MARRIAGE, SEPARATION, DIVORCE
IN THE LIGHT OF THE NEW TESTAMENT SCRIPTURES
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Our Lord quoted from the Old Testament Scriptures when He said...
Matt 19:4-5
4 "Haven't you read," he replied,
"that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'
5 and said, 'For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two
will become one flesh'?
(NIV)
The above can be found in Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. However, take
particular note that the Lord said something else which was not found
in the verses in Genesis......
Matt 19:6
6 So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
(NIV)
The verse in Genesis 2:24 is Adam's proclamation (under the inspiration
of the Holy Spirit), for all of Mankind to be united in monogamous
marriages (Singleness being a special calling). Matt 19:6 is the
Lord's declaration for a New Testament Believer- as God only JOINS
BELIEVERS TOGETHER. Unbelievers are under the jurisdiction of the god
of this world and hence do not come directly under God's
jurisdiction...
Eph 2:1-2
1 And you He made alive, who were dead
in trespasses and sins,
2 in which you once walked according
to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of
the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience,
(NKJ)
So in the light of Matthew Chapter 19 verse 6, MAN CANNOT SEPARATE OR
DISSOLVE A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE THAT GOD HAS PUT TOGETHER. ONLY THE LORD
HIMSELF CAN DO IT AND UNDER THE FOLLOWING SCRIPTURAL
CIRCUMSTANCES......
1. Death of a spouse
1 Cor 7:39
39 A woman is bound to her
husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is
free to marry anyone she wishes, but
he must belong to the Lord.
(NIV)
2. Divorce on the basis of the exception clause in Matthew Chapter 19:9
Matt 19:9
9 I tell you that
anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and
marries another woman commits adultery."
(NIV) Emphasis Mine
Can a guilty party in a marriage relationship
re-marry? What is the Scriptural teaching on this issue?
Matt
19:8-9
8
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your
hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell
you that
anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and
marries
another woman commits adultery."
NIV
Matt 19:8-9 above is not an ambiguous or equivocal
statement. It
says clearly that a marriage covenant cannot be dissolved EXCEPT FOR
MARITAL
UNFAITHFULNESS. In other words the marriage covenant cannot be broken
except
when one party is guilty of fornication (porneia1in the Greek language.
See notes below). Remember that a marriage covenant in the context
above is
between a Male and Female Believer, GOD being the witness (unlike
secular
marriages where there are only two parties involved and where a divorce
can be
instituted by either party for a variety of reasons).
If
I were to translate Matt 19:8-9 above into simple English what it says
would
read as "The marriage covenant instituted by God between a Christian
Male
and Female cannot be broken except for fornication. And if a man
divorces his
wife other than for the reason of fornication and marries again, he
commits
adultery". If you refer to Matthew 5:31,32 you will find that the third
party that marries a divorced partner who has been divorced on Non
Scriptural
Grounds also commits adultery.
However, if the marriage covenant has been
broken on SCRIPTURAL GROUNDS as stated in Matt 19:9, then the innocent
party is
free to remarry. By inference, we could
paraphrase the meaning behind Matt 19:9 as follows, “Anyone who
divorces his
wife for the reason of marital unfaithfulness2and
marries another woman does not commit
adultery.”
Notwithstanding
this, it must be emphasized that the new prospective partner must be a
born
again Christian...
1 Cor 7:39
39 A woman is bound to
her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free
to marry
anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
NIV
Then, what about the guilty party in a
marriage relationship? In the light of the verses below, there should
be an
attempt to reconcile should a partner acknowledges his or her sin and
chooses
to repent…
Matt
18:21-22
21
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I
forgive
my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
NIV
Should reconciliation be impossible, the
party that has broken the marriage covenant for unscriptural reason(s)
carries
the scriptural stigma of being labelled an ‘adulterer’ or ‘adulteress’
and any
new marriage covenant entered into constitutes an act of adultery.
Remember
that adulterers DO NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD…..
1 Cor 6:9-10
Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor
homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor
drunkards, nor
revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
NKJV
In simple English, the guilty party cannot
remarry should the process of re-conciliation fail for whatever reason.
Adultery is a damnable sin and no God fearing Believer would
dare tread into its territory. In fact,
the Bible commands us to flee or to run away from sexual immorality;
not stand idly
and watch it pass by…
1
Cor 6:18-19
18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside
his body,
but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
NIV
Appendix
1 [fornication]
Fornication in the Bible means: adultery of married or single people
(Matt
5:32; 19:9; 1 Cor 7:2; 10:8; 1 Thess 4:3; Rev 9:21); incest (1 Cor 5:1;
10:8);
idolatry and adultery in honor of idol gods (2 Chron 21:11; Isa 23:17;
Ezek
16:15,26,29; Acts 15:20,29; 21:25; Rev 2:14-21; 14:8; 17:2-4; 18:3-9;
19:2);
natural harlotry (John 8:41; 1 Cor 6:13-18); spiritual harlotry (Ezek
16:15,26,29; Rev 17:2-4; 18:3-9; 19:2); sodomy and male prostitution (1
Cor
6:9-11; Heb 12:16; Jude 6-7; Rom 1:24-29; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19; Eph
5:3; Col
3:5). Do all these scriptures apply to single people only? If not, then
fornication does not apply only to single people as some teach.
(from Dake Annotated Reference Bible © 2007 by Dake Publishing.
All rights
reserved in U.S.A. and Other Countries.)
2 Other than ‘marital unfaithfulness’, the other two
scriptural
exceptions whereby a marriage covenant can be dissolved are as follows:
a)
Following the death of
a Christian spouse (1 Cor 7:39)
b)
If one partner in a
Non Christian marriage comes to Christ and the Non Believing partner
chooses to
leave on account of the Christian partner’s faith (1 Cor 7). Discussed
in greater detail in the next paragraph under "separation'.
SEPARATION
The New Testament allows separation as can be seen from Paul's
writings below...
1 Cor 7:10-11
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband.
11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to
her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(NIV)
There are only two options for a separated christian couple- either to
be reconciled or to remain unmarried. The Apostle Paul's teaching
complements the teaching of our Lord in Matthew 19,
Mark 10 and Luke 16. A christian couple separated for reasons
such as mutual incompatibility should seek counsel and prayer
from godly elders. Since it is not God's will for a separated couple to
divorce it would certainly be HIS WILL TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE. Even if one partner has been unfaithful, it is my
personal opinion that all efforts should be made for the offending
party to repent and come back to his or her partner. Divorce on the
ground of marital unfaithfulness should only be a last resort.
In a similar light, what about the case of a non-christian man or woman
who had already divorced his or her partner and re-married again? What
if this person comes to Christ? In such a case, the first few
Scriptures mentioned in this article provide the Biblical guideline. It
is God's will for Mankind to be united in monogamous marriages but it
is a christian marriage that God HIMSELF personally JOINS TOGETHER AND
WHICH HAS BEEN DECLARED INSEPARABLE BY MAN. Therefore, the
non-christian who had divorced his or her partner and re-married
AGAIN has this new marriage sanctified when he or she comes to
Christ (both partners must of course be in the LORD). As in the case
of any other born-again believer, this "sanctified" (christian)
marriage cannot be broken except for the only ground of marital
unfaithfulness. In the event that only one partner comes to the Lord,
then the teaching of Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7
verses 12-15 stands.
APPENDIX- THREE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS PERTAINING TO MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE
ANSWERED.
1. CAN I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND IF HE PHYSICALLY ABUSES OR DESERTS ME?
Physical abuse is not a Scriptural reason for divorce (although
in a secular court of law this may be so). The Scriptures, however,
allow a period of separation. This, I believe,
is to allow the parties concerned to be counseled by the elders and at
the same time,
(for the elders) to pray for them with the objective of having them
reconciled to each other.
1 Cor 7:10-11
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband.
11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to
her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
(NIV)
Desertion is also not a Biblical ground for divorce. As in the case of
separation, the wife must remain unmarried (Verse 11 above) for the
marriage covenant has not been dissolved in the eyes of God. If there
is concrete evidence that the offending party has committed adultery
then the exception clause in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 apply.
2. I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I MARRIED A NON-CHRISTIAN. NOW I WANT TO
DIVORCE HIM.
The Bible expressly forbids a Christian marrying a Non Christian. No
stronger terms can be used to denounce this wilful union of two
contrasting kingdoms.
2 Cor 6:14-18
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness
and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does
a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is
there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the
living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among
them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
17 "Therefore come out from them
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
18 "I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty."
NIV
A yoke is a wooden harness which binds two oxen to a common destiny
(the use of the word ‘destiny’ as opposed to ‘destination’ is
deliberate). How can a worshiper of Christ and a worshiper of Baal walk
together (see also Amos 3:3)? Verse 16 above says that we are the
Temple of (the Living) God, and the Holy Spirit resides in us.
Christian Marriage, contrary to common belief, is a tripartite
arrangement where a Christian couple makes a covenant with each other
in the presence of Almighty God. They essentially become “One flesh”.
How could the Holy Spirit dwell in the temple of the Living God and the
temple of Baal at the same time (as both of them are now one flesh)?
God will only be a Father to you (1 Cor 6:18) if you heed His call for
Separation and Holiness (1 Cor 6:17). Therefore, we can safely deduce
that a Christian who wilfully marries a Non-Christian is essentially
forsaking His Covenant with Almighty God and therefore, no longer comes
under the category of “God’s Covenant People”. It is for this same
reason that I cannot find Scriptural guidance pertaining to a Christian
who has married a Non-Christian divorcing his or her Non-Christian
spouse. The Exception clause in Matt 5:32 and 19:9 refers to a marriage
covenant of God’s people only, as Jesus later said in Matt
19:6...`Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.’
The other verses which may seem to be relevant (1 Cor 7: 12-16)
actually refer to two Non-Christians who married but of whom one has
now become a believer (This is not the same context as our discussion
above).
Pastors who marry or have married Christians with Non-Christians are
walking in dangerous spiritual waters.
Since we are on this subject of being “unequally yoked”, let me just
add another important point. Business and corporate partnerships of
Christians with Non-Christians are definitely out of God’s Will.
Christianity is a way of life founded on God’s Living Word and No
Christian yoked to a Non-Christian can with any honesty say that he is
walking right with God. Being ‘unequally yoked’ binds two or more
persons in business to a common destiny. The Kingdom of God and the
Kingdom of Satan (and that of the World) are two opposite Kingdoms with
totally different terms of reference and we can only live and walk in
one Kingdom at any one time.
3. MY DAUGHTER WHO IS A CHRISTIAN IS DATING A NON CHRISTIAN. WE ARE
BRINGING HIM TO CHURCH.
Romance and evangelism are as far apart as heaven and hell is. The
former emanates from the human soul whilst the latter is a calling and
work of the Holy Spirit. Jesus did not say “Go ye into the World to
bring Non Christians for your sons or daughters and make them
Christians in the process.” The Biblical method of finding a mate for a
Christian is to seek God’s Will and direction for your life-partner who
must necessarily be a Born again Christian (the First requirement). GOD
NEVER BRINGS A CHRISTIAN AND NON-CHRISTIAN TOGETHER IN A ROMANTIC
ENCOUNTER SO AS TO BRING THE NON-CHRISTIAN TO SALVATION. All examples
of Salvation in the New Testament have nothing to do with romance and
marriage. Yes, I emphasize again, Salvation and Evangelism is a calling
and work of the Holy Spirit. God never uses a human bait to ensnare an
unbeliever into the Kingdom of God.
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