximili told me, giving me a brief - very brief - hug.

"Thanks," I replied quietly. I scooted over so he could sit next to me. The others were watching us and grinning like idiots. Well, actually, Jake, Cassie, Tobias, and Rachel were grinning like idiots while Marco was making gagging noises.

"Well," I said, shaking my head at Marco's antics. "I have some news. Dr. Lowe just got the results back from my parents' blood tests, and it looks as if my dad and I are a close enough match."

"That's great," Jake said, smiling.

"Yeah," I agreed. "The transplant's a go."

"So what happens now?" Rachel asked.

I quickly outlined the rest of the treatment. "I guess that means I'll be here for about another seven or eight weeks."

"Seven or eight weeks?" Tobias repeated incredulously.

"I know, I know. Believe me, I know. It's a long time." I sighed. "Look, I'm tired of talking about this. You guys wanna play a game? One of the nurses brought in Trivial Pursuit this morning."

An hour later, Tobias and Aximili had to leave. "I gotta get home, too," Marco said. "Not that it really matters. Kate, Ax, Tobias are so far ahead anyway."

"We should have known better than to put the useless-information buffs on the same team," Rachel agreed.

"I have to go, too," Jake said, getting up.

"Cassie, Rachel, you guys want to stay?" I asked.

"Sure. I fed all the animals and stuff this morning."

"And I have nothing to do," Rachel said.

"'Bye, Kate," the others called. Ax hesitated for a second and then quickly kissed me on the cheek.

"Aximili," I said as he was walking out the door. "I have chemo tomorrow morning, but since spring break is starting you could come by and sit with me." I looked at him hopefully. Chemo can be really boring, and I like Aximili as a human or an Andalite a lot better than as a fly.

"What time?" he asked.

"They're taking me at ten, so about nine-forty-five would be good."

"All right." He smiled at me. "I will see you then."

"So," Cassie said after the others had left. "We going to release Schubert and his mother tomorrow."

"That's great. How's the little guy doing?"

"Fine, and his mom's back on her feet - or hooves, actually."

"Great."

Rachel looked at us. "Uh-huh, that's fantastic. YOU," she demanded, looking at me. "Everything. Details. Now."

"What details? It's not like the hospital's real romantic."

"He kissed you," she replied, crossing her arms. "He hugged you hello and kissed you good-bye."

"So?"

"So?" she repeated. "So?! Come on! This is Ax we're talking about!"

"What Rachel is trying to say, I think, is that we've known Ax years longer than you and never seen him show any physical affection. None."

"He's like a totally different person around you, Kate!" Rachel cut in. "He's even stopped that incredibly irritating habit of playing with sounds!"

"Oh, no, he still does that sometimes," I answered. "Actually, I think it's kinda cute."

Rachel stared at me while Cassie tried not to laugh. "Oh, man. You've got it REALLY bad if you think THAT is cute."

I laughed. "Okay, okay, all joking aside. He really has been wonderful to me. Not many guys are willing to hold your hand while you hurl."

Cassie shook her head. "I like Ax - as a friend - a lot, but I would not have pegged him as the nurturing type."

"He's not," I replied. "Not really. But he's learning. And if you think about it, the fact that he doesn't come by it naturally makes it even sweeter. He's willing to do something for me that makes him a little uncomfortable."

Cassie nodded thoughtfully. "I see." There was a silence for a few moments.

"Okay," I finally said, suddenly tired of being serious all the time. "I want to know all the new gossip at school. Everything. Just 'cause I'm in the hospital doesn't mean I have to be out of the loop!"

Rachel smiled. "No problem."

Chapter Eight -- Ax

At precisely nine-forty-five the following morning I flew in the small opening in the window of Katherine's hospital room.

^How are you?^ I asked.

"Okay," she whispered. I flew into the side room and demorphed, quickly changing to my human form.

"The clothes Jake left are on the other bed," Katherine said. Prince Jake had lent me some artificial skin to wear when I visited Katherine. I put them on, and sat in the chair next to her bed.

Katherine was leaning back against the "pillows," as humans call them. She looked slightly pale even though she had not yet received her chemotherapy. There were dark shadows beneath her eyes, and she lacked her usual vigor.

"Are you all right?" I asked, taking her hand.

"I didn't sleep great last night," she replied, her eyes half-closed. "I kept having nightmares."

"About what?" I asked.

"Dying," she answered with difficulty. "In my dreams, I was dying and there was no one there. I was alone, and scared out of my mind, and my parents weren't there and you weren't there, and . . . Promise me you won't let that happen. Please." Tears formed in her eyes and spilled over.

I took one of the small tissues contained in the box by her bed and wiped her eyes. "You are not going to die," I said confidently.

"Aximili, please -" she began, but she was interrupted by a man in a blue uniform coming in to take her to chemotherapy.

"You comin' with her?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Okay. Follow me." I saw Katherine take something from the table beside her bed as she sat in the chair the man was standing behind. The chair had wheels on it, and the man pushed her out of the room and down the hall.

He led us into a room with six reclining chairs. Each had a tall pole with a hook standing beside it, and there was a television set located on the far wall. Katherine settled herself in the nearest chair.

"Looks like you two have the room to yourself today," the man remarked. "You want to watch a movie?"

Katherine looked at me. "Um, no that's okay."

"All right-ey, then. The nurse'll be with you in couple minutes." He left.

Katherine leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. "I'm so tired. I shouldn't be this tired." She sounded frustrated.

"It's okay," I assured her. "There is no need for you to entertain me. If you are tired, you should try to sleep."

"No," she insisted. "Don't you see? My surgery's scheduled for tomorrow, Tuesday. On Thursday they're going to start the immune suppressant drugs and I'll have to go into isolation. We won't be able to see each other or talk face to face. I might have a phone, but it won't be the same . . . There's stuff I want to say to you. Just in case."

"Do not think like that," I told her. "Please. You will be fine."

"No, Aximili, don't do this to me! Everyone always does this to me. 'Oh, Kate, don't talk like you're going to die! You're going to be just fine.' But there's a chance I'm not going to be fine. And I want to be able to talk to somebody about it. 'Cause I'm scared that what happened in my dream's going to come true, that I'm going to die all alone, without even the nurses there." She bit her lip and stared at the floor.

"It's okay -"

"No, I don't want to cry!" she said, angrily wrenching her hand away from me. "Dammit, where is that nurse?!"

I didn't know how to respond. Nothing I said seemed to assuage her fears.

"I'm sorry," she finally said after approximately five minutes of silence. "I - "

"Good morning, Kate." A woman in a green uniform came in carrying a clear bag of red liquid. "How are you today?"

"Okay," she sighed.

"Heard you're going to be getting a transplant soon."

"Yep."

"So this might be your last chemo session."

"Huh. Never thought of it that way. Oh, Nurse Gallagher, this is my friend . . . Phillip."

"Oh, nice to meet you, Phillip."

"Hello."

"Now, Kate," the nurse said, hanging the bag from the hook and stretching a clear tube down to Kate's arm, "you know you're not supposed to have visitors in the chemo room." She inserted the end of the tube into a small catheter in the crook of Katherine's elbow. Then she stepped back and studied me for a moment. "But since no one else is in here today, I guess we can make an exception."

"Thanks," Katherine said, smiling at the nurse.

"Ring if you need anything," she added as she left.

Katherine silently watched the liquid drip down the tube for a few seconds. Then she said, "I'm sorry I lost it."

"Don't apologize. It is not your fault."

"I - it's just that I want to be able to talk to someone about it. I don't think I'm going to die, but still . . . sometimes it's really hard to be optimistic and not give up. And those dreams didn't help any." She paused and held something out in her hand. It was a necklace, a type of decoration humans wear around their necks. This necklace had dark, wooden beads. At the bottom hung a string of more beads and a very peculiar ornament - a man on a structure of two pieces of wood crossed over each other.

"What is this?" I asked, touching the necklace.

"It's called a Rosary," Katherine replied. "Jenny gave it to me. It's a religious symbol. You see, you say prayers as you go along the necklace. Each bead stands for a certain prayer."

I sighed. "It bothers you greatly that I do not believe in a god."

"Yeah, it does. Have you thought any more about it?"

"Yes, but I cannot forget that religion is incapable of being explained by science."

"But don't you see? They don't have to exclude one another." I shook my head. "Look." Katherine held up her hand. "Look at the way our hands are able to move. Scientifically explain that."

I took her hand and looked at it. Her hands were beautiful, and I wanted very badly to please her, but I had to reply, "It's quite simple, really. The nerve impulses cause the myosin heads to bind to the actin filaments in the muscle fibers, which results in a sliding motion, which causes a muscle contraction."

Katherine stared at me. "Okay, I didn't understand a word you said, but that's beside the point. That's not what I meant. Think about how that evolved. How just the right chemical reactions occurred to create life and how everything brought us to where we are now. I mean, science is incredible! The way our bodies function, the way our brains work. How could that have happened without help? And it has happened on so many planets - with you Andalites and us humans and the Hork Bajir and the Taxxons. Even the Yeerks, if you disregard the fact that they're parasitic slugs, are amazing. Someone had to at least get the ball rolling."

"I find it very difficult to believe that Taxxons and Yeerks are the creations of a benevolent being."

"You see - that's where free will comes in. We have the power to make choices and those choices affect the future. The Yeerks made some bad choices. We have, too."

"But why do you pray to this God? Why do you believe He will help you?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because Jenny always seemed so sure of it. Maybe it's just easier for me to believe that things aren't random."

I sighed, fingering the wooden Rosary beads. "Who is this man?" I asked, looking at the ornament at the bottom of the necklace.

"Long story. But he's a pretty important guy to a lot of people. His name was Jesus."

She and I sat there for a long time, each lost in our own thoughts. After awhile, I realized I only had fifteen minutes remaining in my morph time.

"You're leaving?" she said in dismay when I told her.

"I must . . . unless there is a place for me to morph."

"There's a supply closet over there," Katherine answered quickly. I saw a door in the wall. "I'm sorry. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but I just don't want to be alone."

I remorphed in the supply closet, but I'd already morphed, demorphed, and remorphed once that day, so I was beginning to tire. I returned and sat next to her again. Her eyes were closed. "I'm starting to feel sick," she said with a sigh.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked.

"No . . . you know what? Down in my room on my nightstand is a book of poetry by this woman who survived cancer. Could you go get it?"

"Yes." I returned a few moments later with the book. "Should I read to you?"

"That'd be great." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "I love this book," she murmured, "'cause it isn't about dying, and it isn't really about cancer. It's about living, and just being a survivor in general. I think the word "cancer" is used maybe three times in the whole book." I nodded, and started reading.

Katherine was done with her chemo about an hour later. The same man in the blue uniform wheeled her down the hall and she crawled into bed. She looked like she felt sick to her stomach, so I made certain to set the silver basin by her bed.

"Tomorrow," she mumbled. "My surgery's tomorrow morning so my parents'll be here all day."

"I won't see you." I was disappointed, but I knew it was best if her parents did not meet me without the others there as well.

"No. But Wednesday, I'd like you to come. The others, too. And after my parents take me out to dinner that night, I'll stop by the house. Wait at the edge of the woods." Katherine started to gag, and vomited. I gently squeezed her hand and took the basin into the bathroom, as she had told me the small room was called, and washed it out. I came back with a wet cloth for her forehead and wiped her face with it. She opened my eyes. "You're getting to be a pretty good nurse," she said with a weak laugh.

I smiled, but inside I was suddenly frightened for her.

Chapter Nine -- Kate

I guess I fell asleep pretty quickly. When I woke up, Aximili was gone but both my parents were sitting by my bed. "How are you doing, sweetie?" my mom asked me.

"Not great." I was nauseated and my head hurt. I looked at the clock. I'd missed dinner and I couldn't have anything to eat because I was scheduled for surgery in the morning. I didn't care.

"Dr. Lowe said you're scheduled to go in about seven in the morning," my dad said.

"Ugh. Too early," I groaned.

Nevertheless, at six-forty-five the next morning, the nurses wheeled me to the operating room on one of those gurney things. "How're you feeling?" Sam asked me. All I could see were her eyes above her green face mask.

"Okay," I said, groggy from the shot they'd given me earlier.

"You ready?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Just take a deep breath." The anesthesiologist put a mask over my mouth and nose. I breathed deeply and floated away in a fog.

The surgery only took a couple hours, but I slept most of the day on account of the anesthetic. On Wednesday, though, Aximili and the others all came to visit for the last time before I went into isolation.

"Hi, Kate," Cassie said, poking her head in the door. "How're you doing?"

"Good - I think," I answered.

"Great." Suddenly she disappeared again and I heard a bunch of whispering outside. Finally, she came in lugging something behind her.

"What the heck . . ." Jake lifted it up on the bed. "Whoa. That is one big card!" I cried.

The "card" was about three feet by two feet, and had "Get Well Soon" on the front. Inside, it had been signed by every person in my class at school.

"How'd you guys do this?" I asked.

"Easy," Rachel answered. "Cassie and I camped out by the door after school on Friday and said nobody got out until they signed the card."

"There actually wasn't that much argument, either," Cassie added. "About 95% of the kids were happy to sign it. The other 5% were jerks about it, but what do you expect?"

"True, very true," I agreed. "I'm glad you guys came."

"Oh, wait. I got something for you," Marco said, handing me a mirror. I looked at him strangely. A mirror? I held it up and . . .

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" the mirror screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH!" I yelped. "Marco!"

He snorted and doubled over laughing. "It wasn't that funny," I said, glaring at him in mock anger.

"Yes, it was. You should have seen your face!" I looked around. The others were either laughing or trying not to. Even Aximili was struggling to keep a straight face.

"And you guys are no help at all," I added before cracking up. "Hold on a sec you guys," I said, gasping for air. "There's this one nurse . . . I have to try this on her. She's such an old biddy." I hit the buzzer on the wall.

She appeared a few seconds later. "Yes?" she said impatiently.

"What?" I said innocently.

"You buzzed for me."

"No I didn't."

She looked at me suspiciously and started to leave.

"Oh, Nurse Williams," I gasped. "You have something on your face." You clean-freak, I thought.

"What?" she said, looking horrified.

"Here." I handed her the mirror.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the mirror screamed.

"AHHHH! Oh, my Lord!" she gasped in shock, putting a hand over her heart. "Oh!" She caught her breath and glared at us angrily. "Well. I never," she snapped, storming out of the room.

We looked at each other and began laughing hysterically.

Suddenly I stopped laughing and watched them closely. I wanted to remember them like this. Even Aximili was laughing, which was a rare occurance. We were happy and together, and I wanted to remember everything.

Why am I thinking like this? I wondered. Everything's going to be fine. Just fine.

Which is what I told Aximili that evening when I saw him. I met him at the edge of the woods like I'd told him.

^Hello,^ he said.

"Hi." I quickly gave him a hug and whispered, "I'll see you soon, okay? Really soon."

^Yes,^ he agreed, but I couldn't read his voice, couldn't tell if he really believed it or not. I looked into his beautiful eyes and tried to memorize his face.

"Everything's going to be fine," I said again, but part of me wondered why I kept telling everyone (even myself) that.

^Yes,^ he said again. We held each other tight for about five minutes, not speaking.

"I have to go," I said. I kissed him one last time and slowly released his hand. "Think about everything we talked about, okay?" He nodded.

I started to walk across the field. ^Katherine!^ he called out after me. I turned back.

^I love you,^ he said quietly.

"I love you, too," I answered. Then I ran back to my house, ready for whatever happened.

To be continued . . .

By the way, this entire series is dedicated to seriously ill children everywhere.


Kate #4: The Dream
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