"TO THINE OWN SELF..."
April Smith
"Carley! Time to get up, sweetheart!" Priscilla touched her young daughter's shoulder. A small groan escaped from the sleeping four-year-old, and Carley buried herself deeper into the bed.
A smile touched Priscilla's face. Yes, Carley was very much like her mother.
"Come on, Sunshine," Priscilla coaxed, using her pet name for Carley. "Get up and get dressed."
"Go 'way," came the mumbled reply.
Good grief, Priscilla thought to herself. If she's this hard to wake up at four, what will she be like as a teenager?
"Nope, I'm not going away. And you, little missy, are getting up." Priscilla's voice took a firm note now.
Slowly Carley sat up. Her blonde hair was tousled, and there were crease marks on her cheek from the pillow. She rubbed her blue eyes sleepily, then glared up at her mother.
"Pout all you want. You're still getting up." Priscilla walked over to Carley's dresser and pulled out a blue and white outfit for her daughter to wear that day. "Get dressed, wash your face, brush your teeth, and then come to my room so I can fix your hair.
As she strode across the floor of the tiny quarters she shared with her young daughter, Priscilla sighed with relief. Despite her ongoing refusal to get out of bed in the morning, Carley was becoming easier and easier to get ready for the day. Her mastery of dressing, washing and teeth brushing last month had taken a major load off of Priscilla's morning routine.
Priscilla entered her own bedroom, pulled on a deep violet jump suit, then faced the mirror over top of her dresser to fix her hair for the day. She sighed despondently and picked up the brush, then put it back down before even touching her thick blonde hair with it.
Despite her cheerfulness with everyone she came into contact with lately, she hadn't been in the greatest of moods. Priscilla was frustrated.
And she shouldn't be. She had a beautiful daughter, a job that she loved, and Lyndon. A smile touched her lips as she thought of the handsome security officer. Yes, she had Lyndon. Lyndon, with his green eyes, ready smile, and wonderful sense of humor.
Lyndon who loved, respected, and listened to her. Lyndon, who had gone to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, and had risked his life, to help her find her daughter, kidnapped by the Maqui, a year earlier.
Lyndon was pretty wonderful.
Priscilla had it all, or so it seemed. Even so, she was restless. She couldn't explain why; she just was.
In an attempt to shake off the feelings of restlessness and frustration, Priscilla set to work braiding her long, thick, blonde hair. A few minutes later, she checked over her work, and gave a satisfied nod.
Just as she finished, Carley peeked around the corner and smiled at her mother. Priscilla smiled in return, and Carley flung herself at her mother, giggling all the way. Laughter escaped Priscilla's lips as she hugged her baby close.
* * * "So, what do you think the problem is?" Priscilla's best friend, Kylah Dannon asked a few hours later.
The two women were in the pub in which Priscilla worked. It was a 20th century Irish style pub, and very comfortable, in Priscilla's opinion. Everything, the bar, stools and tables, were made of a deep oak, and the seats of the stools and chairs were covered with a smooth material. Vinyl, she thought it was called.
Since it was mid-afternoon, the pub was rather quiet. Priscilla was, in fact, the only worker on duty. She was running the bar, her favorite of all the jobs available. Aside from Kylah, there were only a couple of patrons sitting about. With very little to do, Priscilla and Kylah were deep in conversation.
Priscilla sighed as she replied to Kylah's concerned question. "I think I'm restless because I feel like my future is so uncertain. I don't know what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life! I feel like my mind, heart, and desires are pulling me in about three different directions. I'm restless and frustrated."
"And these directions are?" Kylah prodded.
"I'll admit, part of me is pretty content with my life at the moment. But, then part of me can see myself possibly marrying Lyndon, having one or two more children, and living happily ever after as one big happy family. But then....:" Priscilla hesitated.
"But then...?"
The blonde sighed again. "Part of me would like to go back to the Academy," she confided. "I'd like to finish what I started, and graduate. Get my engineering degree."
Kylah's dark eyes widened, then she sighed, shook her dark head, and looked at her friend with sympathy. "No wonder you're so confused and frustrated."
"I know." Priscilla buried her face into her arms on the counter. "I need a vacation. I hear Betazed is really nice this time of year. Kylah? Want to go?"
Both women laughed as a security officer approached the bar. "Hello ladies," Lyndon Fletcher said, an amused smile on his face. "Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?"
Priscilla looked up at Lyndon and smiled into his green eyes. She leaned across the bar and accepted a warm kiss.
"Aren't you supposed to be on duty?" she questioned him.
"Just got off."
She smiled again and gave him another kiss.
"Should I leave you two alone?" Kylah asked, drumming her fingers on the bar.
Priscilla and Lyndon turned and looked at Kylah. "Yes," they replied in unison. All three laughed.
"Actually," Kylah said, once the laughter had died down. "I think you could use some alone time. Why don't you go have some fun tonight and I'll watch the little blonde munchkin."
Priscilla looked at Lyndon with an astonished expression. "She's actually offering to baby-sit. We have to take her up on that. Who knows when it will happen again."
The three made arrangements for the evening, and Kylah and Lyndon left to attend to other things. Priscilla found herself humming and smiling as she filled orders the rest of the afternoon.
* * * "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
Priscilla sighed against Lyndon's chest. They were making use of one of the station's holosuites, running a program of a warm, spring night in North America on Earth. A cool breeze teased Priscilla's blonde hair. The light scent of new flowers, daffodils, tulips, marigolds, lilys and crocusus, traveled on the breeze. A blanket was spread across the top of a rolling hill. It gave them a wonderful view of the sky.
The pretty blonde tilted her head back and looked up at Lyndon.
"Do you ever think about the future?" she questioned. "What you'll be doing a year from now? Five years? Ten?"
Lyndon considered the question. "Sure, who doesn't? Why? What do you see yourself doing?"
Priscilla pushed herself up so that she faced him completely. "I'm not sure," she replied. "I can honestly see myself doing several things. Marriage has certainly crossed my mind. A nice family...."
"Marriage?" Lyndon said. "Anyone in particular in mind?" She quickly recognized the mischievous tone in his voice.
"Oh," Priscilla said loftily, "I don't know. I thought I might see what Sazuki was doing in ten years...." she trailed off, looking at him with an evil look in her blue eyes.
"Why you little....." Lyndon began and threw her down on the blanket, attacking her ribs with his fingers. They wrestled and laughed for several minutes before calming down.
"Other than a proposed marriage to Sazuki," Lyndon began, rolling his eyes, "what did you have in mind."
Priscilla studied her nails as she spoke. "I had actually considered returning to the academy."
Lyndon reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair off of her forehead. "Is that what you want to do?" he questioned.
She shrugged. "I don't know! I wish I did know what I want, but I don't!"
They lay on their backs for a moment, staring up at the stars. Each was lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Lyndon broke the silence.
"Do me a favor, ok? Think things over hard before you make any kind of decision. Please?"
Priscilla rolled over onto her stomach, then crawled over to face Lyndon. She crossed her arms, rested them on his chest and gazed into his eyes. "Promise," she replied with a small smile.
He smiled in return, then leaned up to kiss her gently. A smile touched Priscilla's face as his lips met hers. All fears, worries, decisions and anxieties about the future vanished from her mind as she focused on the present.
Forget about the future, she thought to herself. Right now the present seems like a pretty good place in time to me.