First of all, it taught me that I do not want to be fat.  The social pain that comes with obesity is very hard to bear --and the physical consequences are no picnic either.  Because of being fat, I almost missed marriage and motherhood.  I went through high school and college without a date primarily because I was fat --almost unbearable!  I lost 80 pounds during my senior year of college thanks to amphetamines which were not illegal then and which were prescribed for me by a doctor.  Within a year I had married.  But when I quit taking the amphetamines, the weight came back.  My husband and I longed to have children.  Once again I lost 90 pounds, first by seeing a supportive nutritionist once a week, followed by joining Weight Watchers.  In 1979 at age 31 after nine years of marriage and six years of fertility treatments, finally I became a mother.  Later I gained all the weight back plus more.  By 1994 I weighed 236 pounds, had a 46 inch waist and a size 24 1/2 dress fit me snug.

Since 1996 I have not been fat.  Today my dress size is 12, and the only time in over five years that I've had a weight gain problem was during ten weeks homebound sick leave when my foot was broken and I could not exercise.  What has made this difference?

I learned that my lifelong tendency toward obesity requires more than temporary solutions --I've had to change my attitude, change my lifestyle and change my habits.  I learned that I have to accept that I am different and deal with it.

I had to come to believe that recovery was actually possible for me.  For over 30 years of my life, I didn't believe deep down inside myself that there was hope for me to be a normal size because everybody I knew who was fat who lost weight gained it back.  The brief periods when I was normal size were like walking a tightrope over an obstacle-course-type abyss, wobbling, knowing I would fall in.  I am grateful to Overeaters Anonymous and Weight Watchers because at those meetings I finally met and got to know people who've had long-term recovery thanks to coping skills that they've learned, developed, and put into daily practice.  I'm thankful to them for being an inspiration to me and for teaching me, sharing their coping skills.  May I likewise share what was shared with me.

I learned that I had to get over being a "victim".  Victims don't get well.  I learned that for me to stay in recovery I HAVE to continually focus on the cup being half full, not half empty.  I also learned that I do have choice:  bitter or better.  Those are mutually exclusive choices: a person can't be both.  I learned the importance of encouragement and good self-talk.  I learned gratitude and hope instead of "stinking thinking".  I want to be well.  I choose health.  When desert is served, I try choose health instead of pie and try to congratulate myself what a fine choice that truly is.  I learned what "sufficient" is, meaning both portion size and God's grace (2nd Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.").

I learned to monitor.  I learned to have regular weigh-ins.  I learned to trust only the number on the scale because everything else I can too easily rationalize.  I learned that I can outsmart myself: rationalizing is my enemy.  I learned to have an accountability partner with whom to test reality since, when it comes to my weight and my food intake, I can't trust myself because something inside me is broken.  I learned to monitor my daily food allowance just like spending budgeted money.  I've learned to watch for triggers that cause me to overeat, and to either avoid the trigger (add a minus to the situation) or make a plan how to counterbalance the trigger (add a plus to the situation --for example, bring my own delicious food or bring a friend who knows about my problem who will help me abstain).  Some examples of  my eating triggers are "all you can eat" restaurants with food or salad bars, vacations, trips out of town, free time with no plans, social isolation, and "HALT" --being too hungry, too angry, too lonely oor too tired.  I even gave away an orange chair that was in front of my television because I ate so many snacks sitting there that I developed a "paired association" --when I sat down in the orange chair, I began to salivate, like Pavlov's dog.  And I also got rid of the "too much television" habit, trying instead to be more physically and socially active.  I learned to be aware of people, places and things that trigger my overeating, and to act intelligently based on that insight.

I learned to use coping tools such as a five minute phone call to another recovering overeater, recovery literature in my desk drawer, prayer, daily meditation, achievable goals that are short-term baby steps that let me celebrate, and the gimmick of interrupting the craving.  Clearly I learned to "use the sayings".

I learned cognitive reframing, looking at matters from different perspectives.  I learned that there is typically more than one way to do something and more than one way to view something.  I learned to be flexible.  I learned to be tolerant.  I learned to use humor, to savor nature, to notice beauty.  I learned persistence.  I learned that both knowledge and application are necessary --I learned to "talk the talk" and "walk the walk".  I learned to surrender --to give it to God when it is too much for me to manage and then to be at peace knowing it is in the best Hands.

I learned that part of coping is "replacement behavior" --find a satisfying replacement for the thing that causes problems!  I  actually learned to prefer broiled fish to steak.  I learned to look forward to sweet-but-healthy treats --chilled fresh fruit, fruit flavored fat free yogurt, Blue Bunny fat free ice cream bars, an Alba 66 milkshake, etc.  I learned that a good conversation can potentially be better than the food at special occasions.  I learned how good
exercise makes me feel!  Now I'm hooked on aerobics class three evenings a week.  I learned the importance and satisfaction of having creative hobbies --at age 50 I became a web master and now immensely enjoy creating web sites.

I learned that time can be my friend or my stumbling block.  I learned to routinely evaluate the long-term perspective because short-term pleasure can lead to long-term pain.  I learned the importance of pacing myself well.  I learned that Aristotle's Golden Mean, "hitting a happy medium", generally works best for me.  I learned that over stimulation triggers my problem and under stimulation triggers my problem.  I learned to take time-outs and to make "appointments for later" when I'm too stressed or over stimulated.  About under stimulation, I learned that "idle hands are the devil's workshop"--unstructured free time is an eating trigger.  I learned that to be fully healthy I need to use time productively, to "bear fruit".  I learned to live just one day at a time.  I learned that
"inch by inch, it's a cinch!"  I learned that life is generally two steps forward and one step back, which is still overall progress.

The most significant replacement behavior for me has been spiritual.  I learned that unless I got well in mind, in body and in spirit, I would not get well --all I could manage would just be the equivalent of a "dry drunk".  The pain of my circumstances broke me.  When a person is broken, then God can enter that life.  I learned that brokenness splits the seed inside allowing new growth to sprout and come forth.  I learned that I, like St. Augustine, have a hole in my heart the size of God, and that only God can fill it  --and I was able to learn that only after I learned that I can never get enough of what doesn't satisfy.  I learned that God greatly loves me and that I need to love myself too.  I learned that God wants me to put Him first, not put food first, making it what I worship instead of Him.  The powerful, magnificent promises in fourteenth chapter of John are true in my life --the Holy Spirit is with me as my Comforter and my Counselor.  I learned that challenges help a person develop character.  I learned that God prunes and refines people.  I have come to recognize that "everyone has a cross to bear".  We are called by Jesus not to drop our cross and flee from it but instead to take up our cross and follow Him.  That is what I am trying to do.