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I did not
anticipate that these writings would be generally well-received,
and indeed, they have not. They are hardly in alignment with
traditional religious views, and many take offense. One may
dismiss them out of hand, or, I would hope, give them thoughtful
consideration. Although there are quotations from prophecy, these
writings are not about the End Times, or End Time prophecy or
speculation. In any case, I invite discussion.
The
Call
"But
as I told you. you have seen me and still you do not believe.
All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever
comes to me I will never drive away." [John 6:36-37]
"No
one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him,
and I will raise him up at the 1ast day. It is written in the
prophets: ‘They will all be taught by God.’
Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes
to me." [6:44-45]
Those words
were probably easier for the disciples to understand than for us,
because they saw Jesus with their own eyes and heard him with
their own ears, and could follow him when he walked about the
countryside, and in the cities and towns. But on the night of his
betrayal, when he knew that his time was short, he said,
"My
children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will
look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now:
Where I am going, you cannot come. A new Command I give you:
Love One another. As I have loved you, so you must love one
another. All Men will know that you are my disciples if you
love one another." [13:33-35]
And he told
the disciples that they knew the way to the place where he was
going.
"Thomas
said to him. "Lord, we don't know where you are going,
so how can we know the way?"
Jesus
answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No
one comes to the Father except through me. if you really knew
me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do
know him and have seen him." [14:5-7]
Later that
same night, Jesus said of his disciples in prayer;
"They
are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them
by the truth: your word is truth. As you sent me into the
world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify
myself, that they too may be truly sanctified." [17:16-19]
After the
resurrection, when the other disciples told Thomas that they had
seen the Lord, he declared,
"Unless
I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the
nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe
it." [20:25]
"A
week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas
was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and
stood among them and said, "Peace
be with you."
Then he said to
Thomas, "Put your finger here;
see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.
Stop doubting and believe."
Thomas
said to him, "My Lord and my God!"
Then
Jesus told him, "Because you have seen
me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen
and yet have believed."
"Jesus
did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his
disciples. which are not recorded in this book. But these are
written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the
Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his
name." [20:26-31]
"No one
can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him." From
these Scriptures, we know that it is not to Jesus in the flesh in
heaven that we are drawn by the Father. "Where I am going, you cannot
come." Jesus is
manifest in another form, however, to which we can be drawn here
in the world.
"The
word became flesh and lived for a while among us. We have
seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came
from the Father, full of grace and truth." [1:14]
The Holy
Scriptures, The Word of God, this is the Jesus, not his flesh,
which we can approach once we have been enabled by the Father.
For the Holy Scriptures were not written for the whole world, but
for believers.
In the
previous twenty years, I had probably not been to church more
than a dozen times. I had no need for church, nor any use for
church . I had seen enough hypocrites in enough churches to make
me seriously doubt such beliefs. I much preferred the scientific
view of the world, the psychological approach to humanity and
society.
I thought I
was much too intelligent, much too sophisticated to believe in
gods. I had achieved much on my own merit, and didn't need
anything or anyone. If I didn't see eye-to-eye with someone, and
couldn’t persuade them to my point of view, I simply wrote
them off. "Look out for Number One" was my motto, my
creed, my religion. I was quite proud of myself and my
accomplishments.
Then, in the
latter part of 1983, the Lord called me At the time, I
didn’t realize what was happening to me. All that I really
knew was a compulsion, which I could not resist, to read and
study the Bible. I had an almost frantic need for the truth, and
the inexplicable feeling that I would find it only in the Bible.
I had read
here and there in the Bible, but I had never read it as a book.
So I began at Genesis 1:1 in a King James Version my parents had
given me in the early sixties. I was unable to leave it alone. I
skipped over Psalms and Proverbs, but read the rest from
beginning to end. I felt condemned by the Old Testament, then a
sense of some relief on reading the promise of the New Testament,
but when I had finished, I still felt unsatisfied.
I went back
and searched through Psalms and Proverbs, feeling that my
dissatisfaction might be from something I had missed there. But
still I felt unsatisfied.
Next I read
a modern language version of the KJV New Testament. As I read it
I compared it to the old KJV, but the more I read, the more
uneasy I became with the King James Version. There was a feeling
of mistrust associated with it. Then the Spirit let me understand
that all the references made in the Scriptures, about the
Scriptures, named them "the Holy Scriptures", or "prophecy of Scripture", or just "Scriptures".
"Above
all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came
about by the prophet’s own interpretation. For prophecy
never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from
God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit." [2 Peter 1:20-21]
"Every
word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take
refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you
and prove you a liar." [Proverbs 30:5-6]
Those
assurances weren’t made of the King James Version, but
referred to the tablets, scrolls, and manuscripts on which the
prophets and apostles wrote the God-breathed Scriptures "as they were carried along
by the Holy Spirit". The originals were the Holy Scriptures.
The King
James Version was just that, King James’ version; a
translation made under a commission from King James, just a man,
expressly for the use of the Church of England. The translators
had frequent visits from the king, and served at his pleasure. In
their dedication of the work, among other exaltations, they
credited the King with dealing Satan such a blow (through some
writings by the king), that he would never recover. They
concluded their dedication with a prayer that King James be made
"the wonder of the world".
I was led in
search of a truer translation, one that went back to the Hebrew,
Aramaic and Greek, to the earliest and most reliable manuscripts
available. I wanted to be as close as possible to the Holy
Scriptures translated into my native language.
The New
International Version most closely met the need that I felt. It
was translated by a group of over one hundred scholars. The fact
that they were an international, transdenominational group,
"helped to safeguard the translation from sectarian
bias". There are several kinds of footnotes used. "In
some cases two possible translations were considered to have
about equal validity. In other cases, though the translators were
convinced that the translation in the text was correct, they
judged that another translation was possible and of sufficient
importance to be represented in a footnote."
As for
"thee", "thou", and "thine",
neither Hebrew, Aramaic, nor Greek uses special pronouns for God.
Neither the prophets, the apostles, nor Jesus spoke or wrote in
that manner. In the strictest sense, those archaic pronouns were
added to God’s words by the translators in the king’s
service, and have no valid place there.
And so I
began again from the beginning in my study of God' s word, the
Spirit having given me confidence that what I now read and
studied was as close as possible to the Holy Scriptures, hence
the truth. I read the whole book again from Genesis to
Revelation.
There were
some obvious differences between the KJV and the NIV. The KJV
contains some verses, even chapters, that were added, in some
cases, hundreds of years after Jesus ascended, additions that are
not found in the earliest and most reliable manuscripts. They are
distortions, and lead to misunderstanding Even the earliest and
most reliable manuscripts are not free from the influence of man,
as the Scriptures themselves give testimony. But the Scriptures
also give us instructions in discerning the truth.
From my
earliest study, I had been constantly asking in prayer for
understanding, and my prayers were being answered, my study was
being guided and was invigorated by this confidence, which came
from the Spirit, that I was now studying the truth. But as the
Spirit brought understanding, I also began to lose heart.
Now, with
the truth of the Spirit that I could neither escape nor deny, I
knew that salvation comes only from the grace of God, to those he
chose in Christ before the creation of the world. I could not
work for it, I could not ask for it, I could not even pray for
it. In spite of the claims of evangelists and revivalists, It was
not up to me.
I was guilty
of uncountable, terrible sins. I felt convicted, condemned and
lost, without hope. My lifelong pride in myself and my
accomplishments was dashed to pieces, worthless and useless. Were
it possible, I would have traded it all, everything, for a
glimmer of hope. I would have done anything to be able to take it
all back, to change everything.
But I knew
that was impossible. I went through weeks of terrible depression.
I tried to keep up a good front so as not to alarm my family or
friends, but I felt truly hopeless.
Yet I
believed; that much I knew, or else why would I feel guilty? But
I felt that I was the "rocky
soil" that the
seed fell upon in the parable of the Sower. I felt that I must
soon fall away. I felt that my faith was too weak even to
measure, that I had no true faith at all.
Despite this
uncertainty. the Spirit kept me studying, searching for hope. And
the Spirit gave me the realization that I did at least have some
understanding. And whatever understanding I had, had to have come
from the Spirit, "because
they are spiritually discerned."
"For
you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed
in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads
to salvation and leaves no regret; but worldly sorrow brings
death." [2 Corinthians 7:9-10]
"To
all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints: [Romans 1:7] think of yourself with sober
judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has
given you." [12:3]
If I was
indeed "rocky
soil," I had no
faith from God, and was destined to fall away. But, if I was one
of those "loved
by God and called," then I would know that I had been given a measure
of faith.
God knew.
but I did not. One night I went to a secluded spot, to pray about
these things I have written here. I told God that the uncertainty
was gnawing at me, that I didn't even know whether or not I had
any faith. And I asked for a sign, any sign that I could
recognize without doubt as coming from God, to let me know that I
had been given a measure of faith. I told him that if I received
no such sign, then I knew beyond doubt that I was indeed lost,
without hope, the same as dead. I told him I had learned that I
was only dust and ashes and had nothing at all, not even faith,
unless it came from him.
While I was
praying, I was given a sign. Although I could see no light, I
felt the warmth of a light shining on my face. And I felt a
strong tingling sensation around my eyes and my cheeks. The
warmth and the tingling lasted for several minutes, and then
faded. Before it could fade, though, I was giving thanks to the
Lord and praising him, that one so unworthy as me could be called
to be a child of God.
I now
rejoiced in my study, with increased interest from the knowledge
that there was more for me to understand which the Spirit would
reveal to me.
Throughout
all this time, I was reading and studying hours a day. almost
daily. I was still under the same compulsion, unable to leave the
Bible alone.
But I had
been to only one church service. Not only did I not feel any
need, I was fearful of being led astray. The church I read about
in the New Testament was not recognizable anywhere I looked in
the world. I trusted the Word, and the Holy Spirit to guide me,
but I was in fear of the flesh, my own flesh especially.
Often in my
study I would remember past sins, and feel guilt and remorse that
I had been in such rebellion. But then, on one of those
occasions, a new feeling, a sense of forgiveness, washed over me.
The understanding was given to me that those sins of the past had
been forgiven and forgotten. I was wasting my time and energy in
chastising myself for those things which God had forgotten. And
my spirit was lifted out of the melancholy, and I thanked God.
From the
time I first felt the conviction of my sins and the condemnation,
until the Spirit of forgiveness cleansed me of them and comforted
me and lifted me up, was several weeks of God-granted repentance.
That one
small sign, that feeling of radiance on my face, had been the
wellspring of hope for me. And with it had come a renewed hunger.
The reading and study of the Word, guided by his Spirit, filled
most of that hunger, but there was still an emptiness. My study
was being guided toward the body of Christ, the church.
One night,
lying in bed but unable to sleep, I was praising God, feeling
very happy and at peace after such a long time of depression and
guilt. I felt truly happy, truly care-free, unconcerned with the
world except for the desire to live my life in a way pleasing to
the Lord. I kept thanking him for showering me with so many
blessings.
I suddenly
had the feeling of liquid in my throat, cool and almost sweet. I
felt the urge to swallow. I was startled, because I had not been
drinking anything. I had been lying on my back about half an hour
without moving. Yet I had that very familiar feeling. I didn't
swallow, because I just knew that the sensation I felt was
imaginary.
But I
couldn't breathe, either. The sensation was real enough to my
throat that my windpipe had closed. I had to swallow, real liquid
or not, before I could breathe again. I did swallow, and to my
surprise, what I had thought to be imaginary became as real as
trying to empty a full glass of water in one gulp. I felt that
large volume of liquid pass through my throat, and caught my
breath in a gasp.
It felt
slightly thicker than water, and sweet, as though it was mixed
with honey. And instead of following the normal course of a drink
of water, it spread throughout my body all at once, and I
suddenly expanded all over to half again my normal size. I felt
the sheet and comforter moving to fit me.
By this time
I was completely amazed at this sequence of events. Then a most
wonderful, ecstatic feeling flooded through me. I felt charged
with energy, overwhelmed with a marvelous feeling of life. I was
so full of life, my body couldn’t hold it all, and had
swelled to accommodate it.
And there
was the realization of a presence within me. An identity of
goodness, apart from me, yet part of me and inside me. The words
formed in my mind, "At last I can give this to you
unhidden." Though the presence had not told me who it was, I
knew and recognized it as the Holy Spirit. And I knew that I had
been given a taste of the Water of Life.
My last
doubts were erased. After a time, all of those feelings, except
for one, faded away. His presence remains. The identity is here
within me.
"And
this is how we know that he lives in us. We know it by the
Spirit he gave us." [1 John 3:24]
My life has
been changed from the inside out. He has changed my priorities,
my habits, my attitudes. He has made me over into a new person. I
can take no credit for it. I did not quit my bad habits so much
as he sent them away from me. He is with me always, reminding me,
encouraging me, guiding me.
There you
have a very abbreviated account of how the Lord called me. He has
led me to a fellowship of other believers called by him. They
have the foundation of God's church, but not the maturity. As a
body, they do not embrace false doctrine, but neither do they
embrace the fullness of Christ.
That
fullness has become the center of my study of the Word, guided by
his Spirit.
The baptism of
the Holy Spirit is rare in these times. Although there are many
who lay claim to this baptism, and many who profess knowledge of
the Spirit, it is truly rare. In the past fourteen or so years, I
have met only two others. There are those who would explain, or
explain away, the experience, but they are ignorant of the truth.
Some would say that, while I have had such an experience, it is
of a personal and singular nature, and not pertinent to others,
nor in any way a guide to the truth.
The truth of
the matter is, however, that the baptism of the Holy Spirit is
indeed a guide to the truth. As I said, I have met two others,
and we have met together from time to time, often for hours on
end. In all those meetings, in all those hours spent together
discussing salvation, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, God, the
Scriptures-- we have been in total and complete agreement. We
have each enjoyed our individual study of the Scriptures, guided
by the Spirit, at different places, different times, different
circumstances, and at different paces. Yet we are in complete
agreement on all things spiritual.
The original
manuscripts that now comprise this web site were the impetus for
the first meeting I had with a true brother in Christ. Separate
conversations with mutual friends led to our meeting for him to
read my manuscripts. At that time he was a professor teaching
Literature and Writing at a junior college. He gave me a great
deal of help in the composition and structure of my writing, but
said that there was no need for any changes in content; no
additions no deletions.
In subsequent
meetings, the three of us found that we had an identical
understanding of the Scriptures. We were all baptized by the same
Spirit, the Spirit of Truth.
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