HUMOR Digest - 11 Dec 1996 - Special issue

Date: Wed, 11 Dec 1996 07:59:13 GMT
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Resume Translator

Universal Resume Translator
          Part 1 of 2

"I know how to deal with stressful situations":
     I'm currently on long term Prozac treatments.

"I am able to take the time to interact well":
     I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

"I have strong communication skills":
       I talk too much.

"I'm proud of my organizational skills":
     I love to tell other people what to do.

"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization":
     I've used Microsoft Office some.

"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable":
     I only pilfer office supplies.

"My pertinent work experience includes":
     To say nothing of all the McJobs I've had.

"I take pride in my work":
     I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'm balanced and centered":
     I keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

"I have a good sense of humor":
     I know a lot of old dirty jokes and tell them badly.

"I'm personable and interested in others":
     I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

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