Dynamic time-travel novel about a New Yorker stuck in Greece, first century BC. Creative adventure, prehistory characters mixed with the gods of mythology and a gal from Brooklyn with a phenomenal yen to be as funny as hell!
 

JOKES:  Why ask why

** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

** Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

** Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

** Why is a boxing ring square?

** Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

** Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

** Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?

** Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

** Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

** Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

** Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

** Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

** Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

** Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?
 
 

MAMA TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
    "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
    "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
    "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
    "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
    "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
    "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
    "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"