|
Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved. People have asked me isn't this cheating. Well how can this be cheating if my husband and I both agree to and except this lifestyle for ourselves? An okay, according to the OED, cheating means "fraud, deceit, swindling." In other words, cheating is to convey through deliberate action the impression that one is of a particular nature while one is, in fact, something quite different. Polyamorus people do not tell partners, lovers, or prosepective members of those groups that they are monogamous when in fact they are not!!! Nor do we allow these people to assume that we are monogamous, regardless of how convenient or personally advantageous such assumptions might be. The words "honest", "negotiate", "communication" and "being out" occur frequently in discussions of how polyamory usually works. I think the key in defining polyamory is OPENESS, that is, having multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of your partner(s) rather than by deceit. Their are many terms involved in this lifestyle and I will explain them briefly. PRIMARY - word often used in a hierarchal multi-person relationship to denote the person with whom one is most strongly bonded. In some cases this bond or committment takes the form of legal marriage. As bigamy is not legal, the option of having two (or more) legally wedded primaries simultaneously is not currently practicable, through non-legal ceremonies may certainly be performed. In some cases "primary" refers to the lover with the most seniority. SECONDARY - follows from primary, in a hierarchal relationship, denotes a person with whom one is involved without the emotional, legal, or economic complexities and commitments of primary bonding. TRIADS - three people involved in some way. Often used in a fairly committed sense, in some cases involving ceremonies of committment, but also used simply to mean "three people who are connected" VEE - Three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or "hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point. In a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot. TRIANGLE - (or equilateral triangle) - relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others. Sometimes also called a triad. LINE MARRIAGE - term from the works of Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction writer meaning a marriage that from time to time adds younger members, eventually establishing an equilibrium population (spouses dying off at the same rate as new ones are added.) This is a different form of familial immortality than the traditional one of successive generations of children. POLYFIDELITY - Relationship involving more than two people who have made a commitment to keep the sexual activity within the group and not have outside partners. QUADS - pentcles, sextets and ,more: There are polyfolk who exist in multiple arrangements with more than three members, Geometry can get complicated, and creative nomenclature abounds, As in every other aspect of polyamory the precise bonds of imtimacy vary from group to group and from member to member within groups. |
