Jerk Of All Trades
DROP DEAD
WALK IN FRONT OF A CAR, AT THE MALL
TRIP AND FALL IN THE HALL
SMASH YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL
YOU WANT TO DIE I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYE
ROB A BANK,TIP THE BOAT, SELL YOURSELF,
BREAK THE LAW
I LIKE YOU BETTER, WHEN YOUR DEADER.
DONT YOU FUCK WHITH US
WE WILL FOLLOW YOU ON TO THE BUS
FART RIGHT IN YOUR FACE
AND WATCH OUT BECAUSE
SHOULD'VE WORN TUSSY LIKE YOUR MAMA SAID,
THEN MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE DEAD
WE CAN BE WORSTER!
DROP DEAD! DROP!
GET ET BY A LION AT THE ZOO
FUCK A SKANKY HO OR TWO
BURN YOUR SOCKS, DREAD YOUR LOCKS,
WEAR A SHMOCK, HAM YOUR HOCKS.
YOU WANT TO DIE I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES
PULL THE PLUG, POP A PILL, KILL YOURSELF,
KNOW YOU WILL.
I LIKE YOU BETER, WHEN YOUR DEADER.
DROP DEAD! OLE!
I'M FINE, ME TOO, WE'RE FINE AND HOW ARE YOU!?
I LIKE YOU BETTER, WHEN YOUR DEADER
SHOULDA WORN A TUSSY LIKE YOUR MAMA SAID, THEN MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE DEAD
WE THINK THAT YOU SHOULD DROP DEAD!
FINGERFUL
I SEE YOU DOWN THERE
WHITH YOUR BALDING HAIR
AND I WANA TOUCH THE SPOT
I DONT CARE WHAT USED TO BE THERE
I JUST WANA TOUCH YOUR SPOT
I GOT SOME PLASTIC DRAWERS
AND HERE THERE ARE NO LAWS
A TICKLE WITH A FEATHER
IN HOT SHORTS MADE OF PLEATHER
I GOT A FETISH FOR IT
AND I JUST CANT DESCRIBE IT
IT GIVES ME SUCH A RUSH, MAKES ME WANNA BLUSH
I PICK IT, I PLUCK IT, I TOUCH IT AND THEN
OOOOH
A TICKLE WITH A FEATHER,
IN HOT SHORTS MADE OF PLEATHER
HEELS AND SLIPERS MAKE ME QUIVER
SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE
CAKES AND MUFFINS AND COOKIES TOO
AND PIES IN THE FACE
TOYS & BOYS & RINGS & THINGS
SHAKE & BAKE & EVERITHING,
AND PUBLIC BATHROOMS, THAT'S FOR SURE
SMELLY SOCKS AND UNDERWEARE
EYE SNOTS & PUBIC HAIR
CROOKED TEETH & SEXY ARMS
ELVIS, DICE & LUCKY CHARMS
I SEE YOUR HINEY, IT'S BIG AND SHINY
YOU BETTER HIDE IT BEFORE I BITE IT!
TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND,
WELL YOU JUST GOTTA TRY IT!
FINGERFUL
F.D.S.(SHIT,FINGER,DICK)
YOU'RE A...
MENTAL CASE, 'BOUT TIME I SMASHED YOUR FACE,
GOT A HABIT OF STEPPIN' OUT OF LINE TRY AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD ALL THE TIME,
GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT MY SIGN!
YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CANT HAVE, BUT BABY
YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!
YOUR A...
BLEEDING HEART! NOT EVEN WORTH A FART
GOT THE WORST HALITOSIS THAT I'VE SMELLED
YOU CAN JUST GO TO HELL
DONT EVEN START, GONNA PUT YOU IN A SHOPPING CART,
GONNA ROLL YOU DOWN A STEP HILL,
AND THEN ILL MAX AND CHILL!
BABY YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER,
WHY DON'T YOU GO KNIT A SWEATER
CAN'T HAVE ME!
GREAT GREEN GLOBS OF GREASY, GRIMY GOPHER GUTTS,
MUTILATED MONKEY MEAT,CHOPED UP LITTLE BIRDIE'S FEET,
FRENCH FRIED EYE BALLS ROLLING DOWN THE STREET,
AND I FORGOT MY SPOON!
ONLY WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE AND BABE
WHAT YOU CANT HAVE IS ME
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE
WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT FROM ME?
DIS ME ONCE, DIS ME TWICE ,
I DONT THINK ITS VERY NICE ,
PUNCH YOU IN YOUR STUPID FACE
I SHIT ON YOU AND IT FEELS GREAT!
ONLY ONE!!
CANT HAVE ME ONLY WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE ,THAT'S ME!
YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CANT HAVEAND BABY,
YOU CANT HAVE ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,ME!
LIGHT AS A FEATHER
LIGHT AS A FEATHER, STIFF AS A BOARD
STIFF AS A WEEK IN MAY
I DARE YOU, I DARE YOU. DO IT NOW OR YOU CAN'T PLAY, JUMP THE BRIDGE
JUST FOR KICKS, JUMP THE BRIDGE AND PRAY
DO IT AND DIE TODAY!
LIGHT AS A FEATHER, STIFF AS A BOARD! STIFF AS A BOARD!
EVERYBODY'S DOIN' IT, DONT THINK YOU ARE GONNA GET AWAY
2 FINGERS ALL AROUND, LIGHT THE CANDLE RAISE THE DEAD
HAIR RAISING ON THE BACK OF MY NECK
A WRINKLED HAND ON THE TAROT DECK
I DARE YOU, I DARE YOU,DONT WORRY IT WILL BE O.K!
LIGHT AS A FEATHER, STIFF AS A BOARD! STIFF AS A BOARD!
SEANCE IN THE SUMMER OUTSIDE
WELL MAKE OUT IN THE POOL
SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN
BETTER DO IT, SPIN THE BOTTLE, SLIP THE TONGUE
OR YOU WON'T BE COOL!
IT'S OKAY THAT YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME
I COULDN'T MAKE IT ANYWAY
SPIN THE BOTTLE'S JUST NOT FOR ME
ANYHOW I GOTTA GO TO BALLET
BOYS WITH CANS OF BINACA SPRAY
GIRLS WHITH IMPULSE FLORAL BOUQUET
I DON'T MIND ,IF YOU DARE ME
I WON'T BE THERE ANYWAY! LIGHT AS A FEATHER,STIFF AS A BOARD! STIFF AS A BOARD!
O.K. NOW IT'S YOUR TURN DON'T LOOK STUPID DON'T LOOK PRUDE
DO IT BABY ,BABY DO IT
DON'T YOU WANNA BE IN?
OH I KNOW IM NOT INVITED TO ALL THE KISSING PARTIES
AFTER SCHOOL
ME IN MY HIGH-WATER PANTS
BEING DISSED BY THE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE COOL!
LIGHT AS A FEATHER, STIFF AS A BOARD! STIFF AS A BOARD!
STIFF AS A...BOARD!!
EDGAR
LOOKIN' AT YOU WITH YOUR SEVEN TOES
ALWAYS THERE WHEN TASTIN THE WOES
YOUR SHIT STINKS WORST THEN THE REST
BUT MY HONEY, ITHINK YOUR THE BEST
YOU ARE THE BEST,OH,OH,OH, YOU ARE THE BEST
YOU'RE MORE FAITHFUL THAN ANY MAN
SO SOFT & SWEET & BEAUTIFUL
I NEVER, EVER WANNA LET YOU GO
AND YOUR NEVER DULL
'CAUSE YOUR MY FRIEND, EDGAR
MY FRIENDLY FRIEND, EDGAR
MY FELINE FRIEND EDGAR, MY FRIENDLY FRIEND, EDGAR
YOUR NAMED AFTER THAT POE DUDE
LOVE SPANKIN' WHEN YOUR IN THE MOOD
SO SOFT & SWEET & CUDDLY
BABY,BABY MAKE ME WANNA SING
AND I THINK YOU'RE THE BEST
STAND BY ME THROUGH THICK & THIN
CRYIN' AT THE DOOR I'LL LET YOU IN LOOKIN' AT YOU WITH YOUR LOVIN' EYES
SO YOUNG BUT YOU SEEM SO WISE
EATIN' FOOD BEFORE MISO CAN
CHEWING PLASTIC FROM A GARBAGE CAN
LOVE A NIP WHEN YOU WANNA' GET HIGH
PISS IN THE SHOWER CUZ' YOUR SO FLY!
MY FRIENDLY FRIEND, MY FELINE FRIEND
DOG YARD
IT'S 4:44, YOU ENTER IN THE DARK
KISS MY FACE AND HOLD MY PAW
I START TO BARK! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!
WISH I WAS A MONGREL PUP
THEN I WOULD SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH
I WOULD LICK YOUR FEET ALL DAY
I WOULD ALWAYS WAIT FOR YOU!
NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP
YOU'RE SNORING WHILE I WEEP
I AM CLINGING TO YOUR WARMTH
I MUST FIND IN MY OWN HEART!
WHEN I DIE AND AM REBORN
YOU WILL BE MY PUP, ALL MINE
YOU WILL PICK UP AFTER ME
YOU WILL WANT ME ALL THE TIME.
I PANIC IN MY LITTLE NEST
I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT YOU
BUT I KNOW IT'S FOR THE BEST
FOR MY HAPPINESS.
NOW THIS LITTLE MONGREL PUP
I OFF THE LEASH AND OUT TO STRAY
I WILL LICK MYSELF ALL OVER
AND TRY H-H-HARD, NOT TO THINK OF YOU
IN THE DOG YARD
NOT GOING TO BE YOUR MONGREL PUP.
MONGREL PUP, MONGREL PUP
MONGREL PUP!
BUTT PLUGG
I LIKE YOUR FACE
I LIKE YOUR EYES
I LOVE YOUR SKIN
I LIKE YOUR THIGHS
I LIKE YOUR TEETH
I LIKE YOUR EARS
I LIKE YOUR FEET
I THINK YOU'RE NEAT!
THERE'S ONE PROBLEM I CAN SEE
AS I STARE AT YOUR UNDERWEAR
I SEE SOMETHING LODGED UP THERE
POKIN' THROUGH YOUR UNDERWEAR
BUTT PLUGG! I SEE YOUR
BUTT PLUGG! I KISS YOUR
BUTT PLUGG! I TASTE YOUR
BUTT PLUGG!
BITTERNESS BARBIE
WHY MUST I STAND ON MY TOES?
PERFECT SMILE AND SKIN-TIGHT CLOTHES
CINCHED WAIST, NO CUNT TO PISS WITH
A STAMP ON MY ASS
LITTLE GIRLS WORSHIP ME, BUT THAT'LL NEVER COME TO PASS
BUT AT LAST....
I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LOAF
I'M EATING DRY TOAST
I'M WEARING SLIPPERS ON MY FLAT FEET,
I HAVE CELLULITE
BITTERNESS BARBIE, SHE AIN'T SMILING
BITTERNESS BARBIE, SHE AIN'T STYLING
BITTERNESS BARBIE, BOOBS ARE SAGGING
BITTERNESS BARBIE, ASS IS DRAGGING
WHAT IF I HAD A MASTECTOMY?
WOULD THEY BUY A ONE-TITTED BARBIE?
WITH WHISKERS, CLOGGED-UP PORES
YOU KNOW THEY'D TAKE ME OUT OF THE STORES
KIDS DON'T LIKE ME, MOM'S ARE MAD,
I'M GOING OFF THE MARKET 'CAUSE I LOOK SO SAD
FEMALE PATTERN BALDNESS BEFELL
BARBIE WIGS, SO NO ONE CAN TELL
VERICOSE VEINS SURE BE CLEVER
"PLUCK MY EYEBROWS", BARBIE TODAY
SHAVE MY TOES AND BACK TODAY
IMAGINE IF MY EYES WERE CROSSED
OF IF MY HAIR WAS GREY AND COARSE
WITH A SNEER ON MY FACE
AND A STAIN IN MY PANTIES
A HAIRY CROTCH, AND EXTRA NIPPLE!
I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LOAF
I'M EATING DRY TOAST
I'M WEARING SLIPPERS ON MY FLAT FEET
I HAVE CELLULITE
CRYING TEARS OF CRISCO GREASE
WAS I A BEAUTY?
AM I BEAST?
DEAL WITH IT
I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND
DON'T KNOW WHO I AM
I DON'T UNDERSTAND MEAT
AND I WANNA TAKE TO MY WINGS, OPEN WIDE
AND FLY RIGHT BACK TO ME
AND RETURN, WITH A POISON WORM IN MY BEAK
AND I'M GOIN OUT OF MY SKIN
MY PATIENCE IS THIN, I'M LUCKY MY HAIR AIN'T.
AND I'M, I'M LOSIN IT FAST, MY COMPOSURE WON'T LAST
I JUST CAN'T HOLD IT IN!
NO MORE SUCKING IN MY CHEEKS
NO WAY HOLDING IN MY SPIT
NO MORE SUCKING IN MY CHEEKS
NO MORE HOLDING IN MY SPIT
I CAN'T PRETEND THAT IT'S OKAY
TIME HAS COME TO DEAL WITH IT!
DEAL WITH IT!
I'M GONNA LET IT ALL OUT
LIKE A FRESH WATER TROUT
CLOSE YOUR EARS IF YOU WANT TO
AND I'M GONNA SCRAPE THROUGH THE GRIME
'CAUSE THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME, NO I AIN'T FOOLIN'
I'M GONNA SPIT UP THE SEEDS, IN MY CHEST
GROWIN' WEEDS, WE ALL GOTTA BLOOM SOMETIME
AND I'M, I'M CLIMBING UP WALLS
IN THE BATHROOM STALL, MUMMIFIED IN TOILET PAPER! YEAH!
CRAZY!
BRICKFACE+STUCCO
BRICKFACE & STUCCO MET ON THE CORNER
OF 48TH ST. AND 3RD BOULEVARD
BRICKFACE IN A WHITE T-SHIRT
STUCCO WORE A SKIN-TIGHT SKIRT
THEY'D GO TO THE VILLAGE ON SATURDAYS
GOT TO BROADWAY AND SEE CHEAP PLAYS
BRICKFACE DECIDED TO GO OUT TO SEA
IN FISHNET STOCKINGS AND OLD SALTINES
THEY PARTED HAPPILY, SAID THEY'D MEET
AGAIN IN 2003, 2003, 2003!
GET OUT OF THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD!
GET OUT WHILE YOU'RE STILL LOOKING GOOD!
WAKE UP, BRAKE UP & GO
BRICKFACE & STUCCO
BRICKFACE GREW HIS SHORT HAIR LONG
BOUGHT SOME WIGS AND TRIED THEM ALL ON
CHEAP PERFUME AND OLD LAME
GONNA WAX HIS LEGS TODAY
STUCCO SAILED THE SEVEN SEAS
GREW A BEARD AND DRANK STRONG TEAS
USED CHEAP WOMEN, DRANK LOTS OF GIN
THOUGHT OF BRICKFACE NOW AND AGAIN
NOW AND AGAIN!
WAKE UP, MAKE UP & GO!
THEY'D HAD A CHILD TOGETHER
SAIL THE OCEAN, WHAT COULD BE BETTER
BABE WAS BORN ON NOVEMBER 10
THEY NAMED HER FORMICA LINOLEUM,
LINOLEUM
JERK OF ALL TRADES
SHE CAN DANCE,
SHE CAN SING,
SHE CAN DO MOST ANYTHING
SHE IS THE JERK, THE JERK OF ALL TRADES!
SHE CAN BUILD, SHE CAN FIGHT
SHE CAN BUST OUT YOUR LIGHT
SHE IS THE JERK, THE JERK OF ALL TRADES!
NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER UNDERESTIMATE
SHE WILL KILL YOU, KILL YOU WITH HER HATE
SHE IS THE JERK, THE JERK OF ALL TRADES
SHE CAN WRITE, SHE CAN POSE, SHE CAN
PUNCH YOU IN YOUR NOSE!
WITH A HAMMER & NAILS, OR LIPSTICK
AND TAILS, SHE IS A WOMAN!
SPOILT
WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR BIG BROWN EYES
I SEE NO ONE THERE I CAN DESPISE
WHEN I SEE DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL
I FEEL SO SAFE JUST HOLDING ON
BUT THEY TELL ME THAT IT'S OKAY
THAT THEY'RE RAPING LOTS OF WOMEN
EVERY SINGLE DAY
BLOWING AWAY ALL THE CHILDREN
IF THEY WERE YOURS WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I WANT TO KNOW WHY ARE YOU SO SPOILED?
PAINFULLY I WATCH THE SUNSPOTS FADE
MY HOME IS GONE, MY BODY DECAYED
I'M SECONDS AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU
OUR EYES ARE BURNED, NOW WE CAN'T SEE
OUR HANDS ARE SCORCHED, WE CANNOT FEEL
THE WAR IS OURS, AND NOW YOU KNOW WE'RE
ALL TO BLAME
IT'S SUCH A SHAME
NEVER SEEN A WAR IN MY COUNTRY
NEVER WATCHED MY SISTERS DIE
NEVER FELT A BURN OF NAPALM
NEVER LOST MY HAIR TO FLAME OF DESTINY
DON'T DRINK THE MILK, IT'S SPOILED
DON'T BREATHE THE AIR, IT'S SPOILED
AND DON'T STEP ON THE GRASS, SAM IT'S SPOILED
IN THE RED, RED ACID RAIN
AN IN & OUT OF OUR REMAINS-SPOILED
I'M ONCE REMOVED, I'M TWICE REMOVED
I'M SO REMOVED FROM THE PAIN
SO I REMAIN, SPOILED
SO I STAY WRAPPED IN YOUR WOMB
SO SAFE, SO SAFE INSIDE YOUR ROOM
HOLDING ON AND HOLDING ON AND HOLDING ON
AND ON AND ON
SPOILED!
RING+RUN
COMIN' UP TO YOUR DOOR
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE FUN
IN BROOKLYN PLAY RING+RUN
RING + RUN
ON AVENUE U BUYING RECORDS JUST A FEW
DOORBELLS CRYING' OUT TO ME
I GOTTA RING 'EM JUST TO SEE
RING +RUN!
GOT NOWHERE I GOTTA GO
OH, SO I RING 5 IN A ROW
INTERCOMS ALL SAY "HELLO"
TAKE MY TIME TO PICK IT OUT
LAUGHING AS WE RUN ABOUT
KNOCKING OVER GARBAGE CANS
AIN'T GOT NO FUTURE PLANS
BUT
RING + RUN!
COMIN' UP TO YOUR DOOR
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE FUN
IN BROOKLYN PLAYING
RING + RUN!
FALLOPIAN RHAPSODY
WHAT ABOUT A CHILD THAT IS NOT WANTED?
EVERY WEEK A BABY'S LEFT IN THE GARBAGE
AND WHAT IF WE JUST MAKE A MISTAKE
BUT IT'S OKAY IF A WOMAN IS RAPED
OH NO, YOU'RE WRONG
WALKING ALONG WITH MY SISTERS
WALKING ALONG, GETTING BLISTERS
SINGING OUR SONG, ME AND MY SISTERS
SCREAMING ALONG WITH BROTHERS TOO, AND
WE SAY
I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU HONEY,
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY BODY!
NEVER GO BACK
NO
TAKE THAT HANGAR
SCRATCH YOUR BACK!
WHAT ABOUT A CHILD THAT IS NOT WANTED?
I
SEE THAT
EVERY WEEK A BABY'S LEFT IN THE GARBAGE
AND TELL ME NOW
WHAT IF WE JUST MAKE A MISTAKE?
IT'S OKAY
IF WE ARE RAPED
IS PROCREATION WHAT YOU THINK WE'RE FOR?
YOU SUPPORT THE DEATH PENALTY
BUT WHO WILL SUPPORT MY BABY AND ME?
NEVER GO BACK!
KILLING DOCTORS WHILE YOU'RE PRAYING
HOW MANY ROSARIES ARE YOU SAYING
I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH FROM A BOTCHED ABORTION
GOTTA HAVE A CHOICE, IT'S THE ONLY SOLUTION
NEVER GO BACK!
NO!
TAKE THAT HANGAR, AND SCRATCH YOUR BACK!
WATCH YOUR BACK! NEVER GO BACK!
INSOMINIA
PICK, PICK, PICK, IT'S MAKIN ME SICK
I WISH THE SLEEP FAIRY WOULD COME DO THE TRICK
OH YEAH
CHEW, CHEW, CHEW ON MY LIP
I'M GETTING AN ACHE IN MY LEFT HIP
UH HUH, UH HUH
STARE, STARE, STARE AT THE CLOCK
HEARIN IT TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK!
SIT UP AND LAY DOWN
TAKE A WALK AND SLOW DOWN
I WANNA GO DOWN, I WANNA GO TO...
TOSS & TURN
I'VE STILL GOT 8 MORE HOURS TO BURN! OH NO!
T.V. OFF AND T.V. ON!
I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!
SIT UP AND LAY DOWN, TAKE A WALK
AND SLOW DOWN, I WANNA GO DOWN
I WANNA GO TO....SLEEP!
ONE, TWO, I CAN'T SLEEP
THREE, FOUR, I'M COUNTIN SHEEP
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN AND I'M STILL AWAKE
INSOMNIA
I WANN GO TO, I REALLY NEED TO, PLEASE GOD
LET ME!
FIDDLE, FIDDLE, FIDDLE UNDER THE SHEETS
THINKIN' OF YOU WHEN THE BED CREAKS
OH YEAH
DRIBBLE, DRIBBLE, DRIBBLE ON MY PILLOW
WHY DO THE HOURS HAVE TO PASS SO SLOW!?
I JUST WANNA GO TO SLEEP!
INSOMNIA
I WANNA GO TO, I REALLY NEED TO, PLEASE GOD
LET ME!
WHY ME
WHY ME? I DON'T KNOW
IF SOMETHINGS BROKEN YOU GOTTA FIX IT
'CAUSE I HIDE AND I CRY AND I TRY
WHEN I HIDE AND I CRY WANT TO DIE
I KEEP IT DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
WAS IT LIE?
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO, HOW LOW
All songs are copywright 1995 LUNACHICKS