17th December / 5.44pm / FridayCan't believe it's already Friday, and the last entry I made was on Monday! How the week has flown by.. with nothing more than just shitty deskwork too! Yesterday a student here passed away after a horrific crash with a lorry (he was on a motorcycle). Reminded me so much of my classmate that died in a similar way a few years ago. Most fatal crashes round here involve motorcyclists, yet in our society it is still considered as a normal method of travelling. In other societies, I believe bikers are just restricted to big men on big Harleys, and parents would freak out if their kids were on motorbikes. I personally wouldn't mind one myself.. but then again, however careful I am, being on a motorbike is such a vulnerable position to be in. I don't have to be the one who made the mistake, but I am more likely to die.
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Was happily listening to Cher today.. I like Cher's brand of music, especially her 80's adult contemporary stuff. Then read that her latest album was meant for her massive gay following. Hey I like her music... doesn't make ME gay!
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Do you believe that everyone, essentially, is bisexual?
BOUGHT - a shirt, three installments to the Malory Towers collection, mags and a romance novel
I WISH .... I was done with all this stupid marking!!!
13th / 5.47pm / Monday
I came to realise today that how ever much we want to help someone, we just can't go all the way if they don't want to help themselves. A lesson worth learning, but then again, takes re-learning again and again to drive home the point. I keep trying to inspire the best from my students.. but however much I want them to succeed, I can't make them if they don't want to. Perhaps I've caught the Dead-Poets-Society-syndrome, thinking you can really make a difference. Because sometimes you can't.
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Sometimes I wish I was still a student.. I miss my carefree ways.. the days when I didn't have to think too much about responsibility.. why do we all have to grow up?
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(UNTITLED AS YET)
Who wants me with secrets to keep?
Who wants somebody with fears buried deep?
Who will look at me in the same way once they know?
Who will still want me after all I've done?
Who will still hold me when I break down?
Who will stroke my hair when I weep?
Who will listen to me when my past catches up with me?
Who will still love me, for me, regardless?
I hope you will.12/12/99CURRENT FAVE SONG: All or Nothing by Cher
WRITTEN MATERIAL CURRENTLY DIGESTING: Stupid Mgmt Acc textbook by Drury, Addicted by Tony Adams (STILL!!! and not because I'm rereading the damn thing)
I WISH ... things today were as good as they were yesterday12th / 2.14pm / Sunday
At work on a Sunday. How low can low get for me? I work seven day weeks almost every week it seems, and for now this is fine with me. I don't want to reach the burnout stage though. I remember my last job - and although I loved writing very very much, I reached the stage where I couldn't stand traipsing all over town looking for people to interview. So I decided that the job at the paper wasn't for me. Right now, I don't mind the grading or the studying... and I can still say no (up to a certain extent). I hope I stay okay. Because if I don't, I honestly don't know where else to run! For the first time in my life I think I've made the right choice... if this still turns out to be a failure, where on earth should I be heading?? And to make matters worse, why on earth have I got this stupid Westlife song in my head??????? ARGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
SONG RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD: "Who can't deny the joy it brings...When you've found that special thing..You're flying without wings" Flying without Wings // Westlife
I WISH... I had a life (:
11th / 4.07pm / Saturday
It's amazing how much your perception about someone can change the minute a small insignificant (or perhaps somewhat significant, depending on how you look at it) information is added to your pool of knowledge about her. There's this girl whom I keep seeing always vying for attention from the boys, and about whom an opinion I already had. And then she tells me that her father recently died. With that you suddenly realise that her actions may just be her subliminally reaching out for a male figure in her life to direct and lead the way ... looking for stability and wanting to know someone cared and gave a damn. A feeling I admit to having close proximity with myself.
CURRENT FAVE SONG OF THE MOMENT : Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
SONG RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD: "And through it all...She offers me protection... A lotta love and affection....Whether I'm right or wrong.." Angel // Robbie Williams
WRITTEN MATTER CURRENTLY DIGESTING: Addicted by Tony Adams, heaps of answers to tests
I WISH ... I had a million bucks right now so I can go and buy all the books I want or I can just jet off on a holiday somewhere nice and remote and private