Suicide........ what an ugly word

I've known people before that committed suicide, and I never could understand how they could be so heartless.

On Sunday, July 5th, 1998, my brother shot himself with a 12 guage. We are still reeling from this.

Look at his picture (far left)...he's a good looking man, isn't he? He is also well respected in his community, served on the school board, and taught Sunday School at Myrtle Springs Baptist Church in Hooks, TX.

After the initial anger (which will probably come again), I began to understand WHY he did it.... and in it's own strange, perverted way, it was the ultimate act of love for his family.

You see, as an insurance agent, Brett was well insured.....but he WASN'T depressed. He figured he was worth more to his family dead than alive....and his death would help them out financially.

I am only beginning to experience being the survivor of someone who committed suicide....the pain is horrendous at times... the "what ifs" eat away at you....the anger at the one who caused these tears.....and when I went online in search of various sites, I found FAR too many of them.....

"The person who completes suicide dies once....those left behind die A THOUSAND TIMES.....trying to relive those terrible moments and understand...WHY?????????"    This statement is SOOO true...I've "relived" my brother's death...where I was, how I was told, the agony of that day....again and again and again. I've placed myself in his shoes, tried to think the thoughts he was thinking, the fear he had to have felt as he pulled the trigger, the tears I  KNOW he was crying.....and the tears I cannot hold back.

PLEASE!!!!!!!! If you are thinking about suicide, STOP!      It is NEVER the thing to do...not even if you are having financial problems and the life insurance will make your family financially secure.....