AN OLD LADY HAS HER OWN IDEAS ON HOW TO TRAIN PARROTS
There was an old lady neighbor of mine who bought a parrot. Now this parrot had previously belonged to a sailor and had picked up rather an interesting vocabulary.
One day, while cleaning house, the woman accidentally knocked over the parrot's cage, and the parrot let loose a string of curses. The old woman was shocked down to the very core of her being, and since it's rather difficult to spank a parrot decided that the best way to teach it a lesson would be to put it in the refrigerator for half an hour. This she did.
The parrot was well behaved for several months after that. Then one day the woman went out on an errand and forgot to put the cat outside. Fortunately the parrot was in his cage so the cat couldn't actually get to him, but when the woman came home that parrot proceeded to tell the woman in no uncertain terms just what he thought about that cat.
This time the woman was even more horrified than she had been before, and in a fit of anger she grabbed the parrot and threw him into the freezer. And there he stayed for more than an hour. When the woman finally relented and let him out he was nearly frozen.
Well, the parrot didn't even dare to speak a word for weeks after that. Finally though, one afternoon when he was sitting on the old woman's shoulder, he crept close to her ear and in a trembling voice asked, "I... I just want to ask one question if that's okay. What exactly did those two chickens in the freezer say?"
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you! the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the males and of course the first thing the female parrots say is, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the Bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!"
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."