An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden a fairy godmother appears in front of her and grants her 3 wishes (she had no lamps to rub you see).
"Well now" says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
****Poof*** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
***Poof*** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the woman's favorite and adored cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Oh, dear, can you change him into a handsome prince? We've always been so close." she asks.
****Poof**** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possible imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees knock, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered." ** GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK...
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.
2. I heard you had the seven-year-itch...and I feel terrible...I'd say, "Get well soon"...but I know it's incurable.
3. My tire was thumping.... I thought it was flat.... When I looked at the tire.... I found your cat... Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You've announced that you're gay. Won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics. Do it only with the best.
Sex is a three-letter word, which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
One good turn gets most of the blankets. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Thou shalt not commit adultery... unless in the mood. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
The younger the better. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. Love is a hole in the heart.
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
It is better to be looked over than overlooked. Never say no. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. Click here to go back to page 11 or hit your back button above. Click here to go back to page 1.