President Clinton had been walking around the White House and going to meetings all day with a pair of pink ladies' panties on his arm.

Reporters and staff observed this phenomenon and, of course, wondered what he was doing. At an afternoon press conference Sam Donaldson got brave enough to ask him why he had a pair of ladies' panties on his arm.

The President replied: "It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient, gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic at the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity.

The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood this way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

Tony died.

When he was judged, he was told that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound,ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.

Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.

So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he had.

He asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more than you did."

They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

One day Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel/centerfold.

Stunned, Tony and Carlos asked him how did he managed to get this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.

Jon replied "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to have.

Then he added."There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. Every time after we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, 'Damn income taxes.'"

A priest and a rabbi were having lunch. The priest asked the rabbi if he ever cheated and tried eating pork?

The rabbi said, "Yes, once or twice I have cheated." Then the Rabbi asked the priest if he had ever cheated on his vow of celibacy.

The surprised priest said, "yes, once or twice."

The Rabbi said, "It sure beats pork doesn't it?".

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page