Never Again
4x13

Never Again is not easily defined as an UST ep or a 'shipper ep; not since TFWID (Editor's note: I hated TFWID :P) have there been such strong like/hate feelings on the implications of the episode in relation to our beloved M&S. To those who view fighting and/or tension as a precursor to UST (or RST ) this ep did have *much* UST- to those who saw it as an eye-opener to the feelings between these two, it was a 'shippy ep. I tended to fall somewhere along the lines of the 'shippy sect, although who am I to deny what a good argument can lead to...

As I watched the beginning and the end of NA for the second time, I remembered Mulder's words in WOTC: "I had a preying mantis epiphany... The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, and instead of being astounded I was repulsed." Okay, repulsed does not apply to our dear Scully, but is it safe to say that Mulder had a realization, an awakening about his partner? One he didn't know how to deal with?

There is only a small excuse for Mulder's pissy attitude at the beginning- he was upset Scully walked off in the middle of questioning, but can we say the pot calling the kettle black? How many times has she been ditched in *life threatening* situations? *And here I am thinking of him running off and leaving her with the MMBH* And yeah, he is also upset he is being forced to take a vacation, but that is no reason to take it out on her. In the past Mulder has done quite a few things to tick me off, (much as I do love him as a whole), so I can see why Scully is not feeling up to simply ignoring his attitude, as she has in the past. Her question about the desk is a valid one (if we ignore past eps where she had one...but I digress), and here I think back to the words of the note at the Memorial, "I know you did the right thing." She is questioning her future here, her life at this moment, maybe even her motives. And sadly, Mulder's attitude only cements the feeling of "What am I doing and why am I doing it for you!" I will not go into the plot details here, since I am really only concerned the the 'shippyness , but M&S do get separated.

Mulder makes a few overtures of reconciliation: he tries to call her out on the road on the way to Graceland, and then does succeed in reaching her when he is in Memphis and she in Pennsylvania. Scully here acts much like a defiant schoolgirl, wanting to make her boyfriend jealous, and after Mulder's "You're kidding" to her silent confirmation of a date, chooses to go out with a psycho. (MHO) Mulder's reaction is not entirely clear- was he doing the karate impersonation to believe sudden tension at the thought of Scully on a date with a man? (All agreed say "Aye!") Or did M&W just think it was a funny thing to do? Obviously he does care a little, because he tries to call her again from the office the next morning (how if he drove to Graceland did he make it back so quickly is real "spooky", but I digress...) But she is *gasp*, not there! Only a slow blink gives any illusion of inner turmoil on his part, but at least it is there!! (I tried hard not to make Mulder at this point a surrogate Voodoo doll for all the men in my life who have pissed me off lately )

The last scene is the most significant, and one of the most intense that has ever been portrayed between M&S. It begins with a lot of implied 'shippyness- that Mulder raced to PA to see Scully in the hospital (I doubt she was kept over night, so he would have had to have been there in a jiffy). He also knows all about Ed Jerse, (see comments following), and, as he talks about ergot in Scully's blood, also knows about THE TATTOO! (And may I go on record saying I feel cheated at not seeing *that* little revelation?) Of course, this is coming from my sheer reasoning power, which isn't always accurate, but unless Scully told him she got poisoned from a bad Reuben, (cornbeef and sauerkraut on rye, for all you taste-bud deprived people out there :D), he had to have known she got the poisoning from her tattoo. Mulder again acts very pissy towards Scully, but this time, instead of outright condemning him, we will be missing out on a great 'shipper moment if we don't contemplate some of the reasoning behind this particular exchange.

Look at Mulder's body language here- it speaks emotions that his words do not. He is admittedly a little less than sensitive about her being in two X-Files :), (which connection I can only make from the fact that she also had the poisoned dye in her bloodstream), but the remark was a lead-in to an explanation, not just a remark, and a lead-in to an explanation that involved Scully and *another man*. Take it for what we will, he then moves on the ramble about the tattoo, and as she picks up the petal, watch his eyes, the slow blink, looking downward, than back up at her... DD can express more in one facial expression that Keanu Reeves has in his entire acting career! (Apologies to KR fans, and I did like Speed...) He knows she is not here with him, but I think he is unsure where she is, and how to reach her- as he crosses to the filing cabinet, watch the head stretch, and then his right hand flying out in almost an "I don't know" gesture- Mulder (and DD) is very expressive with his hands, and that says a lot to me. He sits down again and begins recounting the case; Scully looks up briefly in an silent "Here we go again" expression, and he falls off with a "So..." He knows this isn't going anywhere either- then the famous desk line- I truly believe he *knows* it's not about the desk, but he doesn't know how to approach her, how to say what he feels. So he tries for the desk in an effort to get it out, and yet even that doesn't work- she only rebuffs him, and after the "But it's m.." and Scully's silent, questioning face, my heart wrenches at his mouth opening slightly, lips barely moving to for unsaid feelings, and then shutting again. How many times have we seen Mulder utterly speechless?? This is a Scully he does not know how to react to. What powerful emotions cross in a matter of seconds, and we are left with two people, even against their will, connected-- one struggling to understand, and one of them, finally starting to understand for the first time. Bravo to GA and DD for bringing these characters to life in such an emotional way. And although I do not wish to see this kind of introspect every week, it is a very human thing to question motive, to question caring, and to sometimes just be a little pissy for no good reason at all. (I said *sometimes* Mulder!)

by Rebecca Foster


Momento Mori

*warning, wrote this listening to some sappy music, so bear with me if it sounds really sappy* (Editor's note: Laurie *is* really sappy J/K babe- I love it!) Momento Mori

4x15

Okay from start to finish this was the greatest episode. Now I say that because, well to start, Mulder was the sweetest guy; he never once treated Scully badly, and he was so determined not to believe that she was going to die. As he stated, "I refuse to believe..." That line alone put it in perspective for me, made me feel weepy all over. I was close to tears throughout the whole episode, it moved me. Maybe it was just the facial expressions. I mean, they could have done the whole episode in mime and I would have still loved it:)

To start it all off, we have Scully reading from her journal, one that she is writing to Mulder. If these journal entries don't say she loves him, well I don't know what does. She doesn't come out and say it, but basically the point she is trying to make is that she doesn't blame him for anything and if she should die, for him to keep on living. Not to make that journey with her to the other side. Which we all know, he would want to.

The first scene after the opening credits has Mulder coming into the hospital with flowers *sigh*, while Scully is in the X- ray developing room looking at her X-Rays. Mulder, trying to make light of the situation (not badly, he just wanted to make her smile), says he stole the flowers from a guy with a broken leg. She tells him he is the only one she has called. That statement says so much more than what was intended. For Scully to call him first, even before her own mother, tells me that she cares for him very deeply and wants to be the one to tell him. Not let him find out from anyone else. Mulder is so adamant in this scene, he refuses to believe that she basically is going to die. Scully on the other hand seems to believe that she is. The body language in this scene, all I can say is "Wow". I find the fact that Mulder's denial she is going to die is a statement of his belief in her; he has great faith in her that she can conquer anything. As he says "I don't accept that, there must be some people that receive treatment for this, we can..." I wouldn't say this scene has UST so much, but it is very 'shippy. For Mulder I would say it is like losing her all over again (Abduction Arc).

Next, we see them in Skinner's office. Scully tells him that she plans to continue working. Also that she plans to investigate the case as a justice matter. I don't think Scully wants to get too close to it. Throughout this scene we see Mulder standing behind Scully, pacing around like he doesn't want to hear it again, as she explains to Skinner that she has Cancer. To me it looks as if it is tearing him up inside, the whole ordeal she is going through.

At Betsy Hugopian's house they find out she had recently passed away. Scully, obviously shaken by this, flashes back to the first time she met the women, who claimed they knew her from her abduction. Mulder, noticing one of the phone lines is lit, picks up the receiver and hears a buzzing. (Which, they deduce is the sound of a modem dialing in.) They go downstairs and trace the call to an apartment building. Nothing too 'shippy about this scene.

As Kirk Crawford runs out of his apartment building Mulder stops him. Scully comes around back and her nose is bleeding. Mulder notices it and says "Scully" pointing to his nose. A very sweet way of telling her. Maybe it was just me, but I think doing it that way was much better than saying "Scully your nose is bleeding." Mulder looks very concerned, Scully tells him that she is fine and to quite staring at her. I think Mulder realizes in this scene just how serious her condition is.

This is one of the more 'shippy scenes in this episode, (not as 'shippy as the hug scene, but I am getting to that ). Scully has just finished washing up and Mulder is waiting for her in the hallway, leaning up against the wall. *sigh* He looks awfully cute that way. Ahem back to the review. *grins* They talk in a low tone, not a whisper but quietly. Makes the whole atmosphere of the scene much better. He tells her she must find the answers and puts it in very simple terms:

Mulder: I want you to listen to me.

Scully: About what?

Mulder: About what you won't admit to yourself. What you're denying.

Scully: What am I denying?

Mulder: Where your Cancer came from.

Scully: Mulder, it doesn't matter.

Mulder: It does matter, if what you have is a result of your abduction, and that abduction is something the government knows about. Then those are facts should be brought to light.

Scully: I don't know what happened to me I have no clear recollection, and I don't think these abductions are even abductions.

Mulder: These women are dead.

Scully: No, they are not, one women isn't, Penny Northern

Mulder: Then if you won't listen to me, then I think you should go talk to her.

Scully: About what? What it feels like to be dying of Cancer? What its like to know that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it?

Mulder: If that's to hard for you, then I think you should go as an investigator. You have one remaining witness, Agent Scully, I think you'd want to know what her story is.

-Okay the UST was flowing in this scene the body language again was great. As they are having this conversation their faces are about 2 inches away from each other. Mulder is basically pleading with her not to give up so easily, to go find out answers that are there. I love the way he calls her Agent Scully; he does this I think to remind her she still has a job to do. Or maybe to just tell her not to give up.

Scully then goes to the hospital and finds Penny. Penny is being treated by a Dr. Scanlon, who it turns out treated all the other women. Mulder meanwhile is back at Betsy's house going through hard files with Kirk Crawford. Scully phones him up and asks him to bring her overnight bag from the car. Mulder hesitantly asks her (it's as if he doesn't want to hear the answer) if there is anything he should know. She tells him she must find the answers within herself. Mulder, obviously very upset by this, chokes out the words "I will be right there." He hangs up the phone, slams the filing cabinet door shut and walks out of the room.

The scene that shows just how far Mulder will go for Scully is when he is in Skinner's office asking him to set up a meeting with the Cancerman for him. Mulder is willing to risk everything, to basically be owned by the Cancerman for her. Never let it be said that Mulder won't do anything for Scully.

Skinner: You've come to me before.

Mulder: This is different, I'm willing to deal now.

Skinner: Find another way.

Mulder: No, I need that meeting.

Skinner: You deal with this man, you offer him anything, and he will own you forever.

Mulder: He knows what they did to Agent Scully, he may very well know how to save her.

Skinner: If he knows, you can know too. But you can't ask the truth of a man who trades in lies. I won't let you.

Mulder: We are talking about Agent Scully's life.

The final scene, *sigh*. What can I say? This is what I personally have been waiting for since the van scene in Pusher. Mulder (after checking out the fertility clinic with the Lone Gunmen, and finding the clones) rushes to the hospital, entering Scully's hospital room only to find it empty. He reads over her last journal entry and gets scared because she is not there. I love his facial expressions as he is reading it, it's almost as if he is discovering just how much she cares for him. He runs out of the room and asks the Nurse where she is. Much Mulder angst in this scene. Byers comes up and tells him he got to Scully and that she is in Penny's room; Mulder runs to her room and looks in. Again, great facial expressions when he realizes she is all right. He waits all night outside Penny's room for Scully to come out. As nurses run into the room Scully exits, and Mulder gets up and cautiously approaches her, not really knowing what to say to her. He asks her if she is gone, Scully crying nods her head yes. He tells her he's sorry and I know what she meant to her. I think he says this in a way to make it clear to Scully how much she means to him. He tells her that he came to find her and when he saw that she wasn't in her room he got scared that something had happened to her. *sigh, I love that line* He tells her that he read some of what she wrote, she tells him she didn't want him to read that, she was going to throw it away. Facial expressions play a big part in this scene, I know I have obsessed enough about the Facial Expressions, but there are so strong throughout this whole episode, it has to be mentioned. Mulder tells Scully that something was done to her, and that there is an answer she just has to find it. Scully tells him she can't kid herself, people live with cancer every day. But she has things to finish, things to prove. Mulder says very quietly come on back and embraces her. This hug was *gasp, should I say it* better than the one in Irresistible *Beck please forgive me*. I say that because this was a hug was meant to comfort both of them, not just Mulder comforting Scully. As Mulder hugs her he says "I believe the truth will save you Scully, I think it will save both of us." Getting back to what I have always said, it's Mulder and Scully against the world, and this line proves it. *smiles* He kisses the top of her head, then pulls apart from her and kisses her forehead. I think the kiss on the forehead says so much more than a kiss on the lips would have, as a guy friend of mine stated after he watched it. "I can't believe it, he truly does love her." When I asked him why, he replied, "because he kissed her on the forehead, that's how I kiss my fiance." ::Shrugs:: I love this scene for many reasons, the music, the lighting, the contrast between both of them, Mulder in all black and Scully in all white, but most of all, just how they are with each other. Mulder just holds her, and in doing that it just seems that everything will be okay again. She draws from his strength and gets stronger in the process.

**Things to Watch For**

-All the journal entries, Scully is writing from her heart, and you can tell if you listen to the words that are spoken.

-Mulder putting his job on the line for Scully, he breaks into the Fertility clinic, looking for information.

-In the Lone Gunmen's office, my favorite Mulder line in this Episode:

"Well pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching."

-as someone on the Romantics list pointed out, look how they hug at the end. Scully's arms are under Mulders jacket, as they wrap around his body, a very intimate hug if you ask me.

By Laurie Sarnacki


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