Christine Rowland's family of origin always called her "Sudie" due to a mispronunciation of "sister" by Van, her slightly older toddler brother; but her husband Paul called her Christine.  When I recall my Aunt Sudie, I remember her as a "pincher" (when she was taking care of children, she would pinch them (it hurt!) to get their attention) and someone who always seemed dissatisfied.  She was a fabulous cook and produced wonderful children.  She spent most of her life as a minister's wife.  I loved her husband, my Uncle Paul, very much --I asked him to officiate at my wedding ceremony, the single most important event of my life.

When Sudie was small, Grandmama Johnson went to the Wool Hat Woman (famous throughout Middle Georgia for weather predictions) to have her fortune told, taking Sudie along with her.  The Wool Hat Woman told my grandmother, with a lot of "authority", that Sudie would not live to get grown.  (Sudie must have had a short lifeline on her palm.)  Therefore. Sudie was treated as if she were fragile and given special care throughout childhood.

Indeed Sudie's childhood ended on an abrupt, shocking note.  At age 16 she ran away from home.  For a week my grandparents had no idea where she was and were desperate with worry.  She reappeared married to her older boyfriend, Joe Howard.  And soon pregnant, producing a beautiful blue-eyed daughter, Tina, named after herself.  And soon divorced and again living with her parents.  Tina became the last child in the home, a well-loved "little sister" pampered by all of her aunts and uncles.  Sadly, Tina at age five was stricked with polio.  She survived but with a shortened leg in a brace and a pronounced limp.

Paul entered the picture as a young missionary in Fort Valley, working with the Presbyterian Church.  He was smitten with Sudie and pursued marriage to her despite the fact that, at that time, Presbyterians disapproved of divorce and particularly disapproved of preachers marrying divorcees.  He loved Sudie, married her, and adopted Tina as his own.

Paul and Sudie moved to Decatur, where Paul attended and completed Columbia Theological Seminary.  Paul, Jr. was born.  Then the Rowlands got their first call to a country church in Douglas, Georgia.  During his tenture there, Paul Sr. was named "Country Pastor of the Year".  David was born during this period, delivered in the backseat of their car by Paul Sr. on the way to an inconveniently distant hospital.

Also during this period Tina's physician prescribed her to take dancing lessons as therapy for her polio limp.  However, Paul could not allow that because he was the Presbyterian minister, an example to his congregation, and the Presbyterian Church disapproved of dancing.  Despite the limp Tina was very pretty and popular.  She graduated from high school in Douglas.

Next, the Rowlands were called to a brand new Presbyterian church that was just being started in a new suburb of Macon called Shurlington.  The Johnsons were absolutely delighted to have Sudie's family in Middle Georgia.  The Johnson ideal for how to socialize was to visit each other, such visits always including a fine meal.  (By the way, Aunt Sudie's claim to fame was macaroni and cheese casseroles and homemade, hand-grated coconut cakes.)  We visited Sudie at least twice a month for the approximately seven years that they were in Macon.  It was a joy because I got to grow up with my bright, good-humored cousin Paul Jr. who is just a year younger than I and whom I still love and admire with all my heart.   Paul Jr. graduated from high school in Macon.  Soon after that another church called my uncle.

Paul's final church was in Garden City, a suburb of Savannah.  It was not a good experience.  My idea of Christian fellowship was underminded by the way that church treated him.  I knew my Uncle Paul very well and knew him to be a sincere, committed Christian in his walk, in his private life as well as his public life.  A finer man you could not hope to find.  He had a genuine call to Christ-like ministry.  He reached out to me to help me grow spiritually.  Uncle Paul became ill in Savannah and was diagnosed to have bipolar affective disorder (manic depressive illness: moodswings).   His church fired him.

First of all, it is so hard for me to believe the diagnosis.  I was living in South Carolina, away from frequent contact with my family other than weekly telephone calls with my parents.  I was not there to witness it with my own eyes.  Paul was an introvert, a quiet man who went into his backyard and communed with nature while gardening.  I still can not even imagine mania in him.  It was explained to me that he expressed mania by buying a number of theological reference books that he could not afford, to the point that Aunt Sudie had to intercept these mail-orders and send them back.  Depression was present, situationally triggered by a governing board at his church that didn't like his style and gave him many criticisms.  (Why couldn't the Presbyterian Church be well organized enough to pull pastors to retreat experiences/ renewal workshops, and also to rotate pastoral assignments so as to facilitate "goodness of fit" between the preacher and the congregation's governing board?!!  I am so ready to blame the church, despite the fact that, when it is not my family, I know to blame the disease.)  It burns me up right now to think how he was treated and how much it hurt his wife and children.  Shame, shame on the Presbyterian Church!  Bravo for the overdue protection of the Americans with Disabilities Act!   (While I'm at it, I never approved of John Calvin either, burning witches indeed.)

My cousin Paul, fresh out of a sad divorce, became depressed by his father's plight and had to seek counseling for himself at the local mental health center.  This helped him tremendously --it gave him a terrific second wife and life's partner: he married his therapist.  Paul and Betty sing in the choir at First Presbyterian Church in Raleigh.  Paul is the church web master and  teaches a men's Sunday School Class.  He has no bitterness against the Presbyterian Church, which is an accolade to his state of mind.

Paul and Sudie "retired" to Fort Valley, Georgia and built a small but nice brick house on the lot that Sudie inherited which is next door to the mansion built by my Granddaddy Johnson.  Paul made the third bedroom into his study --wall-to-wall books.  He turned the backyard into a marvelous vegetable garden.   He begin an association with Presbyterian Evangelistic Fellowship, trying to do church planting in Bonanza, a large, prosperous African-American neighborhood next to Fort Valley State College.  He received no salary but people could make donations to PEF to support his ministry.  Many in our family did (and got on PEF's awful and very persistent solicitation mailing list).  Aunt Sudie, who was always talented with crafts, went with Aunt JoAnn to china painting lessons and did very well.  She gave hand-painted china as Christmas gifts, which are now heirlooms.  Paul was still taking lithium to control the manic depressive disorder.  He died as a result of being very sick with a virus, vomitting a lot, and his lithium level became toxic.  Paul lay down for a nap and never woke up on earth --a peaceful passage.  It was 1984.  I regret that I was unable to attend his funeral because it happened during the week my new Patient & Family Education Center had its first class week at S.C. State Hospital, but his influence continues to positively mark my life.

Aunt Sudie lived several more years after Paul died.  She remained in Fort Valley.  She eventually rejoined the Baptist Church which she had formerly attended and where many of her family members were active.  When she was diagnosed as having a blood disease very similar to leukemia, her family rallied.  She tried chemotherapy which had a one-in-three chance of correcting her problem, but it did not work and was so horrible that she was relieved to give it up.  David, her youngest son, tried to move Heaven and Earth to get transferred near her, to take care of her.  He was a lawyer for the Army Corps of Engineers.  It was at a time many bases were being closed and the armed forces being minimized during peacetime, so that could not be arranged.  Paul and Betty tried to entice Sudie to join them in Raleigh, but she wanted to stay in familiar surroundings.  JoAnn was her angel, taking her to the doctor in Macon and to the hospital for the frequent transfusions that kept her alive.  My father visited her frequently, hovering nearby, giving her love and support.

The last time I saw Aunt Sudie was at Christmastime.  She was at her home, bedridden, with nurse's aides staying with her.  She was strangely beautiful, wearing a pink turban to hide the hair loss from chemo.  Then it struck me that, for the first time since I had known her, she was thin, wasted by cancer.  She had never been obese, but she was typically rather chunky, a size 16 or 18.  Now her gauntness fit the cultural ideal of beauty.  Ironic.

She died in January.  It was bitterly cold and windy in the rural churchyard in Uncle Paul's boyhood hometown, where she was buried beside him.  We sang "Amazing Grace" before her casket was lowered.

Postscript:  My cousin's lives are still "works in progress", but here is what's happening to each of them.

Tina went to King College in Tennessee but took a job with the telephone company when she had only one semester left before completing her bachelor's degree.  Even so, she has had a very successful communications career, with good salary and many promotions.  When AT&T was made to become competitive instead of a monopoly, Tina began selling telephone systems to businesses.  Unfortunately she has not been as successful in love.  (Kay's opinion: Tina seems not to know how to identify and pick good husband material.)  Her first marriage was to a U.S. Navy sailor whose enlistment was just over, who took her home to his parents in Pensacola, Florida where they lived in the family business, a motel.  That husband was not very bright nor very mature --he was all too happy to go to the beach and let others support him.  When he would not get a job, Tina left him.  (Looking over Tina's shoulder, some of us concluded that this marriage was a result of Tina reaching age 30 and not being married, and her "internal alarm clock" becoming so urgent that it distracted her from being selective.)  Tina transferred to Atlanta, continuing to work for the telephone company, and got a divorce.  Tina's idea of how to enjoy leisure was to go to Atlanta's active singles bars scene.  (Kay's opinion: bad place to shop for a good husband.)  There she met Tim Darby, another divorcee who had two small daughters.  Tim was head mechanic at a large Datsun dealship.  Tina married Tim.  Amazingly, at age 43, Tina got pregnant.  It was a traumatic time for her because also she was diagnosed to have cancer and, despite the pregnancy, had to have surgery.  Thank God she and her son Dale came through this ordeal fine and physically healthy.  The marriage to Tim did not last.  He was very non supportive of his responsibilities, did not want to pay child support, pointing out that Tina made more salary that he did.  Tina ended up struggling as a single mother in Atlanta.  I wish I knew her better, but I no longer get to see her very much.  She seldom comes to family gatherings.

Paul Jr. attended Davidson College to earn a bachelor's degree.  He now has his Ph.D. in psychology and works as a psychologist for the North Carolina Commission for the Blind.  His wife Betty is also a psychologist, heading Emergency Services at the mental health center in Raleigh.  They have two children, Paul III and Sarah.  Paul and Betty are enthusiastic about parenting and are very family-centered and church-centered.  Paul visits me once a year, and we regularly e-mail jokes, advice, and family news to each other.  I am enjoying watching his children's progress.

David attended Emory University for one year until finances made him transfer to the University of Georgia.  After earning his bachelor's degree at Georgia, he continued in UGA Law School.  Fortunately this was during the same period I was there completing my doctorate, so we got to enjoy each other's company, eating lunch together every day.  He is a terrific person.  I am proud to call him kin.  Both Paul and David remind me so much of my father in their personalities and good humor.  David's career is lawyer for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.  He lived in the Jacksonville area and now lives in Tifton, a medium-sized town in South Georgia.  He has a very sweet wife, Sue.  Sue's family is also from Fort Valley.  David met Sue at a wedding of mutual friends in Fort Valley.  Sue has an identical twin sister named Nan.  Sue worked as a school media center librarian until Julie, their first child, was born.  Jonathan is their second child.  He was born with water on his brain and had to have a shunt.  Jonathan has lived through many medical challenges and many surgeries.  He is developmentally disabled.  David and Aunt JoAnn have become very close because Jonathan was born when JoAnn's disabled son Phil died and JoAnn tries to advise and help David with Jonathan.