Where does the pain go?
Tucked away with gentle fingers of regret at times. Or slammed down with a force of will hopefully strong enough to keep it from reaching me. Shuffled to the side in the hopes that my heart will forget the path of pain. Or left behind in my futile attempts to run from the fears confronting me. Brought to my knees when reality steps into my path and denial, sorrow, and the helplessness of a consuming rage cannot cleanse my soul.....

So many ways to hide...an endless litany of words tumbling around in my mind. The dread of knowing that there is infinite pain in each and every direction.

Innocence lost to a tantalizing dream of what would be.....

Where does the pain go that it can annihilate me so completely when it returns? Where does it gather such force?

My soul falls to the earth in abject misery for what I've become......
Words spoken that feel foreign now, when once they carried the electrifying power of utter faith and a purity of heart that was sweet in its innocence.

I hear echoes of my sin in the morning stillness, before my mind has even realized I am awake to begin another day of battle with my heart and soul opposing each other in non-stop challenge
and rationalization.

No justification to be found, but still my heart searches for and holds its newborn dream close, in an attempt to shelter the translucent gift, struggling to survive amongst the harshness of the truth.