37 Fun Ways to Get Rid of a Bad Date!

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1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.

3. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

4. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

5. Repeat every third third word you say say.

6. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.

7. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.

8. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.

9. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

10. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

11. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.

12. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.

13. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.

14. Drool.

15. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.

16. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

17. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.

18. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.

19. Ask your date how much money they have with them.

20. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.

21. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

22. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

23. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down.

24. Hold a debate. Take both sides.

25. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

26. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.

27. Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.

28. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.

29. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).

30. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.

31. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.

32. Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.

33. Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.

34. Accuse your date of espionage.

35. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.

36. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.

37. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.

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