Arguments

        "One can argue good naturedly with another if the emotion is kept light. There can be a debate, a tug of war with words, a playful dialogue or banter, and an interchange of ideas... keeping not just an open mind, but a space in which another's words and/or beliefs can be listened to without any need to defend. This is difficult to do when the subject is something that one feels very strongly. Perhaps it is a general subject or one that involves a life/death decision or deeply held beliefs.

        An argument can stretch the mind if one can agree to consider another's viewpoint. It does that mean that the viewpoint has to be accepted and, in fact, it may be totally opposite that which the person believes. Still, with a little respect and the gift of room to speak one's beliefs, there can be a good exchange. It is not that a person will change his/her ideas, but perhaps in the exchange there is some kernel of truth that may give a different slant to one's own ideas. We cannot all agree. As each person is an individual with different sets of attitudes and ideas and feelings and emotions, it is inevitable that at some point there will be a division of beliefs. It is when we hear something that is so strongly opposite of what we believe that it triggers an emotional response that the need for control of emotions appears. If not, too often sarcasm or some sort of word attack can appear. This can cause deeply held negative feelings that cannot be healed.

        How then do we argue? How do we listen and yet feel comfortable in hearing that which we may not agree? It is helpful if there are two or more somewhat open minded people. If not, then one must be patient and recognize that the words represent beliefs that cannot be changed with arguments. Sometimes less words say more. We get on a 'train' of words when we get emotional and sometimes the 'train' becomes so fast, it is almost out of control.

        Know that you do not have to accept another's ideas. Know also, that if your ideas are quite different, you must be able to present them and based on the personality of the other person, be prepared to defend quietly or speak quietly or listen respectfully. Interchanges are good when exchanged with balance. Listening is good when it is balanced with the spoken word. To do this, one must have balance within - especially when there are words heard that can 'shake' the person up. When there is an awareness that the 'conversation' or 'argument' is getting out of hand, that the ideas are going in circles and neither are gaining in understanding the other's viewpoint, then it is time to stop. Nothing will be gained.

        If you can only accept or hear a little of a differing viewpoint, then say so. Discuss a little and suggest letting it 'sit' and discuss it further at another time. In doing so, there may be a thought or two that might appear that's new which can be used to further the conversation at another time. Harmony is so much better than disharmony and worth the effort."