Children of Abraham[1]
Richard L. Shafer
“He who forgives first ends the argument.”
--African proverb
I’ve been fascinated with why, when and how people forgive one another. By forgiving, I mean “to cease to feel
resentment toward; to PARDON,” as stated in my Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate
Dictionary. To explore my “how”
question, I recently attended three talks at an afternoon session entitled,
“The Concept of Forgiveness in the Abrahamic Traditions.”
Notes from a talk by Rabbi Sydney Mintz, Associate Rabbi at
Congregation Emanu-El in
An Hassidic parable tells of a king who
expelled his son from the kingdom. Years
later, he wanted his son back, so he sent his messengers to find his son. The son said he was too far away, and had
wandered too long to find his way home.
The father said, “Return as far as you can. I’ll come out the rest of the way to meet
you.”
This illustrates the concept of return or
repentance, “Teshuvah.” Forgiveness
involves repentance, or returning to God. The Talmud spells out five steps in
seeking forgiveness from others:
1.
To
confess to another, face to face, that you’ve wronged that person and ask
forgiveness, up to 3 times if necessary.
2.
To
compensate the person injured in appropriate ways.
3.
To
resolve to never again wound that person, or others in that way.
4.
To ask
forgiveness of God.
5.
To
refrain from repeating the offence.
Jews focus on forgiving one another during
the 10 days called Rosh Hashanah. As
Rabbi Mintz says, “The ’gates’ of teshuvah are always open to anyone who
desires to return. It is only on the ten
days of reflection that we are considered to be closest to God!” The last day of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, is
a day on which Jews confess their sins to God and ask God’s forgiveness.
Another source[2]
differentiates repentance from return to God.
“Repentance implies a
reversal of one's conduct - a recognition of past shortcomings, and a firm
resolution to change in the future. The two are interrelated; the awareness of
our weaknesses impels us to reorient.
“The concept of Teshuvah as
"return" emphasizes the fundamental spiritual potential of every
person. Chassidic thought teaches that within each of us resides a Divine soul,
a spark of God. This infinite Godly potential represents the core of our souls,
our genuine "I".”
Clearly,
as one repents, one seeks a return to God, whether “within each of us,” or
external to us.
Notes from a talk by Rev. Gerald O’Rourke,
Ecumenical and Interfaith Officer of the (Roman Catholic) Archdiocese of
Christianity shows two sides of the
forgiveness question: Forgiveness by
God, and forgiveness of others. Both are addressed in the Lord’s Prayer. We acknowledge that the loving God does
forgive us our sins, our debts, and our trespasses. Second, Christians seek to forgive others as
they have already been forgiven by God.
The
healing process begins when a Christian is willing to forgive an offence. It continues as that Christian is willing to
forgive totally. It concludes when the
Christian is finally willing to forgive unconditionally.
In
Luke 15:17-24, we see how the prodigal son is forgiven by his father, after he
confesses his sin. Of course, the
question of reconciliation remains after forgiveness occurs. Even when we’ve reached a state of total
absence of ill-feeling toward the one who injured us, still we must choose
whether or not to reconcile, and if so, whether to reunite with that person.
Notes from a talk by Ms. Hina Azam, Lecturer in Islamic Studies
at St. Mary’s
Islam considers four aspects of
forgiveness. First, Muslims seek
forgiveness from God through “tawbah” or repentance, returning to God, as this,
along with good works, is the key to salvation. Repentance requires (1)
certainty in faith in the one God, (2) striving to return to right belief and
right actions, (3) striving toward more acceptable behavior, (4) giving thanks
for the abundance God provides us, and (5) acknowledging our sins, and
requesting forgiveness. Forgiveness is
not automatic – it must be requested.
There is nothing to fear by humbling ourselves before God and confessing
our sin. God already knows our sin, and
has nothing to gain by punishing us, if we repent.
Second,
Muslims wish to be forgiving of others, trying to emulate Allah’s forgiveness
of themselves.
Third, they “forgive” God when they face
trials in their lives. They strive for
contentment, balance and to remember all their reasons for giving thanks to
God.
Finally, they seek forgiveness from others
when they have offended.
In Genesis 45:4-8 and 50:20, we see that Joseph forgives
his brothers, who “intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to
accomplish what is being done. . .”
Here, we learn that Joseph trusted God to bring something good out of
otherwise bad intentions. So he could
forgive his brothers, and leave the judgment to God. In the Qur’an, 12:92-93, the brothers confess
to Joseph, “We have indeed been guilty.”
Joseph replies, “None shall reproach you this day. May God forgive you: of all those that show mercy He is the most
merciful.”
These sparse notes help to answer the question
of “how” people go about forgiving one another.
Are the teachings the same? Well,
not exactly, but they surely have commonalities: These faiths each teach repentance,
confession to God and each other, and behavioral reform. They differ mostly in process and language,
but each emphasizes the need to confront our sins, before God, and compensate
for them.
Copyright
Richard L. Shafer
[1]
(Ed. Note: This is one of a series of occasional columns in which the author,
raised in the Christian tradition, searches for common ground and common
history among the teachings, beliefs and practices of Islam, Christianity and
Judaism. In the Torah, Genesis 16 and
17, we read about Abraham and Sarah, father and mother of Isaac, father of
Jacob, from whom the twelve tribes of
[2]
http://www.sichosinenglish.org/books/timeless-patterns/06.htm