Eli says, "Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks, "Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers, "That's my penis, it's frozen solid.... Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother, "Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts, "I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies, "I know one thing - they sure are messy when they melt!"
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat. "Because I sure didn't!"
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her. She says, "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me. Explain yourself immediately!"
The husband says, "OK, I'll explain, but first you have to explain the kids."
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