August and Sheena put out a challenge: start a story with the line, "I have
coffee with your mum, she seems so glad to see me." Thus far, the challenge
stories have been very depressing--Janeway having coffee with Sam Wildman as
they're both realizing they're going to lose the men they love, Chakotay having
coffee with Janeway's mother after she's dead. I have no clue where the fluff
below came from--nor why Tom Paris keeps telling me stories of late--but I am sure
it is a direct response to all these depressing scenarios. Sheena and August, this
is of course for you. I also wrote a poem.

COMMUNIQUE FROM SAN FRANCISCO
by Your Cruise Director

I have coffee with your mom, she seems so glad to see me. Excuse the informality,
Captain, but now that I've heard all these stories about Goldenbird and her bug
collection, I feel like I know a whole new you. Also, as I'm sure you know,
Starfleet reinstated my rank on your recommendation and gave B'Elanna a
promotion, so she's practically your equal now. She said to tell you she misses
you. We saw Seven of Nine the day before yesterday. They've got Picard debriefing
her--I guess they figured his assimilation by the Borg was the closest thing they
had to her own experience. You probably knew that too, but I wanted to make sure
you know she really likes him. Well--what were her exact words--she finds him
most efficient. You get the picture.

I'm sure Chakotay's keeping you busy, Captain, but you've really got to take some
time to visit your mom again. She thinks it's Starfleet that's got you tied up,
so I tried to put in a good word with my dad--fat lot of good that would have
done, but he always did seem to like you better than me. Nah, I don't really mean
that. It sounded bitter, and I'm not. Things have been completely different
between me and him since we got back, mostly thanks to you. Did you know he tried
to get me assigned to the Enterprise? Almost pulled it off, too, until I told him
B'Elanna and I want to stay on Voyager, depending on who else is staying. He
thought you might be. I told him we'd wait. That's when I found out he was
waiting too. Climbing Aconcagua, huh? Bet I can guess whose idea that was.
B'Elanna said to tell Chakotay not to forget to put his pants on before his
boots--ow! Hey! OK, never mind, B'Elanna didn't say that. I did.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that the first time I ran into your mom, I was with
my dad. It was a Starfleet commemoration for all the people lost in the
Cardassian war. I had no idea your father was working on the Cardassian problem
when he died--I guess it wasn't any of our business, but all of a sudden it came
clear to me why you were always so comfortable with the Maquis. Sort of funny
that we all lost our fathers to the Cardassians, huh--you, me, and Chakotay? The
memorial service was pretty depressing. I didn't realize how many people died in
the Dominion War while we were away. All this time I thought we had it so rough
in the Delta Quadrant, but it could have been a lot worse if we were here.
Anyway, somehow your mom and I got on the subject of how you hate to lose at
hoverball or anything else, and your mom told me all about what you were like as
a kid, how you once walked home for miles because you'd lost a tennis match. She
misses you a lot, Captain. She had me over for lunch yesterday and I think
B'Elanna's going tomorrow. We're gonna know all your childhood secrets if you
don't visit her soon. She's a really neat lady.

I know I'm probably saying too much, but as long as I'm on a roll, Captain, I
wanted to thank you and Chakotay--you won me almost two hundred replicator
rations. Oh yeah, congratulations. You could take him with you to your mom's, you
know--she's dying of curiosity and I don't think she cares at all that you were
supposed to arrest him. Not the way my dad does anyway. But they'll all get over
it. We're just really glad the two of you decided to do something about what
we've been betting on all these years. By the way, I'll have you know that The
Big C himself collected about fifty rations, so make sure he shares them with
you. Enjoy the Andes. Don't forget to call home.