Two naked statues, a man and a woman, had been standing looking at each other, in a park, for a hundred years.
An angel came to visit them and said that since they had stood there so patiently through all the summers and winters, they would be rewarded by half an hour of human life to do what they had been wanting to do most. So the two statues came to life, looked at each other, and laughed a bit and said "shall we?" and "yes let's" and they slipped off behind some bushes and there was a lot of rustling.
After a quarter of an hour, they came out from behind the bushes all hot and flustered and happy. The angel said they had only used half their time and why didn't they start all over again. So the statues giggled a bit and the man statue said to the woman statue, "OK, Let's do it again, only this time we'll do it the other way around. I'll hold down the pigeon and you crap on it!"
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse and drives forward, saving him from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole." So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, " Grab my thingy, and pull yourself up."
So the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story is...IF YOU ARE HUNG LIKE A HORSE YOU DON'T NEED A BMW TO PICK UP CHICKS!!