Help Al Get 1,000,000 Hits!

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Hi! Welcome To Al's Home Page.

Little Al is 47 years old and in first grade. I told him that I was making a home page for him on the internet. The first question he asked was "What is the internet?"

*LOL*.

After I explained what it was he thought it was really neat.

Al is what we call "differently gifted."

I told him that people from all over the world will come visit his page and sign his guestbook. I told him he was going to get a million visitors! He said that he didn't know where they'd all fit. I explained that they'd just be "visiting" through the computer. He said that they all must be really small to get here through a little computer

Al can be annoying at times.

I told him it was time for a "timeout" in his special chair in another room. I explained that the duct tape to hold him there was a new OSHA state required "seat belt."

Anyway, his birthday is on March 17th, and I'm going to have a big party that day and show him and  all his friends his home page, hopefully with the page counter showing 1 million visitors or more.

I will need your help for this of course! In order for me to get 1 million hits by his birthday, I need everyone to pass along the URL for this page to all their friends on ICQ, Email, mRIC, etc and invite them to hit this page.

If they don't have time to visit that's ok too as long as they send Al, by registered snailmail, those lovely presidential portraits those nice folks at the Federal Reserve print.

*S* Every hit counts so please help me out.

Hot news!!! Al's Grandparents like this idea so much that they have offered a $20,000 bond for Al's future schooling if he can make 1 million hits by his birthday! You can help secure Al's future "special" educational needs just by asking your friends to come and visit his page. I know we can do this!

And as an added bonus they've promised to let Bogie (shown above in unspeakable conditions) go free. Please hurry and get this message out as time is growing short for Bogie....as you can see he can't even stand up.

Don't worry, they'll give him the bond even if he doesn't make the million hits, but say that they'll probably love him a lot less for being such a total failure again.

IMPORTANT UPDATE

It has come to my attention that there are OTHER "1,000,000 hits" pages on the web. And that most of them have no purpose other than to get people to come to the page..

Please contrast the emptiness of those pages with the altruistic intent of this page:

Them: Ego driven, self gratification created by individuals with no moral center.** see below

This: Saving Bogie from certain DEATH and bringing the richness of education into Little Al's dreary existence. Oh...and did I forget to mention the ridicule he faces from his younger classmates? Children can be so cruel at that age don't you think? Oh yeah, don't get me started on Little Al's medical problems. Tricuspid insufficiency ring a bell? That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Tough choice, isn't it? As mature individuals who understand the concept of karma and possible eternal damnation I'm sure you'll make the right decision in which page to support and recommend to all your friends

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET 1 MILLION HITS!

**I really hate to bring this up but desparate times deserve desparate measures. All those OTHER zillion hit page authors? Pervs. Every one of them. Proof? Pics of them leaving motels with barnyard animals. Let's just say they take "animal husbandry" a little too literally. I know, I'm shocked and disgusted too. Please register your outrage in the guestbook provided below.

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This page is a parody and, as such, is not meant to belittle all those wonderful folks who make pages for their kids etc. Personally I love kids...'specially when properly prepared.

Humor Specializing in the offbeat...ummm..really offbeat
Family Surprise, halfway serious. Who woulda thunk it?
Baker HS Gittin' edumacated in the deep south.
Stuttgart AHS I did so graduate. I believe in miracles.
Research Eclectic links and such
Germany Well, not the whole country....
Schiller College Suspect my admission was due to a cash flow problem
Bands What do you mean you've never heard of Sister Ray?
Interests Surprise again, I have some
Thoughts Worthwhile, they're not mine