Greetings prospective White House interns! Thank you for celebrating with us 69 classes of presidential helpers. We hope you will take your position seriously and hold this thought: The president is the head man and deserves special consideration. We like to think we bring him a fine crop of America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol. You will hold firmly all of the best attributes of our leader and that will help him do his job. We expect your best in 1998 and that should prove very exciting for all involved!

Is our program rewarding? Well, it may be the best way too lick ennui and much more. Check this out:

* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing, rising, political scene!

* Get up close and personal with America's more lusty movers and shakers!

* Find yourself involved with White House intrigue and see a side of the president that CNN or even a VIP tour won't show you!

* Be given privileged duties taking care of sensitive presidential pleasures and activities!

* If "hands-on" learning experiences are your preferences, then this job will be to your liking.

Does this sound like it's up your alley? Well, what do former interns have to say?

"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job, making friends, answering phones, and lingering around the oval office, there I was, debriefing the president. Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic."
- M. L., Beverly Hills, Calif.

"I am absolutely positive," says former intern Monica Lewinsky, as reported by Newsweek.

The same magazine also quotes former deputy assistant secretary Blacklow as saying: "There was no question that she (an intern) was something more than just another gofer."

As you can see, being a White House intern is an eye-opener. Expect to be surprised at the new learning experiences available for the aggressive and open-minded young apprentice. Touchy about the more intimate issues involved? First hand experience you will find is not exceptional but every day activity that may even expose you to unexpected pleasures and even illuminating national issues. There may be oral as well as written exams to qualify.

Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it back to the White House at president@whitehouse.gov.

1. Name:
2. Hometown:
3. Sex: F__ Age:
4. Measurements: (required for medical purposes)

5. Recording devices I own:
a. phone answering
b. Radio-shack miniture tape with body attachment
c. digital mini-videocam
d. computer with video recording and sending capability
6. Personal speaking acquaintance with: a. Larry King
b. Marcia Lewis
c. Linda Tripp
d. Woodward and Berstein
e. Kenneth Starr
7. Your response to publishers if asked to publish:
a. Yes to Star and National Enquirer
b. Yes to an expose all book deal
c. Yes to a TV mini-series about extra curricular job-tasks
d. Yes to 2 million dollar offer from Penthouse to bare all

The last few questions are only asked to determine what sensitive activities from which to protect you.

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