These jokes are not necessarily damaging to your health.

Come Get The Bull

Poor Klaweter, he was so upset and worried about his herd of cows. He had been pampering them for over a year, but not one calf had been born. So, he decided to call his good friend Baumer for advice.

When Baumer arrived, he surveyed the herd, and turned to his friend Klaweter and told him that if he wanted calves, he was gonna need a bull! He told Klaweter to go on up to Taylerville to the auction and buy himself a bull. And when he bought the bull, to call him and he would go pick it up for Klaweter in his cattle truck.

So, later that week, Klaweter took the $500 he had been saving and went up to Taylerville. Soon after the auction started, he found the perfect bull, and after the bidding was done, it belonged to Klaweter for the price of $498.

Bordeaux headed immediately to a pay phone and tried to call his good friend Baumer, but the operator told him he must deposit $3.25 for the call. Poor Klaweter, he only had $2 left, so he said, "Never-mind".

Then an idea hit him! He would send a telegram! So, he went to the telegraph office and told the lady he wanted to send a telegram, how much? He was told it would be $2 per word. Poor Klaweter, let down again, he told the lady he would have to think about it, and would come back.

Klaweter went outside and sat on the curb and thought and thought. Then it hit him! He went back into the telegraph office and told the lady he was ready to wire his good friend Baumer.

Ok, said the lady, what would be the message? Bordeaux told her, "Just write "comfortable".

The lady gave him a strange look, so Klaweter told her that his good friend Baumer doesn't read so well. So when he sees the message, he'll have to sound it out, and then he'll "come for the bull".

*****

Does anyone know what the last thing the workers at the Tickle Me Elmo factory do before they put him in the box????

They give him a couple testicles.... (test tickles)

*****

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.00. When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250.00 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied.
2. That there was plenty of heat.
3. That it was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:
I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how turn it on, and if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, don't blame me.


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