There is a rampant and somewhat insidious thing going on, that has been happening since the "birth" of R.E.M. and the emergence of Michael Stipe as some kind of "media god". I do not know if this is a trait common only to those of us with a mental illness, or can affect anyone, particularly the very yong, but there are one hell of a lof of fans who literally worship Stipe and put the poor guy on some impossible-to-maintain pedestal.
I was one of those, three years ago. I became obsessed with him, not in a pathological or sociopathological way, but I just found myself keeping thoughts and feelings about him ahead of those in my real world, like my family and friends. When he lost so much weight, I equated that with my own life-long battles with anorexia and bulimia, and figured that Michael was sufferng from some debilitating eating disorder. I became obsessed with trying to get messages to him to stop that so that he would not sicken and die. I now realize, in the warm and comforting glow of reality, that this simply isn't true.
Then there was the infamous "AIDS scare", when it was widely rumoured that Stipe's thinness was due to having contracted HIV. I wen absolutely bananas and cut myself so severely that I hit an artery. Had I not been in the hospital at the time I heard this ominous news, I very well could have bled to death.
So that is some of what comes of idlizing a human being. We borderlines do it a lot, for it is so difficult for us to achieve and maintain friendships with people in our own environments, we live a rich fantasy life in which a rock star or an actor becomes the centre of our universe. This is not only unhealthy for us, but for our object of obsessive love as well.
Michael himself said to one starry-eyed yong fan, "Don't worship me!" He knew what a heavy burden that was. He knows he is not perfect and if he knows that impressionable young people are emulating his every look, move or thought, he would, and is, quite distressed.
So what do we, as the mentally ill or depressed and disenfranchised do to avoid worshpping mortals and having them be an integral and pivotal part of our lives?
We must force ourselves to get involved in activities and groups, even on the Internet, although this forum can be isolating in many ways, and meet "real", everyday people with whom we can interact. I am not at that point yet. I have let Michael Stipe take the place of a beloved friend of either sex, and find myself vicariusly living my life through his. I really should be past all that but I am working on it. That is what this site is all about: Working toward mental health and happiness.
Without Michael "in my life", so to speak, I couldn't have written my book. I would not have created a Webpage or met countless wonderful R.E.M. fans via cyberspace or emerged from my vegetating cocoon that I burrowed deep into for two years. It's not worshipping thoughts I have now concerning Michael Stipe: It is gratitude, plain and simple. I needed a catalyst to spring me back into the world, and he was there for me. But I know he is not Jesus. He's a good, kind, compassionate and giving man, but not the Messiah. It took me a couple of years to sort that one out. How about you.
This ends Part Two of my R.E.M.-inspired chronicles.