Food Spoilage Table

• THE GAG TEST
  
  Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
  
  
• EGGS
  
  When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
  
  
• DAIRY PRODUCTS
  
  Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.
  
  
• MAYONNAISE
  
  If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
  
  
• FROZEN FOODS
  
  Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
  
  
• MEAT
  
  If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
  
  
• LETTUCE
  
  Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.
  
  
• CANNED GOODS
  
  Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.
  
  
• CARROTS
  
  A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
  
  
• WINE
  
  It should not taste like salad dressing.
  
  
• POTATOES
  
  Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
  
  
• CHIP DIP
  
  If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
  
  
• PAST THE DUE DATE?
  
  Well, it's always hard to tell, but try to give them to kids, reletives, or neigbors first, if they drop dead then you know not to eat it!
  
  
• GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
  
  Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.
  
  

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