A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road was a stray rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him".
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied. "The hens are round the back."
* In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."
The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Please stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY."
*
Two orthodox Jews went to Pincus the tailor for new suits. "Listen, Pincus," one said, "the last suits you made for us were sort of gray. We want black suits, the darkest black cloth that we can get." "See this cloth?" Pincus said, fingering a bolt of fabric. "This is the stuff they make nuns' habits from. There ain't no blacker cloth."
A few weeks later, the two men were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, one of the men went up to the nuns and matched his suit against their habits. Becoming angry, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked off.
"What did that man want?" one nun asked the other. "I don't know," the second replied. "He looked at my garment, said something in Latin and left." "What did he say?" "He said, 'Pinkus Fucktus.'"
Three men were drinking in a bar: a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine, he said, "For Valentine's Day, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat, she will still love me because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini, he said, "For Valentine's Day, I'm going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress, she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey, he said, "For Valentine's Day, I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt, she can go screw herself!" Click here to go back to page 11 or hit your back button above. Click here to go back to page 1.