WARNING: This is even sappier than the other one.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Break out the good stuff, I finally learned a little HTML. (Thank you, Impulse.) And thank you, Kat, for the idea for the dream section. It's a hundred times better than before.

And just to let you know, Chapter Five is supposed to be a little scattered and disorganized.

Chapter One -- Kate

Thursday morning. Isolation.

I sat in my completely sterile room and stared out the window at the hallway. Not that there was anything to see, but the only thing on TV was stupid soap operas and Jerry Springer, who I detest far more than any other human being on this planet. So, staring out the window was a pretty interesting activity comparatively..

Watching the clock was, too. I'd arranged with Aximili and the others to call me at eleven from Rachel's speaker phone.

Oh, yeah, by the way, my name is Kate. Gotta throw that in, don't I?

And you're probably wondering why I'm in a sterile room. No, I'm not insane - not "lock you up" insane, anyway. The reason is that I will be receiving a bone marrow transplant in a few days. Bone marrow is this stuff in your bones (duh) that makes your blood cells. But, my bone marrow made a typo and I got leukemia, and now I need new bone marrow from my father (who's a pretty close match to me genetically). But in order to prevent my immune system from thinking the new bone marrow is some sort of infection, my doctors have to give me a bunch of pills to knock out my immune system. But, of course, that leaves me vulnerable to viruses and stuff so they put me in this spic-n-span room for a few weeks until they think the transplant's taken. Unfortunately, none of my friends can come visit me while I'm in isolation - just my family and the doctors and nurses. Yippee.

So now you know why I was so bored and why, when the phone did finally ring, I grabbed it before it'd even finished the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is AT&T. We would like to offer you our new low rates -"

"Hi, Marco."

"Hi, Kate."

"Am I on the speaker phone?"

"Not yet. Hold on." There was a pause and a clicking sound, and then I could hear my friends moving around and sort of echo-y static background noise. "Now you're on."

"Hey, guys!"

"Hi, Kate!" I heard them chorus.

"How're you doing?" Cassie asked.

"I'm bored," I replied with a laugh. "I've been staring at the phone for four hours! But other than that I guess I'm fine."

"You don't have anything else to do?" Jake asked.

"Well, there's TV, but nothing's on that I wouldn't rather walk barefoot on broken glass than watch, and there's homework that I guess I have to do at some point, and, oh! Hey, I almost forgot the highlight of my morning. The nurse came in to give me my pills. You should see these things. They're like horse pills."

"Gee, we're gonna have to really work to top that," Rachel commented dryly.

I laughed. "So what's up?"

"Nothing. I'd don't know if you've gotten a look outside, but it's pouring," Tobias said.

"It is? It wasn't raining at six-thirty this morning when they ousted me out of bed to move."

"Six-thirty?" Jake repeated.

"Yep. Fun, huh? Anyway, is Aximili there?"

"Yeah. Aximili," Marco said mockingly, "is here. But I think he's waiting to talk to you . . . alo - one."

"Cute. Very cute, Marco. Hi, Aximili."

"Hello, Katherine," he replied.

We talked for awhile about what the others were doing during the rest of their spring break - not the beach, because the weather refused to cooperate, and hopefully not the you-know-whos, 'cause who wants to screw up their vacation that way. Cassie told me about the litter of kittens someone had dumped outside their barn, and Jake and Marco told me about the basketball tournament they were playing in. Rachel, who said she was spending most of her time watching her little sisters because her mom had to work, jumped in every once in a while, mostly to give Marco a bad time about his basketball skills - or lack thereof

"Well," Marco said, and, I swear I could hear the smirk in his voice, "Ax is starting to pace. I think we should leave the two lovebirds alone."

"Shut up, Marco," Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. "Ax, just pick up the receiver and it'll take Kate off the speaker phone."

"Thank you, Rachel," Aximili said. I heard the others leave the kitchen.

"Hi, Aximili. How -" I was interrupted by a large crash in the background and Rachel yelling, "Marco! Get away from that door, you idiot! And put the glass down. That never works!"

"What are we going to do with them?" I asked, laughing

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind. It's just - who ever thought we'd be the normal ones?"

"I don't know . . ." he answered, sounding a little confused. Sometimes Aximili doesn't understand humor.

"Are you okay? You sound a little weird."

"I am physically fine. However, I have already found myself missing you greatly."

"I miss you, too. But it's not forever. Just a few weeks."

"Yes, I know."

I felt funny talking to him over the phone. Before, Aximili and I had talked for hours on everything, but now I couldn't see him. It didn't help that I thought Marco was probably eavesdropping in the other room. So we didn't talk for very long.

"I love you," he said as we were about to hang up.

"I love you, too. 'Bye." I placed the phone back on its cradle and sighed.

Chapter Two -- Kate

My days in isolation quickly settled into a mind-numbingly dull routine. Get up at eight, eat the disgusting runny eggs the hospital put in front of me, take my medicine, stare at the phone until my friends called, and do my homework.

Bunches and bunches of fun.

I was in isolation for a week and a half before Dr. Lowe pronounced me fit for the transplant. Actually, what she said was, "You're ready to go." I knew that was a euphemism for, "Your immune system's gone and you're totally defenseless," but what she said sounded so much better. I didn't even want to think about the other thing. I was already having enough nightmares.

Anyhow, about two days after that, my dad had his surgery. My grandmother flew in to be with me so my mom could sit with my dad after he got out. Dr. Lowe said he'd be sore, but not too bad.

They hooked the plastic bag containing my dad's bone marrow up and attached the IV to the catheter in my arm. I watched it drip down the clear tube as Grandma did a crossword puzzle. I suddenly shivered as I realized that my entire life was banking on a plastic bag.

"Chinese dynasty," my grandmother said, interrupting my somewhat depressing chain of thought. "Four letters, second letter is an "I"."

"Ming," I replied. "We just finished them in history class."

"Thank you." She marked it down and closed the book, setting it on the table next to my bed. "So, your mother told me a young man has been visiting you quite frequently." Aximili had met my mom twice, very briefly - she thought she was a little strange, but sweet. So far, we'd managed to avoid my father, which is how I wanted it. Daddy's Little Girl and whatnot.

"Grandma," I whined. My grandmother is really cool as grandmothers go - no blue hair or old lady perfume - but I really didn't want to discuss my boyfriend with her, alien or not.

"What, you don't want to tell your grandmother about your friends?" she asked, sounding offended.

"No that's not it -" I said.

"Is he handsome?"

"Grandma, c'mon - "

"Nice?"

"Please -"

"Is he an idiot?"

"No -"

"So tell me about him. I'm sixty-eight years old, I live in a retirement community. All I ever get to hear about is hip replacements and pace maker operations. I need to live vicariously through someone!"

"Not me," I insisted, shaking my head.

"You know," she said slowly, giving me a meaningful look. "I don't think your father knows you have a boyfriend."

"Grandma! That's blackmail!"

"Yes, it is, and I have naked baby pictures to boot, so quit "grandma-ing" me and start filling me in."

"There's nothing to fill you in on," I told her, exasperated. Why can't my grandmother play bridge and act old like everyone else's? I wondered. But no. My grandmother had to actually have a life and want to hear about mine.

"Fine," I finally gave in. "He's cute, sweet, and very, very intelligent." All very, very true. I just happened to leave out the fact that he was a cute, sweet, intelligent alien.

"Does he go to your school?"

"No." Also true.

"How do you know him then?"

"I met him through my friends." If she kept on like this I might be able to get away without lying.

Then she ruined it. "What's his name?"

Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, I thought. "Philip Richardson," I answered, quickly making up a last name.

"Ah, Philip. Good, solid, normal name." I almost laughed. Oh, yes, Aximili was nothing if not normal.

Then, right out of the blue, "What religion is he?"

"Does it really matter?" I replied, not really wanting to answer. Religion was a touchy subject between my parents and my grandmother, and it would not please her that her granddaughter was dating someone who did not believe in God.

"No, but I'd like to know."

"He isn't any," I said reluctantly.

"So he doesn't believe in organized religion? Well, that's fine. He's allowed to make his own decisions about that. As long as he believes in God."

"Well . . ."

"Well what? He believes in God, doesn't he?"

"Grandma, what does it matter? He's wonderful to me."

She shook her head and started to say something but changed her mind, deciding to make a disapproving noise instead. "Fine, I won't say a word. Whatever makes you happy."

"Thank you." I watched the bone marrow drip down the IV some more. I swallowed. One plastic bag, I thought.

Chapter Three -- Kate

Things went pretty well after that. I didn't catch any infections, and there wasn't any sign of rejection, so they let me out of isolation four weeks after the transplant. Dr. Lowe wanted me in the hospital for another two weeks for observation, though, so I was moved back into a regular room on the oncology floor, but I had to be sure to wear a face mask and gloves to keep out all the little germies.

The day I moved, I followed my parents into my room, lugging my bag behind me, and was greeted by my friends. "SURPRISE!" they yelled - quietly. My mom and dad grinned at me.

"Hey!" I said, wishing I wasn't wearing a hospital gown. At least it wasn't one of the ones that's open in back.

"Congratulations!" Jake said.

"Thanks. Tell you what," I said, blushing. "I'm gonna go get dressed." I grabbed a pair of jeans and a top from my suitcase and changed in the bathroom.

"Sorry," I said, coming out. "I wasn't expecting this."

"You weren't supposed to. The whole point of a surprise party is that it be a surprise," Marco reminded me.

"Okay, okay, okay," I said, shaking my head and smiling. My parents excused themselves to go get a cup of coffee.

"Hello, Katherine," Aximili said as soon as they'd left.

"Hi, Aximili," I replied. Was he that cute the last time I saw him? I wondered. He started to kiss me, but I held my hand up. "I'm sorry," I said apologetically. "My parents aren't even allowed to kiss me - not yet. The whole germ thing."

"I understand," he said with a slightly disappointed smile.

"So, you're feeling pretty good?" Cassie asked.

"Yeah, and I am so glad to be back in a regular room. Isolation was incredibly boring. And if I never watch TV again, it'll be way too soon."

"I'll bet," Rachel laughed.

"How's school?"

Marco grinned. "Wait'll you hear this . . ." and launched into a long story about this substitute they'd all had, with the others jumping in to fill in the details.

"So she's standing at the blackboard, and there're like fifty spitwads on the ceiling, and she never noticed. Someone finally hit her with one on the side of the face, and even then she just looked at us with this bizarre expression. Like we were aliens or something. And they were spitwads! Not even that creative! Jeez. What a . . . I don't know, but she was something."

"And you should have seen the way she dressed." Rachel, of course. "Peach business suit, white blouse, white scarf with beautiful embroidery."

"Sounds nice," I said.

"And purple suede shoes," she finished. "That was the first day. The second day was a navy blue suit and a white blouse - with tye-dyed shoes."

"Tye-dyed?" I repeated incredulously.

"Tye-dyed," she said. The others looked at me and nodded in agreement.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry I missed that."

"We are, too," Jake laughed. Cassie just shook her head.

"Oh, wait, wait, wait! Marco, tell her about the -" Tobias began.

"Oh, yeah!" Marco started in on another story, but I wasn't paying attention.

I'd suddenly felt weird - like the room was drafty even though the window was closed. I shook it off, but I noticed Aximili looking at me strangely. I tried to give him a look to tell him I was fine, but I guess he didn't buy it, because as they were leaving he asked me, "Are you feeling well?" The others had gone into the hallway so he and I could say good-bye privately. "I feel fine. I just got a little chilled." It wasn't the truth, but what could I tell him?

"Are you certain?"

"I'm fine," I insisted.

"All right," he said, finally letting it go after giving me a long look. "What time should I come tomorrow?"

"Three. I gotta bunch of tests in the morning and you might as well wait until you can come as a human."

"Than I shall see you at three." He started to move to kiss me, but then stopped, remembering.

"Love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he replied.

Chapter Four -- Kate

I walked down a hallway in the hospital, peeking into each room. This isn't oncology, I thought in confusion. Where am I? I continued down the hallway, unnoticed by the doctors and nurses passing by. At the end was a door with the words "Intensive Care Unit." I pushed it open and went inside.

I'd been in an ICU before, when Jenny became very sick. The rooms are more like cubicles, with only a curtain instead of a door, because the nurses have to keep a close eye on the patients at all times. I walked slowly down the hallway until I reached the nurses' station.

"Hi," I said to one of them. She'd been my nurse quite a few times on the oncology floor. But she didn't even look at me, just said good-bye to the person she'd been chatting with and hurried off through the swinging glass doors.

I shrugged and kept walking, the linoleum cold against my bare feet. Just then, Dr. Lowe came out of one of the rooms and began walking toward me. "Sam, hi! How are -" No response. She brushed past me as if I were invisible.

This was beyond weird.

I reached the room Sam had left and pulled back the curtain a little, trying to make out what was inside.

The room was dark. The shades were drawn, the curtain facing the nurses' station was drawn, and all the lights were off. The only light came from the glowing heart monitor by the bed and the little triangle that leaked in from where I was standing.

But it was enough light for me to see what I saw. And was I saw was enough to make my heart skip a beat.

Aximili was sitting in a chair beside the bed, clutching the person's hand and sobbing, absolutely sobbing, sounding almost out of control. I couldn't see the person's face but I knew who it was. And my suspicions were quickly confirmed.

"Katherine, please, please," he moaned. "Please do not leave me. Please." He was crying in the same gulping, hiccuping way I had when I first told him the cancer had come back. "Please."

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. The heart monitor beeped an eerie percussion to the sound of his sobs.

I went and stood behind him. I was lying completely motionless on the bed, my hand limp in his. I watched his shoulders heave as he desperately begged me to live. I finally put my arms around him, praying he could sense me, hoping it would bring him some kind of comfort.

He reached for the Rosary by the bed, closed my limp fingers around it, and then gripped my hand in his. "If there is any God in this universe, I am begging you . . . don't let her die. Do not let her die." He broke down again and laid his head on the bed. "Please," he moaned. "Please."

I finally woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks. It was just a dream I thought in relief. A dream.

But it was so real. Too real. I sat up in bed, shaking. I quickly turned on the light, and pulled the covers up to my chin. No, no. Just another nightmare. Like the others.

But Aximili . . . The thought of him sitting there, all alone in that dark room, begging for my life . . . I fought the tears back.

I would be fine, I was certain of that. But . . . what if I wasn't? What if I died and left all my friends and family behind?

I was no longer as afraid for me as I had been, and more afraid for them. I suddenly knew instinctively that I would be fine, one way or the other. I had faith that I would be taken care of . . . but the others . . . especially Aximili . . .

I caught my breath and looked around the room. My eyes came to rest on the packet of stationary my grandmother had given me. It was light blue, with baby angels and harps and rainbows on it. Very appropriate.

I went and got my favorite pen, this purple fountain thing I bought in Seattle when I visited my aunt last summer, and dated one of the pages.

April 19, 1999 (Author's note to someone very special: note the date)

I glanced at the clock and added, 2:12 AM under it.

I thought for a moment and began writing.

Dear Mom and Dad,

This is, as they say in books and movies, my last will and testament. Actually, it's my only will and testament, but that's not as dramatic. I have a few things to say, and I want to be able to say them - just in case.

First thing. If you're reading this I am probably no longer alive. Mom, Dad, I don't want you to grieve forever. I'm not going to tell you not to cry, because I've done plenty of that myself and that wouldn't be fair, but I want you to be able to move on. I'm in Heaven and I want you to be happy.

Second thing. I don't have a lot of possessions, but what I do own I want you to have with the exception of a few things I'll mention below. Please give my college fund to the Make A Wish Foundation. I want to be buried in the white dress I wore in Maria's quincinera.

Third thing. Enclosed are six other letters. They are to go to my friends, Cassie, Rachel, Marco, Jake, Tobias, and Philip. It'd probably be easiest for you to just give them all to Cassie. She lives in the farmhouse down the road and she'll see that the others get them

Fourth thing. The Rosary that Jenny gave me I want to go to Philip. Give it to Cassie, too, and just tell her it's for him.

Fifth thing. I love you guys so much. Take care of each other, okay? And remember, wherever I am, I'm happy and I will always be with you.

Love, Katy

I folded the letter and put it in an envelope, marking it "Mom and Dad" in my best handwriting. I wiped my eyes and reminded myself that this was just a precaution.

It took me until five in the morning to finish. Finally, I put the last envelope, marked "Philip," in a box with the others and fell asleep.

Chapter Five -- Ax

I flew in through the cracked window as always and demorphed in the bathroom. I quickly morphed to human and stepped into the room, "He -" I began, but stopped very suddenly as I surveyed the room.

It was empty.

The blankets on Katherine's had been folded and her things had been removed. I stepped out into the hallway to see if she was outside, but I did not see her.

"Philip, right?" I turned around and saw the nurse who had helped Katherine the day I'd accompanied her to her chemotherapy.

"Y - yes," I stammered.

"I'm Nurse Gallagher. Do you remember me?"

"Yes. Where is Katherine?"

She sighed and took my arm, leading me away from the room. "I didn't see you come in or I would have said something to you then." She paused and looked at me solemnly. "Philip, we took Kate down to the Intensive Care Unit this morning."

I froze. "What? Why?" I stuttered.

"She spiked a fever about nine o'clock this morning."

"But - but she was fine yesterday. I saw her." My head spun. Fever. I couldn't think properly, couldn't organize my thoughts.

Nurse Gallagher nodded. "I know. It happened very unexpectedly." She hesitated. "Look, I'm scheduled to go on my break in five minutes. I was going to go see how she's doing. Usually no one but family is allowed to visit in the ICU, but I think we can make an exception this time. If you want to wait, you can come with me."

I nodded. "Thank you."

The nurse left and I sat in one of the chairs, staring at the wall in shock. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw the same man who had taken Katherine to her chemotherapy.

"You the guy who was always visiting Kate?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, standing.

"Then give her this, will you? They moved her out kinda fast this morning and left it behind." He handed me the necklace she had shown me, the Rosary with the wooden beads.

"Thank you," I said.

"Make sure she gets it. And tell her Andy hopes she gets better real soon."

"I will," I promised.

"Okay, Philip, you ready?" Nurse Gallagher said.

"Yes." I followed her into an elevator, which is a device humans use to travel from floor to floor in tall buildings. This time, we traveled upward several floors. She led me off the elevator, down a hall, and finally through a set of door with the words "Intensive Care Unit" printed on them. She spoke with the nurses at the desk for several moments and then motioned for me to follow.

We entered a room with a curtain drawn across the entrance. Katherine was lying in the bed with a machine nearby, apparently monitoring her heart.

"Her parents were here earlier," Nurse Gallagher said. "But they left a few minutes ago." I nodded. There were two chairs beside the bed, and she sat in one, motioning for me to sit in the other.

Neither of us spoke, though I noticed Nurse Gallagher moving her lips silently. She stayed for about ten minutes, but finally she stood and said, "I have to go. Do you want to stay?" I nodded again. "Okay, but not too long. You're technically not supposed to be here."

Just then, Dr. Lowe entered. "Hello, Marian," she greeted Nurse Gallagher.

"Hi, Samantha. I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure. 'Bye." The nurse left, and Dr. Lowe picked up Katherine's chart and studied one of the machines. She looked at me. "And your name is . . .?"

"Philip," I said.

"Nice to finally meet you. I've seen you around and Kate's mentioned you, but I don't think we've had a chance to actually be introduced." I nodded. She looked at me for a few seconds, watching me stare at Katherine, and then returned to making notations on her chart.

"She's pretty special to you, isn't she?" she asked, setting the chart on top of the monitor.

"Yes," I replied. "How did you know?"

"Because," she answered. She sat in the chair across from me. "The look on your face. And the fact that you visited her every day you were allowed to. Not many guys do that."

I nodded again, but I did not feel like talking. "Well," she said after a few moments, standing, "I need to get back up to oncology."

I tried to bring myself to ask the question that was burning inside of me before she left. "Is she going to get well?" I finally managed as she began to leave.

She turned back to face me. "It's hard to say at this point. Her immune system is down, and this virus she has is really brutal. But we're doing everything we can."

"But do you believe she will recover?"

"Like I said. It's hard to say." I looked at her. She sighed. "She is very, very sick," she finally admitted. I stared at the heart monitor.

She stood looking at me silently for a approximately a minute. Then I said, my voice hollow, "Dr. Lowe?"

"Yes?"

"I - I love her." I lowered my head into my hands I tried to fight back the tears.

She crossed the room and put her hand on my shoulder. "Philip, medicine is very unpredictable. Kate came so far, so fast, so easily with the transplant - I honestly thought she was out of danger. I never in a thousand years would have predicted this. So nothing I predict now really means anything. All I can promise you is that I will do the everything I can to help her."

"I know. Thank you," I whispered. She squeezed my shoulder gently in a gesture of comfort and left.

I was alone in the room with Katherine. "Hello, Katherine," I said. It was illogical - I knew she was not capable of hearing me, but it made me feel better emotionally to speak to her aloud. "Andy asked me to tell that he hopes you feel better very soon, and to give you this." I held the Rosary up and put it on the table by her bed. "Katherine -" I took her hand and squeezed it, hoping she would squeeze back, but there was no response. I suddenly felt as if a cold hand was tightening its grip on my single human heart. True despair surfaced in my mind for the first time since she became ill. "Katherine, please, please." The tears I had managed to restrain earlier filled my eyes and began running down my cheeks as I felt my throat constrict painfully. "Please do not leave me. Please. Please.," I pleaded, despite the difficulty I had in speaking.

She can't die, I thought desperately. She can't! I stroked her hand and kissed it, trying to stir a reaction, any reaction. But she remained limp. I clutched her hand as if it were my only thread of life left - and, I thought, maybe it was. I had finally found someone who seemed to understand me, and I since I fell in love with her, I hadn't felt as if I were the only one of my kind on Earth - even though I was. How would I ever be able to survive losing Katherine?

I suppose that at that point, pure logic failed me. I was too distressed and overwrought to reasonably process the information. Instead, I reached for something completely illogical - the Rosary that seemed to hold so much meaning for Katherine. I opened her fingers and closed them around it, grasping her hand in mine. And for the first time in my life, I prayed. I had never wanted anything so much as I did right then. That was all I wanted - Katherine alive and well.

But it was not to be.

Two days later, with her parents and the other Animorphs there, Katherine died. I was holding her hand again, praying for a miracle.

But I suppose that miracles do not happen.

Cassie was crying, her face buried in Prince Jake's shoulder. Marco and Rachel were more depressed than openly grieving. Tobias sat in a chair, apart from the others, and gazed at the wall.

Katherine's mother was inconsolable. Her father seemed to be blaming himself for the failure of the transplant, though it was most certainly not his fault.

Dr. Lowe had told us to prepare ourselves for the worst. I tried, but I could not let myself believe she would die. It simply did not make sense for Katherine, beautiful, kind, happy Katherine, to die.

I had called a meeting after Katherine was moved to the Intensive Care Unit and informed the others of her condition.

"What?" Cassie had said in disbelief. "No! She - she was fine when we saw her!"

"What happened?" Rachel said.

I had shaken my head. "I do not know. But even Dr. Lowe admitted that she is gravely ill."

"She'll be fine," Prince Jake had insisted several times. "She'll pull through. It might be scary for a little while, but she'll be fine."

I had believed him. And now . . .

I wasn't crying. I had cried already, the day I'd sat alone with her and begged God to let her live.

But he did not answer my prayers. And I knew there was no God.

Only children believe in something they are not capable of proving, I reminded myself bitterly.

"It's only a matter of time," Dr. Lowe had said sadly.

At least she would not die alone, as she had feared.

And finally, after an eternity of listening to the slow rhythm of the heart monitor, it turned into a high-pitched shriek and the jagged peaks on the screen became a flat, steady line.

And my heart did not break. It shattered into a million pieces.

Chapter Six -- Ax

I cannot recall how I arrived home the evening of Katherine's death, but I awoke the next morning in my Andalite body in my own scoop. I twisted my stalk eyes around for a moment, feeling disoriented, and saw Tobias sitting in a tree just outside.

^Hello, Tobias.^

^Hi, Ax-man,^ he said gently. ^How're you holding up?^

I closed my eyes for a moment. ^Then it was not simply a dream.^

^I'm afraid not. How are you feeling?^

I didn't answer. I felt terrible, even worse than when I received news of Elfangor's death. I wished desperately that it was all a horrible nightmare I could wake up from, but I knew it wasn't. The physical pain I felt in my chest was too sharp, too real for me to believe it was all a dream.

^Why?^ I finally asked, repeating the question she'd asked me when she first told me of . . . of . . . I could not think about it. ^Why?^ I repeated, more strongly and angrily.

^I don't know,^ Tobias answered honestly.

I suddenly felt anger boiling up inside of me. It was so much easier to be angry, to blame someone, than to deal with the grief. ^Why are humans so stupid?!^ I exploded. ^It is not that difficult to cure cancer!^

^Ax -^

^Shut up!^ I cried, furious. ^If she had been on my homeworld she would still be alive!^

^Ax -^ he began again, sounding startled.

^She died because humans are too backward to understand how to cure a simple illness!^

^Ax, shut up and listen! You can't do this!^ he said, not angrily, but forcefully enough to make me listen. ^You can't blame the entire human race for Kate's death.^

^Why not?^ I answered hotly.

^Because all you're doing is covering up the pain, that's why.^ I looked away in anger.

^Look,^ he said, more gently. ^The funeral is Friday. We're all gonna go, okay?^

I nodded sullenly. ^Jake called a meeting this afternoon. He thought it might help if we all got together,^ he added. ^Do you want to come?^

I shook my head fervently. No. I did not want to face the others or discuss it with them. I could barely manage to discuss it with Tobias and he was my shorm, my deepest friend.

^All right,^ he said understandingly. ^You have to do what you have to do right now.^

I nodded again.

Chapter Seven -- Tobias

Kate's funeral was two days later. We went and sat in the back pew of the church because we wanted to be able to get Ax out fast if he totally lost it. I didn't think he would, though. He'd spent enough time losing it the two days before the funeral. I couldn't get him to leave his scoop for anything, even to eat. I dragged him (almost literally) every once in awhile to the stream and made him drink so he wouldn't get dehydrated, but I don't think he cared. I think he was privately wishing to die so he wouldn't have to feel anything any more.

Ax and I met with the others at Cassie's barn before the funeral. He and I both wore borrowed suits, and we all were dressed in dark, somber colors. We went to the funeral together even though we usually try not to look like a group. We were sad, to say the least, and not really thinking much about security.

The funeral was . . . very nice, which is the only word I can think of to describe the funeral of a fourteen year-old girl. But it was nice, with lots of flowers. Her mother gave a beautiful eulogy, and I don't know how she did it without collapsing. She looked close to it the whole time.

It was open casket, and afterwards when people were going up I asked Ax if he wanted to see her. He nodded, but no one else wanted to. Cassie was a mess, had been the whole time, and Jake said he was taking her home. Marco and Rachel went with them, so Ax and I sat there and waited for the crowd at the front to clear.

"You okay?" I asked. He nodded, swallowing hard. He hadn't cried at all during the funeral, unlike Cassie, just stared straight ahead like a stone.

Finally, it seemed to thin out as more people left. We got up and walked to the front.

She looked as if she was asleep, with her face relaxed and her short hair falling softly across her face. She wore a white lace dress with long sleeves, and her hands were crossed over her chest. I heard Ax's breath catch in his throat and turned to see a tear slowly trickling down his cheek.

"She is beautiful," he managed.

"Yeah," I agreed softly. She was, too.

We stood there until we were the only ones left. Then Ax turned to look at me and said, "Tobias . . ."

I nodded and walked out of the building into the afternoon sun, leaving him alone to say whatever he wanted.

I looked up at the blue sky and white clouds. Overhead I saw a peregrine falcon soar and then plummet into a dive. Only there was something very odd about this bird. It didn't dive to kill, just seemed to be diving for the pleasure of it, swooping down a few hundred feet and then climbing up again.

But falcons didn't do that. Birds-of-prey are fairly intelligent, but they don't have much of a sense of fun.

Is it Jake? I wondered. But it was a long walk to Cassie's house. They wouldn't be there, yet, much less have had time to morph. No, it wasn't Jake.

I watched the falcon climb again, soar for a few moments and dive. I smiled, suddenly certain.

"Good-bye, Kate," I said quietly.

Don't worry, that's not the end. I wouldn't just leave you like that.


Kate #5: The Letters
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